Chapter Ten
Izzy checked the time on her phone. “Oh, shit. It’s almost seven.”
She propped her hands on her hips and stared at the pile of dresses and skirts that had grown on her bed in the past thirty minutes. Nothing looked right on her. At least not good enough for dinner out with Tanner. She never had this much trouble getting ready for a date. Maybe that was because she hadn’t had a date that intrigued and excited her this much since she could remember. Certainly none of the few men she’d gone out with in the months since her return to Cedar Hill.
It wasn’t just Tanner’s kisses, which were exciting in their own right. It was everything about him. From the easy way that he interacted with his daughter, to his gentle smile and caring eyes, to the brown hair that always looked a bit mussed and tousled. The way that he was taller than her but just enough that he could tuck her under his arm.
She snatched up the deep green wrap dress that Serena said made her eyes shine like emeralds. It hugged her curves and ended mid-thigh, showing off legs that she worked hard to keep toned. Yep, this would knock Tanner’s socks off.
A few minutes later, Izzy brushed her hands down the dress to remove any lint and fluffed her hair. She sprayed a bit of My Burberry, her go-to perfume, and glided through the mist.
She finished off her look by stepping into her favorite sling-back heels. I’m ready as I’m going to be. She always felt more confident when she wore her lucky shoes. All she needed now was her purse, and she headed down the hall.
Freddie’s jingling tags greeted her as she entered the kitchen. “Hey, sweetie. Time for dinner.”
She filled his bowl, and Freddie buried his nose in his food like he did every time. It was like he was afraid he wouldn’t have any food if he didn’t finish it right away. Poor thing. She didn’t know how long he’d been on the street before he’d been hit by the car and brought to Serena’s shelter. As much as Izzy had fought against taking in a foster, she couldn’t imagine not coming home to Freddie’s friendly greeting every day.
Ring. Ring. Izzy’s heart kick-started. Why was she getting so all-fired nervous? This was just a date. Yeah, a date with the sexiest guy she’d met in she didn’t know how long. A man who turned her insides to mush with just a smile. How could she say it was just a date when she’d never felt this way before?
She drew in a deep breath before she opened the door, only to be faced with Tanner’s broad back. She sucked in a deep breath as she scanned his broad shoulders. He must have heard her, because he spun around and shot her a smile.
Yep, mush.
His eyes widened as his gaze took a slow trip down her body and then back up. “Wow. You look great.”
Her eyes followed a similar path, from the navy sport coat over a light blue dress shirt, down his perfectly fitted dress slacks. When her gaze landed on his, he smirked. Busted. “Not so bad yourself.”
He stepped up, crowding her against the doorframe. His hands landed on her hips and he closed the distance between them. She couldn’t keep her eyes open as his lips brushed against hers. Damn, this man could kiss. She traced his lips with her tongue, but he wouldn’t give her what she wanted most. She snaked her hands up his chest and around his neck, pulling his head down to her. He kept the kiss light and easy, starting at the corner of her mouth, nibbling across her bottom lip, and then pecking the other corner before pressing his lips fully on hers again. It was a good thing he was holding her up because her knees were like soft noodles.
He broke the kiss and heaved in a deep, ragged breath. With his eyes still closed, he rested his forehead on hers. He finally pulled back and his gaze locked with hers. “Hi.”
“That was quite the welcome.”
“I told myself that I was going to pull back, to go slow with you. But then you opened the door and you’re wearing that dress and all I could think about was how long it had been since I’d tasted you. I just had to kiss you.”
“I’m not opposed to that.” Especially since she was thinking the same thing. “But why did you want to go slow?”
“Because I want to get to know you. What makes you tick. Your hopes and fears. With the way we met and started, I haven’t had a chance to dig beneath the surface and find the real Izzy.”
She shuddered. The thought of opening up to him, to anybody else, really, and sharing what she hadn’t told anyone, scared the crap out of her. It was crazy enough that he’d already gotten her to talk about her fears about starting her business. She didn’t talk about her feelings. Not with Natalie, not with her siblings, not with anyone. Her dad had been no nonsense, not interested in how she felt, just that she was giving her all to be the best. She’d thought her relationship with Erik would be different. But the few times she’d opened up to him, Erik had thrown her feelings back in her face, had told her she was nothing without him. That the only thing that mattered was what he thought and what he felt. Her instinct to check her feelings against what she thought others wanted was deeply ingrained.
But the gentleness in Tanner’s gaze, the touch of his hand as he guided her to his car, made her want to open up to him. To tell him what she had worked so hard to overcome. Beneath the surface, she suspected he had some demons of his own. And she was equally interested in knowing what made him tick.
Her mom stepped out the back door of her house as they were walking to Tanner’s SUV. With her hands on her hips, she watched them round the vehicle. Izzy gave Mom a little wave. No way of getting out of the interrogation that was sure to follow now.
Tanner tucked her into the car and climbed in the other side. He spared a wave for her mom as he headed back out the path that wove behind her childhood home. “How long have you lived near your Mom?”
“It’s her guest cottage. Before they built the house, my grandparents lived here in this cottage. Mom has rented it out from time to time but it was vacant when I got hurt, so she offered it to me while I was recuperating. I guess I just never left.
“Did you want to leave?”
“Cedar Hill? No. My Mom’s nosiness? At times.”
He chuckled and his smile completely lit his entire face. “Yeah, I can see that. Not unlike having an eight-year-old chaperone.”
“I bet.”
Tanner covered her hand with his and turned onto the street. His gentle touch soothed her nervousness but sent sparks straight into her belly.
A few minutes later, Tanner handed off the keys to the valet, and the hostess seated them at a cozy table in the corner of Willow Creek Inn. They had a good view out the open window overlooking Willow Creek, the babbling water soothing her nerves.
When she looked across at Tanner, he smiled at her. He made it so easy to be with him. She’d been foolish to be nervous.
“Could I interest you in some wine, madam, sir?” The waiter stepped up to their table with a white cloth over his arm and an open bottle of Chardonnay in his hand.
Tanner motioned to her. She hesitated. It wasn’t that she was against drinking. Not at all. She often ended her day with a cold bottle of beer or a mixed drink. But her father always stuck in the back of her mind. Had he started out as a social drinker and gotten worse? Sure, he’d been a functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.
“We’ll need a minute.” Tanner gestured to the waiter and paused until he stepped away.
“What’s going on, Izzy? You seemed concerned when he asked about wine. We don’t have to order drinks if that makes you uncomfortable.”
She twisted the napkin in her lap into a tight ball. When she realized what she was doing, she dropped the cloth and clasped her hands on the table. Damn her father for intruding on her everyday life. He always popped into her head in the most inopportune times.
Tanner reached across the table and covered her hands with his. His touch was warm and soothing, and she was finally able to take a deep breath.
“My father was an alcoholic.” There, she’d said it. Dad’s alcoholism and his affair were not something that was discussed outside of the family. Who was she kidding? It wasn’t discussed inside the family. But she’d worked herself up too many times by burying this secret instead of talking about it. She couldn’t do it anymore.
“I’m so sorry, Izzy. That had to be tough.”
In more ways than Tanner knew. “Well, he was what people call a functioning alcoholic. He went to work every day, but it usually took a couple of drinks to settle him down each morning. And a few more each night. We learned early on to steer clear of him after work. It was like you could tell what kind of day he had by how many drinks he had with dinner.”
Tanner didn’t say anything. He just kept his hands on hers and allowed her to talk. It was like he knew that she was barely keeping it together, and if he tried to console her, she might just lose it.
“Dad was a hard man. Not really affectionate with us kids. But there was something about him. He drove us to reach for what we never thought we could achieve. Once I’d told him that I wanted to be a dancer, I heard his voice in my head, telling me to work harder, to push to be better than I was the day before. I would never have had the guts to try for the ballet company in New York if it hadn’t been for him.”
“You told me he got to see you dance before he died?”
“You remember that?”
He leaned over the table, as close as he could. “I remember every conversation we’ve had.”
She shuddered and the butterflies took up residence in her belly one more time. In her family, she’d been one of four. Her parents attention had to be split. And with Erik, the focus was always on him. But not with Tanner. He stared at her intently. Was he thinking the same thing she was? How much longer would they have to reel it in around others before they could be alone?
“Ahem.” The waiter broke through the cocoon wrapped around them. “Have we decided?”
Tanner leaned back, but he didn’t let go of her hands. With his gaze fixed on her, he spoke to the waiter. “We don’t need any wine. I’d like a club soda with lime and…” He raised his eyebrows.
She nodded.
“… and one for the lady. I’d like the roasted chicken with risotto and…”
“That sounds good. Same for me.”
“Very good, sir.” The waiter collected their menus and left them alone. Izzy studied Tanner. She usually agonized over the menu, worrying about the calorie and fat content of every dish, wondering how many hours she’d have to put in at the studio to burn it off. But with a few words, Tanner had put her at ease.
After the waiter left, Tanner released her hands. But the effects of his touch lingered, her fingers itching to feel the rub of his skin over hers.
“Okay, I don’t like this at all.” Tanner jumped from his seat. Had she done something wrong? Was he leaving? Her fears were proven unfounded when he shifted the candle and centerpiece off to the side of the table, slid his plate and silverware around, and moved his chair beside her. The table for two was designed for the couple to sit across from each other, but she couldn’t argue with his rearrangement when his knee brushed up against hers, sending those delicious jolts through her body. He snaked his hand under the white cloth and found hers under the table, locking their fingers together. “See, isn’t this better?”
When he shot her a smile like that, she’d agree to anything. She scanned the room to see if they had made a spectacle, but the parties near them were engrossed in their own conversations. She checked herself. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Just because Erik was worried about his image didn’t mean she had to be the same way.
She squeezed Tanner’s hand. “Now that I’ve exposed all of my demons, it’s your turn.”
He slapped his hand on his chest in mock outrage. “There are no skeletons in my closet. I’m an open book.”
“Tell me about Hayley’s mother.”
The smile fell from Tanner’s face but he didn’t let go of her hand. If anything, he gripped a little tighter, as if he drew strength from her. She held on just as tight. She wanted to be the one he took comfort in. And that thought surprised her as much as anything else. She’d never had that from anyone, had never been that person for anyone else, even Erik.
“I met Vanessa in college. She was everything I thought I wanted in a partner. She was fun—the life of the party. That’s where we met—at a fraternity party—our freshman year. We dated all the way through college, and I proposed to her after graduation. We had a small wedding, a quick honeymoon, and Hayley was born just about a year later.”
His face transformed when he spoke of his daughter, the love shining through in every word. Izzy wasn’t sure her father had ever smiled that way when he talked about her.
“I couldn’t believe there was this little person here. Someone who came from the two of us. I would just stare at her for the longest time, wondering how that happened. How in the hell was I a father at twenty-three?” He laughed. “I was scared shitless. I was afraid I’d do something wrong. But it didn’t take long to realize that you learn from the mistakes and move on.”
“Hayley’s a great kid. You’ve done a good job.”
He squeezed her hand again. “Thanks. That’s the worry that keeps you up at night. Wondering if you should have said something, done one thing differently, to teach your child how to be a productive adult. Despite the sass and attitude I get at home, everyone else says she’s a wonderful girl and a joy to be around. So I guess she reserves the stubbornness for me.”
“That’s always the way it is, isn’t it. You tend to treat your family members worse than a stranger.” Although for her father, his brusque demeanor hadn’t discriminated. If only she’d had a father like Tanner, one who spoke of his love so easily. Her father loved her—she knew that much. He just didn’t show it in a way that a child needed. Maybe that was why she’d responded to quickly to Erik’s advances. He’d given her the attention she’d craved and had loved her, at least that was what she assumed. “So what happened to her?”
“Who, Vanessa?”
She laughed and sipped at the club soda that had appeared in front of her. “Yeah.”
Tanner let go of Izzy and ran his fingers through his hair before threading them together on the table. He stared at his hands for a long time, and she wondered if he was going to answer.
She reached out to him. Who knew that a simple touch could be so soothing and comforting? Hopefully she was giving him some reassurance, too.
He stared at their linked hands. “She was intense. Over the top sometimes. She’d get in these despondent moods, and I’d spend days trying to figure out what I’d done wrong. It wasn’t that we fought—she would just withdraw. I learned quickly to leave her alone during those times because otherwise, she’d snap at every word I said. Everything annoyed her, especially Hayley. Poor little girl, didn’t understand why Mommy didn’t smile at her or want to play with her. But her depression only lasted a few days, maybe a week, and she’d bounce back to the happy woman I married.”
“That had to be rough for Hayley, having to figure out early on what kind of mood her mother was in. It was the same with my father, trying to determine when he was a sad drunk or a happy drunk, or especially when he was an angry drunk. It’s pretty exhausting for a kid.” Damn. No wonder she’d allowed Erik to treat her that way. She’d never known any different. She’d gone right from tiptoeing around her father’s moods to steering clear of Erik’s.
“Are you okay?”
She shook the negative thoughts from her mind. This was about Hayley, not herself. “I’m fine. Sorry. What were you saying?”
“I saw that same frustration in Hayley, too. That was probably why we grew so close, because I spent extra time with her when Vanessa was in one of her moods.”
“When did she leave?”
He sighed and his shoulders relaxed. “Just after Hayley was four. I got home from work one day, and Vanessa handed Hayley to me and said she was done. I didn’t understand at the time. I just thought she was in one of her states and was going to shut herself in the bedroom for a few days. But she grabbed her duffel and was out the door before I could even say another word.”
“Oh, that’s awful.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know if she was going to be gone for a few days or what. After a week, I called her parents. She had been in touch with them, telling them she was all right, but nothing more. I didn’t know where she was, whether or not she was coming back.
But I couldn’t sit around, waiting for her to make a decision. So Hayley and I kept going. I found a daycare that had an opening, and we defined a new normal.”
Izzy couldn’t believe any mother could leave their child like Vanessa did. Especially a little girl as wonderful as Hayley. But then again, Izzy’s own father had a child with another woman and had never even met her. Izzy would never be that way with a child of her own. “Did you ever hear from Vanessa?”
The waiter cleared his throat behind them. Terrible timing. She didn’t want to release Tanner. But he lifted his hands so the waiter could place his dinner in front of him. After sliding her plate onto the table, the waiter thankfully left. But their connection had been broken.
Tanner dug into his chicken for a few minutes, and she did the same. The voices of the other diners grew louder. Izzy had blocked them out while she and Tanner had been talking. It was like they were the only two people in the room. But while the restaurant hummed at a steady level, the silence at their table was deafening.
She resorted to small talk. “This is good.”
“Um-hum.” Tanner nodded and swallowed another bite.
Had she been wrong to ask if he’d heard from his ex-wife? Izzy presumed she was his ex-wife. Shoot, had they even gotten divorced? If he hadn’t heard from her, maybe they were still married. Damn, this was getting more complicated by the minute.
Tanner set his fork down. There was more distance between them now, sitting side-by-side, than there had been when he was across the table. She knew all about emotional distance from her father and again from her relationship with Erik. She refused to put herself in that position again. She took a chance and laid her hand on his arm.
His gaze snapped to where they touched, and then he raised his head. Distress swirled in his deep brown eyes. She held his gaze until he blanked his expression, shutting himself off from the emotions that tormented him.
“Three weeks later, I was served papers. I must have camped out in the lawyer’s office in Philly for days after that, but he refused to tell me where she was. The papers granted me sole custody of Hayley and stated that after ninety days, we could get a no-fault divorce. As long as both parties were in agreement. She’d already signed the papers.” The words he spoke were devoid of any emotion, as if he was recounting what happened to someone else instead of a watershed moment in his own life. He shrugged. “What was I supposed to do? I had a daughter to raise and was working a job I hated at social services in Philadelphia. As soon as the ninety days were up, I signed the papers. Shortly afterwards, I found out about Jason’s House. They were just starting the fundraising to establish the teen center and were looking for a director. The job and the timing were perfect. Hayley and I packed up and moved to Cedar Hill. It was the best decision I ever made.”
“I’m so sorry, Tanner.”
He squared his shoulders and his mouth quirked. “I’m not. That’s long over, and I got the better end of the deal. Hayley is wonderful.”
“That she is. She’s such a joy to have in my class.”
“We haven’t really had a chance to talk about the studio. How have the first couple of weeks of classes been?”
Well, she guessed they were done talking about Vanessa. That was fine with Izzy. She hadn’t planned to get so intense. But she’d learned a lot about Tanner while listening to him talk about his ex-wife and Hayley. She had a new appreciation for what he’d been through, for what he did as a single father every day.
What could she say about her first week of class? Managing the studio and teaching classes at the same time was more than even two people could handle. She’d thankfully identified a couple of parents who were willing to greet families in the lobby and answer questions in exchange for tuition credit. It gave Izzy a chance to focus on the dance… and the kids. All of her fears had melted away as soon as she welcomed the first class of smiling, eager dancers, looking to her to teach them. “It’s been crazy and overwhelming and crazy and fantastic and wonderful and have I mentioned, crazy.”
When Tanner laughed, the little lines beside his eyes smiled along with him. He was so handsome it practically took her breath away. But he didn’t act like those guys who knew they were good looking. Who were full of themselves. Tanner was humble and generous and kind. How in the hell had someone else not snatched him up since Vanessa left?
“Do you regret your decision to retire and open the studio?”
She shook her head. Most days, that question was easy to answer, except when the doubts and the what-ifs invaded her mind. “I wasn’t sure I had what it took to be a teacher, but I love working with the kids. I love their happy smiles when they come to class. It’s so easy for the everyday grind of being a professional dancer to shove out any joy for the art. I’d forgotten how much I loved to dance just for the sake of dancing. It’s a great way to exercise, and I was always able to work through my emotions on the dance floor. I want my students to look at dance the same way. I’m telling a story with my body and my movements, and sometimes that story is happy and sometimes it’s sad. It’s almost like therapy for me.”
Dance had always been her escape when things with her dad got really bad. The time away from him had made the time with him more bearable. But maybe the dance itself had enabled her to exorcise the demons that chased her out of the house when her father was at his worst.
Tanner studied her intently. “What?”
“What do you mean, what?”
“You just got this look on your face”
“I guess I hadn’t quite realized how much of an escape dance has always been for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love dancing, but I realized that it was also a way to get away from what was going on at home. To have something that was just mine and nobody else’s.”
He covered her hands with his. “I’d love to see you dance sometime.”
“I don’t dance as much as I’d like anymore, except with the kids in class, but you could probably come by sometime when I’m working out at the studio.”
His gaze locked on hers. “I’d like that. A lot.”
After another minute, he released her hands and motioned for the check. She lowered her hands to her lap and stared at them. This dinner had taken on a tone she hadn’t expected. What she thought would turn out to be a light-hearted, get-to-know-you meal had become so much more. She’d told Tanner things she hadn’t revealed to anyone else. And she suspected he’d done the same. She felt closer to him than she had to anyone in a long time. That thought scared and excited her.