Dalila
With a pained, piercing scream I fall to my knees next to my abuelita. This can’t be real. Not her, not now! Her clothes are completely soaked with blood and her eyes are empty.
She’s gone. Venganza means revenge, which means she was killed in retaliation by one of the cartels. There’s only one person responsible for this.
I have no strength left for this.
Nausea invades my body. Why her? She was just a frail old lady . . . my abuela who refused to give up on what she believed in even if it meant not seeing her family.
“No!” Rage like a tsunami engulfs me. “Give me the phone!” I cry out, grasping at Ryan’s jeans for Mateo’s cell. I dial my father’s number to scream at him and call him a murderer and threaten every bone in his body, but Ryan rips the phone from my hand before my papá answers.
“Don’t call him,” he says, hanging up.
“Why? Why can’t I tell him the truth, that he’s a monster? My father is a monster, Ryan! If it weren’t for him, she’d be alive,” I sob. “I just know it. Venganza means revenge, Ryan. Papá killed Rico, so Las Calaveras killed her!”
“Now isn’t the time to confront him.”
“It’ll never be a good time. He’s destroyed everything I care about. Everything! If anything happens to my mother, sisters, or you . . . I’ll . . . I’ll . . .”
I grab a towel and rush to the sink, then wipe mi abuelita’s bloody face to preserve some of her dignity. Disgust and anger envelope me as I cradle her head in my lap, unwilling to let her go. Unable to accept this. I’m shaking while uncontrollable sobs rip from my lungs. Ryan kneels beside me and holds us both.
“Why? Why? Why?” I chant over and over as I break down. I don’t know what I would do if he weren’t here for me, to be my support when I feel like my own life is draining from my body.
“I’m calling the police,” Ryan says.
“No! What if they’re the ones who did this? What if it’s another ploy to frame you?” I look at him, my eyes blurry and stinging from crying so much. “Why did they do this?” I say in a weak, defeated voice.
Ryan sighs. “I don’t know,” he finally says.
The devastation will never end. My emotions are running rampant. I was strong and determined to fight for my independence but now I feel like giving up.
I take in my now-bloody clothes and bloodstained hands. “What are we going to do? No police, Ryan. I don’t know who we can trust at this point.”
“I can try calling someone in the US.” He looks as defeated as I feel. “But I don’t know if that’ll make things worse.”
“We’re alone in this, aren’t we?”
He nods. “Yeah. We’re alone. I mean, I can call Mateo and see what he says but I’m sure he’s gettin’ grilled by your dad or Rico’s crew by now. Or the police. I don’t want to get him killed for associating with us.”
“He said he knew of a safe house. I know you don’t want to admit that we need it . . .” I lean into him for strength. “But we need it, Ryan. We need to be safe. Together. Wherever you go, I go.”
As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters. I have nothing left. Nothing, besides the man standing in front of me.
“You don’t deserv—”
“Stop saying that! We’re family now. Nothing else matters. We’re not safe here. If this was some sort of setup, they’ll be back, Ryan.” I take the phone from him. “Call Mateo. Tell him we’re ready to go to the safe house. After we’re there maybe I can send for my mom and sisters. You can’t protect me on your own. I know it’s not your nature, but don’t be afraid to ask for help. It doesn’t make you less of a man. I promise you that.”
As I sit on the stoop of Abuela Carmela’s house, I hug my knees to my chest and rock back and forth. Ryan reluctantly calls Mateo. He tells Mateo everything that’s happened. Mateo admits that he’s been interrogated by members of Las Calaveras. They’ve been asking questions about Ryan and his whereabouts. In the end, Mateo agrees to meet us here so he can get us to the safe house where we can be invisible.
Ryan kneels in front of me. “I need to wash the blood off you,” he tells me in a calm, gentle voice. “If we’re questioned, we can’t be seen with blood all over our clothes and hands.”
“I can’t do this.” I look into his kind, loving eyes. “I can’t function.”
“Yes, you can.” He rubs my palm gently with his thumb, the sensation reminding me that I might be completely numb inside but I’m still alive. “I’ll get some clothes you can wear from inside the house. Okay? You can do this. I’ll help you.”
I nod.
With tender hands, he leads me to the water tank on the side of the house. As I stand here, barely aware of what’s going on, he washes all the blood off me carefully and slowly as if I could break at any moment. I feel fragile and want to shut my mind off. I don’t even protest when he dresses me in a pair of my grandmother’s shorts and a T-shirt that still carries her sweet scent.
After I’m clean, he instructs me to sit on a rock not far away. He kneels in front of me again and makes me look at him. “I’m going to bury her,” he says, his face full of compassion.
“No,” I cry out as I clutch his shoulders in a desperate attempt at blocking this entire scene out of my head.
“I don’t want to leave her like this, love. She deserves a proper burial.” He points at the horizon. “Just look across the horizon and think of that house we talked about building. Remember that house? I can almost see it if I focus hard enough.”
As I stare across the land, he kisses me on my forehead before taking on the daunting task of laying Abuela Carmela to rest. By the time Mateo pulls up in his uncle’s red truck an hour later, we’re all cleaned and have said our teary good-byes to her.
I climb into the back seat and insist on Ryan sitting next to Mateo in front. We need help, and Mateo is the only person who can help us right now.
We can’t do this alone. Not anymore.
“I can’t believe what happened,” Mateo says. “It’s insane!”
“Yep,” Ryan murmurs. “Tell us what to do, man. I’m out of ideas.”
“Well, I didn’t want to tell you this, Ry,” Mateo says with a slight groan. “It’s pretty bad.”
“What’s going on?” Ryan asks. “Hit me with it.”
“You sure?”
Ryan puts his hands in the air, exasperated that there’s more bad news. “Nothin’ could surprise me at this point.”
“All right.” Mateo keeps driving, his eyes focused on the road as he hesitates. “Las Calaveras have put a hit out on you. I guess your stepfather is going to try to come from Texas so he can get the job done. Without concrete evidence, there’s no way they’ll lock him up.”
The reality of it all is too much. Ryan’s stepfather is out to kill him?
No, it can’t be.
But when I look at Mateo’s serious expression I know it’s true.