7
Sophie
I spent the entire rest of the evening feeling distracted. I couldn’t get the girl out of my mind – all through dessert, paying the check and leaving the Homestead. Even the ride home with Mary, who graciously offered to drive me the few blocks, so I didn’t have to walk back in the dark, was just a blur. I do remember her asking me why I was so distracted, but I can’t even recall what I said to her. I got out of the car and mindlessly walked into my house, putting myself in the rocking chair and gently rocking back and forth as I tried to figure it out.
While the girl had red hair, which was nothing like what Travis had or his mother or father had, there was no denying she had his eyes. As I looked at her, I could see features in her face that reminded me of him – the slope of her jaw, the pert nose she had, even the way she smiled – it all seemed to be like him. Maybe I just wanted to see it in her because I had been thinking about him so much lately, but it was more than that. The way she hugged Maggie and put her arm around her, there was definite familiarity there. While I couldn’t be sure, I had to assume they were related in some way. Travis had no siblings, so it wasn’t a niece of his. Perhaps a relative I didn’t know about?
I must have sat in that chair for hours trying to figure it out. I even pulled out old photo albums, ones my mother had saved from when I was younger, and pictures I had from college. It had been a long time since I had looked at those pictures, mainly because it was painful for me to look at them. When I see them I am reminded of how happy we were, how much in love I was with him and how much he cared for me, and how it all came crashing down so suddenly and then he was gone from my life. There were pictures of us at parties, hanging out with friends, and even pictures of us when we came back to Canon after that first year. When I compared them to what I saw tonight, it was hard to believe that she couldn’t be his daughter.
I scanned back to pictures of when I was young. Travis and I knew each other all through school; it is a very small town after all. We were friends when we were younger, but we didn’t hang out much. He was into sports and had his friends, I was into studying and clubs and had mine. We didn’t even date in the same circles, and I had no idea how he felt about me until we met up at college. At first, we clung to each other more because we were the only people we knew so far away from home, but over time, as we became better friends, it turned into something more. Then there was that party we went to one weekend where Travis had a bit more to drink than he probably should have and told me that he had always felt something for me, all through high school, but he never worked up the nerve to say anything to me. I was stunned when he told me. I figured this big, strong guy in high school was not going to even take notice of a bookworm like me. I wasn’t mousy, but I kept to myself, much like I do now. I didn’t go out much even with friends and dated even less. My mother was the proverbial double-edged sword with me – she wanted me to go out and meet people, but she kept telling me how important it was that I take care of myself and not get swept off my feet by some guy who just wanted to have sex with me. I took all that heart, which is partly why I was still a virgin at thirty-two.
It's not that I didn’t ever want to have sex. There were many times with Travis where we came achingly close. More than once we were fooling around in the back of his car or in his dorm room when his roommate wasn’t around. I can remember getting all hot and bothered, kissing him deeply, feeling his hands on me, touching me intimately over and under my clothes. When it came down to actually making love with him, I just felt I wasn’t ready for it. I knew I loved him, but something always held me back from giving myself over. Travis, as frustrated as he would get at times, was always respectful and never pushed himself on me, which I think made me love him even more then and now.
I knew I was not going to be able to let this go. Even as I got myself ready for bed, putting on my ratty old gray t-shirt and gray cotton sleep shorts, I was trying to decide what to do. I could go over to Maggie’s house in the morning, see who is there, and just find out for myself. As good as that sounded, I was too afraid for an abrupt run-in with Travis. What if he was there with his daughter and… his wife? Clearly, if there was a daughter, he was married. Travis was nothing if not loyal and dedicated, and I could not deal with the immediate feelings that would cause for me.
It was then I got a better idea. The Homestead was always open for lunch, and Maggie was always there at lunchtime, either at the hostess podium or working the dining room and getting things ready for the dinner crowd. The place wasn’t nearly as busy for lunch as dinner since more people were at work, and maybe I could get some time to talk to her, get some information, and see what was going on.
I snuggled back into my pillow feeling proud of myself for coming up with that idea. I tried to close my eyes and get right to sleep, but the nervousness and excitement that filled me were probably a bit more than I could bear. I wasn’t sure what I was hoping for or how I would handle what I learned, but for the first time in a long time, I felt a warmness in my heart that made me genuinely happy.