Felicia

After talking to Rex’s mother, I begin feeling guilty for not mentioning anything to Mom yesterday when I talked to her. After a moment of contemplation, I decide it’s best to give her a call.

“Hi, Darling. What’s up?” she asks, so I know she’s had a couple of glasses of wine.

“Hi, Mom. I wanted to tell you a couple of things yesterday, but I decided against it after you said Kip had sent you that video.” I pause, allowing her to say whatever comes to mind.

“Okay,” she says, leaving the line silent once again.

“Rex’s baby boy was born yesterday,” I tell her bluntly, not wanting to beat around the bush. “We’re going to get married and raise it together.”

“Really? Wow, that’s quite a change from last Friday,” she says, obviously still upset by witnessing the incident at the sex club. “Are you positive that you want to get involved in all of this? It’s not your child, and he hasn’t been a good influence on you.”

“I’ve told you how this whole thing happened, but Rex stepped up and took responsibility for raising him,” I counter. “He wouldn’t have had to do anything. In fact, he could’ve sent her to jail over it.”

“That’s true,” she says, still not sounding convinced that he’s a good guy. “I just want what’s best for you. I’m not concerned about him or his kid.”

“You will change your mind when you meet him. His name is Michael, and he’s adorable,” I tell her, unable to hold back my feelings. “It was love at first sight, and I’ve been breastfeeding him since last night.”

“Really? You can do that?” she asks, sounding flabbergasted, even though I’m sure she would know it’s possible for a surrogate to nurse a baby. “How did you get started? You’ve never even been pregnant, have you?” she asks, still seeming a bit bewildered.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve been using a breast pump the last couple of weeks, and I’ve been taking hormones for over a month,” I explain. “I wasn’t even sure if Rex would be able to successfully get full custody of him, but if he did, I wanted to be able to do this for him.”

“That’s incredibly thoughtful,” she says with motherly warmth coming back into her voice. “Do I get to see him?”

“That’s why I’m calling. Joyce, Rex’s mom, is coming over with some clothes for him in a bit. I thought I would invite you over as well. Would you like to have dinner with us?”

“Sure, but now I’m going to be the bad grandma right from the start,” she says with a sigh. “I don’t have time to do any shopping.”

“Actually, that’s a good thing.” I spin it to a positive. “This way, you can see what he needs and you don’t end up buying duplicates.”

“That’s true, I guess.” She pauses for a moment. “I’ll call a car. I should be over within the hour. I won’t bother bringing wine since you’re nursing.”

“Yeah, I don’t need any temptation.” I sigh. “I’m really going to miss wine the next few months.”

“Well, just don’t be one of those mothers that nurses until the kid’s able to walk up and help himself,” she says with a giggle. “I had a friend who did it until hers started Kindergarten.”

“I think you’re exaggerating, Mom!”

“Not by much.” She giggles again. “See you in an hour.”

Hanging up the phone, I can picture her pouring the remainder of the bottle into her glass while calling a car. She’s never been a big fan of meeting new people, so having a nice buzz makes it easier for her. Sometimes, her idea of a nice buzz is a little much. I send Rex a text letting him know that both mothers will be here for dinner, giving him a chance to brace himself. Maybe he’ll need a big glass of something too.

Joyce arrives a few minutes after I finish feeding the baby, and dinner shows up within minutes of Rex and Mom arriving, so everything works out perfectly. There is just enough time for Mom and Joyce to get acquainted and look through the outfits that she bought for the baby. Then it’s time to eat.

“Some of those outfits are hideous,” Mom whispers as she passes by me. “He only has two blue outfits to compliment those gorgeous eyes.”

“I know you’ve never liked green, but some people really do,” I reply. “Next time, whisper a little more quietly,” I add as Joyce and Rex join us in the dining room. “I’m glad everyone likes Chinese food. It’s been awhile since we’ve had it.”

“Philip hates it, so I don’t get it much either,” Joyce says. “Lo Mein is one of my favorites.”

“Here you go,” I tell her, handing her the chicken lo Mein. “Mom, I ordered cashew chicken for you.”

“Thank you, dear,” she says, searching the table for it. “You’d better be careful with spice,” she adds as I load my plate with Kung Pao chicken. Once she says it, I realize she’s probably right. Dammit, no wine or spicy food?

“I’ll try to avoid the red pepper flakes,” I reply, my mouth literally watering from not eating much all day.

“Philip will be stopping by after a while,” Joyce adds, shocking Rex. “He’s stopped off at the club for a bite after his last surgery.”

“I don’t even remember the last time I saw Dad,” Rex says after nearly choking on his food. “Christmas, maybe?”

“They’re understaffed in his specialty,” Mom says, justifying his eternal absence. She’s been using that excuse for years. The truth is that Dad would rather be in the operating room than spending time with his family. Even back when I was playing football, he never showed up to a single game. I don’t expect him to make an effort to make my kid a part of his life. “He’s excited to meet his first grandson,” she adds, cocking her head in a way that lets me know he’s never made such a comment.

“Well, at least your husband is performing surgery at a hospital instead of rolling around on some beach with a woman half his age,” Mom says between bites. “I would trade in a heartbeat.”

“I’ve often thought about which is worse,” Joyce says with a contemplative look. “At least this way, you got half his money and can find someone who actually wants to spend time with you.”

“If only it were that easy,” she replies with a roll of her eyes. “I’ve had no luck dating.”

“I can’t imagine,” Rex says, commenting on one of his favorite topics. “I’m only thirty-two and I hated dating. I had basically taken an oath of celibacy at the time I met Felicia.”

Both mothers turn and look at Rex as if an alien had just landed at the table. “I think you’ve had more than your share of women,” Joyce says, beating my mother to the punch.

“That was business, though,” he counters, turning a nice shade of red. “I mean, actual dating is really hard. You never know what you’re getting into. I had decided that if I ever dated again, I would probably join eHarmony.”

“Do you think that works?” Joyce pipes up. “I’ve never found people to be overly honest when they’re answering survey questions.”

“I’m rich, in great shape, and I love flowers, kids, and puppies,” Mom says with a snort.

“Never mind the four ex-wives and the trail of destruction that constitutes my life thus far,” Joyce adds with a hoot. “Don’t worry, I’ve gotten all of that stuff out of my system.” Rex and I can’t help laughing along with them.

“I think dating sucks at any age,” I say, expressing my opinion on the topic as well. “I always had horrible taste in men.”

“Now that’s a true statement,” Mom spouts, looking over at Rex. “Hopefully, she finally broke her losing streak,” she adds, realizing that she probably shouldn’t insult him this early on. “Her last one turned out to be a real prize.”

“I played ball with Kip,” Rex tells her between bites. “I told her months ago that she dodged a bullet. I think she finally believes me.”

“Okay, let’s focus on this cute little boy,” I tell everyone, anxious for a new topic. “Rex got to change his first diaper earlier today and did great except for putting it on backward.”

“If there’s a big bulge in front, it’s on backward,” Joyce tells him with a laugh.

“Well, he is my son, so there’s always going to be a big bulge up front,” Rex replies with a perfectly straight face.

“Rexton Phillip!” Joyce scolds him as if he’s still a little boy.

“Hey, he’s right,” Mom pipes up. “I saw the proof on their latest video.”

“What video?” Joyce snaps, her glare toward her son becoming even more intense.

“It’s just something that Kip sent me,” Mom says, trying to be nonchalant about it. “It was nothing.”

“Kip sent you a video of my son having sex?” Joyce pushes her chair back from the table, seeming revolted by the thought of it. “That definitely sounds like it’s something.”

“We didn’t know it was being recorded,” Rex starts out trying to explain. “We were invited to the grand opening of this new sex club in Vancouver. We had a few too many cocktails, and then friends of ours dragged us onstage. As long as Felicia was going to roll with it, so was I. We had no idea that it was being broadcast to thousands of people. One of Kip’s teammates happened to see it. He recognized Felicia and decided to record part of it.” He folds his hands and rests his chin on them, staring at his mother. “The way things have played out since then, I’m pretty sure it was our last hurrah… if that’s any consolation.” The room falls silent with both mothers appearing to be grasping for the next topic.

“Would anyone like some cake?” I ask, trying desperately to end the silence. “It’s vanilla with real buttercream frosting.”

“I would love some,” Mom says, jumping up from her chair. “Let me help you cut it.” I follow her to the kitchen, glaring at the back of her head for bringing up the video. This is my first real chance to get to know Joyce, and she brings up the fact that we basically shot a porn movie last Friday. I shake my head and give her the evil eye as I push the cake toward her and hand her a knife. “I’m sorry,” she mouths as she carefully takes the sharp end of the knife from me and turns it around to cut the cake.

“Whatever,” I whisper, going back to the dining room to see why Michael is fussing. When I walk in the room, Rex and his mother are locked in a similar death stare, each mouthing things to the other. “It’s okay, you guys. Just talk out loud,” I tell them, picking Michael up and checking his diaper.

“I’m just glad your father is running late,” Joyce finally says out loud.

“He’s not running late, Mom.” Rex rolls his eyes toward the ceiling and lays his head back against the chair. “Dad isn’t part of this family. He never has been, and since going to college two decades ago, neither is Katie. How many times have you seen her since she moved out east? Maybe a dozen at the most. It’s you and me, Mom, and I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you. But if you’re looking for family, it’s me, Felicia, and that little guy in her arms. I don’t care what you think of my career choices. I’ve always been here for you. So you can go ahead and keep judging me, or you can be part of the family. It’s your choice.” He immediately places his chin back upon his folded hands and stares at her intently.

“You’re right… about everything,” she says, breaking into tears. “I’m sorry. I really do want to be part of this. I already love all three of you.” She comes around the side of the table and wraps an arm around me. “Get up here!” she scolds Rex. “Don’t ruin my moment!”

Rex simply laughs, getting up from his chair and putting his arms around all three of us. “You guys are going to kill me,” he says with a chuckle. “But I wouldn’t change a thing.”

In the midst of our group hug, Mom comes into the room holding several plates. “Who wants cake?” she says in a sweet, clueless voice.

“We all need cake,” Joyce says, pulling back with tears glistening in her eyes. “I’ve kept myself buried in work so I wouldn’t have to face the fact that our family sucks,” she says, tilting her head to the side and looking sadly at Rex.

“But it doesn’t have to,” he replies, taking one of the plates from Mom and handing it over to Joyce. “I think having some cake will be a good start.” A few bites in, the doorbell rings. Rex shoots Joyce a look of disbelief, getting up from the table and going to the door. “Dad!” we hear him say from across the room. “This is a surprise.”

“Your mother showed me a picture of the little guy and he looked awfully familiar,” he says in a low, gruff voice. “I had to come see for myself.”

“You’re always welcome.” Rex shakes his hand as if he’s a business associate before the two men make their way to the dining room.

“Would you like some cake?” Mom asks him as he approaches the table.

“He doesn’t like cake,” Joyce answers on his behalf.

“She’s right. I don’t normally eat cake, but on this occasion, I’ll make an exception,” he says, walking around the table to take a look at Michael, who is back in his cradle. “Wow, he’s the spitting image of you, boy. Can I pick him up?” he asks, bending down and slipping his fingers beneath him.

“Sure,” both Rex and I say simultaneously. Joyce gives Rex a wide-eyed look, both seeming to be caught off-guard.

“Hello, little grandson,” he says in a much softer voice. “I’ve always wanted to be a grandpa.”

“Really?” Rex asks, once again exchanging glances with Joyce. “You’ve never seemed interested in being involved with any of us.”

“Well, I’m turning sixty-five in a few months, so it’s probably time to come up with a hobby.” He bounces Michael just slightly, not taking his eyes off him. “This little guy might be kind of fun to hang out with. I was always too busy when you were little.” He glances over at Rex with a slight frown.

“I was just telling Mom she should cut back at work too,” Rex tells him. “It would be great if you guys could spend some time with him.”

“I’m available too,” Mom says, obviously feeling a little left out of the conversation. “I’m going shopping for him tomorrow. I wasn’t aware of his existence until a few hours ago,” she adds, confirming my suspicion that she would feel bad about not having presents.

“There will plenty of time for all of you to spend time with him,” I assure them. “And he’s going to need clothes his whole life, as well as toys.”

“And motorcycles and cars,” Rex adds with a chuckle.

“Well, you’d better not spoil him too much or he’ll end up like his father,” Phillip says teasingly to Rex. “Being an only child, it will be tempting to dote on him.”

“Oh, he’s not going to be an only child,” I inform all three of them. “Rex and I want four kids—two boys and two girls.”

“Is that true?” Joyce asks Rex, shocked by another revelation.

“She thinks each kid should have a brother and a sister, so that means two boys and two girls,” Rex replies with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Well, then, maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have a demanding career,” Phillip says, setting Michael back down in the cradle.

“I agree,” Rex says, flashing his trademark grin. “If Felicia and I can work from home, raise our kids, and still make over a quarter-million a year, I don’t see a downside.”

“Quarter-million a year?” he scoffs, obviously not believing the number.

“The margins are incredible in the adult novelty business,” I tell him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “That’s what attracted me to working there in the first place.”

“Yeah, I should get some credit for that,” Mom says with a laugh. “It was my garbage can that she pulled that sex toy catalog from.”

“Sex toys?” Phillip asks with a startled look. “I thought you sold novelties like gag gifts and that sort of thing.” A scowl settles on his face.

“No, we sell sex toys,” he says, expressing zero remorse. “It’s a great business, and we’re bringing pleasure to thousands of men and women all around the world.”

“Men? What do you sell for men?” he asks curiously.

“We’ll save that conversation for another day,” I interject, not wanting the conversation to degrade any further. “I’ll drop off a catalog sometime.”

“Okay, I’m just curious. Being a urologic surgeon for so many years, I know there are tons of nerve endings in certain areas,” he adds in a matter-of-fact manner.

“Don’t worry, we’ll pass along a couple of the best things we’ve discovered,” I reply, glancing back and forth between Joyce and Phillip. Rex remains silent while Joyce’s cheeks turn a rosy shade of red. “I think you’ll find them interesting… from an anatomical viewpoint.” I can’t help smiling at both of them.

“Okay, on that note, I should be getting home,” Mom says, grabbing a couple of empty plates from the table and popping up from her chair. She has never been one to talk about anything sexual, which is why she about died the day I pulled that catalog from her garbage can. Looking around the room, it’s hard to believe how much our lives have changed as a result of her throwing that catalog in the garbage.

The world works in mysterious ways.