Chapter 1
Mateo
I can do this. I keep telling myself that I’m ready, but with every step closer to the main building I get, I feel more and more nauseous. I can do this.
God, I hope I can do this.
Johnny opens the back door for me and pulls me in for a hug. “Are you sure you’re ready?” He looks me right in the eye, making sure I can see his sincerity. “You don’t have to come back yet…or ever. You know that, right?”
I take a deep breath and square up my shoulders. “Yeah, I know. But I need to do this. My head hasn’t been right since that night. I need to get back here so I can move on.”
Johnny holds my gaze for another minute before allowing me to pass him. “I’ll be hanging around outside. Just call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks, man.” I head straight to room four, the room I usually work in. I’ve got a client scheduled tonight and I want to make sure everything is set up for him. It might not have been the best idea to start off with a Dom who likes violent scenes, but I can’t keep sitting around in the bunkhouse forever. Either I’m going to work here and earn my keep, or I need to leave.
Tanner said I could stay forever if I want, and no one is pressuring me to work at all, but this is what I signed up for when I joined The Vault almost seven months ago. This is what Tanner is paying me for. If I can’t see clients, I’m worthless to him…and myself.
I have to count to five in my head before opening the drawer with the whips. My back is fully healed now, but it’ll still be hard to sit quietly while Ronin Cree stands behind me with a leather whip in his hand. He’s a good guy but his daily life is so stressful that he comes to The Vault to find a release he can’t find with just a simple fuck. Most of the time, he doesn’t even need to fuck. He can come just from hearing me cry out from the bite of his strokes. When that happens, he likes to stroke me with his hand while applying the ointment to my wounds. It’s all part of his kink and there’s nothing wrong with it. Usually, I don’t mind the pain that comes from a good ass whipping.
But since a client got a little too excited a few months ago and took the razor blade he was playing with to my face instead of keeping it contained to my back, I haven’t been the same. It’s not that I’m so vain that the scar across my cheek is a big deal. It’s not. It’s more that his actions have triggered the replay of taunts and insults I’ve heard my entire life.
The selection of weights and styles makes my breath catch, but I pull out the long one with the braided leather because I know it’s Ronin’s favorite. Even the feel of the soft leather in my grasp causes a shudder to run through me, as though each cut I’ve endured in the past is trying to reopen. But I push past the fear and focus on the task ahead of me.
I startle at the light knock on the door before Ronin sticks his head through and steps inside.
“Hey, gorgeous.” He pauses for a moment when he notices the scar on my face but then immediately begins taking off his clothes.
“Hi, Ronin. Good to see you.” I let the robe I’m wearing slip off my body, leaving me completely naked.
Ronin is taller than me, so I crane my neck up when he hovers above me and kisses the top of my head. “You too.”
I bow my head to him and extend my hands with the whip held out in offering.
“Good boy. Now, get on the bed.”
I follow his command, lying on my belly and trying to calm the bile churning in my stomach. I can do this. And I know I can. Ronin has done this many times before and will take care of me afterward.
This is my job. This is what I get paid to do.
Ronin’s lips coast across my shoulder as his fingertips glide up my thigh. His touch feels good. It’s better than I expected. and I’m proud of myself for getting back into the game. My dick even twitches as he continues to caress my back. As a good Dom, he’s just as concerned about making me feel good as I am about pleasing him. That’s part of the reason I agreed to work with him tonight. I know he’d never comment on the scars marring my backside and face.
After touching almost every part of my bare skin that he can reach, he plants his hard shaft at the base of my ass, not penetrating me, but pushing slightly to remind me who’s in charge.
I blow out a relieved breath at how smoothly this scene is going and then it happens. I feel the first bite of the whip and my mind starts to spin.
Ronin places it against my shoulder and glides it across my back. A rush of panic floods through me as the whip raises from my flesh and comes down hard again.
Shit This isn’t going to work. I’m not ready.
I bite my tongue as tears spring to my eyes. The second lash brings forth the memories of that night with Mr. Jackson. The blade...the pain. The blood.
I can’t take it.
“No. Don’t.” I scream out, everything releasing at once. “Stop.”
“You like that, don’t you, boy?” Ronin brings down the whip again, and this time, I feel the sticky wetness of fresh blood on my back.
I scream again, clawing at the bed and pulling myself from underneath his weight. “No!” I holler at the man holding the blade. “Stop!” I know it’s Ronin on the bed, but I see the terrible man with the blade. Its sharp edge is glinting in the light as crimson drips from the end. I clamor off the bed and swipe up the robe from the floor before racing out of the room.
The hallway seems longer than usual as I search for a way out.
“Mateo, hey…are you okay?” Johnny is instantly running after me.
But I don’t care. Not about him or the clients or this place. I just need to get the hell out of here.