I only spent two weeks at home, but it was hard to return to Las Vegas. My mind tugged in both directions. Stay in Hillstone where everything was safe, but static. Return to Vegas, to an apartment without Bronwyn and back into the world of Jay Thornton and Simon Ting. I was going back to nothing but trouble. Or nothing and trouble.

The apartment was cold when I stepped inside, cold with the breath of a thousand ghosts. Or just one. The first night back, I flicked on all the lights and didn’t turn any of them off, even when I went to bed. I’d been lonely when I first came to Vegas, but Bronwyn had saved me from it. Now I had nothing and no one to keep the loneliness away. So I kept myself busy.

I searched for a job. I ate Cup-o-Soup and walked everywhere to keep expenses down. Bronwyn’s bike still rested against one wall in the apartment, but riding it didn’t feel right. Dad had lent me some money and I didn’t bother telling him I didn’t need it right then. I would eventually, plus I was grateful for it. Not just the cash, but the meaning behind it. That he was starting to support my decision. If only he knew about Officer Ting.

I went back to Eastside Boxing to check on Nico, and hopefully to practice. The lights were on and Imagine Dragons blasted from a stereo somewhere inside. Jay was going crazy on a punching bag, his shoulders hunched near his ears, his dark hair slick with sweat. He wore low-slung shorts and no shirt, the muscles on his back rippling.

He didn’t spot me staring, which was probably a good thing. I couldn’t help myself. He had the kind of body I’d only ever seen in movies, and it was breathtaking. I never thought I was the kind of girl to get all hot and bothered over a six-pack, but I was this close to fanning myself.

I crept past him. When I reached the stairs, I looked back. Jay was holding the punching bag, his eyes on me. There was something in his face, but I was too far away or I didn’t know him well enough to understand what it meant. I turned away.

Nico wasn’t home when I knocked, or he wasn’t answering. I sincerely hoped he wasn’t passed out in there…or worse.

I put in my earbuds and did some laps around the small space next to his apartment. I did jumping jacks, ran in place with my knees up, and did some chasés around the room. My ankle had healed up over the holidays; it didn’t twinge at all. I was in the middle of stretching on the floor when Nico came up the stairs.

His mouth moved, but I didn’t hear him. I turned my music off.

“Hi,” I said, giving him a hesitant smile. He was pale with dark rings under his eyes, but at least he looked sober.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” He opened his apartment door.

“You and me both.” I rose from the floor and followed him in. “Do you think Jay…McCrary will mind if I keep practicing here?”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine.” His apartment was clean. Not one beer bottle. Nico must have seen me looking because he said, “It’s all gone.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“At first, I thought I could cut back a bit and still be fine.” He set his keys on the kitchen table. He stared at it as if afraid to face me. “But that’s what they all think, don’t they? Then I’d wake up in the morning, or the afternoon, and not remember a thing about the night before.” He looked at me. “All or nothing. I’ve always been that kind of guy.”

“How’s it been?” I asked gently.

He pulled out a chair and sat down. “Hell.” The table was covered in books and a laptop.

“Project?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I’ve gotta do something to keep busy.”

“I know what that’s like. I need a job. Know anywhere that’s hiring? Not a diner? Or fast food. Or food of any kind.”

“If I did, I’d be working there instead of here,” he replied. “What are you looking for?”

I flipped through the books. “I’d prefer somewhere cool, you know? Like a kitschy shop or a boutique that sells great clothes. Something interesting. But I’ll probably have to settle for whatever I can get.” I held up a book. “Accounting?” The other books were about managing a small business, entrepreneurialism, and Managing Debt for Dummies.

“Trying to brush up. It’s been awhile.”

I hid a smile. Bronwyn would be proud. And more than a little annoyed that he hadn’t gotten his butt in gear when she was alive.

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. “I’ll leave you to it.”

At the door, Nico called my name.

“Thanks,” he said. “For the pep talk before Christmas, I mean. I needed it.”

At least I’d done something right.

My audition piece wasn’t right. No matter what I did, what I danced, what I added or took away, it was missing something. But I still had a couple more months to dig deep and choreograph something amazing. YouTube videos might help, or past seasons of So You Think You Can Dance. Maybe they’d inspire me.

I hurried down the steps of the gym and almost collided with Nico at the bottom. He was mopping the floors. It was the first time I’d actually seen him do any janitorial work.

“See you later, Maggie,” he said, giving me a wave before bending back to his mop.

“Bye.”

Jay was sitting behind the front desk, brows furrowed, a spread of papers in front of him. He’d put a hoodie on, zipped to his neck. He rubbed his forehead with one hand, the pen between his fingers almost poking him in the eye. I tried not to laugh.

He looked up at me as I passed and my eyes darted away.

“You came back.”

I put my boots on, dug a hat out of my bag. I couldn’t tell if he was happy that I was back or not.

“I didn’t think you’d come back,” he said, his voice flat.

He didn’t mean the boxing gym. “I thought about staying home, in Hillstone.”

“Is that where you’re from?”

I nodded. Of course he wouldn’t know that. We’d barely had a real conversation before. Not about anything normal.

“It’s small. You’ve probably never heard of it.” He wouldn’t want to go to a place like Hillstone. Too tame. Too boring for a guy like Jay.

He looked down at the papers on the desk. “What’s it like?”

“It’s beautiful. Green in the summer. White in the winter. Like a painting.” I tried to picture Jay there, walking down Main Street, or sitting on the porch swing at home, but I couldn’t see it. He wasn’t meant for anywhere but Vegas.

“Why didn’t you stay?” His tone was harsh and a little offensive.

My anger flared. “Sometimes I really don’t know.”

Truth was, I’d missed Vegas. At first, I assumed I was missing Bronwyn, but it wasn’t only that. I’d grown used to the noise, the bustle, the constant activity of strangers around me, the lights from the strip. I’d missed the possibilities I hadn’t taken advantage of yet. There were no possibilities in Hillstone, just dead ends. But I didn’t want to tell Jay that. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“See you later,” I said. I was a little hurt when he didn’t say anything back.