How ya doin’?

You catch all that?

Yeah, we’re back in present fucked-up day. Everything’s been downloaded, so you know what a mess we’re in now, don’t you?

I’m a little jealous you were able to get inside Charlie’s head. Can you tell me why she hasn’t…

“Ethan! Come find me, Darling!”

Darling?

Oh shit, right.

I almost forgot.

Pink panties with the tiny red bow.

Sighing I aim my 9mm and head out, following the sound of that female voice.

Just hang back. Stay safe. Follow me if you’re curious but don’t blame me if you get hurt. You’re a volunteer.

You’re not like me.

I have no choice.

I have to be here.

This is my life.

“You wanna play hide and seek, Stacy? Is that the game you wanna play?”

Giggling echoes off the walls.

I never gave her my address.

So there’s that.

But if this chick could bypass my encryption code at Wyntech, she definitely has the skills to search its database for where I lay my head at night.

“Where are you hiding, you sneaky little cutie pie?”

“Where should I be hiding, Darling?”

“Oh, I don’t know, in the kitchen?”

“That’s sexist, honey bear. You are a bad boy!”

Can you believe this shit?

I’m a stupid boy, that’s what I am.

At my game room I stop in my tracks and hear you skidding to a stop with me. Don’t worry. She can’t see you. I don’t think.

Okay, wow.

There she is wearing a light brown wig, lying on my pool table in all her naked glory, one leg lifted high in the air. That’s not something you see every day.

Twirling her fingertips at me, Stacy purrs, “How’s my brother doing today? Did the widdle storm scare him?”

“Sorry?” I cock my head. “Your what?”

Grabbing a lock of fake hair she smiles, “I saw your sister come to the office to take you to lunch.”

“That was almost a month ago.”

“I could tell you want her, so I got this wig that’s like her hair. Pretend I’m Emma.”

My face contorts in disgust. “Okay, you have to go.”

Leaping up on her knees, Stacy is sucking her damn thumb. “Ever play doctor when you guys were little?”

“No! God, gross! You really need to get out of my house.”

She locks eyes with me. “Ethan, take me.”

“To jail maybe,” I mutter, waving the gun. “Look I don’t want to have to call the police, but if you don’t get the fuck out of my house, I will.”

“The door was unlocked. I thought you wanted me here!”

I can’t even begin to argue with the lunacy of that statement, but I’m going to try anyway. “I didn’t tell you where I live, Stacy!”

“You left it out in the open for me to find.”

“Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

“It took me like only two seconds to hack Human Resources. Who is that standing behind you?”

Oops. Well, we knew she was smarter than I am.

“That’s someone reading my story. Focus on me, Stacy.”

“Like this?” Stretching out on the green wool she lifts her leg again and shows us both how remarkably waxed she is.

I’m so sorry.

“Don’t you want me again, Ethan?”

“Oh sure, right after you clean up the water damage you inflicted by opening all my fucking windows.”

A frown pierces her forehead for the first time. “I didn’t open any windows.”

“You need to get out of my house because you are clearly out of your mind. Yeah, you did.”

“It’s raining outside.”

“I know!” We stare at each other. “Stacy, did you walk through my house before I got home.”

“Yes.”

“Did you open the windows in my living room?”

“No, it’s raining.”

Rubbing my face, I mutter, “It’s not just raining. There’s a full blown…never mind. Were you in my bedroom?”

“I made love to myself on your bed.”

At least she’s honest about that.

“What a delightful image. After that, did you open the windows to air out your crazy?”

“Nope. But I took a really nice bath.”

A creaking floorboard makes all three of us jump.

Don’t follow too close.

I’ve got my gun ready.

You need to be more careful!

“Uh oh,” Stacy whispers.

I lock eyes with her as she pulls off the wig and covers herself with her arms. That’s not a good sign.

“Uh oh what?”

“My ex is a little nuts.”

Rolling my eyes I shout, “Hey ho buddy, we hear you! Why don’t you man up and come get your girl, huh?”

I am calling the police as soon as I can.

In the distance my front door opens and Ben shouts, “Ethan!!! You okay?!”

“In the game room, Ben! Be careful! Some guy is sneaking around and I don’t know if he’s…what the fuck was that? You okay?”