I don’t know why I’m stunned. I shouldn’t be. Jared hasn’t thought this through. He’s most probably high; I can’t tell anymore.
“If it were just you and me to think about, I’d be with you, but Bianca…”
I hate that I mention her like she’s not even there. If he were sober, he wouldn’t have overlooked her. Despite the tension and history between them, he cares about her and would never hurt her. Not intentionally.
“Fuck.” Jared grimaces and yanks his dirty fingers through his greasy hair. “Bianca, I wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she croaks, wiping her tear-stained cheeks.
And then there’s Pansy. She’s mine to consider and worry about, but there’s no fucking way I’ll subject her to the media shit storm that would follow the release of that video.
“You have to go on the tour,” Pansy says while grabbing hold of Bianca’s hand.
Our gazes lock and her shimmering hazel eyes hold only warmth and compassion. We both know what the tour would mean. I’ll be gone for months, possibly even a year.
She’ll be in South America, fuck I need to talk to her about that, and then school. We will both be doing our own thing. Apart. But isn’t that what I promised myself I’d do? Encourage and nurture her dreams no matter what?
Damn, but why does it feel like I’ll be cutting off a limb? A part of myself? “Pansy, are you sure?” Bianca asks, the hopeful lift present in her tone.
“Of course. No question.”
While Pansy doesn’t say it, we know Bianca will be the whore in this story. The media will rip her to shreds, and it’ll be a major blow to her job, if not career-ending. She might never come back from it.
“Okay, it’s settled, so now what?” Jared asks.
“We get him to destroy every single copy,” Gray grits out.
He’s been silent through the whole thing, but now his face is red with fury. His gaze is fixed on Bianca, filled with only compassion.
“Yeah. We’ve got to get Pilsen to sign something before we agree to anything. Something that makes it impossible to come at us again. I’ll get Otto on it.”
Once they leave, I spend close to two hours going back and forth with Otto, who does all the negotiating with Pilsen and the record label. I’d like nothing better than to fuck them, but it’s not in the cards.
We finally come to a verbal agreement, including Pilsen handing over all that he has. It’s not a world tour but close to it with cities on four continents.
It’s close to evening when this shitty day goes from shaky to a full-blown earthquake. With the negotiations behind us, Pansy and I head to her apartment to pack her things for my place. The sooner I get her in my bed permanently, the easier I will breathe. Even if it is only for now.
While packing one of the last boxes, she steals furtive glances at me every minute or so. I think I know what’s going on. Resting the box on the table, I near her.
“What’s up?”
I’m pushing. I promised Pansy that her dreams would come first, and I meant it. She may be second-guessing everything because of what has happened with the tape and the tour.
“I’ve got to tell you something, and the timing sucks. I should have told you sooner.” She’s wringing her hands, and I take them in mine.
“Tell me.” My voice is soft, coaxing.
“Vinny has invited me on a research trip to Uruguay for six months or so. It’s an amazing opportunity, and it changes all my plans, but I …” She looks away for a split second and then her warm eyes are back on me. “I want to go.”
“This is fantastic!” Gathering her in my arms, I lift her feet off the ground and mold her to me. Inhaling all of her. Cherishing her smell. Her feel. Her.
“It is? Did you hear me when I said I’d be gone for six months at a minimum?”
I chuckle, placing her feet back on the floor. “I hear you, and it’ll suck, but it sounds like something you have to do. You’d be crazy not to.”
Water gathers in her eyes, and she nods as a tear spills down her cheek. I brush it away and pull her into me.
“On one hand, I’m so excited, and on the other, I feel horrible. There’s so much going on. You’re almost done writing and recording, and then the tour. I feel like I should be here.”
I cup her face and tilt her chin up. “You will be with me all the time. And in case you don’t know about it, there are ways to communicate. There’s this thing where we can video chat, text.” She pokes at my side, and we laugh. “And, if I can, I’ll come visit.”
“You will? Do you think you can?” Her tone is hopeful.
“South America is on the tour. I don’t give a fuck what the label says, I will see you.” I squeeze the back of her neck.
She gives me a watery smile; her hands cling to my forearms. “The timing sucks, but I do want to go.”
“I know, but this is your dream.”
“Silas, I have more than one dream. You’re my dream too. A dream I never even knew I wanted or dared to have.”
“You’ve got me, babe. And I’ll make sure Lucia and Jorge take care of Daisy.”
“I kinda already asked them,” she says sheepishly.
“You did? You spoke to them before telling me?” I’m trying not to get upset, but I don’t understand why she held off telling me, but she’s spoken to Vinny, Betty, and even Lucia and Jorge.
A small smile graces her lips as she lightly runs her finger across my jaw. Her fingertips snag once or twice on my stubble, and the tickle of her touch sparks a fire low in my belly.
“I didn’t know how to tell you without breaking my heart…and yours.” Her strangled voice matches the tears swimming in her eyes. “Silas, I love you.”
She is killing me in the best way possible. I can’t recall a woman ever saying those words to me and meaning it. Sure, I’ve heard it countless times from screaming fans or groupies in the throes of climax. All worthless.
But this. Her love for me is everything.
“Pansy, I love you, too.”
My lips cover hers, and I kiss her, hard, stealing all her air. Her eyes flutter close as my mouth hungrily assaults her. She greedily pulls me by the waist, bringing her body against mine and my hands wander wildly of their volition. First, gripping her ass, then skating along the soft curves of her sides up to thread my fingers through her silky hair.
I love Pansy more than I love music, and that says it all. She crashed into my life, and while trying to free myself from the wreckage, the disaster that I thought she was; she became the one pure thing in my life. It’s going to fucking hurt to say goodbye.