Chapter Five
June’s curves were better than Killian even imagined. Just one look at her, and he’d been picturing her in his arms for the rest of the day. Of course whenever it came to June, he always thought about her, wanted her, needed her.
The reality was, he’d never moved on, not really. He shouldn’t have left her behind, and that was his biggest fucking mistake. He should have kept her, loved her, showed her who he really was.
“We can’t do this,” June said, pulling away from him. Her lips were red, puffy, and her nipples were erect, pressing against her bra.
“Why? You want me. I bet you’re soaking wet for me, right now. I remember how you’d always want me after I touched you like this.” He nibbled her ear, and moved his lips down to suck on the spot right over her pulse. There hadn’t been any time to shave, so he had a day’s growth on his face, which always served to rub her the right away.
She melted against him, her hands moving around his neck as she gasped. Sliding his fingers up the curve of her back, he found the catch of her bra, and released it. Her tits spilled out. He tossed the offending bra out of the way.
He was rich beyond his wildest dreams, and there had been nothing for him to spend his money on. Now he had a reason, and he intended to devote a great deal of time to his woman and his kid. He had a kid! A son. A little baby boy.
All along he’d had a family right here, and he’d been too stubborn to come and check on her. That had been his biggest mistake.
“You want me, June. You know you do.”
“I’ll always want you, Killian. I never could stop even when it was wrong.”
He closed his eyes, resting his head against hers. “Why is it wrong?”
“Everything I knew about you is a lie, Killian. It’s all a lie.”
Shaking his head, he held onto her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “No, it wasn’t all a life. That’s bullshit, and you fucking know it.”
“Everything you told me—”
“The only crap I lied about was all the shit I grew up with. My feelings, who I am, I didn’t lie about that.”
“You just told me you’re a fucking hitman, Killian.”
He licked his lips, and took a deep breath. His dick pressed against the front of his pants, and just having her near, it was arousing him.
“I got shot, and everything is all confusing right now.”
“Be honest with me,” he said. “Does my kiss repulse you?”
“No. I just think it’s a little early and … too soon to start that right now.” She crossed her hands over her chest, and her gaze traveled down the length of him. He was still fully dressed.
Reaching out, he cupped her face, and tilted her head back. “I never stopped thinking about you.”
She smiled. “You know, for the longest time I always expected you to come back. I’d stand at the beach, and I’d wait. I’d wonder if that would be the day you’d arrive. I was getting bigger with every single passing month, and then I gave birth. I’d take my son, our son, to the beach, and we’d stand there for hours. I did that for five years until he had to go to school full-time. I never told him why we went to the beach, only that it was important that we were there.”
His heart was fucking breaking, thinking about the young woman she had been. How painful it had to have been for her going to the same spot every single day. He didn’t even want to imagine.
“So, yes, Killian. Despite everything, just being near you, and I want to jump back into bed with you. I want to feel like that teenager again, falling in love, only now I know I am in love. Those feelings never changed, not for me.” She grabbed her sweater, and pulled it back over her head, hiding herself once again.
When she put some distance between them, he didn’t stop her.
“Would you like something to drink?”
“Do you have any whiskey?” she asked, surprising him.
“I do.”
“I could really use a stiff drink right about now. With everything going on, I need something that burns.”
“Whiskey coming right up.” He moved toward the table in the sitting room. Pouring out two large glasses, he held one out to her, which she took. “Please, take a seat. We’ve got a lot to discuss.”
“You mean seeing as we’re not having sex?” she asked, taking a seat across from him. She took a drink, and she frowned as she swallowed. “Wow, that’s strong.”
“Yep. It’s the good stuff.” He drank his in one gulp, and poured himself another shot. “It wasn’t always about sex with you,” he said.
“We don’t need to talk about the past.”
“We do. I do. I know everything about you because you didn’t once tell me a lie. I told lies. I fabricated everything to make myself look like the perfect boyfriend. The truth was, the moment that I saw you, I wished I was that person I told you about.”
“Killian, you don’t have to say that…”
“You know what, I don’t give a fuck. It’s the truth. You smiled at me, and you were so kind, even with a total stranger. I fell for you fucking hard, and I wanted to be perfect for you. So I told you everything that I wished was true.”
There was silence for several seconds. Her gaze fixed on him until finally she broke away and drank more of the whiskey he’d given her. “So what was the truth?” she asked.
“The truth was and is, I don’t have a clue who my father is. He could have been a boyfriend, a john, a pimp, anyone.”
“A john?”
“I told you my mother was a whore. She sold her body every single night to a string of men. Some were good, most were bad. She gave her body to them, and then a pimp would come and take nearly everything she earned.” Even repeating the words now made him sick to his stomach. “I was just a kid, and in her own way, she loved me. All of her friends did. They took care of me, made sure I was loved. I didn’t always have food, but I knew that even in their world where children really weren’t welcome, they did their best.” It was one of the reasons he couldn’t stomach hurting women, not then, not now.
It was one of the things that made him weaker than Boss, the owner of Killer of Kings.
“Did you try to find out about your dad?”
“Didn’t care who it was, June. No one was worth it. Anyone who could leave my mom like that, in that life, didn’t even matter to me.”
She stared down at her glass. “Where is your mother?”
“Dead. She died from a final beating from her pimp.”
Her gaze once again returned to his. He saw the question in her eyes.
“You want to ask that question, you’re going to need a refill,” he said. She hesitated for a split second before holding out her glass.
“I guess I need a refill. What happened after your mother died?”
He poured an even more generous amount of whiskey into her glass. “He had been beating my mom up for years. Using her to amuse himself. Humiliating her to show off to his friends. I was done with him a long time ago, but my mother begged me not to cause too much trouble. Like our son, I was a troublemaker.”
She smiled. “I knew he got it from somewhere, and it wasn’t me. I really shouldn’t be smiling, but I can’t help it. Knowing he has attitude and he doesn’t take any crap from anyone makes me happy. I don’t get to spend all that much time with him anymore, and I want to. I want to so much.”
“I know that’s what he wants as well.”
“He does?” she asked.
“Killian told me. It’s why I found him on the beach. He was there, remembering times gone by.”
She shook her head. “I’m a terrible mother.”
“No, you’re not.” If there was one thing he’d learned in the few hours of finding her, she was anything but a terrible mother.
“I don’t spend any time with him. I can’t afford to buy everything he deserves. I’m working so hard. I miss him all the time.”
“That’s why you’re not a terrible mother. You work all the time to put a roof over your heads, food in your stomachs, and you pay the bills, right? That’s not a terrible mother. That’s someone who cares, who loves. You’re not a terrible person, June. Don’t even for a second think that. If anyone’s a bad parent, it’s your parents for kicking you out. Can’t believe that shit. They should be fucking ashamed of themselves.”
She glanced back into her glass, and then looked at him. Tears were glistening in her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I’m not going anywhere, June. I’m here to stay. I want to get to know you again, to know Killian, our son. Wow, I can’t believe I have a son. He has a thing for spy movies?”
“Yeah, he loves them, and their accents. He’s always trying to copy accents. It’s cute.” She took another sip from the glass.
“I never stopped loving you. I mean that.”
“I know you do, Killian. I never stopped loving you either. I just, I can’t right now. I don’t even know if it makes any sense. I want to, but it has been a matter of hours since you’ve been in my life. You’ve hurt people, I’ve been hurt, and I just need more time.”
“I’m not in any rush. I want to prove to you that I’m not here just for that, okay? I want everything.”
“You’re a hitman. You’re going to tell me the truth, I need to know everything. Every little detail.”
“Once I tell you, you’ve got to make a commitment to stay with me.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because everything I do is controlled by a man who takes privacy very seriously, and he’s not above killing a woman and child to keep those secrets. I need you to tell me that you’ll be mine regardless.”
Silence met his words, and it broke his heart to know that she hesitated even though she said she loved him. It wasn’t just for Boss’s sake, it was for his own. He’d be nothing without her, and just like ten years ago, he was terrified the truth would push her away. He wanted to charm her, to show her they were perfect for each other, not scare her away because there was a hit on her and Killian Junior.
“I won’t go anywhere. I’ll stay with you, Killian. I promise.”
****
Several hours later
The whiskey didn’t do anything to numb the pain, not even for a few moments. Killian was a trained killer, a hitman, an assassin. He was trained to take out the enemy, and to make sure there was no trace. All this time she’d been falling in love with a college graduate, he’d been anything but. He’d dropped out of school and fought his way to the top. Impressed by some crazy man known as Boss, he’d become something that she didn’t even want to think about. Ten years ago, she couldn’t have handled this.
It was a struggle even now.
There was a hit out on her and her son. She couldn’t protect Killian Junior from that; only his father could. She didn’t like that feeling of helplessness. She was supposed to be the one to protect her son, and yet she couldn’t. Killian had told her this was a professional hit.
“I know you’re not happy with finding everything out.”
She held her hand up, and closed her eyes. “It’s fine, Killian. I just need a few moments to process everything. Do you spring this on every woman?”
“There hasn’t been anyone else,” he said.
June had been staring out of the window whereas now she spun around, and faced him. “What?”
“There’s no one else. There never has been. I tried a few months after I left you. I wanted to forget what we had, but kissing another woman made it feel like I was betraying you. There are a lot of things I could do, but betraying you wasn’t one of them. You’ve always been it for me.”
“You’re telling me that you’ve never slept with anyone else, never had sex again?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. No one mattered to me, and to be honest, they still don’t. You’re the only person I want, June.” He took her hands, and his thumbs caressed over them, stroking. “What about you?”
“I’ve been on dates, Killian. I had a son, so I didn’t want to know anyone else.”
“Killian Junior mentioned something about a cop?”
“Oh, him. He thought he could use Killian’s bad behavior as a bargaining chip for dating. It never happened. I guess I had unfinished business with a guy who just left.”
He released one of her hands, and cupped her cheek. She gasped at his touch, and closed her eyes. This man was a cold, hardened killer. Someone who couldn’t be trusted, but he’d saved her. He loved her, and she knew he wasn’t lying.
Looking back, whenever he was telling her lies, Killian couldn’t look her in the eye. She had always found it strange, but that was his tell. He couldn’t look at her and lie. She didn’t know if that was the case for everyone, or just her.
His chin rested on her head, and she wrapped both of her arms around him. She wanted to fall back into his arms, make love, and pretend the last ten years hadn’t happened, but she couldn’t do it, not yet.
“You’re going to need to meet your son,” she said.
“I will. He’s safe with Bain. He’s expecting a kid soon himself. I just wanted some time alone with you. Believe me, our son will love it there. Scarlett is the mothering sort, and she won’t replace you, but he’ll have cookies, cakes, and proper homemade food. Everything will be fine. Let me have a couple of days with you. Please.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “First I think it’s time we get to bed.”
“Killian, I don—”
“You’re not ready, and I know that. I’m not going to force you, baby. I can wait. I’ve waited ten years. I can wait some more.” He stood, holding her hand to take her toward the bedroom. When she didn’t move, he turned toward her. “What’s wrong?”
“How did you take care of … your needs if you didn’t have a woman?”
He held his hands up. “It’s the only thing I could do. I guess this hand is the betrayer,” he said.
She couldn’t help it when she burst out laughing. “I’m pleased your sense of humor hasn’t changed.”
“Life is too damn short to spend it not laughing.” He pressed a kiss to her lips. “And too short not to do that. One day soon, you’re going to be all mine again, June. I’m never going to let you go, not even for a second.”
She believed him. He gave her time to take a shower alone, which she was thankful for. She was careful not to get her arm wet. The last thing she wanted to do was to be in any kind of pain. The shot had been lucky, and if she had of flinched or moved, there was a chance it could have gone right through her heart.
Entering the bedroom after her shower, she was surprised so see Killian already in a towel, his hair wet from a shower.
Frowning, she pointed behind her. “I was in the shower. You weren’t there.”
“I’ve got two showers, babe. I didn’t want to take the chance of you running off from me.” He finished drying his hair, and she couldn’t help but admire his impressive, muscular chest. His Celtic ink suited him, decorating those hard, toned arms.
Her cheeks heated, and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see.
“Nothing’s changed, June. You used to like looking at me.”
“I still do.”
Killian pulled her into his arms. “I love you, babe. I’m going to figure this thing out, and then I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you, raising our kids.”
“Kids?”
“Yeah, we’re going to have lots more.”
She laughed. “You’ve not even spent all that much time with our son.”
“I don’t care. I love him no matter what. I’ll do whatever it takes to take care of him.”
This was what she had hoped. It was like all of her wishes were coming true. Not in exactly the way she wanted them. The last thing she ever anticipated was getting shot, or finding out the man she loved was a killer. Still, right now, she didn’t care.
“Come on, let’s get some sleep,” he said, climbing into the huge bed. “I figured you weren’t ready to get naked with me yet, so I left a shirt for you on the chair.”
She kept her back to him, for no other reason than she didn’t want this to go any further tonight. There was no point in denying that it would happen. She knew there was no way she’d deny him for long. Her body wouldn’t allow it. Right now, she just needed to make sense of everything. Besides, she had never been the kind of woman to jump into bed with a guy within the first few hours of meeting.
It had taken Killian a week. A week of spending every waking moment with each other, and even then it was out of character for her. There was just something addictive about Killian.
Once the shirt was on, she threw the towel in the laundry basket, and climbed into bed. The sheets felt like heaven compared to what she could afford.
She didn’t argue as Killian pulled her into his arms, and snuggled in close.
“You smell so good,” he said.
“It’s coconut shampoo.”
“I know, but on you it smells even better.” He kissed her shoulder. “I love you, June.”
“Love you, too.”
June didn’t for a second think she could sleep, but she did. She drifted off, and slept like a baby.
The scent of coffee woke her up the following morning. Rolling over, she saw it was a little after eight. Getting up, she rushed out of the bedroom, and found Killian standing with a cup of coffee, and a cell phone.
“She’s right here, bud. Do you want to talk to her?” Seconds passed, and then he held out the phone. “Our son is on the phone.”
There was no time to think as she took the phone, and the coffee. “Hey, honey,” she said. Living with Killian Junior for ten years, she was used to being pulled in every direction. Her son had a very lively personality. And having a father could only be a benefit.
“Hey, Mom, this is so awesome. Bain is amazing, Mom. I mean seriously. I didn’t know you had friends like this. He’s totally wicked, and he’s got this video game that lets you shoot people, and Scarlett, his wife, she made the most amazing waffles with syrup. It’s great.”
“Wow, sweetheart, that’s fantastic.” She looked toward Killian who had two thumbs up.
“Yeah, totally awesome. I’m playing this shooting game, and Bain says I’m a natural. I’m like my dad, isn’t that great?”
“Erm, that’s wonderful, honey.”
“Say hi to Dad for me. Got to go. Love you, bye.” He hung up, and she was left staring at the phone.
“Our son likes me,” said Killian.
“Yeah, I know.”
Killian chuckled. “I did good.”
“You’re sure Bain’s okay?”
“Bain’s a good guy. I heard the way Killian Junior sounded on the phone. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Now, I think it’s time we had a little talk.”
“We talked last night.”
“Yeah, this time about our future.”