CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Michaela
It was the abs. Had to be the abs. There was nothing else more powerful and mind-altering as three sets of muscles toned over the male body that could cause a woman’s mind to go on temporary hiatus long enough for her to do something she might live to regret.
Not just abs, but paint speckled abs. Abs that carried the mark of an artist’s trade, the hint of a beautiful mind, the knowledge that within the recesses of that man’s body lay a soul that was far more brilliant and superior than mine.
The abs were his first mistake if he had been serious about keeping this from happening. His words had been the second mistake, the mistake that solidified every decision in my mind that I wouldn’t allow him to keep running.
He should have listened to me when I warned him about those abs four days ago, should have taken my advice to heart and kept them covered. But instead, he’d forgotten they were rational mind kryptonite, and that’s how we ended up pressed together as he carried me down the hall away from the peace of his studio and into a black and white bedroom covered by the sketches he’d created of his world.
I remembered his bed from being tied up on top of it, every detail of that day coming back to me in stunning colors that meant nothing now that I was learning what it really meant to be in this bed.
The locker room gossip I’d overheard in school didn’t even begin to describe what it felt like to have Holden’s full attention on you. This man that had captured my attention so many years ago was now showing me why I could never fully ignore him in the halls of Tranquil Falls High, why I’d felt shy and beautiful both during dance practice as he sat off to the side - why I’d cried for three straight weeks after Jack had almost killed him in the accident.
Holden was everything in this moment, all hands, and tongue and teeth, and I couldn’t cling on tight enough, couldn’t move against him hard enough, couldn’t steal enough of his glorious heat fast enough to warm the places inside me that my life until now had turned cold.
We moved together as if choreographed, my fingers exploring the dips and valleys of his body, his mouth exploring every tiny place on my jaw, my neck, behind my ear that made me whimper and beg and whimper some more.
Damn him for being so patient, and attentive, and surprisingly gentle when all I wanted was for him to lose control.
“You sure about this?”
His question burst against my ear on hot breath that forced goosebumps to erupt over my entire body, my head shaking yes, my mind screaming, I’ve never been more sure about anything, ever.
But I couldn’t talk, couldn’t catch my breath enough to formulate a word on a tongue and lips that were desperate to explore every toned and tight muscle my fingers had already had the opportunity to discover.
Holden’s forehead pressed to the side of my head, his chest beating with labored breath, his hands gripping on to me with far too much restraint. “Damn it. You were supposed to say no.”
Except we’d passed the point when I could say no to anything having to do with this man. But instead, I whimpered again because it was the only intelligible sound I could manage, my hands sliding down his body to find his hips, my grip pulling his body so tight to mine that I could feel every square inch of his arousal against my stomach.
No was no longer a word defined by the dictionary, at least not the dictionary programmed into my brain at that moment.
My silence must have clued him in to my iron-clad refusal to stop this moment from happening. His hands loosened their hold on me, creating a moment of panic as he slipped off my body to escape the bed. I reached to drag him back to me, only to see the corners of his mouth dip down with regret before he started laughing. “I’m just pulling a condom out of the drawer in my bedside table. I didn’t really need you to move with me.”
Oh. Well. Yeah. Safe sex is always a good plan. I was glad he was responsible enough to think of it.
Crawling back my direction, he dropped the condom on the bed, ignoring the need for safety as our bodies collided back together, my shirt - or I guess I should say his shirt, since he’d loaned it to me - was no longer covering me, my bra the only barrier still preventing our chests from being bare against each other, his mouth aggravatingly thorough as he kissed every square inch of visible skin and avoided those parts still covered.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t complaining. I just wasn’t used to a man who spent more time turning me on than trying to get to the final act to satisfy himself. I now understood what it meant to be ‘spoiled’, why those girls in high school couldn’t find anybody after Holden that didn’t make them want to go running right back to a man who could only offer them casual sex. My mind drifted to the question of why he never seriously dated someone, but then...
Oh! Right there...
He was all over me at that point, his scent, his touch, his essence, his soul, all burning and teasing and tasting and maddening. If he didn’t take off my clothes in the next five minutes, I’d roll him over, pin him to the bed and undress myself for him.
His mouth opened again, this time with words that sent me into a panicked overdrive because it meant he was running again. “Maybe we should stop.”
No! No we should not stop. I wasn’t able to utter the sharp refusal, not as breathless as I was, not with his hands still gripped over my hips, my legs wrapped around his body. My head fell back against his pillow, my eyes peeling open and blinking away the haze of lust that was blanketing me in heat and desperation.
“If you stop, I swear to everything that is holy, I’ll find those ropes you used to tie me up and I’ll do the same to you.”
Laughter shook his chest against mine, the tone of his voice dropping so low that every syllable he spoke vibrated against my skin. Mouth pressed to my ear, he answered, “Maybe I’d like that.”
“Next time,” I breathed out, directing his hands to better places. He gripped down with his fingers, stopping me.
“I’m serious, Michaela. I’m not going to be able to give you anything beyond this.”
Yes, he was. He just didn’t know it yet. I still wasn’t sure how I would explain Jack’s disappearance once we failed to show for the holidays, but I’d worry about that later. Much later.
“You never gave anything beyond sex to anyone else, so I’m not sure how that’s a problem.”
His hand gripped my chin so fast, I gasped at the speed of it. Eyes locking to mine with anger blazing behind the blue, he stared at me for several seconds as the mood dissipated into hostility. “You are worth more than just a casual fling, and if I ever hear you settling for less than what you deserve, I will personally kick your ass for it. Do you understand me?”
Whoa...
At first, I nodded in acceptance of his demands, but then my eyes narrowed on him, my own anger drifting to the surface because I was tired of him making demands of me while settling for the bullshit life had handed him.
“And you are worth more than a prison cell, your life getting tossed aside because of the assholes in this town.”
Holden flinched as if I’d slapped him, his body moving away until I reached out and stopped him before he could exit the bed. Let him run. Let him hide away as much as he wanted, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t chase him down, didn’t mean I couldn’t drag him out from beneath whatever rock he’d decided to crawl under and make him face reality.
“I will let you leave this bed if you can look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me beyond wanting sex. If you can say that, and say it without blatantly lying, then I’ll let you go right now and we can forget this ever happened. But if you feel for me the way I feel for you, then do me a favor and fucking SHOW me how a man treats a woman he’s falling in love with.”
His jaw dropped, pride flashing behind his blue eyes before heat swept in to replace it. “I never meant I only wanted you for sex, Michaela, but you and I both know there’s a body out there just waiting to be discovered and when that happens, my time with you will be over. That’s not what I want, but it’s what will happen, so when I say that this is all I can give you, I’m not saying it’s by choice. Not my choice, anyway.”
My words were practically spoken on a growl. “Then I’ll take whatever time I can, Holden, and if you try to deny me even a minute more of it, I’ll be sure to personally kick your ass for wasting whatever time we might have left.”
Game.
Set.
Match.
Not another word was uttered in argument. He was on top of me again in a second flat and this time my clothes were being ripped away.
Finally!
Of all the talents I already knew were born into this man, this beautiful soul, this person that had taken all of Tranquil Fall’s crap and still managed to keep an arrogant smile on his lips, he possessed one other talent I hadn’t considered...Holden could move.
I’d barely had time to catch my breath before his mouth was on me, his legs shoving mine apart, his fingers dipping down to places that had me moaning while he swallowed those sounds and worked me into a frenzy, never stopping, never slowing down, never giving me time to process how I was being pushed toward an orgasm that would make my head explode. And when that moment came, I wasn’t ashamed to scream it into his mouth because for the first time ever I was the person deserving of pleasure, even before he’d made a move to take his.
It could have been like this for years if I’d just been stronger, if I cared about myself, my needs and my desires enough to kick Jack and my family to the curb and live my life like I wanted.
I knew what I wanted now. He was on top of me, all around me, crushing me beneath a strong chest and broad shoulders. He was devouring me slowly and I knew when the moment came that he pushed inside me, I would never be able to let him go.
Holden treated me like I was a planet and he was the moon, endlessly circling my orbit. His entire focus was on me, every movement intended for my pleasure, and when tears were leaking from my eyes because I’d never felt so good before, he kissed them away before grabbing the condom to make two bodies become one.
He thrust inside me, filling me completely, and then he began to move.
I didn’t have words to describe what he was doing. I couldn’t comprehend where I ended and he began. But like two dancers caught in the hypnotic pull of a shared, pulsing rhythm, we matched each other in the frantic sway of our bodies, each pushing and pulling, giving and taking, until a climax bowled us over that left us panting where we lay.
Holden’s forehead fell against my chest, sweat causing our bodies to slide against each other, and I ran my fingers through his hair not caring that this moment had ended, because to me, everything else had just begun.