Chapter Twenty-Four
Raised voices had carried through the building as Tanner stepped into the lobby of Izzy’s studio. Ever since they’d declared their love for each other, their relationship had taken on a new intensity. The prospect of not seeing her today had his car steering its way here on its own. He’d come by the studio, excited by the prospect of spending the afternoon with Izzy.
The tone of the man’s voice speaking with Izzy immediately turned Tanner’s stomach. At least as much as Tanner could hear standing outside the open door. He started to interrupt but then thought better of disturbing their conversation. He could tell that Izzy wasn’t afraid of the man. If anything, she was strong and defiant. He lingered close by in case she needed him, but she’d kept her cool and put the stranger in his place.
Then the conversation quieted. Tanner strained to hear the man invite Izzy back to New York. It was her asshole ex-boyfriend. Tanner would have burst into the room, but Izzy’s response floored him. She was actually considering it. She didn’t say the words, but she didn’t have to. Why wouldn’t she consider returning to New York—the man was offering her an opportunity of a lifetime? Something she’d assumed she’d never have again.
Footsteps clicked across the floor. Tanner ducked into the other studio as the man pranced through the lobby and out the door. He didn’t budge for a long time after that, rocked by what he’d heard.
What in the hell should he do now? He couldn’t discuss this with her. He didn’t want to react emotionally and say the wrong thing and drive her away. But did he want her to stay if her heart wasn’t in it?
He needed to think. And he couldn’t let on to Izzy that he’d overheard the offer until he knew what to say to her. He crept out of the studio and toward the front door.
“Is anyone there?” Izzy’s voice rang out from the back studio.
Tanner couldn’t see her. Not right now. He snuck out of the front door, easing it closed, and rushed away from the dance studio before Izzy found him.
A few minutes later, he parked around the corner from Jason’s House. He didn’t remember the drive, his mind racing with everything he’d overheard. A pain shot through his chest, and a dull ache built in his gut. He couldn’t do this. He thought he’d protected himself—protected Hayley—from getting hurt. He thought he’d found the one person who wouldn’t leave. He’d let Izzy into his and Hayley’s lives—and their hearts. What was going to happen now?
“Boss, you okay?” Monica threw him a puzzled look when she found him standing in the middle of the social room.
He shook his head. He had a job to do that required his full focus. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I’m just distracted.”
“I have a message from Detective Balkin. He asked that you call him back.”
Contact from the lead investigator on the case could only mean one thing—they had a clue.
He rushed toward his office. Maybe good news from the detective would salvage some part of this day. But a few minutes later, he slammed down the handset in frustration after reaching the detective’s voicemail.
Tanner propped his feet on the desk and tilted his head back. What was he going to say to Izzy when she told him about this opportunity? Would she tell him? Of course she would—she wouldn’t leave town without talking to him. What about Hayley? His little girl loved Izzy like a mother. And his daughter was going to be faced with heartbreak again when another woman in her life left her.
He slammed his hand down on the desk. “Dammit!”
“What’s wrong with you?” Monica asked from the doorway.
“Nothing. It’s just… nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“Well, it is.”
Monica’s eyes widened and she inched back at his growling response. He couldn’t blame her surprise. He rarely if ever raised his voice or lost his temper. The kids at the center had enough anger in their lives without him adding to it. He was their calm in the eye of the storm—their voice of reason. He couldn’t afford to lose his cool.
“I’m sorry, Monica. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Did you reach the Detective?”
“I didn’t.” He let her believe that was the reason for his frustration. He wasn’t ready to discuss the Izzy situation with her or anyone else.
“Is something else wrong?”.
“Listen. Stephanie is coming in to help.” Stephanie was a counselor they worked with from time to time when the cases warranted it. “Do you think you’d be okay if I scooted out? I’m sure the two of you can handle the kids today.” Besides, he’d be worthless with his mind filled with his fears about to become reality.
“Absolutely.” Based on the expression on Monica’s face, she didn’t believe he was all right for one minute.
He used to live for his work, putting in long hours at the center and more at night after Hayley went to bed. Since meeting Izzy, the hours had changed, but his dedication to the kids hadn’t. This was the first time since he could remember that he’d rather be anywhere but the center…or with Izzy... But he couldn’t risk taking his frustration out on the kids.
He grabbed his keys off the desk and shoved them in his pocket. He contemplated the pile of papers on his desk but left them where they were sitting. He wouldn’t be able to focus on work tonight. He couldn’t think of anything but what he’d overheard at the studio and what it meant for his family. “Thanks. I’ll check in later.”
He rushed by Monica and out the door before the kids arrived and corralled him into an activity that he had no interest or enthusiasm for. Just another thing for him to feel bad about. He didn’t want to abandon the kids, but he’d be no good to them today.
The house was quiet when he walked in. That’s right, Hayley was still in school. He was rarely home this time of day. And it was Thursday. Hayley had a dance class with Izzy after school. That was just as well—give Hayley one more good memory with Izzy before she left them for the bright lights and fame in New York. Thankfully Mary was taking Hayley so he wouldn’t risk running into Izzy in his current state.
He plopped onto the chair in the living room. How long would it take Izzy to contact him? She was in class now, but she wouldn’t be in a couple hours. Would she call then?
His question was answered not long after he tucked Hayley into bed. She’d come home chattering about the new steps she’d learned in class, giving no indication that anything had been unusual with Izzy. All through dinner, Hayley had rambled on about an upcoming birthday party and a project at school, and neither she nor Mary had noticed that he wasn’t actually responding.
He had just turned off her light and stepped out of her room when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He didn’t even have to slip it out to know the message would be from Izzy.
He sank into the couch and stared at the short question she’d sent him. “You there?”
He sighed. There was just no avoiding the inevitable. “Yes.”
“There’s something I needed to talk to you about.”
There it was. What he’d been dreading all day. At least she hadn’t put off talking to him. “OK.”
“Can I come over?”
He glanced down the hall. Hayley and Mary were both in their rooms. He didn’t want them to overhear this conversation.
“How about I come there?”
“I’ll see you soon.”
That was the most sedate exchange they had since they’d met. Did she suspect he knew something or was she herself unsure of what to do?
After he scribbled a note for Mary in case she woke, he grabbed his keys and dashed out the door before he lost his nerve. A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of Izzy’s cottage. She was standing on the stoop, a serious expression on her face.
She glanced down at her feet as he approached. “Hi.”
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. More didn’t feel appropriate considering the topic of conversation. Worse, she didn’t know that he had overheard her with her ex-boyfriend. How in the hell was Tanner going to act surprised when he’d been able to think of nothing else since the minute he walked out of the studio?
He stepped into her cottage, the warmth of the soft light and the cozy colors not as welcoming as they had been. Freddie hobbled up, and Tanner scratched the dog’s head for a minute. The dog looked up at Tanner with sweet eyes, no understanding of the turmoil that coursed through him. That was the great thing about pets—they had the ability to comfort you even when they didn’t know you were upset. Or maybe Freddie could tell.
A minute later, Tanner nudged the dog aside and he loped his way back into the kitchen.
“Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?”
“No.” He perched on the couch, and she slumped in the armchair beside the fireplace. She always sat beside him when they talked. Damn, she’d already decided and she’d chosen New York. Without even giving him a chance to talk her out of it.
“I need to tell you what happened today.”
He didn’t say anything. Was he supposed to? The only other time he’d been in a serious relationship, his ex-wife had left without a word.
“Erik stopped by the studio.” She picked at her finger. When she saw his gaze land on her wringing hands, she shoved them under her thighs. He’d never seen her so undone.
He longed to pull her into his arms, to tell her that everything would be okay. But he couldn’t make that promise.
“He wants me to come back.”
Tanner sighed. There it was. At least she’d had the decency to talk to him instead of just disappearing. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. “Are you going back to him?”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, no. It’s not like that.” She finally slid onto the couch beside him, but it just wasn’t the same. Not anymore. “Erik knows there is nothing between us anymore. I can’t trust him—not after what he did to me. How he treated me. I told you about how he would always criticize me about my weight. Well, it was much worse than I led you to believe. Erik is only happy when he is the one in charge—on and off the stage. He wanted to control every aspect of my life, and for a long time, I let him. I don’t know why, but I did.”
“Then why do you want to go back?” Maybe Tanner had a chance after all. Why would Izzy subject herself to that again, especially knowing what Tanner and Hayley had to offer? He just had to convince her that he and Hayley were better for her than the asshole.
“That’s just it. I’m not going back to him. I’d be going back to the company. Erik said that some of the benefactors are threatening to pull their support because they aren’t happy with Brittany.”
Tanner leapt up and paced across the room. He couldn’t sit still any longer and listen to her discuss this so… rationally. Why wasn’t she as emotional as he was about the prospect of leaving? He bit back tears. He couldn’t let her see how this affected him. Maybe she didn’t love him the way he loved her. If she did, there was no way she could leave them. “And just like that, you’d uproot your life and go back to him?”
She jumped up. “Not to him, the company.”
Freddie barked from the kitchen.
“It’s all right, Freddie.” Izzy kept her gaze locked on Tanner. A minute later, the frantic yipping stopped and Freddie calmed down.
“I thought you couldn’t dance professionally anymore. That your injury made that impossible.” He could barely organize his questions with thoughts of Izzy leaving, losing her, never seeing her again swirling in his mind.
“The doctors said it was unlikely. Erik had moved on, the company had kept going without me, and I didn’t see a future for me professionally anymore.”
“And now you do?” That question came out sharper than he intended, but anger was building in his gut. She’d said she was here to stay. That was the only reason he was willing to get involved with her. Yet here she was, doing the one thing that he’d spent the past four years protecting himself from.
She collected her hair off her shoulders and held it up above her head as she paced around the living room. The move highlighted her long neck that he hadn’t spent nearly enough time exploring. Who knows if he’d ever get that chance again? “I don’t know. I just don’t know. My knee is strong and I’m dancing better than ever. The problem is that if I don’t try again, won’t I always wonder?”
“I can’t answer that for you. But did you think that you’d be dancing in the company forever? Wasn’t there always a long-term plan for after you retired?”
“That’s what I’m doing now. Opening the studio and teaching kids how to dance was that plan.”
“What will going back mean for your studio? Have you thought about that?” He paced back to the couch. This room wasn’t big enough for him to work out his frustrations and hurt.
She startled at his tone but continued her logical argument for returning to New York. “I have. Natalie is willing to pick up a fulltime class load, and another dancer from her studio in Philadelphia is willing to cover the remaining classes.”
Why was she even bothering to discuss this with him when she’d clearly made her decision? Hell, she discussed it with Natalie before him. “It sounds like you have everything planned out.”
“Kinda. But I want to know what you think?”
“I can’t make a decision this important for you, Izzy.” As much as he wanted to. If he had his way, she’d stay right here and they’d work on that future he’d envisioned for both of them. He bit his tongue so he wouldn’t beg her to stay. He wouldn’t set himself and Hayley up to be resented.
Tears pooled in her eyes. “But you’re a part of my life, and what I do affects you and Hayley.”
“Yes, it does. But we were getting along fine before we met you, and we’ll be fine after you leave.”
She laid her hand on his.
It was all he could do not to gather her into his arms, but he was barely holding on by a thread. He shook her off.
“Just because I might go back to the company doesn’t mean this has to end between us. I don’t want that.”
“How do you expect it to work? You in New York and me here?”
“We could see each other on weekends. It’s only two hours away. We could show Hayley the city. I bet she’d love it.”
“She would. But that’s no way to build a future, just seeing each other when we can make time.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek. “But… I love you. I’m not ready for this to end.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. This was so hard. He loved Izzy and if he had his choice, she would stay. But she wanted this, and so he wanted it for her, even if it jeopardized their life together. That didn’t help the ache that had settled in his chest. “Me neither. I meant it when I said I loved you. I saw a future for us. For all three of us. You know that I hadn’t brought a woman into Hayley’s life before you. I didn’t want her to have to deal with someone else leaving.”
“But I’m not leaving. Not forever, at least.” Tears ran down her cheeks in earnest now. The pain in her voice was like a spear to his heart.
He couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled her into his arms and rested his head on hers. A decision like this shouldn’t be so painful. If only he could take away her heartache and add it to his own.
Her sobs grew heavier. She spoke into his shoulder. “I didn’t think this would mean we’d have to break up. I don’t want that.”
He didn’t, either. But he wasn’t sure a long-distance relationship would work. What if Izzy liked New York better and didn’t want to return to Cedar Hill? Where would that leave him? “I don’t know what it means. I guess I need a little time. Maybe you going to New York is a good thing—it’ll give us both a chance to figure out exactly what we want.”
“I know what I want. I want you. But I also need to see, to know for sure that I left dancing professionally on my own terms, not because of an injury.”
He could respect that. He just wished that it didn’t mean her leaving him. He stroked her back and she relaxed. If only he could turn time back and show up at the studio a few minutes earlier. He could have whisked her away before Erik had a chance to throw a wrench into both of their lives.
But Izzy was right. If she didn’t reach out for this opportunity, she’d never know for sure. He didn’t want her to wonder what if for the rest of her life. “I agree. You need to go back.”
She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “You do?”
“I wouldn’t want you to have those unanswered questions. I know you’ll take that company and New York by storm.” While he stayed in Cedar Hill and nursed his broken heart.
“Why are you being so nice about this? I thought you’d be yelling and screaming and angry.”
“I want you to be happy, Izzy. I hoped that would be with me, but I want for you what you want. And if you think you need to prove something to yourself, or your asshole ex-boyfriend, or the entire dance world, then I want that for you.”
“But what does this mean for us?”
He pulled her back into him. She felt good in his arms, like she belonged there. But he meant what he said. What kind of future could they have if she was always dwelling on the past and what could have been? He could only hope that once she’d proven to herself what he already knew, that there was still a place for him in her life. She could do anything she put her mind to, she just didn’t know that for herself yet. “I don’t know. But I don’t want you to worry. Just go to New York and show everyone there that Izzy Harper means business.”
She swiped under her eyes and stepped back. “I can’t believe you’re being so supportive. Erik would have never tolerated me going off and doing something other than exactly what he had planned for us.”
“That’s why he’s your ex-boyfriend. Just make sure he remembers the ex part.” One of these days, she would stop comparing Tanner to that bastard.
“I will.”
“So, when do you head out?”
“Gosh, I don’t know. I never got that far. I left things open ended when I spoke with Erik. I know he wants me there as soon as possible, so I guess as soon as I can make arrangements for Serena to take care of Freddie. Probably tomorrow or the next day.”
He just nodded. He didn’t want to draw this out. He’d made it through the conversation, but barely. Now he had to figure out how to tell Hayley that Izzy was leaving. How could he convince Hayley that it wasn’t her fault?
Izzy’s hands slid up his cheek and linked around his neck. “Can you stay?”
He shook his head. If he made love with Izzy again, he might beg her not to go. And his heart wouldn’t be able to bear it when she didn’t stay. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers, pouring every bit of love he had for her into a single kiss, the bitter taste of salt from her tears the final taste he would have of her.
Their bodies melted together, and Izzy kissed him back with a desperation that he fully understood. Neither of them knew what the future held. But Tanner had been through this before. He knew what leaving meant.
He broke the kiss and stroked a finger down her cheek. Anguish and heartbreak swirled in her eyes and probably reflected in his own. “Goodbye, Izzy.”