CHAPTER EIGHT
Michaela
We hadn’t been in Tranquil Falls longer than an hour before Jack was itching to get his night started. Arriving a few minutes after two in the afternoon, Jack and I had gone to his house first to say hello to his family and chat about college. Jack lied about everything, claimed he was studying all the time, which was why his grades were so high. The truth was I was writing his essays and other written requirements while he’d found a way to obtain all the tests prior to class, and after I was finished figuring out all the answers, he would cram that information and waltz into class like he was a genius.
The truth also was that Jack had developed quite the drug problem, and on the four hour ride to Tranquil Falls, we’d stopped three times so he could use the bathroom, each time returning with a sniffle and some white powder beneath his nose. I’d kept quiet, but I could tell when he was getting itchy again, could see the small tremors in his hands or hear the way his words slowed down like he would pass out without another bump. After the third time, I’d offered to drive the rest of the way, but Jack refused because nobody touches his baby.
His baby was another two-seater sports car much like the one he’d used to destroy the lives of the Bishop family. I hated the thing, wished his parents would buy him a tank just so I would feel safer when he was driving fifty miles over the speed limit and weaving between cars.
After leaving his family’s house, we went to mine, my parents delighted to see us while my siblings just nodded their heads in our direction before running upstairs. My brother and sister were twins that were born two years after me, and they were now the kids to know at Tranquil Falls High, the top of the food chain, the opinions that could make or break another student’s reputation on a whim. I didn’t know either of them very well, and I regretted that they’d turned out to be more like Jack than me.
Not that I was someone to be admired. My life was a sham, a pretty picture painted with blurred lines between right and wrong. People loved to look at me and covet my life, but if they looked deep enough they’d discover I was spineless and empty. There was nothing there worth coveting, nothing to desire or want.
Giving my family only a third of the time, he’d given his, Jack started itching again, his red rimmed eyes glassy when we made the drive to the servants’ quarters to find Jack’s new friend. Walking into the abandoned house, my nose wrinkled at the smell of piss and mildew, my head throbbing after breathing in the haze of smoke that lingered like low lying fog throughout the house. The sun was setting outside the dirty windows, streaks of it breaking through the grime and thin, ragged curtains to paint the inside of the house a putrid orange, the same shade as nicotine residue that stained the walls or a person’s fingers.
Taking a seat on a couch, I groaned at a wet spot that soaked into my jeans, not heavy or flooded, just slightly damp like someone had passed out here recently and drooled. A disgusted shiver coursed up my spine as Jack disappeared down a hallway in search of the man with his next fix.
I never knew what types of drugs he was doing, and most of the time I didn’t care. But I hated the uppers the most, especially now that Jack’s mood changes were coming on faster, especially now that his violence wasn’t just reserved for strangers. It shamed me to know he’d hit me three times and I still didn’t have the strength to walk away.
That’s the problem with lying and telling yourself that you somehow caused the violence. After a while, you begin to believe it.
Noise crept out from the back of the hall, deep laughter, a high pitched voice, the slap of skin as hands met for a high five, or some other greeting. The chemical smell came after, floating on a cloud of noxious fumes that mingled with the lingering cigarette smoke in the living room. Willing myself not to throw up, I breathed as shallow as possible hoping to avoid a contact high.
The voices died off, but came roaring back a few minutes later, the thud of footsteps approaching from the hallway. Jack and the man who’d replaced Jimmy turned the corner to stand near me. One look at Jack told me he was high enough to touch the moon as he floated past it, his friend who I wanted to call Jimmy, Jr., tracking his eyes over my body like I was some prize to be won at a used-car lot or a county fair. He had the carnie motif just right with greasy brown hair and beady brown eyes, stained clothing, and fingers that wouldn’t stop drumming on the side of his thigh. He didn’t smile so I couldn’t see if his teeth were rotted too. With a simple stare, he conjured a need in me to get up and run, the intuition that what looked at me was an abyss of sorrow, slow death and pain.
This guy would probably die just like Jimmy, which meant it was a waste of time to learn his name. Thankfully, Jack was too high for introductions.
“Let’s go. I need food.”
His bark of a command was enough for me. Moving fast, I pushed up from the couch, twisted my body so as not to brush against Jimmy, Jr. and half walked, half ran to the front door. The wind slapped at my face as soon as I stepped outside, but I gulped it down because it was fresh and clean, not a swirling mass of smoke and chemicals.
Tucked inside Jack’s car, I wasn’t paying much attention as he flipped through songs on his iPod, chose one and blasted the volume. The car lurched when he hit the gas pedal too fast, the engine roaring but not loud enough to drown out the music. Leaving the servants’ quarters, the train tracks bumped below our tires, my head snapping left when Jack turned the music down and said, “Did you know Clive stopped into that all night diner yesterday?”
Hesitation filled my gut, a sharp concern of why he’d mention the diner, and dread to think I knew the answer. “Why would I know that? I don’t talk to Clive.” My voice dropped lower, my eyes turning away to look at the holiday decorations flying past. “Why would I even care?”
Jack’s voice was strained, more curt and broken, the drugs taking effect, wrapping their claws into his brain so they could dig deeper. “Because your freak lover works there. Clive saw him.”
The dread rolled and stretched, filling me with urgent concern. Not for the fact he was talking about Holden, but because he’d found him. In Jack’s current state, there was no telling what he would do. I needed to diffuse the situation. Needed to cut it off before Jack did something stupid. “Who cares? He was a loser in high school, and I’m sure he’s even more of a loser now. He’s crazy. Why are you wasting your time thinking about him?”
“I went through a lot of shit because of that crazy fuck. Don’t you care about that? Or are you too in love with him to think about me?”
A lot of shit? He was fined, given a few hours of community service and forced to take a driving course to knock the points off his license. If anything, Jack lost a few hundred bucks and twenty hours of his life, while Holden had lost his family. “Yes, I care. Which is why I want to go somewhere we can have fun and not stop at that grease-pit. Let’s go to McDougal’s instead. Their burgers are better.”
“Oh, we’ll have fun here,” Jack murmured, his expression tight as he cut a quick left into the diner parking lot.
Driving past the building to find a spot, I glanced inside those large windows to see the place was busy, almost every booth filled as light spilled out to bathe the parking lot in yellow. A neon sign beaming OPEN just beside the set of double doors leading you in, a counter with stools in the back, while on the main floor of the dining room there were tightly packed tables surrounded by the booths. I didn’t see Holden. I prayed he wasn’t here, that Jack would get bored quickly and want to leave.
Finding a spot, Jack threw the car in park, the chassis rocking as he climbed out and bent over to look at me where I still sat on my seat. “You coming or what? Afraid to see your crush?”
“He’s not my crush.”
“Whatever you say, freak fucker,” he mumbled back, slapping his palm on the roof of the car before slamming his door shut. Mine was jerked open a second later, his fingers bruising my bicep as he yanked me out. Following behind him, I tucked my hands into the pockets of my jacket and let my long hair fall forward to hide my face. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want trouble.
I’d be a liar to say I didn’t want to see Holden. That I didn’t want to confirm he was in one piece. The last time I’d laid eyes on him, he was broken atop a hospital bed, his little sister red faced as she demanded I leave.
Jack opened the door and strolled in ahead of me as a waitress with blond hair in a braid down her back peeked over and held up a finger to tell us to wait a minute to be seated. Glancing around without making it obvious, I breathed out a sigh of relief (and disappointment) to find that Holden was nowhere in sight. Hopeful that Clive had been lying, that he was just going along with the rumor of Holden working here to have something to say to Jack, I smiled politely once the waitress approached us, the name tag on her shirt reading Kaley.
An older woman watched us from behind the counter, her eyes widening in recognition just before she ran off and disappeared around back.
“Table for two, I assume?”
Kaley’s voice wasn’t friendly. Curt and professional, the words were a touch sharper than they should be, like hidden razors that nipped at your skin to slice you apart slowly. She recognized us too, and she didn’t like what she saw.
Jack nodded his head, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He was probably angry that the waitress hadn’t dropped to the ground to kiss his feet. She showed us to our table, swiped a pen from behind her ear and stood ready to write down our orders. “What can I get you?”
“How about a menu since this is the first time I’ve stepped foot inside this rundown grease trap, and a little bit of respect for your betters would be nice, too.”
My eyes darted to Jack where he sat glaring at Kaley, a sheen of angry red staining his skin. Embarrassment and revulsion flowed through me.
“My betters?” she mumbled, more to herself than us. A bark of humorless laughter shook her shoulders, her eyes darting to the back of our table. “Your menus are right there. I’ll return in a few after you’ve had a chance to look them over.”
Spinning on her heel, she marched through the main dining area and stalked into the same hallway the older woman had run down earlier.
“Why do you think they keep running around back? Think the crazy freak is behind there spying on us?”
Keeping my voice low, I groaned, “Just leave it alone, Jack. You’re being rude.”
Jack wasn’t as discreet in the voice department. Instead he spoke loud enough for everyone to hear. “I’m being rude? What the fuck ever. These fuckers should learn whose ass to kiss. If it weren’t for our families, this town wouldn’t exist and this shithole for a diner wouldn’t be here.”
Other patrons turned to look at us, but they were mostly kids who lived on our side of Tranquil Falls. Laughing at what Jack had said, they returned to their own conversations, the buzz of noise more excited than it had been a few seconds ago.
“Let it go. He didn’t do anything to you.”
Wrong words. Damn it, I couldn’t have spoken worse words, even if they were true. Jack’s eyes narrowed into slits, his jaw ticking as he ground his teeth. The drugs were taking hold and his anger was drifting to the surface.
“He didn’t do anything?” he asked, keeping his voice low for once. “How about breaking my nose, huh? How about that? How about costing my family money?”
“You hit him with your car,” I hissed, too pissed off to do the sensible thing and agree with him just so he would calm down and shut up.
God, I hated it when Jack got high.
The waitress returned, her pen poised over her pad of paper, her expression politely professional. “Have you decided?”
Jutting his chin toward the hall, Jack grinned and spoke loud when he asked. “Yeah. Why don’t you tell the crazy freak in back to come out and talk to me? We’re old friends.”
Laughter burst from some of the tables, naked anger filtering through Kaley’s brown eyes as her lips pulled into a thin line. “I’m sure you were.” Pointing between us with her pen, she said, “You two need to leave. As in now. As in right this minute. We don’t want your kind of trouble in here.”
Jack was growing louder, angrier, his eyes bloodshot so badly that the green shone neon. “We have to leave? Why? Because you have a crazy freak in back? You need to do you job and serve me, you understand? I was just trying to be friendly by inviting him to my table-“
“Kaley is right, Mr. Thorne. You need to leave my diner right now and without another word. Nobody is going to be serving you here.”
Marching up to the table, the older woman looked as if she would pick Jack up herself and toss him out. Murmurs burst through the room, the patrons turning in their seats to watch the show. Just as quickly as the noise level grew louder, it quieted, everybody’s eyes turning to the back hallway as those murmurs turned to faint whispers.
My eyes locked on the hallway next, seconds before Jack turned to look. I’d only experienced time stopping once before. I’d only felt this chill course through me during one other event. That time involved Jack and Holden, as well.
Holden...
My breath froze in my lungs to see him.
Holden Bishop had grown in the past two years. Not just in height or width, but in presence, in magnitude, in strength. I wasn’t sure how to explain what my body was feeling, what my heart was doing to look at him, why I hadn’t yet taken a breath since my eyes connected with his neon blue stare radiating cold, raw hatred.
In high school he’d been a shadow, a wisp of darkness that tore down the halls with his shoulders folded in on themselves, his head lowered, his mind trapped by whatever he was reading, or whatever image captured his thoughts. But now, Holden stood with his head high, his broad shoulders rolled back, the darkness about him no longer a shadow but a black hole that absorbed and licked at the light all around him.
I took a breath.
“Well, there he is! The freak of the hour. I was wondering when you’d stop hiding and come out to say hello.”
Jack’s voice boomed above the whispers hissing through the room, venomous snakes of gossip and rumors. The older woman moved to block Jack when he stood up, the waitress waving over a few other men who wore chef pants and aprons. They stepped out of the kitchen and took a place behind the older woman but in front of Holden.
“You need to leave my diner right now, Mr. Thorne. And if you’re not out within the next five seconds, I’ll call the cops and report you for trespassing.”
Jack’s gaze slid between the older woman and Holden, a grin stretching his lips in challenge. “Did you hear that Holden? I have to leave. All because you’re a scared, little crazy freak who can’t take care of himself. Not so big and bad anymore are you?”
Laughter rolled like soft thunder across the tables, snickers and jeers. I don’t know how Holden stood so still to hear it, his expression blank, his eyes daring Jack to come closer despite the people standing between them.
“Come on, Jack. We don’t need the cops called. Especially not with-“ My eyes flicked down pointedly to his pocket where I knew his drugs were stashed.
Jack hesitated.
“Listen to your girlfriend, Mr. Thorne. At least she has enough sense to know where she’s not welcome.”
His eyes narrowed on the woman, his hands clenching and releasing. If I didn’t get him out of here now, he’d start a fight with someone. Stupid fucking drugs. They make people insane.
“Come on, Jack. I want to go.” Grabbing his arm, I ignored the way his bicep flexed beneath my palm. He was high as a kite and wound up by whatever uppers Jimmy Jr. had given him. Thankfully, he was sober enough to realize he couldn’t take on all the employees of the diner to get to Holden. Shooting me a scathing look, Jack wrenched his arm from my hand, stormed out of the diner without bothering to look back. Tucking my hands into my jacket, I shuffled out behind him, aware that the older woman was following me as far as a few steps outside the door.
Turning, I peered over at her, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. Keeping my voice low, I apologized. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t want to come here and cause trouble.”
Her eyes studied me before she shook her head and scowled. “You seem to have some sense. A girl like you can do a hell of a lot better than that jackass. Money isn’t everything, sweetheart, and you’ll do better in life when you learn it. I know my advice is beneath you, but I’m giving it to you anyway: You need to drop that guy like a bad habit. He’s not right in the head.”
With that, she spun and stormed inside. Jack was pulling out of the space before I even reached the car. Stopping just long enough for me to climb inside, he didn’t give me time to close my door before peeling out of the parking lot.
Keeping quiet, I refused to look at him as we tore down the main drive taking all the curves at a dangerous speed despite what happened last time he was driving like this on an icy night.
“Please slow down,” I finally whispered, too afraid to add any strength to my voice.
His jaw ticked. “Slow down. You want me to slow down?” His foot pressed the pedal harder, the needle of the speedometer shooting higher.
Hitting the brake suddenly, he turned the wheel, the car’s tires sliding over slick asphalt, my hands clenching to whatever I could find to hold myself in place as we spun to go back the other direction.
“No, I’m not going to slow down. Not until I’m in a nice little hiding place where I can wait for that bastard. He owes me for what he did to my nose, and I’m going to break him a little as payback.”
His car was speeding through town again, back toward the diner, toward Holden. Panic erupted in my chest, my heartbeat erratic as I held on to the handle of the door, praying I’d find a way to turn him back around and away from the diner. “Jack, this is ridiculous, we’re going to be late to the party.” Trying to sound bored rather than petrified, I leaned his direction, put my hand on his knee and smiled. He didn’t bother looking at me, but at the speed we were going, I was fine with that. I’d rather his eyes remain on the road.
“We’ll still go to the party. I’m sure once that freak gets out of work, it’ll only take me a few minutes to get even for my nose. Just one bone, that’s all I need to break. One.”
The panic spread to my stomach causing bile to roll over itself, to push its way up and burn my throat. “But you have the party favors, Jack. Clive and the other guys-“
“Will understand,” he barked. “They hate that crazy freak as much as me. We wanted to get even for that last fight, but he never came back to school.”
Probably because you almost killed him with your car, I thought, too afraid to voice the words. Probably because he lost his family.
Jack passed the diner and kept driving until we were near the train tracks. Pulling into a small empty dirt lot masked by shadow, he parked. His words were slowing down, his hands shaking. He needed another bump as the itch surged through him. While he angled his hips to reach in his pocket, I continued arguing, desperate to get him to the party and away from Holden. “This is gross, Jack. Aren’t you worried about your car in this lot? There could be razors and used needles, broken glass or other things that could pop your tires.”
If I’d learned anything in the five years I’d been with Jack, it was that playing to his own interests was better than defending whatever target he’d set his sights on. I knew better than to tell him to leave Holden alone for Holden’s sake. Jack would only accuse me of being a freak fucker for doing so. “Plus, it’s an all night diner. You don’t know what time he gets off work. We could be sitting here for hours in the cold.”
Jack wasn’t paying me much attention, not with the plastic baggie in his hand filled with white powder, not with the tiny spoon he was dipping down into that powder before bringing it to his nose. He inhaled it harshly, sniffing over and over to make sure he got it all. After closing the baggie, he rubbed his nostrils, his head falling back against his seat. “Shut up, Michaela. Stop complaining about everything.”
I couldn’t shut up. Not when we were sitting here waiting to jump a man that hadn’t done anything wrong. Not when I remembered back to the diner and Holden’s presence. While Holden had grown in the past two years, Jack had become softer. He was still tall, still muscular, but nothing like he’d been in his senior year of high school. Since starting college, he’d stopped playing football and wasn’t working out anymore. Add how the drugs had been eating away at his physique, and I doubted Jack was an equal match for Holden.
The shaking in Jack’s hands stopped a few seconds after he snorted whatever the powder was, his eyes wide open as he stared out the window toward the tracks. “I’ll wait for as long as it takes,” he finally said, his voice gritty, his throat moving to swallow. Turning to look at me, he allowed his gaze to travel down my body. “If you want to pass the time you could always do me a favor.”
Deja vu came flaring back. History repeating itself. This night mirroring the other. Decisions being made that would affect our lives in tragic ways. The bile crept further up, coating the back of my tongue with its acrid flavor. “I’m not doing it. Not here. I want to go.”
The sound was sharp, so sharp it ricocheted through the car, the burning pain across my cheek bone trailing behind that sound. By the time my mind could catch on to understand that Jack had hit me, his fingers were gripped in my hair, the strands snapping from my skull with how hard he gripped. I was being shoved down toward his lap, his words bellowing to fill the small space inside the car and chasing away the remaining echo of the strike to my face.
“You’ll do what I fucking tell you.”
Tears welled in my eyes, dripping down my cheek to dot his jeans, my unfocused gaze watching as he unbuttoned his pants to force the favor from me. He was too strong, too dangerous when he was like this.
He wasn’t giving me another option.
I was being stripped of my choice.
I was sick and tired of a life where I was forced to behave, forced to smile and pose, forced to swallow the lie that being born into privilege was somehow a blessing.
If anything, the privilege I was born into was smothering the life out of me, stealing the soul from my body and forcing me into an early grave.