Sarah
My thoughts have been surging through my head since I picked up my phone and Colton told me about Dad. I can’t make sense of most of what I’m thinking, since one thought contradicts the next, which contradicts the next, which contradicts the next.
For example, I want to go back to Ohio to see my dad but I’m scared of his reaction.
Will seeing me push him too far in his weakened state and cause him to get worse?
And, while I’m afraid it might be too much stress for him, I’m also worried how his reaction will affect me.
If he tells me he’s not ready to see me, even now, when he might very well be on his deathbed, how will I handle that? What will that do to my self-worth?
On top of all of that, I don’t want to leave Frank, but I don’t know if Frank even wants me to stay in Denver. He’s been adamant that I go back to Brookside.
It’s like I don’t know anything anymore. Up is down and down is up and nothing I thought was true actually is.
“Bree’s crazy,” I say to Frank, after several quiet minutes in the car. “Anyone can see that. I can’t tell if she’s upset that you didn’t fall for her, or if she truly believes you manipulated her, but either way, she’s out to get you.”
Frank glances at me, one eyebrow lifted. “You mean that?”
I nod. “Yep. She’s angry and trying to get between us, but it’s not going to happen. I like you too much to let someone like her make me think less of someone like you.”
I can’t imagine anything that would make me think less of Frank. He’s pretty much the most perfect human being I’ve ever met. And no matter how many people I meet in the future, I’m sure that statement will hold true for the rest of my life.
His shoulders drop away from his ears and he lets out a long breath. “I can’t tell you what a relief that is. I’ve been afraid you bought what she’s selling and I’d have to drive back to work and kill her for getting between us.” He drops me a wink and offers a playful smile, but the look in his eyes is much darker, seething with contempt and the possibility of destruction.
“Don’t worry. There’s no need for homicide in your future.” I smile through the wash of confusion raging through my head.
Frank places a hand on my thigh. He wants to say something, I can see it all over his face, but he chooses silence and I don’t push him. Instead, fear spins me in circles. Despite all my bravado about not believing Bree, a worried voice in my head keeps reminding me how quickly Frank told me I should go home and see my dad. He didn’t even consider asking me not to go.
And the more I try not to listen to that voice, the louder it gets. The more I remind myself that Frank is a good man, the more that voice reminds me I’m not a good woman.
While I’m sure Frank’s insistence that I go home and see my family is an example of him being supportive in the best way he knows how, that little voice wants me to think he’s trying to get rid of me. Even a perfect human being could get tired of someone like me.
Yeah, well, if he wanted me gone, why would I be in his car going to his apartment? I ask the voice.
Duh. Because you put out and he wants one more quickie before he tosses you to the curb, the voice replies.
I take a long breath and let it out slowly as I watch pedestrians on the other side of the window.
Old Sarah would have crumbled under the confusion by now. She would have told Frank to stop the car, gotten out, and run back to Brookside, numbed from the inside out by too many pills to keep count.
New Sarah sits as quietly as she can, as long as she can before turning to Frank just as he pulls into the parking garage under his complex. “Can I say something?” I ask.
“Of course.” Frank glances at me as he navigates the tight turns of the underground space.
I explain the inner argument I’ve been having and then sit like a defendant on trial, terrified of his verdict.
Frank pulls into his parking spot, turns off the car, and spins in his seat. “You’re afraid I’m kicking you out of Denver?”
“Not really,” I say and then laugh at myself. I’m the one who started the conversation. The least I could do is be brave enough to be honest. “But yeah. Kind of.”
I hang my head, ashamed of how weak I really am. I spend my life trying to pretend I’m strong. That I’m confident enough not to worry about what people think of me when really, that’s all I do.
“Sarah…” Frank chuckles and shakes his head. “What if I told you I spent most of today wondering if it was too soon to ask you to move to Denver?”
I lift my gaze. “Really?”
Am I ready to make a commitment like that? The joy pounding through my heart suggests I am.
“Really.” Frank nods, a smile tugging at his lips. “I don’t want you gone, Sarah. I’ve been dreading the time when you decide to leave Denver and continue west, or go back to Ohio, or whatever it is you decide to do. I love having you in my life. The only reason I suggested you go home is because I don’t want you to have any unresolved issues with your family. I want you to talk to them and heal what’s broken because I think that’s what you need in order to truly find happiness. Then I want you to come back and if I had my way, you’d never leave again.”
“You really want me to stay?”
No one wants me to stay.
Everyone is happier once I’m gone.
It’s why I’m so good at leaving.
Why stick around when you’re not welcome? It’s why Tessa said it’d be wrong of her to start holding my quirks against me now. It’s why she forgave me so easily. She can’t be mad at me when I ultimately gave her what she wanted.
“I really want you to stay.” Frank lifts a shoulder and tilts his head. “I mean, I want you to go and talk to your dad, but in the end, I want you to come back to me. I want you, Sarah. And not just your body. I want your heart, your mind, your soul.”
His words leave me breathless, but I swallow back my reaction. “It looks like you’ll get your wish, or the second half of it, I guess. There’s no way I can go home. It’s a long way back to Ohio and I don’t have a lot of money. It’ll take me at least two days to get there, maybe less if I don’t stop. But there’s gas, and food, and I don’t know if I should keep paying for my hotel while I’m gone?”
I stack up all the reasons I can’t make the trip home. Turn them into a wall, a fortress to wrap around me and my poor heart. And breathe a sigh of relief.
I want to go to my dad.
But I can’t handle another rejection from him.
I just can’t.
So, I’ll stay safe and warm here in Denver, with Frank. I’ve made it this far without having my dad in my life. Him being in the hospital changes nothing. And if he doesn’t make it? I guess that’s a bridge I’ll figure out how to cross if it happens. A lump forms in my throat at the thought. I try to swallow it down, but it nearly strangles me.
Frank sucks in his lips and looks at me with kindness in his eyes. “All those things are easy to solve. I’ll buy you a plane ticket. We’ll call it a gift. No need to repay me. And no, you will not keep paying for that shitty hotel when you’re not there, especially because there’s no reason for you to come back.”
“There’s a reason.” I look him in the eyes and hope he can see the truth of what I’m saying. “I’ll come back.”
He looks so vulnerable. I regret telling him no one can count on me to stick around. I can almost see those words behind his eyes, spreading doubt when there should be nothing but certainty. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Sarah.”
“I mean it. You said it in the elevator, and it’s true. I don’t know what this is between us, but I love every minute of it. I’ll be back. I couldn’t stay away if I wanted to. I miss you when you’re in your office and I’m at my desk, when there’s just a handful of feet separating us. I can’t imagine having a thousand miles between us.”
Frank smiles but stays silent as he unfastens his seatbelt and climbs out of the car. I do the same and follow him to his apartment, grateful when he takes my hand. With his fingers entwined with mine, I feel calmer. Safer. Stronger.
He leads me into his apartment, talking through the logistics of getting me home to Brookside and then back to Denver. “We’ll worry about where you’re staying when you get back, but I’m tired of you living in that terrible hotel. I’ll pay for a better place, if it comes to that. In the meantime, the clothes you don’t take with you to Ohio can stay here. As can your car.” He lowers himself onto the couch and I crouch in front of him.
“First plane tickets and then a place to stay? Your kindness amazes me, but I can’t let you—”
Frank leans forward and puts a finger to my lips. “You can. And you will. I have a good job and I have the money to spend. It’s not up to you how I spend it.”
I open my mouth to speak, trying to find words to express the gratitude rushing through me.
For his kindness.
His generosity.
For…him.
Before I find the words, before I can tell him that he’s the best thing to ever happen in my whole life, he slides off the couch and kneels in front of me.
Our eyes lock.
There’s a moment.
I swear he sees everything I want to say.
Understands it.
Accepts it.
And beyond that, I see the same thing in him. Acceptance of who I am. Gratitude for…me. I can’t imagine what I’ve brought him that he didn’t already have, but I can’t question it. Not now. Not when he’s right here in front of me, his face filled with emotion, his eyes filled with heat.
I cup his face.
Run a finger along his stubble, the sound scratching through the space between us. I memorize the moment, the strong lines of his cheeks and jaw. His long nose. Those expressive eyes. The light diffused by the blinds, making the living room dim and dusky.
I kiss him and sigh. The answer to everything is right here. Right now. Though I don’t understand the question and the thought diffuses like smoke, thinning, ever more nebulous until it’s gone.
All I know is his lips against mine. His hands in my hair. The firm tug as he wraps my dark locks around his fist. My gasp fills the space as he trails kisses down my jaw, devouring me, consuming me.
He squeezes my breasts, desperation in his touch, then yanks my shirt over my head and buries his face in them. Licking. Biting. Sucking.
I dig my fingers into his hair and close my eyes. Whatever this is between us, it will change me.
It has changed me.
I’m not the same Sarah I was when I left Ohio. I’m new. I’m better. I’m growing.
His fingers work the zipper on my skirt and I shimmy it off my hips. His touch leaves electricity in its wake. Glowing trails of him along my skin. It sinks into me, his essence becoming mine, and I realize that I truly don’t deserve him. Frank Wilde is so much better than me, so much more than I ever have been.
I watch as his fingers work at the buttons at his wrist. Then as he moves to the buttons along his torso. He slides the shirt off his shoulders, then removes his undershirt. His pants. His briefs.
His cock strains toward me and I make a silent promise as he helps me to my feet and guides me into the bedroom.
I will be a better person for him.
I will be the kind of woman who deserves a man like this.
I’ll go home and face whatever problems I have waiting for me there, but when I come back, I’ll earn myself a place in Frank’s heart.
Heaven knows he’s already earned a place in mine.