Chapter Nine

 

CASPER

Christ, I should be happy she doesn’t fucking disagree. The minute I disentangled her body from my arms, I strode across the kitchen to get away from her. The more space between us the better. The physical barrier of the island counter helps, too. Anything to aid me in keeping my hands off her.

My muscles are vibrating with my need to catch her up and hold onto her. I’m breathing like I’ve run a marathon and not just helped her rub her sweet, hot snatch against my leg while she made these noises that could send a guy insane. I need to adjust the bulge of my erection, pressed painfully against my thigh, but don’t dare because I don’t want her to see that she still affects me, even with this distance between us.

Mandy fucking Pearce might make me crazy. Which is why I tell her we can’t end up that close again. It’s why I tell her I can’t stand her, when I’m pretty sure it’s a big fucking lie. Surely, she can see straight through my words, but I have to try.

And then she winces, hurt flashing in her eyes before she brings us back to Sam. Sam Sweets. Mister Right. Mister Perfect. Her dream guy. The man I should be grateful for, but instead want to beat the crap out of because I don’t want her to want him.

But what do I have to offer her? Nothing. Less than nothing. A couple weeks over the summer before I’m forced to move on? A few kisses that leave us both shaking and confused?

“Have you got a minute, Casper?” Razer steps into the kitchen, right between us. He glances at me, then at Mandy, then back to me. As though checking for oncoming traffic. Like he can gage by standing between us how intensely attracted to her I am. His gray eyes widen, then narrow. “Everything okay in here?”

“Perfect,” Mandy says. “I love working with Cas. We have so much fun.”

“It’s fine,” I grouch. Razer knows Mandy better than me, so he probably understands how frustrating she can be, and that she’s overplaying it. I hope so.

One of his brows arrows up, his lips twitch. “Is that so?”

“Uh-huh,” Mandy enthuses.

“Can I have a minute?” Razer picks up an apple and bites into it. The flesh crunches between his teeth as he strides to the Dutch door and outside.

With a shrug at Mandy, who stares curiously at me, I follow him. Pausing at the door, I turn around to speak to her, “Finish up those sandwiches, okay?”

“Yes,” she says, picking up the butter knife. Staring at it.

I exhale, suddenly deflated. “I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

“I should probably be more careful.” She glances up, and there’s a softness in her gaze that makes me want to tell her she should be very careful around me.

Shutting the door behind me, I chase after Razer who is marching toward the barn. “What do you need to speak to me about?”

“I wondered if you were ever going to return to the land of the living,” he says with a quiet sort of grin. “I guess we’ve got our answer.”

I shake my head, push both hands in my pockets. It feels like a lifetime ago when the two of us met. One of Juliette’s friends had dragged him along to dinner with us. He’d been on leave, I’d had a random night off from kitchen duty. We drank too much. Over the years it had become habit. Until Juliette died, and I stopped returning phone calls and texts and emails. “Mandy is a pain in my ass.”

“Probably. I did hear you screaming at her.” He drags open the door of the barn, and steps inside. “But you like her.”

“She wants someone else.” I shrug, looking around the large, sun-drenched space. “And I can’t. You know why.”

“I know that you believe it,” Razer says. “But that’s something you have to find a way to deal with.”

How many times has someone said those words to me? As though I could ever get over what happened to Juliette.

“I lost my fucking mind over a blunt knife,” I admit. “I screamed at Mandy because I was scared she was going to hurt herself with the one she had in her hand. A blunt fucking knife, Razer. Because any time I see potential for an accident, I see what I did to Juliette.”

My vision goes dark around the edges, the way it sometimes does when I’m struggling to keep a tight grip on my emotions. My chest rattles with each breath.

Razer’s hand clamps down hard on my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s not okay. It’s never going to be okay.” I am always going to see Juliette in my head. I am always going to remember those last moments with her. I am always, always going to overreact. Especially where my dick is involved. And when it comes to Mandy fucking Pearce it’s more than involved. It’s running the damn show.

***

“Do you see him?” Mandy stares up at me with those green eyes that jumpstart my pulse each time I get caught in her gaze. We’re at Mayhem again, where we seem to end up every Friday night. Her fingers are laced behind my neck, her body pressed closely to mine, the wall at her back. Loud music blares from the stage, the usual guy’s voice a deep croon accompanied by guitar, bass, and drums.

“I’m looking at you.” I push some of her silvery hair out of the way before lowering my mouth to her ear. Soft spicy flora fills my senses. “If I spend all my time looking for your guy then he’s not going to have anything to be jealous about.”

“That might be true.” Her cheek rubs against mine, but I don’t have her attention. She’s scanning the room for him. Searching the crowd for Sam Sweets. The moment she sees him her breath hitches, and then she blurts, “So how do you want to play this?”

How do I want to make the guy jealous and then hand her over to him? My other hand, which is settled on her hip, tightens its grip, before I take a deep breath and push myself to relax. That’s what we’re here for. This is what we agreed upon. It was my suggestion that we pretend we’re together to drive him crazy until he can’t help but want her for himself, because getting her out of my hair is my number one priority.

“Never mind.” Her chest rises and falls against mine, her nipples turning into tight little buds. She turns her face to mine, our noses touching, her lips right there in front of me. “This is working.”

“I bet it is.” I smirk, though I don’t feel at all pleased. Mandy is in my arms, and I don’t want to be reminded of who she’s doing this for. I tilt my head a little, mirroring her. “What’s so special about him anyway?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” She presses her lips together, her attention darting to my lips before locking eyes with me again.

“Try me.” I lean closer, plant a leg between hers. We’re close enough to touch like we did in the kitchen when I watched her eyes shutter and her body shake with pleasure, but I don’t go that far. It’s all an illusion. Mandy Pearce is just a girl who wants a boy who isn’t me. Let’s keep it that way.

“I don’t think so.” She bites her lip, her hands smoothing from my neck down over my shoulder to grip my biceps. It makes my gut tighten. “What’s with your drama queen reaction to blunt knives? If you want to talk so much, why don’t we start there?”

I grit my teeth, my breath stalling in my chest. “I apologized, didn’t I?”

“You did, but that was days ago, and it still doesn’t explain why.” Her eyes widen. “He’s staring at us. Summer’s talking to him, and he’s just standing there, glaring at us.”

“Glaring at me,” I tell her. “Because I’m touching you.” To prove my point, I drop my hand to the hem of her sequined mini skirt and tickle her leg. The pink sequins almost broke me when I first saw her tonight. When she rubbed a palm over them one way, and then another they changed color. I wanted to put my hands on her skirt, wanted to watch it change color, and then make it disappear entirely.

“Do that again,” she orders, raising her leg around mine and digging the heel of her stiletto into my calf.

It hurts, but the pain is good. It keeps my head straight. The way she’s clinging to me while I scrawl my fingertips around the hem of her skirt feels too real, the guy she’s hoping to catch easy to forget. The reasons I don’t want to change her mind about what she wants fade too, and that scares me. But pain is real. It’s true. Fact. “What are you going to do with him when you catch him?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Are you frightened?”

Her eyes are so expressive they give her away. She’s slightly startled at my question, and I catch the uncertainty in them.

She doesn’t look away, doesn’t shutter her expression. “I’m nervous. I’ve waited for this for a long time.”

“For him? Is that why—”

“No.” She blushes. “Sometimes I say things that shouldn’t be shared. But whether I’m experienced has nothing to do with Sam. I wasn’t waiting for him, exactly. Or anyone. It just turned out I’m a huge fan of my vibrator. It’s never disappointing.”

“Okay.”

She rolls her eyes and sighs. “I’m nervous that I’m going to blow it. Determination only works to a point.”

“Why, girl, I thought you were an optimist.”

“Just because I like to have a positive outlook doesn’t mean…” She taps her fingertips on my shoulder urgently. “He’s coming over here. What do we do now?”

I don’t know that I’m the best person to ask right now, because I want to press into her and stroke her in all the places I’m being so careful not to touch. My cock is straining against my fly. I’m salivating over remembered kisses and the anticipation of her mouth so close to mine. “Let’s go back to your place.”

“Are you joking?” She lets go of my biceps to push at my chest.

I’m completely fucking serious. Which makes no sense at all, because what’s my plan after that? I’m not sticking around. I’m not going to have sex with her. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t. Hell, couldn’t. Even if she wanted me and not him.

She looks horrified, though. At the idea of me… and her. So what if she’s told me things, said things, looked at me in ways that make it hard to recall the plan? Mandy Pearce is an over sharer, but she’s unwavering about what she wants.

“Yeah,” I grumble, pushing away from her and the wall. A quick shaky hand through my hair and I exhale as Dream Man Sam takes her attention from me. Turning around, I bump up against him as I storm off. “I need a drink.”