The conference door flies open, and a six-foot-three tattooed beast with wild dark hair and leather pants charges out. Startled, I almost drop my tablet, but manage to catch it on a gasp.
Stopping, he pivots in my direction; his dark, intense eyes narrow, his jaw ticks and he balls his fists. Ice chills my spine.
“Who are you?” The question would be innocent if not for his menacing tone.
“Pansy,” I whisper, forgetting my voice.
“Who are you waiting for?”
“Silas.” One-word answers are all I can muster with my heart jackhammering against my ribcage and echoing in my eardrums.
Then recognition hits me. It’s Jared Grange, Trojan’s bassist and the other rock god women throw their panties at. Like Silas, I’ve certainly appreciated his beauty, but I’ve never given him a second thought until now.
Now I’m scared shitless, and I don’t know why. Well, that’s not true, I do. He’s intimidating, the anger rolling off him hot enough to start a fire.
“Why?”
Finding my voice and my nerve, I sit up straight and square my shoulders. “What’s with the twenty questions?”
The sides of his lips twitch in amusement as two other guys and Silas exit the conference room. I recognize them as the other members of Trojan. The guys stop to gauge the situation, glancing from Jared to me and back again. Jared turns his gaze from me to Silas and laughs.
“Fuck, now I get it. This is all about pussy, isn’t it? Where’d you find her?” He jerks his thumb in my direction and Silas growls.
“Her name is Pansy.” Silas inches closer, his voice clipped.
Bianca quickly assesses the situation, and before I can blink, she’s in between them with her long, black-manicured fingers splayed on each of their chests.
“Down, boys.” She nudges Jared back a foot or two while giving him a sharp glare.
“It’s Pantie or Pussy or whatever the fuck her name is.” His tone is nasty as he gestures to me again. “She’s the reason he wants out. Where the fuck did you meet her and why this one?”
Every single word out of his mouth is toxic and makes me ill. He’s talking about me as if I’m not even there and he thinks that I’m not worthy. Fuck him.
“Shut the fuck up,” Silas shouts, pushing past Bianca. She stumbles back, allowing him to close the distance from Jared.
I jump from my seat, but I’m not quick enough, and neither is anyone else. Silas grips the neck of Jared’s shirt and slams him against the wall. Jared’s laughing, taunting Silas. His dark eyes are glassy, and it’s then I realize that he must be high and he’s enjoying the fact that he’s pushed his friend to the edge.
Bianca rushes between the men and Silas gives a bit, allowing her to push between them.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” Silas says, his teeth bared and his top lip tight, almost white.
Now at Silas’s side, I clasp the sides of his face and turn him to face me. Having been on the receiving end of Silas’s wrath, I can see he’s barely hanging on, one of his anger meltdowns approaching.
While I’m not a fan of his eruptions, I’m not scared of him. He’s had many opportunities to physically hurt me and even in his rage he hasn’t.
“Silas,” I soothe, rubbing my fingers along his cheeks. “It’s okay. He’s not worth it.” Whether it’s my voice or my presence, something gets through to him. His gaze shifts to me and softens, despite his clenched jaw and fists.
Releasing and pushing off Jared, Silas pulls us away. “Are you okay?” He caresses the side of my neck, and I shiver.
Nodding, I steer him to the couch, even farther away from Jared, who’s watching with avid interest. I don’t know why he hates me and why he’s concluded that I’m the reason for the band’s breakup. Silas came to that decision before he’d even met me. But either way, unease coils in my gut at feeling like an animal in a predator’s snare.
“Silas, call me when you’re done with her, I want to give her a go. I bet her poontang sure is sweet. I can almost taste it.” Jared winks at me, his tongue snaking out like he’s licking me. “I’ll see you soon, darlin’.”
“You motherfucker, I’m gonna kill you!” Silas lunges for him, and I wrap myself around his arm.
“Jared, enough!” Bianca shouts, her beautiful features twisting into outrage and something else. Hurt?
It takes Bianca, both guys, and me to hold Silas back as Jared saunters away, his wicked chuckle echoing down the corridor.
“I’m sorry for that asshole,” the brown-haired guy says as he releases his hold on Silas and turns to me.
“I’ll go talk to him,” Bianca mutters, giving me a tight smile before heading after the jerk.
I’m speechless. I want to both cry and kick Jared’s ass, and it doesn’t help that Silas is wound tight and furious.
“He’s an asshole,” I confirm, and the clean-cut, brown-haired man grins in response.
“Hi, I’m Eli Lansing.” He extends his hand, and the red-haired guy follows suit and offers his hand.
“Hi, I’m Grayson Bennett, but call me Gray.” His blue eyes shimmer while he shakes my hand, but it’s brief. He drops my hand and quickly averts his gaze as if he’s shy or anxious.
“Hi, Pansy Dobson. Pleased to meet you,” I lie, not about meeting them, but there’s been nothing nice about this whole encounter.
“Fuck, Pansy, I’m sorry. Had I known he was going to be a colossal dick, I’d never have asked you to come.” Silas scrubs his hand down his face before pulling me to his side.
While I’m comforted by the gesture, I’m also uncomfortable because it’s intimate and I’ve no clue what we are to each other. We’re acquaintances, maybe even friends, but that’s it at this point. He’s acting like I’m more and I’m unsure as to how to feel about that, especially since Jared just accused me of breaking them up.
“It’s fine.” My voice is dismissive. I just want to forget about it.
“Silas, get Otto to do up the papers and send them to me as soon as possible,” Bianca cuts in, all business.
None of us saw her return, but all the guys are now gawking at her as if she has three heads. She really is stunning with her olive skin, dark brown eyes, full lips, and high cheekbones, and when you think hourglass figure, I’m pretty sure Bianca is the poster child. But even with all her beauty, she looks indifferent, almost cold.
“Easy, B,” Eli cautions. “He’ll get it done. You can back off for the day.”
Silas’s eyes widen; his jaw slackens and shoulders relax at Eli’s defense of him.
“Did you find him?” Gray asks Bianca.
“No, I gave up. Let him cool off,” she says, exasperated, although there’s almost a pained tinge to her words.
Eli claps Silas on the shoulder and says goodbye to both of us, taking Gray and Bianca with him.
“Can we get out of here?” I ask once they’re gone.
Silas nods, and the walk to the car is silent. I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head as he mulls over what’s on his mind. I wait until we’re in the car and on our way to his house to ask.
“So, how’d it go?”
“Not as I’d hoped, but better than expected.” He fiddles with the satellite radio before continuing. “They want one more album and an LA concert for our final farewell. With that, they’ll let me walk away with what’s rightfully mine.”
“That sounds fair.”
“Yeah, it is. Although when we do an album, it’s intense. Long hours, little to no sleep for days. But I can do it.” He’s trying to convince himself.
“Well, let’s look at the bright side, there’s an end in sight. Will they find another lead singer?”
He laughs, but it’s not light, more sardonic. “That’s the thing. Eli and Gray are considering other things too. It might be the end of Trojan.”
“What? Why did they leave you on the side of the road if they were thinking the same thing?”
“I think I scared them. It forced them to consider other things. Eli has a daughter, and he wants to spend more time with her, and Gray, I’m not sure where his head’s at, but he’s got something in mind. But when Jared lost it, they just followed suit. He can be domineering and intimidating.”
“You think?”
Silas chuckles at my sarcasm. “Yeah. I get why it went down the way it did. I could’ve handled it better.”
“And Jared, he’s the only one who wants to keep going?” I don’t know why I’m asking about that asshole. I don’t care what he wants.
“Jared doesn’t know what he wants. He likes the pussy, drugs, and parties. I used to be him, so I understand that he’s not there yet.” My stomach sours and my heart twinges at Silas comparing himself to that jackass. “The problem is that he’s high more times than not and I’m not sure if he’s even in it for the music anymore.”
His tone is solemn, darkness blanketing a starry sky. He cares about them, even Jared -- perhaps especially Jared. While he wants out, it must be sad to have something you created come to an end.
Minutes from Silas’s house, we stop at a restaurant, two streets over from the beach. The Help Wanted sign catches my eye, and while Silas is in the bathroom, I talk with Betty, the owner.
She’s a short, round woman in her early sixties with cropped white hair and she smells like freshly baked cookies. She encourages me to apply, and I use my tablet to email her my résumé on the spot. By the time he returns, I’m convinced I have the job.
“Black coffee for you, my boy?” Betty points her pencil at him.
He nods. “Yes, thanks.”
“And Pansy, what’ll it be?”
“I’ll have a latte and a slice of lemon meringue pie.” I feel like celebrating, splurging on the pie even though I don’t have the job yet.
The minute Betty leaves, I’m unable to contain my excitement. “You’ll never guess what just happened!”
Silas matches my enthusiasm with a twinkle in his eye and flash of a dimple. “What?”
“I think I have a job!”
“You do?” He scrunches his brow, cocks his head to the side, confused.
“Betty, she’s got a position open, and we just got to talking.”
“I told you that you’re more than welcome to stay at my place and take your time figuring out what you want to do.”
Heaving a heavy sigh, I purse my lips. He means well, but his disappointment is written all over his face, and it’s a total buzzkill. It also ticks me off because this is something I want to do, and I’m tired of everyone telling me that every choice I make is stupid or wrong.
“Silas, we’ve already been through this, please don’t do this again. I’m moving out, the sooner, the better, and I need a job. This is a good thing.”
“Fine,” he says, although I can tell by his short tone and hard expression that it’s anything but fine. “I just want to say, one last time, you don’t have to move out. Save every penny.” His voice is now softer, almost pleading.
“Silas, I know this is coming from a good place, but I can’t take this handout from you.”
“It’s not a handout; you’d be doing something for me too. I enjoy your company and I want to get to know you better.”
“I want that too.”
It’s not until I actually say the words that I realize it’s true. I do. I’ve been on the fence even though he wants more. Or at least that’s what I’m getting from his intimate gestures. I’ve been fighting it with everything I’ve got because I don’t want to fall into my old habits.
I’m not boy crazy, but whenever I’ve had a man in my life, I usually move in with him, and I get comfortable. So comfortable that I stop trying. I don’t want to do that anymore. Besides, who knows if Silas and I are even meant to be together?
“I need to do this on my own. It doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.”
He looks away, playing with a few sugar packets, and his jaw ticks, his annoyance evident. I have the urge to appease him and cave, but I won’t this time. I’m sticking to my guns and doing what’s right for me.
“Okay.” His thumb gently rubs the tops of my knuckles.
“Thank you.” I smile, bolstered by his sweet gesture.
He doesn’t return the smile, but his eyes fix on me. How did we get here? I can’t help but wonder, what do we have in common? If we hadn’t run into each other in the desert, there’s not a chance in a million years that our paths would have crossed. Or maybe they would have?
We have an undeniable attraction, that’s the easy part, but aside from that, is there something here to build on? He’s everything I’m not − rich and famous. He’s already made a name for himself and conquered the world, where I’m still struggling to figure out my shit.
I think he gets my drive. While it may not seem like a big deal to most, it is everything to me. Growing up with disparaging comments from my siblings cut deep, and I want to heal, to prove to them and myself that I count. I’m worthy of being here, just like everyone is.