Shelby and I spend a few hours together, and she leaves reassuring me that the babies are in great hands as long as they are with me. She gives me the number of a pediatrician and promises to follow up with me in two days.

“Make sure you get plenty of rest. When the babies sleep, that’s when you should sleep.”

I nod, suppressing a yawn as she talks. “See,” she says. “Right now, go take a nap now. The babies are fed, sleeping, and this your time to take care of yourself too.” She places a hand on my arm. “And Grace, call your friends for back-up if you need it. Of course, you can’t leave the babies with them, but you can ask them to come over and make dinner while you feed a baby a bottle.”

“I think I got it,” I tell her, waving goodbye and then closing the door. She had brought a pair of bouncy seats for the twins, and I can already tell they will be a lifesaver. They are currently set up in the kitchen and I lean down and give them kisses on their foreheads before making myself a sandwich for dinner.

I scarf it down, thinking how unladylike I must look. It’s probably time for a shower if I’m being perfectly honest. After pulling the bouncy seats to the bathroom, I hop in the shower to clean myself up. While I’m not sure if Bear will follow through on his word and come by later. I hope that he will.

Using my homemade shampoo and soap, I shower as quickly as possible, wringing out my hair just as Abel begins to squawk.

I dry myself off and begin singing my favorite lullaby. It works, thank goodness, and I pull on a sundress and braid my long, thick hair before reaching for Abel and carrying him out to the living room. It’s all a coordinated event, as I transition him to the bassinet I dug out of the closet before running back for Laura who still sits in the bouncy chair.

I’m out of breath by the time we’re all out in the living room in one piece, and that’s when I realize they are both starving, rooting around and desperate for a bottle. It takes me several minutes to prepare a bottle and I lift Laura, crying the most urgently, into my arms first.

By the time the entire ordeal is finished, it’s time for diaper changes.

And that’s when I realize, this is a lot of work. Tears sting my eyes as I wonder how I will ever get them both happy at the same time. For a second, I feel sorry for myself, but then I remember that I am so not alone in this. Every mother I’ve ever met has her hands full.

And sure, my girlfriends had partners when they had babies, but not entirely. I think about the fact that Wilder was taking care of his brother’s infants after he died, all on his own. And how Cherish had sets of twins back to back. I’ve been doing this gig for only twenty-four hours. Now isn’t the time to fall apart. Now is the time to figure out what I am made of.

I’ve spent the last few years being jealous of my friends--of the love they seemed to find so easily--but now, I have two babies placed in my lap, and the opportunity to nurture and care for them. They don’t need me to be perfect, they just need me to do my best.

And for Laura and Abel, I can do that.

Pulling a sling over my shoulder, I settle Abel into it, while resting Laura back in her bouncy seat. Using one foot to rock her, I slide a piece of paper to a clipboard and list the time of the last diaper change and bottle feeding. Maybe if I get these babies into a routine it will make my life a little less overwhelming.

And for the rest of the evening, it goes like that. I even doze off for an hour when they are both sucking on their pacifiers happily. I swaddle them up around nine and set them in their Pack n Play, twirling the mobile above them as I sing them to sleep.

I am putting on a kettle for tea when there is a knock on the front door. Biting my bottom lip, I move to answer it.

Bear is standing there with some wildflowers in hand. “For you,” he says, offering me the bouquet.

“I’ve never gotten flowers from a man before.”

“Good,” he says with a grin. “I like the idea of being your first for lots of things.”

I laugh at his ardor, but I love that idea too. It feels so right to be wanted so openly. And Bear doesn’t seem to have any hesitation letting me know where he stands.

“You look beautiful,” he tells me.

I grimace, running a hand over my tangled braid and my dress that has spit up all over it. “I’m bringing classy back.”

“Obviously,” he says, stepping into my cottage and pulling me into a big bear hug. It’s perfect and comforting, and just what I need.

“It’s been a long day.”

He looks down into my eyes. “I can imagine.”

The tea kettle whistles and I tell him to take off his work boots and follow me inside. I press a finger to my lips as we pass by the open door of my bedroom. “They’re sound asleep. The first time they’ve done that at the same time since this morning when you were here.”

“How did it go with the social worker?”

In the kitchen, I take down two mugs and my special Sleepy Time tea blend. “It went great. Shelby brought me those bouncy chairs and reminded me that I can do this.”

“Any word on the parents?” he asks, looking around and seeming to take in every detail of my home.

“Nothing so far. I’m torn, you know, I want them to be safe, but at the same time... they abandoned their children.”

“I know.” Bear frowns, and I love that he is as conflicted as I am. “It’s heartbreaking. For everyone. For the babies, of course, but also the parents. They must be really struggling to have made a choice like this.”

I rest a hand on his arm as I hand him the mug of tea. “Growing up I saw a lot of really twisted parent-child relationships. Abuse too. And when I look at those babies who are so innocent, it’s hard to not feel angry that anyone could hurt them.” Tears prick my eyes. “But usually, I find, when someone inflicts pain on someone else, it’s usually because they’ve experienced a lot of hurt themselves.”

Bear cups my cheek with his hand. “And then there are women like you, who’ve been through so much--escaping a life that tried to ruin you and yet, come out stronger for it.”

I blink back tears. “And what about you, Bear. Are you trying to escape something too?”

He swallows, nodding. “I’m scared of losing you, Grace.”

“You think you have me then?” I ask in a whisper, my heart pounding as his eyes pierce my own.

“Don’t I, though?”

I nod, staying absolutely still. Because he does have a hold on me. A hold that both terrifies me and exhilarates me.

“Do I make you nervous, Grace?” he asks, his dark eyes on mine, looking into my soul. “With how much I feel for you?”

“Make me nervous?” I bite down on my bottom lip, walking to the couch and sitting down, patting the cushion next to me. He sits, and I marvel at his great stature beside me. I feel small, but in a way that makes me feel safe. Am I a fool for letting this man who ‘s on the run, into my home, and into my heart?

Maybe.

“I’m the one who is nervous, Bear,” I tell him. “I’m nervous that you see me as something I’m not. That you think I’m more whole than I really am.”

“Then tell me how it really is, Grace.”

“Don’t you see how broken I am? How much of a mess I’ve been?”

“I don’t see any of that. I see strength when I look at you. A woman who knows who she is.”

I set down my cup, wanting to be honest. Because if Bear thinks I’m his, he needs to know what he’s getting himself into.

I shake my head. “All my strength comes from fear, Bear. Fear of falling apart and never finding the pieces of my broken heart. I’ve made a house that is picture perfect. I smile and say the right thing. Because if I stop, for even a moment, I don’t trust myself not to lie down and never get back up. I have to pull up my bootstraps because there has never been someone else willing to help me stand.”

“Oh, Grace,” he whispers, pulling me into his arms. Bear is unlike any man I’ve ever met. Strong, yet soft, scared, yet sincere. “I’m no angel myself. I’ve made mistakes and, more than that, I’ve hurt innocent people. I’m no better than the parents of Laura and Abel.”

I pull back. “Truly?”

He releases me and rests his head in his hand. “Fuck, Grace. I was in a motorcycle gang, I had to get out, that’s why I ran. Shit was bad, and sure, I didn’t shoot anyone, but I had no problem holding a gun.”

“Did you kill people?” I ask, my heart tight. I don’t want to lose him, not when I’ve just found someone who might be as broken as me. Someone who might understand the jagged edges of my heart.

“No. But I stood by, knowing what was happening. I didn’t speak up. Instead, I played the part of backup; the bodyguard. I beat people up, knew all about the black market the leader was running.”

“But you left,” I say, reaching for his hand. “For a better life, right?”

“I left because my sister put a bullet in the leader’s chest. I left because she wasn’t safe. Not because I was brave, but because I was scared.”

I listen closely, trying to understand Bear, piece together his story.

“I shouldn’t have told you all this. You’re probably disgusted by me. I’m disgusted by myself, Grace. That’s why I left you the first day we met. I’m not good enough for you, you deserve the world. Not the dregs of the earth.”

“Stop it, Bear,” I say, taking his chin and turning his face to mine. Tears glisten in both our eyes. How a man I hardly know has captured my heart so fast is beyond me, but it’s the truth, and I need him to know it. “You’re not nothing, Bear.”

“Then what am I, Grace?”

“You’re mine.”