Rex

Sitting in a room that’s designed to allow parents to bond with their newborn child, I can’t help feeling regret that Felicia isn’t his biological mother. I’ve overheard the midwives emphasizing to other new mothers how important it is to have skin-on-skin contact with the baby and to allow them to suckle within the first few hours. Jessica has already been transferred to an adjacent facility, which is fine with me, but I don’t want him to be deprived of any of these critical first steps. I’m glad that Felicia wants to breastfeed him. All the hormone therapy and breast pumping will hopefully allow her to do so.

“Is everything okay?” I ask when she returns looking visibly shaken.

“Everything’s fine,” she replies, but her eyes tell a different story. “I’m going to go over to Mom’s on Wednesday to tell her everything in person.”

“What’s wrong?” I persist, not wanting her to keep anything from me.

“It’s nothing that can’t wait until later.” She smiles and points toward the door. “Here comes our little guy.”

“Good news!” the nurse chirps, coming in with Michael wrapped in a little blue blanket. “Everything came back perfectly normal, so you can spend the rest of the evening bonding and getting to know each other. You’re both going to spend the night, right?”

“Yes. That would be great!” Felicia replies, even though we hadn’t officially talked about it. “I grabbed us both PJs and a change of clothes.”

“Then I guess we’re spending the night.” I smile at the nurse and look at the little double bed.

“And I hear you have a surprise for these two,” she says, smiling at Felicia. “I think it’s awesome. Why don’t you get comfortable here on the bed?” she suggests, propping up a couple of pillows.

“What’s going on?” I ask, completely confused by what’s going on.

“I used the breast pump while I was home and had a successful test run,” she says, opening her blouse and unhooking her bra.

“You finally got it to work? That’s great,” I reply as a sense of calm filters through me. I know how important this is to her. She has consulted with everyone she could find the past two months and has been consistently following their advice and using the pump.

“It’s really great that it worked for you. I know it’s not easy,” the nurse says, bringing Michael over to her. She removes the blanket and nestles Michael onto Felicia’s midsection before covering both of them with it. “It’s important for newborns to have lots of skin-on-skin contact.”

“Yeah, I really wanted to be able to nurse him.” She winks at me and wraps her arms around Michael. “I had no idea how things were going to work out, but I thought it was better to be prepared just in case. Look! He’s already latching on,” Felicia says, already taking on a motherly glow.

“Go ahead, little buddy,” the nurse coaxes. “I think you two can work it out from here. I’ll check in on you in a bit to see if you have any concerns. You can press that red button in the meantime if you need anything.”

“I think we’ll be just fine,” Felicia replies with glassy eyes. “This is so amazing.”

“You’re amazing,” I tell her, completely overwhelmed by the thought of her doing this for my child. “This is why I want you to be my wife. You have a heart of gold.”

“You’ll have to remind Mom of that the next time you see her,” she says without lifting her eyes from Michael. Watching the two of them is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I slip into bed next to them, easing my arm around both of them.

The world around me quickly fades away, transforming into nothing but warmth and adoration. For the moment, I find it unfathomable that I spent so many years convinced that I didn’t want to get married and start a family. My reasons seemed completely valid at the time. Who knows what this world will be like in thirty years? I want to travel and have my freedom. It’s expensive to raise kids. I can’t imagine what it will cost to put them through college. Today, all of those thoughts are background noise that’s far off in the distance. Right now, there is nothing but bliss.

Felicia

Watching this little guy nursing is the sweetest thing I’ve ever experienced. Every time we’ve talked about his arrival, there has been a pang in my heart brought on by the thought of Jessica being his mother. Today, however, all of that has changed within an hour’s time. Suddenly, we are going to be a family. I’m going to be a mother. I just breastfed a child, something I wouldn’t have even thought was possible a few months ago. I’ve always wanted a family, but that was something I had comfortably pushed back to my late twenties or early thirties. Lying here in bed with Rex and Michael is completely surreal.

“That was amazing,” I whisper, running my fingertips along the hair on the side of his head. “I can’t believe he has so much hair.”

“Mom showed me pictures earlier from when I was born, and I was exactly the same,” he says with a chuckle. “Those same eyes and crazy dark hair.”

“I love this crazy hair.” I continue to run my fingers through his spirited locks. “I’ve seen pictures of you as a kid, and your hair was pretty normal looking.”

“Yeah, but I always had lots of cowlicks, which is why I left it shaggy. He’ll most likely have the same thing. I remember Mom trying to get my hair to lie down for pictures. It was a losing battle.” He laughs and runs his fingers through his own hair. “This is the first grown-up haircut I’ve ever had.”

“I think it makes you even sexier,” I tell him, wanting him to keep it this way. “You look much better in dress clothes with this haircut instead of your old one.”

“I agree. That’s why I never wore a tie. Ties just didn’t go with my surfer dude haircut.” He slides a little closer to me and settles back into the bed.

I reach over to unbutton his shirt and pull it from his dress pants. “Your boy needs a little one-on-one with his dad,” I tell him, transferring him to Rex’s chest and covering him with the little blue blanket. I reach down and pull up the blankets that were folded back on the bed, snuggling into the two of them. I still can’t believe all of this is happening. It’s almost like I’m stuck in a dream and I’ll wake up to reality at any minute.

The Following Afternoon

After spending our first night changing diapers and breastfeeding, it’s good to take him home. It will be nice to have a more relaxed environment without so many people around. Both Rex and I are a little nervous about taking care of this little guy, but mostly, we are in a surreal state of amazement. His tiny fingernails, little nose, and adorable miniature toes are just too cute. It’s difficult to believe that he is ours. I still can’t believe I’m going to be his mom. After spending the past few months in a state of semi-denial, reality is suddenly cradled in my arms.

“What do you think?” I ask our little man as I walk along the living room windows, showing him the view.

“He seems to like it,” Rex says, joining us from behind. “I still can’t believe how quickly I fell in love with this little guy.” Michael curls his hand around Rex’s finger. “He’s so damn cute.”

“I know. Now I see why new mothers are always posting baby pictures,” I reply, having a realization. “I always found it a little annoying, but they are so adorable. I’m going to have to try to restrain myself so I don’t end up being such a hypocrite.”

“Good luck with that.” Rex chuckles, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “I slept so little last night that I kind of feel hung over,” he adds, letting out a big yawn. “I was glad we could take him home instead of spending another night. I think Nurse Johnson knew we were both a little clueless.”

“Yeah, she seemed a bit reluctant, but we’ll do just fine,” I assure him, just as a strong odor escapes our cute little bundle. “Ooh, that’s nasty.” I hand him over to Rex. “It’s your turn. Let’s take him back to the nursery. The diaper bag is already in there.”

“I can’t believe this is happening to my awesome workout room,” he replies, scrunching up his face as he catches a whiff. Good lord, that’s nasty.” I can’t help being amused by the sight of him assessing the damage before carefully peeling back the polluted diaper. He grabs a handful of baby wipes and begins to carefully wipe up the mess, trying to avoid getting any on his hands. After going through a couple of baby wipes, he sets a new diaper beneath Michael’s bottom and sprinkles it with baby powder. He lifts each hip to secure the enclosures. “Hmm.” He lifts him from the table and something doesn’t look right. “This is backward, isn’t it?” he asks, knowing that it looks way too puffy.

“Yeah, the tabs always close to the front,” I reply with an amused smile.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.” He quickly releases one of the tabs and flips the diaper around. “That looks a little more normal. Should he be wearing pants or something?” He closes the snaps on the bottom of his onesie.

“We’ll have to go shopping for him, but these little bodysuits are fine for now,” I tell him, having picked up several of them in advance. “We’ll keep him swaddled anyway.” I wrap him in his little blue blanket. “Is everyone ready for a nap?” I ask, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“I’m definitely ready,” Rex replies with another yawn. “I haven’t been this tired in a long time.”

“It’s just the beginning, baby.” I giggle, patting him on the butt. He shakes his head without saying a word. I can tell he’s still a bit overwhelmed by everything, but his eyes say it all. He’s pretty excited about this little guy. I’ve always thought that everything happens for a reason, and I think this will end up being the best thing that ever happened to either of us.

I get Michael situated in the crib and collapse onto the bed next to Rex. “I love you,” he says, snuggling in close to me and giving me a warm, sensuous kiss. “Thank you for doing this with me,” he adds, taking my lips and leaving me no chance to reply. Within a matter of seconds, Michael begins to cry for the first time since we left the hospital. “He’s doing it on purpose,” Rex says, looking over at the baby who is now ramping up his volume.

“I’ll settle him down. He’s just in a brand-new environment,” I assure him, getting up to soothe the little guy.

“Well, the last time he fussed was when I kissed you at the hospital,” Rex replies with a suspicious look in his eyes. “Don’t be thinking you’re going to steal my woman, little man.”

“I have plenty of love for both of you,” I whisper, lifting the baby from the crib. He opens his eyes, and within a few seconds, he’s quiet again. “Maybe you’re right.” I smile at Rex, bouncing the little bundle just slightly to put him to sleep.

“Little cock blocker,” Rex sneers jokingly before rolling onto his back and closing his eyes. He knows better, but so far, Michael is two for two, so it’s another source of amusement. After getting the baby resettled, I snuggle in next to Rex, and within a matter of seconds, we’re both out cold.