Dalila
Since I came back a few days ago I haven’t been able to talk to my papá. He’s been working out of the house most of the time, and when he’s home he completely ignores me. He’s even got Gerardo and a few other guards following me around the house to make sure I don’t go anywhere. My house has truly become my prison. My little sisters have supposedly been sent on a summer vacation, but I suspect they’ve been sent into hiding for their own protection. I asked about them, but I was shut down.
Gerardo told me that Ryan will be killed if he comes near me again. It’s not fair. It’s like whatever I think or say doesn’t matter. Is it because I’m only eighteen or because I’m a woman? I’m a person. It shouldn’t matter how old or what gender I am.
I’m going to see him again. I can’t let this empty feeling inside me be my new normal. If Ryan doesn’t want to see me again, I have to hear it from him.
I find my mamá in the garden. She’s busily clipping dead branches off some of the plants and pulling wilted leaves from their stems.
“Are you still mad at me?” I ask her.
She doesn’t look at me. Instead she continues with her task. “I’m not mad.”
“Then look at me, Mamá.”
She does. “What do you want me to say, Dalila?”
“I want you to say that my choices are respected and that when I say something, I’m heard.”
She shakes her head. “Your father provides for us and protects us. He makes rules not because he wants to be a dictator, but to make sure we’re taken care of and safe. When you disrespect his rules, you’re disrespecting your entire familia.”
Her words tear little rips in my already-damaged heart. I don’t want to cry or be emotional, but my eyes start to well up. The last thing I want to do is hurt my familia. “I love him, Mamá.”
She goes back to gardening. “Nonsense. You don’t even know him.”
I know I can’t convince her that she’s wrong. Ryan and I opened up to each other and revealed so much. Even though we’ve only known each other for a little while, I feel like I know him inside and out. I can feel when he’s hurting and when he’s stressed. When he’s happy or amused, there’s a part of me that bonds with those emotions. It’s a connection I’ve never had with anyone else.
Not even my blood relatives.
“I want to see him.”
“No.”
“Mamá, I need to go to the gym and see if Ryan is okay.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I haven’t heard from him and I can’t be away from him any longer. “I’ll make sure Soona and Demi go with me. I won’t be alone. I know that Ryan needs me. I feel it.”
Everyone in his life has treated him poorly or abandoned him. I want him to know that I’ll never give up on him.
“Give me this one gift,” I plead. “If you think I’m oblivious to everything that’s been going on, you’re wrong. I know more than you think I do.”
“You know nothing, mija.”
“Lucas would want me to follow my own path, Mamá. He wouldn’t want me to follow his. I’ve tried to be the best daughter I could, but I’m not that perfect child. I can’t pretend that I want the life you’ve forged for me. I can’t control what Papá does. Don’t control what I need to do.”
She stops gardening and sighs. “I’m going out with your father tonight,” she says softly. “We’re attending a benefit with the mayor and his wife.”
With a smile on my face and excitement running through me, I run and give my mom the biggest hug. “Gracias, Mamá. I love you so much.”
She hugs me back but holds on to me tighter and longer than usual. “If I could turn back the clock and change things, I would.”
I leave the gardens and head to my room to pick out my clothes for tonight. I wish I could leave now, but I have to wait.
After my parents leave for their charity dinner, I run upstairs to get dressed. I decide to wear a pretty, white, off-the-shoulder top that shows off my midsection. I think it will drive Ryan crazy. I pair it with a black miniskirt I bought in Paris last year. It’s a little short, but it goes perfectly with the top.
My hands are shaking as I put on mascara. The anticipation of seeing Ryan again is rattling me to the point of barely functioning. I need to see him, to feel his touch, to tell him how much I missed him.
To tell him how much I’m there for him.
I climb down into the fields in order to meet up with Demi and Soona, because if the guards know I’m gone they’ll definitely alert Papá. I’m not risking that.
After I weave through the fields and shimmy through an opening in the fence on the edge of our property, I see Demi in her car. As a favor to us, Mateo had it fixed by one of his cousins and brought it back to her in perfect condition.
“You’re going to get yourself in big trouble one of these days,” Soona says as I slide into the back seat.
“She’s doing it for love, Soona,” Demi chides her. “What’s more powerful and worth it than that?”
“Love?” Soona scoffs. “Really? You’re in love?”
Before I met Ryan I didn’t know what falling in love meant. Love makes you weak and strong. It makes you secure in your feelings and insecure that something will come along to ruin everything. Love makes you have purpose and passion. I’d run to the ends of the earth to find Ryan. If he doesn’t feel the same way, it won’t matter. For better or worse, my heart is seared with my love for him.
Soona hasn’t been in love. Demi is a romantic at heart, but she just hasn’t found the right person.
I direct the girls to the gym and notice a bunch of cars in the parking lot. A sharp feeling of dread overcomes me as I notice Ryan’s Mustang with its windows shattered and the tires flat.
“What happened?” Soona asks.
“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out.”
One car in the lot I recognize as Rico’s. Why is he here?
I take a deep breath and lead the girls into the gym. All eyes are on us as we enter.
Rico is standing with another guy in the ring. He’s got a strange, cocky smirk plastered on his face as he ducks through the ropes and approaches me. “Hey,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. “You and your friends come to watch me?”
Is he serious? “What happened to Ryan’s car?”
He doesn’t answer.
“I need to talk to Ryan,” I say, scanning the gym for him.
“He’s not here,” Rico says.
“Do you know where he is?”
His smirk turns into a chuckle and it makes me want to step back. But I don’t. I need to figure out what’s going on. “Ryan went far away. Well, that is if he’s actually alive. He didn’t look too good the last time I saw him.”
My heart starts pounding so hard I can feel it beating against my shirt. “What do you mean if he’s alive? What did you do to him?” I ask, my voice shaking uncontrollably.
“I just made sure he’d stop interfering in your life.”
“What I do with my life is none of your business, Rico Cruz!” I shoot back.
“It is when I make it my business.” He looks at me as if I’m some kind of strange creature. “You don’t think you two were actually a thing, do you? He was playing you, Dalila. He admitted he was just trying to get into your pants, so I beat the shit out of him and dumped him back in the US where he belongs.” He jumps down from the ring and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I did it to protect you from that pendejo. Aren’t you going to thank me for saving you from him?”
No. He’s lying.
I’m so confused right now.
My mind whirls with Rico’s words.
“Come on, Dalila,” Soona chimes in. “Let’s go home.”
I’m still in a daze as my friends and I walk out of the gym and head for Demi’s car.
As if on cue, Mateo’s truck pulls into the parking lot. He sticks his head out the window and waves. “Hey!”
“Did you know Rico beat up Ryan?”
A shocked Mateo rushes out of the car. “What do you mean?”
“He’s gone.”
“I know.” Mateo’s brow furrows in confusion. “I thought he couldn’t deal with the pressure of livin’ here and just went back to Loveland. Rico said his car was vandalized after he left. I haven’t heard from him.”
“So you haven’t talked to him this past week?”
“I’ve been busy with family stuff.” He swears under his breath. “I should have been there for him.”
I can’t just go on with my life pretending that Ryan doesn’t exist. “Rico said Ryan is in the US. Can you help me find him?”
Soona sucks in a breath. “Dalila, you can’t go. You heard what Rico said. Ryan was just using you.”
Demi puts her hands on her hips. “Let me go with you so I can beat the shit out of that lying user, too.”
My friends have no clue what it was like to spend time with Ryan. He wasn’t using me. I know he wasn’t.
Mateo shakes his head. “Whoa. Rico said that Ryan was using you? No way. Ryan doesn’t use people.”
I know. “Take me to him, Mateo.”
“You want me to sneak you across the border? No way,” he says, holding his hands up.
“I’ve got a passport back at home. That’s all I need.”
“We can’t go tonight,” Mateo says. “But I can take you tomorrow night if you’re up for it.”
I’m ready to fight for what I want, even if I’m breaking the rules. Nothing’s going to stop me now.
I just have to find a way to sneak out tomorrow night without anyone noticing.