I was at the stove, making French toast. The simple task was draining, and I knew I’d have to lay down again soon. I’d probably have to eat the meal off of the tray I’d come to despise while in bed. At least I’d been able to get up and do this myself, though.
For the last several weeks, Stone had been doing everything for me. This one little thing was something I could do for him.
I flipped the two slices in the pan, humming “Sea of Love” as I did. My memories of those first days after I woke up in the hospital were foggy at best. Stone had told me since that I’d completely forgotten about having woken up before the first few times, or that he’d already told me why I was there. None of that had stuck. Hearing him talk about it felt like listening to a story about a stranger.
The one thing I did remember, though, was that song. I’d asked him to play it for me more times than I could count while I was stuck in the hospital bed. When I started having more visitors and Avery showed up with a replacement for my phone, I’d downloaded it for myself.
What happened to my phone, I didn’t know. At least, not specifically. I didn’t have much in the way of specifics about what happened from the time I was taken to the time I woke in the hospital. The only details I knew for sure were the medical ones. I’d read my chart and spoken to the surgeon myself about that. I understood precisely what my recovery was going to look like—which also meant I knew that I was pushing it a little that morning, but I was stir crazy.
The rest I didn’t ask many questions about. Maybe at some point, when I was more healed and looking back on this, I’d need to know. Stone had promised he would give me everything if I asked, but I hadn’t. In part, that was because I could see every day how much it was weighing on him. I understood enough to know what happened was related to the Disciples and Stone was feeling at fault. The last thing I wanted was for him to relive it all right now.
As for me, I didn’t blame him. I didn’t blame the club. I knew they’d put themselves on the line to save me. Having lived most of my life surrounded by people who barely made an effort to show they cared in the easy times, I appreciated as much as anyone the sacrifice they were all making doing whatever they did to save me. Those men had families at home, but they’d put themselves on the line. Whatever came before, whatever happened that might have led to me being caught up in it, that didn’t matter.
His footsteps carried through the hall and into the kitchen before his arms closed around me carefully, only touching up at my ribs, but I focused on breakfast.
“Why are you out of bed?” Stone asked gruffly into my neck.
“I’m making breakfast,” I pointed out the obvious.
Stone wasn’t amused. He never was when he thought I was being a risk to my recovery. My say on the matter didn’t hold much weight. It was a big part of why I’d become so stir crazy. “You could have woken me up and I’d have made breakfast.”
That was true. If I so much as shifted noticeably while he slept, Stone was ready to jump out of bed and do whatever I needed. Hence why I’d taken advantage of the fact that he’d somehow slept through me getting up to use the bathroom this morning.
“I’m fine, honey. It’s important at this phase of recovery that I start moving more,” I reminded him.
On a grumble, he shot back, “I don’t give a fuck. You’re going to overdo it.”
My sweet, temperamental, overly-cautious biker. I removed the last pieces of French toast from the skillet, flicked off the burner, and turned in his hold.
“How long am I going to be handled like fine china?”
Oh, yes. He was grumpy. The lines segmenting his face made that perfectly clear.
“You’ll be lucky if it’s not your whole damn life, bunny.”
I rolled my eyes. We both knew that wouldn’t be true. Eventually, he would adjust. Heck, at some point he wouldn’t have a choice. I would go back to work when my body could handle it. I was floored at the understanding from the hospital when they learned what had happened. In that mysterious biker president way of his, Stone handled the whole situation in a way that didn’t come back to the Disciples. By extension, in the eyes of the law and my superiors at the hospital, I was only a victim of a tragic situation, not the woman of a dangerous biker. They couldn’t give me paid leave for as long as my recovery would take, which I understood, but my position was saved—though it might require a movement between departments to pediatrics or something else for a period of time depending what staffing was like at the time—when I was ready to return.
It was tough not to dwell on my dream taking a little longer, especially when my days were spent stuck in bed. However, it did help that I was rarely left to entertain myself. Stone was nearly always at my side, and the whole of the Disciples family was coming around as much as they could. Even Jager came twice, once without Ember with him. He did bring Jamie, though—which I was thankful for since I didn’t quite know what to say to the surly, quiet guy. I appreciated him making that effort either way.
I appreciated everything they were all doing for me, even if I wished it weren’t necessary.
“You can carry all the food upstairs,” I offered. He raised an eyebrow that told me my effort to placate him didn’t work. He’d have carried the food up whether I granted permission or not. I took a few steps around him to the cabinet to grab another plate, and the fatigue of the morning hit me hard. “Actually, you can carry me upstairs if you want to, too.”
There was scarcely time for me to set the plate down before Stone was picking me up. It was fast, but it was exceedingly gentle so as not to jar my healing core. “I fuckin’ knew you were doing too much.”
I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he might have been right. It was a part of the process, though. I wasn’t in considerable pain, just tired out. I’d have to experience that a lot to get my stamina back.
Stone settled me in my familiar spot on the bed. His whole room had been transformed since before my injury. All of my things had been moved in, pictures of us and our friends had been framed on the walls, and everything had been outfitted to make life easy for me. Someone had gotten a table that could easily wheel up to the bed and be adjusted to different heights across my lap, which Stone situated after I was good to put my food on. He then jogged back out to go grab our breakfast.
It was later, when we’d finished eating, and I was in an endless scrolling session, trying to hunt down a new show to watch—and thinking I might need to text Quinn, who seemed to have a bevy of shows she recommended, not to mention all the books she’d been bringing—when Stone spoke.
“I’m calling the brothers in for church tomorrow,” he said, and I nodded. He always kept me updated on his schedule so I could find someone else to come hang out with me if I wanted.
“Okay, honey,” I responded, still clicking away on the remote.
“Gonna call for a vote.”
“A vote?”
He didn’t clarify for a long moment, and when he did, I couldn’t believe it. “I’m giving up the gavel.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I’m stepping down as president.”
“You can’t do that!” I cried, sitting up fully. Then, I was crying out again at the sharp pain the movement caused.
“Evie, Jesus,” Stone muttered, leaning in to help me settle back down.
“That was your fault,” I argued. “How could you even say you’re going to give up being the president?”
He didn’t meet my eyes when he answered, “That’s the fucking problem. A lot of shit is my fault.”
Oh, okay. I needed to tread lightly here, but him thinking that way couldn’t go on. It was the elephant in the room we’d been studiously avoiding, but there was always a point when it made its presence known.
“Honey,” I called, but his head stayed down. His hand was on my side, not far from the spot where I’d been hit. “Stone,” I tried again, but he didn’t look. “Austin.”
That got me his eyes, their stunning gray depths painted with sorrow and regret.
“You didn’t do this to me,” I started. He was going to protest, or just tell me we weren’t going to talk about this now because I needed rest, but I wasn’t about to let that happen. “You didn’t. Not in any estimation. I know I don’t know all the details, but those men that…” I had to swallow down the lingering fear thinking about it drummed up to continue, “that took me, they were using other issues with the club, weren’t they?” He didn’t respond, but not disagreeing was answer enough. “Club business is club business, but that doesn’t mean the women don’t talk. I know who the Savage Disciples are. I know that sometimes you all have to do things to protect us or to take care of this town. Whatever was happening, I know it wasn’t just about something silly.
“You all were standing up for a reason, and from what I’ve come to know of the club, it was probably a reason I’d have been glad you were up in arms about. You feel guilty that they took me to use against you, but don’t you think I know that things could have ended very differently? Don’t you think I realize that you risked yourself to get me out?”
His jaw tensed, and I knew I was right. Stone had voluntarily gone to prison to keep his club brother free. He’d denied himself what he wanted because he thought it was better for me not to be with a man his age. When they took me, I didn’t doubt for a minute that he’d have willingly done whatever was necessary to get me free—even if that meant giving up his own life.
It was a realization I’d been dancing around in my head for weeks. When it came to mind, I forced it away because it was too much to bear.
“I love you,” I told him, tears making my eyes and nose burn as they made my voice tight. “It isn’t your fault that there are terrible men out there that would do what they did. It’s not your fault that they used me against you. The same thing could have happened if you were a police officer. Would you be thinking about giving up your job then?”
His fingers danced across the place where the bullet had hit. “Evie.” His voice broke on my name, and he cleared his throat. “They shot you. They took you and tied you up and fucking shot you because of me because I’m the president and they wanted to fuck with me. I won’t ever have you in that position again.”
“So, who steps up then? Roadrunner? He’s got a daughter and granddaughter to consider. Tank? Gauge? They both have Cami and Levi. Sketch? Slick? Daz?” I kept pressing, even as he shook his head. “Every Disciple has people they love. Even if we take away the women and kids, you still all have each other. You guys tried to protect us all. I went off on my own, not thinking about the fact that there was a reason you wanted to know where I was and when. But it’s not my fault, and it isn’t your fault or the club’s. The only people at fault are the ones who did it. And you made them pay. The whole club made them pay.”
That was part of the story I didn’t know, not wholly. Stone had only made it clear that retribution had been delivered. Honestly, no matter what time passed, I wouldn’t want to know more than that.
“I don’t want you to give up your place leading the club,” I went on. “Your brothers won’t either. And I don’t think you want to, not really. Being the president is who you are. Don’t let them take that from you.”
For a long time, he didn’t say a thing. He sat close, holding my eyes with his. There was a war there beneath the surface that he needed to fight. My man was strong, though. I knew he’d defeat those demons in the end.
“Maybe I’ll wait a while,” he finally conceded, and I felt a small smile forming on my lips.
It was a victory. A little one, maybe, but still a win.
“Then, I have more time to convince you.”
He kissed me. It was soft like they all were now. I missed the others, the passionate ones that set me on fire, but they would only lead us to a road we couldn’t take. Not yet.
“How about forever?” he asked when he released me.
There was nothing small about the smile I gave him then.
“I can do forever.”