Chapter 12
Mateo
Chase is an asshole.
Okay, he’s not an asshole. He’s sweet and kind and sexy as fuck. And he doesn’t want me. Well, maybe he wants me as a fuck buddy, but he’s right about that not being what I need right now. I had that at The Vault and got paid fat cash for it. I don’t know how to put into words what I do need…but I think last night was a start.
But he’s regretting last night and that’s why he’s sending me away.
I know he thinks a couple sessions with some head shrink will fix me right up, and I’ll be sparkling new. But that’s not realistic.
I’ll never be sparkling new. I’ll never even be somewhat fixed. I’ll always be a fucking mess. But that’s not his problem. He made that very clear this morning.
And that’s okay too.
I knew this wasn’t going to last more than a few days. Just because last night was the best night of my life doesn’t mean my fairytale is coming true.
Which is why I need to leave.
I’m still not sure what my plan is, but I know it won’t happen in this house. I might hang around for a little while longer just so he doesn’t blame himself for any decisions I end up making.
Even though he’s an asshole, he’s still a good guy. And he’s still one of the few people in this world who went out of his way for me.
So I gather up the bag of stuff Johnny had delivered on Saturday afternoon and head out. The only other thing I take with me when I leave Chase’s house on Monday is the cell phone he let me borrow. Mine wasn’t in the bag, so Brent must not have noticed it on the charger.
Now that I have my wallet and access to my bank account, I’ll pick up a new phone if I need one. Or I’ll use it for a few more days then have this one mailed back to him.
I lock the door behind me as I walk out of Chase’s house for the last time. I hate to leave, but I’m anxious to be gone. My bike is parked in his driveway with a full tank of gas, so I start it up and take off with no idea where I’m going.
I ride for a few hours before the heat gets to me, and I decide to pull into a theater to watch a few movies. There’s a double feature playing a superhero movie with a superhero cartoon. I haven’t been to a movie in a while, so I dig into a huge bucket of popcorn and settle in for a few hours of mindless entertainment.
Chase calls me a few times, but I don’t want to talk to him. I just text him back that I’m busy. He knows I’m alive, so that’ll have to be sufficient to ease his mind. After checking in with me for couple days, I’m sure he’ll lose interest and I can do what I need to do with a clear conscience.
The movies are good a distraction, but by the end of the second one, I’m more asleep than awake. I drag myself out the back exit and around the building to the parking lot where I left my bike while considering where I should stay for the night. The question is answered for me when I get to the parking spot I left my bike in and it’s empty.
Somebody stole my fucking bike.
I feel shocked for about five seconds, and then I throw my head back and laugh. Of course someone stole my bike. I shouldn’t even be alive anymore. This is the universe’s way of telling me I’m not welcome anymore. With my arms held out wide, I walk in a circle and look out into the heavens. “Message received, bitch. Give me a few more days, and I’ll be gone for good.”
I leave the parking lot on foot, heading to a Best Western down the street that appears to be my new home for the next couple days. The few clothes I brought with me we’re strapped to the back of that bike, so it’s just the clothes on my back, my wallet, and Chase’s borrowed phone.
At least there won’t be much for the maids to clean up.
***
After getting settled in to a standard deluxe room with a view of the dumpsters, I head to the bar next door. It’s a neighborhood dive, but it’s a way to pass the time. Chase has been calling for the past hour, so when he calls again just after I drop onto a bar stool and order a drink, I finally answer the phone.
“Hey.”
“Mateo, shit. I’ve been trying to call you all day. Where are you?” He sounds breathless, but I don’t ask why.
“I’ve been on the road. Heading west. Might try my luck at acting or something.”
Chase is quiet for a second then chuckles. “I almost believe you.”
I grin but don’t confirm or deny whether I’m teasing him or not.
After a long moment of silence, Chase realizes it’s not a joke. “So, that’s it? You’re going to California?”
Why does he sound so disappointed? This is what he said he wanted. Well, not in so many words but basically what he wants. “Yeah, maybe the change of scenery will be good for me.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Chase sighs heavily. “I wish we met under different circumstances.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
“Maybe I can go visit you in a few weeks? Check out your new place and take you to dinner or something.”
I want to say yes but that’s not fair to him. Leading him to believe I’ll even be around in a few weeks is bad enough. But he has to know there’s no future between us. He needs to find someone good…someone whole. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Chase.”
“But last night—”
“Last night was great. And unexpected. But it won’t happen again. I’m already gone. You did your good deed and now you can forget about me. Please don’t call me anymore.”
I hang up the phone and turn off the ringer, holding back the tears that want to form because walking away from the best man I’ve ever met is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Taking my life will be easy compared to the pain ripping through my chest right now.
“You okay, honey?” The woman behind the bar places her cool hand on my arm. “You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine.” I open my eyes and accept the bottle in her other hand. “Just saying goodbye to someone.”
She gives me a sad smile. “Been there, done that, don’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
I take a drink and try to focus on her instead of the emptiness in my belly.
“But it does get better, honey. Time heals all that ails you.”
“That’s one solution.”
“You’re right. There are other ways to forget about pain.” She laughs. “Like this.” She holds up a damp rag. “I work constantly, so I never have to think about the sad stuff.”
I take a look around the room. There are about twenty people throughout the two-room bar. “This place keeps you that busy?”
She points to the billiard table in the far room. “Got a few slot machines in there. Between the pool hustlers and the regulars who like to sit at the slots for a few hours a day, I could work around the clock if I wanted to.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Do you?”
She wipes the condensation ring off the lacquered wood bar in front of me. “I try not to. But the girl I had helping me just got hitched. She’s on her honeymoon for the next two weeks. Left me high and dry.”