GRACE

 

 

I rolled my eyes around in my head so much that I actually imagined my eyes rolling out of my head. Was this really necessary?  One thing was certain, I was quite happy I had gotten dressed because this place was damn cold, and I felt so ridiculous lying on this gurney with my shoes on.

Staring at my surroundings, the doors to the rooms passed quickly as we rushed by. Suddenly, the gurney hit a door before arriving at our destination––wherever that was.

“Are you able to change?” A nurse asked, handing me a paper gown.

I shrugged, and taking the gown, making my way into the bathroom to change. After taking my folded clothes and placing them on the dresser, the nurses had me lie on the bed before hooking me up to numerous contraptions.

The door opened and a tall woman in a white coat entered. She hurried over to my bedside and checked the chart a nurse had handed her.  Reading it, she leaned over me and began checking my head for bumps or bruises.

Her long, delicate-feeling fingers skimmed over my exposed skin, but I could feel strength in them. She searched through my scalp, finding nothing. She checked my pupil reactions, tested my fingers and toes by jabbing a sharp object in them, and she checked the soles of my feet by running something along them.  She sighed heavily, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her white coat and relaxed her shoulders. “Do you want the bad news or the good news first?”

I raised my eyebrows at her question, surprised. “Ummm––good?”

“I can’t find anything wrong with you. We can do a CAT scan but I don’t think it would find anything. It would be a waste of time––yours and mine,” she paused and I waited for the punch line.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. “And the bad news?”

“I think this memory loss is you mentally fighting something you don’t want to deal with. Something happened, and you need to deal with it. I’m not a psychologist, just a neurologist,” she said, resting her hand against mine for a moment.  She was looking into my wide eyes as if she was trying to pull the ‘something’ from my mind.  Nodding, she turned and left the room I was in.

I need to deal with the elusive something. How am I supposed to find this something and get my memory of that half hour back? I know it wasn’t much time, but it was my memory.

A discreet knock on the door revealed a nurse, peering from the other side. In her hands were my clothes. With a slight smile she laid them on the bed and left, closing the door firmly behind her. I jumped up and bounced, hurrying to the bathroom, as the soles of my bare feet hit the cold tiles of the floor.  Hurrying to change to my clothes and get out of the paper gown, I couldn’t help but think, How could I forget how awful those gowns were? Yuck.

With a deep sigh of relief at the feel of my own clothes on my body, I escaped the room to stroll down the hallway, trying to figure my way out. We had made so many turns on our way in that I was completely lost. Spying a nurse I asked, “I’m trying to find the nurse’s station––my friend might be there waiting for me.”

She was unusually cute with honey-blond hair, cut in a pixie with warm brown eyes. Her smile was blindingly bright…and so was mine. “You’re almost there––come with me, I’m going there anyway. By the way, my name is Nicole.” she said, slipping her arm through mine. “Were you a patient here that they let out?”

I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips. “Let out is a good way to put it. I’m Grace, by the way.” We both continued giggling as we made our way to the nurse’s desk, with the waiting room to the left.

Oh joy! I thought, seeing my dad and Markus standing on separate sides of the large room, glaring at one another. Both were standing stiffly, with their hands fisted at their sides, and I could practically hear growls coming out of their throats. I was waiting for them to lift their legs and piss against the walls.  If they only knew how much they look alike.

I had to giggle at the thought.  Covering my mouth with my hand so they couldn’t see, my new friend, Nicole, did the same. I was hoping she would turn out to be an actual friend because I didn’t really have any. Sure, I had rich friends that only cared about what clothes they would wear that day, but that wasn’t real friendship.

Failing at hiding our laughter, both men turned their glares upon us for our silliness. They were right, we shouldn’t be acting like silly teenagers, but with what I had been through with my father and Markus, I deserved it. And yes, my memory was trickling back.

Hurrying over to the nurse’s station, Nicole collected the insurance paperwork for me to fill out so that I could leave.

After I completed the paperwork we exchanged numbers, and I slowly turned to the men, painting the ugliest scowl I could imagine on my face. With my hands on my hips, I waited for them to approach like troubled schoolboys.

“Bella,” Markus began before being interrupted by my father.

“Stop with all the stupid Italian. You’re as American as I am.”

“I have been living in Italy for ten years with my Italian grandparents. They spoke limited English, so we spoke mostly Italian at home. So I will use occasional Italian words. So grazie, Paul, grazie.” I could see the smirk on Markus’ face as he taunted my dad.  I could also see my father’s corresponding scowl.

“Come on, children––I’m the one that was just released from the hospital, remember?” I said, stomping my stubborn ass out of that hospital and out into the parking lot, with two disgruntled, grown boys behind me.