The week before the ride to Jersey, Cody was so spun he wasn’t sure he could make one more day. All week his emotions had run from one end of the spectrum to the other. One day he’d wake up happy as hell, usually on the days after he got to see Harley. Then the next day he’d wake up sad, or angry. It would take him until after breakfast sometimes to remember that he’d spent the night dreaming about Keller. In the dreams, he was usually there, watching as those animals beat his brother to death. He’d wake up not only sad and angry but filled with guilt. He would have a few bad days after that where he felt like he wanted to hit something, and almost everything offended him in some way. He was learning, though. He was learning to keep to himself when he felt like that and stay out of any situation that might end up with him losing his temper and doing something stupid. He was also learning that when things got really bad, all he had to do was reach out to Harley. Just talking to her calmed him down. He’d rather be fucking her every day, but she was in an accelerated program for the summer that she had to pass so she could graduate law school a semester early. She already had an offer to intern for an attorney in Boston, but only if she passed her law boards in the fall. It was something she really wanted, and Cody knew she’d worked hard for, so he tried not to bug her too much. Sometimes he wondered why such a brilliant, gorgeous woman would want him, but then she’d tell him things like she wanted to fuck him on the A-train and he’d remember that they were the same…at least at heart.

Being a prospect was helping him keep himself in check too. The guys kept him busy and it wasn’t all shit work, so that was good. He might even learn a trade if he paid enough attention. Tool was teaching him how to work on the bikes; Marty was involved in rebuilding Dax’s and Angel’s house and he was teaching Cody a lot about construction, so that was good. He was still getting reacquainted with Jimmy, and just a few days prior they’d gone out to the back forty and done some shooting practice together. It was a good day and it made Cody realize how much he’d missed having a good friend to talk to.

But as the day of reckoning for Johnny grew closer, the anxiety built and the night before they were scheduled to take off Cody felt like he needed a Valium. He was pacing his room when his phone rang. He smiled when he saw it was Harley. She seemed to have a sixth sense and to know when he needed her. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No. I can’t sleep.”

“I figured. You have to be alert tomorrow, Cody. You have to be safe. You promised me.”

“I know. I’ll be safe. I’ll be cool-headed. I really will. It’s just the anticipation, you know? I’ve been thinking about this day for eight years and now that it’s almost here, it’s almost like it’s not real. Plus…”

“What?”

“Nah, never mind.”

“What, Cody? Are you worried that once you get your revenge or whatever you’re calling it, that you won’t be satisfied?”

“Damn, how do you do that? Sometimes I don’t even know what the fuck I’m trying to say and you do.”

“I’m brilliant like that.”

He smiled. “You’re kidding, but it’s true. Yeah, I guess that’s a big part of it. I’ve spent all these years thinking that this is what I wanted…needed to do. Now, I’m just a little bit afraid that tomorrow night I won’t feel any different than I do tonight. Is that stupid?”

“Of course not. Any big change in your life is going to make you feel this way. Let me ask you this: the night before you got out of prison, were you worried that you’d get out and come home and things at home might be worse than they were there?”

“Yeah, kind of. I mean, I wanted out of there so badly I would have been willing to dig my way out with a fucking spoon. But at the same time, I was scared of what being out here would be like.”

“Remember this for me, Cody, okay? Whatever happens tomorrow will affect your life in one way or the other. But nothing you do will bring Keller back.”

“I do know that, Harley. But this man is pure evil. He didn’t just have Keller killed. He’s had entire families killed. He’s taken mothers and fathers from their children and children from their mothers and fathers…the police won’t touch him. He reigns with terror over everyone that he comes into contact with.”

“Okay, as long as you go into this knowing that you might be saving other people, but not necessarily yourself.”

“I will.”

“I love you, Cody Miller. Come back to me in one piece, okay? You’ve already got a big hole in the middle of the pretty lotus flower on your shoulder.”

He chuckled. “That was kind of your fault.”

“Just be safe. I mean it.”

“I will. Hey, Harley?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

She was silent for a long time. Cody began to wonder if he’d lost her. When she spoke, her voice was thick, like she was crying. “You say the sweetest things, prospect. Go to bed now, and sleep.” She ended the call before he could say anything else. He went to bed shaking his head. He’d never understand women. He thought she would be happy that he could finally say it. Instead, it had made her cry. He had no idea what the hell he was doing.

* * *

Cody was already loading the van before any of the other guys were up and around the next morning. He’d slept for two or three hours and finally, at about three a.m., he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get any more sleep. He had the weapons compartment nearly loaded when Twister and Jimmy showed up.

“Dude, it’s four-fifteen, have you been out here all night?”

“No, just an hour or so, and don’t call me dude.” Twister laughed. He called everyone dude, except for the guys on the executive board. He told Cody that he’d grown up in a commune in Iowa, so the “dude” made even less sense to Cody.

Cody felt Jimmy’s hand on his shoulder as he put the last of the guns in the compartment. “Are you okay?” If anyone knew how important this was to him, it was Jimmy. Jimmy was there when he was growing up and Keller had been his savior and his hero. He was still there when Cody found his brother’s battered body. He stood next to him at the funeral and he stood by when Cody scattered his brother’s ashes.

“I will be,” Cody told him. “A little anxious, I guess.”

“Hey, Twist, go outside and tell me when the other guys come out, okay?”

“Why?”

“Damn it, Twist, just go!”

The kid looked disappointed, but he went to do what Jimmy told him to do. Jimmy pulled a joint out of his pocket and held it out to Cody, who said, “Dax said no alcohol and no fire before we go on this run.”

“Dax hasn’t seen you this morning. You look like you’re about to short-circuit. Just a few drags. It’ll calm you down.”

Cody took the joint and put it to his lips and then he took the lighter Jimmy held out. He lit the joint and took a long drag, closing his eyes and holding the smoke in his lungs. Jimmy was right, as usual, Cody needed something to take the edge off, and a little weed just might be what the doctor ordered. He held the joint out to Jimmy but his friend shook his head. “You need it. I’m good.” While Cody smoked, Jimmy finished closing and locking the van compartment and laying down the rug. He was closing up the back end when Twister stuck his head in the door and said:

“Hey, dudes, they’re coming.”

Jimmy smiled and Cody rolled his eyes as he stubbed out the joint. “Thanks,” he told Jimmy, “I think that helped, a little bit.”

Seconds later Hawk, Dax, Handsome, Nolan, Pablo, Marty, and Beezy showed up. The volume in the shop went way up as they talked and checked their bikes and gear. They were all in their leathers and while they got their bikes ready, Cody put his on too. When he went over to get on his bike Dax said, “You ready for this, kid?”

Cody straddled his bike and slipped on his skullcap. “I’m ready.”

“Good. Remember what I say before every ride though, okay?”

“Everyone comes home, no matter what. You don’t want to have to lug a dead body home on your hog…or something like that.”

Dax laughed. “Good enough,” he said. “Stick to the plan and if anything changes, make sure you tell me or one of the other guys. Don’t do anything without checking with me first and remember that you’re part of a team here—no going solo.”

Cody nodded. “I got it. I won’t screw this up, Dax.”

“I know you won’t. Let’s ride!” He yelled the last and it was met with whoops and hollers from the guys. No matter how shitty the task they had to undertake, they always looked forward to the ride.