It can't be happening.

No.

No. No.

But it is.

Positive.

I’m on the pill but I guess in this case, statistics weren’t on my side.

There is no doubt about it.

I took ten tests to be sure.

"Josie?" Dad calls, knocking on the bathroom door. "We really need to get to the college registrar’s office before it closes. They're expecting us, so you can sign up for classes."

With shaky hands, I know I can't hide this. Nothing good will come of that.

Especially after my Dad has been nothing but patient with me the last few weeks. He's talked through options with me. We've made lists of pros and cons.

Options:

1) Stay at Granddad's house and work at the diner.

2) Move back to the city and work on my master’s degree.

I know I don't want a job at a bank, I'd want a master’s degree in finance that could help families make choices to give them financial freedom. At least it would be a job I'd feel good about.

But these options offer drastically different lives.

And I love the mountain. I do. And Granddad’s house feels like home, but Beau is there.

And I don't want to let one man determine my life choices, but at the same time, staying there, hoping for a new man to waltz into town and give me the life I want seems so ridiculous. Instead, I could have a career and make my own life without waiting for a man to give it to me.

I know what Dad thinks.

But those lists were made before I took these tests today.

"Dad," I say, putting on my bravest face and opening the bathroom door. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" he asks, his eyes wide with concern as he takes in my blotchy face.

"I'm pregnant. With Beau Montgomery's baby."

----

"When are you coming back?" Jonah asks. I've been at my dad’s for over a month. At first, I planned on going back to the mountain but now everything has changed.

But I don't know how to tell my best friend that.

My dad took it well as if he had prepared himself for the worst. Maybe after a lifetime of working with criminals he had.

But being pregnant is not a crime.

It's a gift, a blessing... at least in a lot of cases.

And even though my child is the size of a blueberry, it feels like a burden too heavy for me to bear.

"I don't know when I'll be back," I say honestly. "I think I'll be here awhile though. Knowing Beau's still at the mountain, it's hard to imagine returning."

"So, you're just staying away for good because he lied?"

"I don't know. I love him, Jonah. Or at least loved him. I don't know." I brush away the tears and am grateful I didn't place this call on FaceTime.

"I know, Josie. But everyone here feels like they're between a rock and a hard place. The men on this mountain are all about second chances and Beau's a hard worker who's helping Buck and Jaxon out. And you know how Hawk influences their opinions. He's all about letting Beau stay--especially since he served his time. People change, you know?"

"But he still lied to me, Jonah. And I'd be lying if I said this didn't hurt.

My closest friends are siding with him."

"No one's siding with anyone, Jos." Jonah sighs, and I hate that I'm putting him in the position to be the go-between. It isn't fair. "Maybe it's best for you to stay at your dad's place until you start to feel less..."

"Heartbroken?"

"Yeah."

I swallow; the whole truth on the tip of my tongue, but I'm scared Jonah will accidentally say more than he should to my friends out on the mountain.

"Okay, enough about me," I say to avoid talking anymore about myself. "How are things on your end?"

Jonah sighs through the phone. "Steph says she's gonna come visit this summer. You think that's a bad idea?"

I sit cross-legged on the carpet in my bedroom and think about that for a second. Steph was his girlfriend last year when he was living in Florida. She worked at a tattoo parlor and though I've never met her, I know she and Jonah fought a lot.

And then she cheated on him.

"I don't know. I mean... Do you think she wants to get back together?" I ask gently.

"It's hard to be on this mountain and not have anyone."

He doesn't have to tell me that. It's the exact reason I don't want to return. The idea of being back there, with all the sugary romance and adorable babies and seeing Beau? My heart turns to knots just thinking about it.

Besides, I am not ready to tell him I am carrying his baby.

"What about Grace?" I ask. "Could you and she be something?"

Grace had been held hostage at the same cult as Cherish, plus she and Jonah have similar childhoods.

"There's nothing there, Josie." Jonah laughs. "Believe me, I tried, just like I tried with you."

"You never know when you're going to meet your person, Jonah, but going back to a girl who hurt you doesn't seem like a step in the right direction and I think you know that."

"It gets old, though, not having someone." Jonah exhales and the sadness in his voice is hard to miss. "I just want to start my life with someone you know?"

"I know." My voice hitches and tears spring to my eyes. I squeeze them shut, thinking only about Beau.

Thinking always about Beau.

The way he ran his fingers over my bare skin, pulling back the layers of my heart and the way he planted something fierce in my heart. Love blossomed in that space... and then, then it's as if someone yanked that seedling and stomped on it. I thought it our love was strong but turns out it was fragile.

And now?

Now it is nothing but a withered vine, and something dead can never grow.

I'm not ready to watch it die, though. My tears water that fading plant, unable to let go.

I want it to grow.

I want something that will never be.

"Josie," Jonah says more softy. "I'm sorry for what Beau did to you, but you're gonna be okay. You're a survivor."

I laugh bitterly. "Says the guy who literally survived living in a cult for twenty years."

"It's okay to feel betrayed, but this feeling won't last forever. I promise. And when you're ready to come back home, you have a lot of friends waiting with open arms."

We hang up and the knot in my heart twists even more.

Even with everything I know, I miss Beau.