I was in big fucking trouble.
One day out of that cell, and I’d already managed to fuck myself.
If I hadn’t known it the minute I saw Evie’s face, I knew it feeling her pressed against my back on my bike.
Every biker I knew had his own philosophy about what that position meant. For some, any piece of ass he tapped or might want to was fair game to climb on behind him. Others were a bit more picky but still put their fair share of women in that seat. I wasn’t one of those. Most of the Disciples had a different code. To us, no woman straddled your bike unless she at the fucking least had your respect. For me, it was even more. That spot was sacred. I’d never put a woman there.
A few times over the years, I’d had one of the brother’s kids there. When I’d been a recruit and first got my patch, Cami and Ash had just been kids hanging around the clubhouse with their dads. Now, they were both grown, raising their own biker brats with my brothers, but there’d been times back in the day where both of them and Sketch—whose uncle had been one of us until we lost him in an accident years back—had gone for a ride with me. I’d even had Emmy out a couple times before I went away.
But I’d never had a woman on it with me. Not even once.
Now, the first woman I had ride with me was one who’d never even been on a bike. Fuck, Evie had just looked adorably confused about how she was supposed to get on even as I walked her through it. It’d taken all I had not to turn around and kiss her while she’d inched closer to me bit by bit, not getting in tight enough to keep her secure. I’d had to give in and grab her behind the knees to pull her close, then physically wrap her arms around me.
I’d never felt anything better than having her there.
I wouldn’t even let my mind imagine how much fucking greater it would be to have her wrapped around me like that another way. It had been hard enough to keep some amount of control feeling her legs in my hands. If I lost anymore, we’d be eating pavement.
The next few weeks were going to be a constant battle with my self-control as it was. Moving Evie in was probably the dumbest fucking thing I’d ever done. I’d told myself again and again that I wasn’t going to go to the diner looking for her. It’d been so long since I’d disappeared on her, it was best to just let it lie. Now, I’d be bringing her into my life.
I was so fucked.
As I stewed on that thought, I turned onto the long driveway that led to the farmhouse. The property had been left by one of our former presidents of the club. Back then, it had been the clubhouse. Now, we had the main clubhouse in town so we’d be close to everything, and this on the outskirts for whatever brothers or family that wanted to stay there to live in. It was sitting on sixty acres that was the picture of freedom. We didn’t do shit with the land except mow a bit right around the house. The rest was left to grow as it would, unmarred because we paid out the ass on taxes to keep it that way.
I felt Evie finally lift her face from where it was pressed against my back to block the wind and knew she was looking around in the dark at the natural beauty of it. The moon had broken through the clouds enough to provide some light, but even with just my headlight, it was easy to see how different this was from the rest of Hoffman where it was tricky to even get half an acre to yourself.
Up ahead, the house was lit all around the outside. It wasn’t some grand, fancy shit. It was a home. It was big, and it had needed to be plenty of times, but it was just an old farmhouse that we all took care of. I felt Evie’s arms tighten around me as we got close, and I knew she was taking it in. I wondered what she thought of it. Was it a place she could see herself for the long haul?
Fuck. That didn’t matter.
Once she was on her feet again, she was off to live her life. She’d never be back here.
I pulled up in front, killing the engine before saying, “Go ahead and climb off but be careful. The pipes get hot.”
I felt her body jostle a bit with her nod before she did just that, stepping wide enough that I almost laughed. When I followed her, I found she was standing in the same spot, anxiously wringing her hands as her eyes moved between me and the house.
“I’ll show you in and get you set up in a room, then head out to grab your stuff,” I said as I led her to the door.
“Oh, I can come with you,” she offered.
“You’re going to go in and relax,” I insisted. “Grab a shower or bath if you want. Fuck, you can go right to bed and get some sleep. I’ll bring your stuff in and we can sort it out tomorrow. I can find something for you to change into.”
“A shower sounds good,” she admitted, and I watched her nose scrunch up. Fuck if it wasn’t the cutest thing I’d seen in a long damn time.
I led her through the front door, stopping in the foyer to let her take off her shoes and the jacket she had on, then started the informal tour.
“Kitchen is right there. Help yourself to whatever you want. We don’t do any of that labeling your food shit or anything. Everyone just does their part to restock things. Never been an issue. And don’t hesitate with any baked goods lying around. It’s not anyone’s. Daz’s woman owns that bakery, Sugar’s Dream. Kate, who lives here with her son, works there, too. From what I hear, the two of them just bring stuff back here all the time.”
“From what you hear?” she asked.
So she caught that. The conversation was going to have to happen at some point. If Evie was going to stay here and be around the club, I had to tell her the ugly truth.
Mentally preparing myself for shit to go sour, I turned to her.
“Remember I said a lot of shit has gone down for me since I last saw you?” I waited a moment while she nodded, then another while I braced. “Truth is, not long after that last time, one of the brothers got into some trouble. It’s a long story, but the gist of it is that he felt he had to take a particular course of action to defend someone he loves, and that course of action meant a man got the shit beat out of him. Unfortunately, instead of taking that shit that he’d earned, the guy got the police involved.”
I paused again, Evie’s attention rapt on me. “Fuck, I’m just stalling. Point is, I went to prison for the last year and a half. Just got released this morning. I guess it doesn’t really matter why. What I want you to understand from telling you in complete honesty that I didn’t do it is that you’re safe. I’d never fucking hurt you, and neither would any of the men in my club. I confessed to that shit because it would have been worse for my brother if he’d gone away, but also because I supported what he did. His course of action might not have been right in most people’s eyes, but he was defending his family.
“That’s why I never came back to the diner. To tell you the truth, I walked away that day thinking it might be best if I didn’t come back, but I would have. I know it because I sat in that cell thinking about how much I wished I could. It’s also why there’s a lot of shit around here that I don’t know about besides what I’ve heard from other people.”
I stopped there, realizing I was going way too fucking far and wishing I could take half that shit back. I didn’t need to tell her how much I ached for her, not when there was no chance in hell I’d go there. It would kill me every day she was here, and probably for a long time after, but she wasn’t mine.
“That’s…” she swallowed. I was readying myself for whatever might come next. It could be she’d be afraid of me, of the Disciples, now even though I told her she was safe. It could be she was about to freak out and demand I take her somewhere else or call a cab so she wouldn’t have to be alone with me anymore. If she did, I decided I’d let her. I’d give her some money—or maybe make Jager, who could hack damn near anything, “magically” transfer some into her accounts—and let her be on her way.
Then, she fucking floored me.
“That’s incredible.” Her voice was awed, and I didn’t even know what to do with it.
“What?” I rasped.
“You sacrificed over a year of your life for your friend. I don’t…I can’t even fathom how hard that must have been for you.” She stepped in closer to me, grabbing my hand like she knew I was a fucking mess and needed an anchor.
I was speechless.
Then, she destroyed me.
Hesitantly, slow enough that I could have easily stopped her if I had a lick of self-control, she moved in the last inch until her body was only just not touching mine. Without loosening her grip on my hand, she rose to her toes and kissed me.
Just that, a gentle, light kiss, broke any restraint I had left. In a moment, I had her backed against a wall, both my arms wrapped around her. Her hands came up to my neck, holding on tight while I damn near fucked her mouth with my own.
She was sweeter than anything I’d ever tasted. I fucking knew she would be, and still, the reality of it blew me away. I was hard as a rock, my dick desperate to get free from behind the zipper of my jeans, and still, I didn’t even try to take it further. Not just because Evie was too good for that, but because kissing her was all I needed. I was sure in that moment that I could be sustained on just that for the rest of my fucking life.
And then she moaned.
That noise, the soft plea of it, hit me like a surge of heat but left pure ice in its wake.
This wasn’t fair. I knew she’d had a thing for me before, and it seemed that wasn’t entirely gone. I still couldn’t go there, though. Not with Evie. Not with a sweet, beautiful girl too young to get caught up with a now ex-con biker too damn close to twice her age.
It physically hurt, but I forced myself to pull away. It took a second for her eyes to open and focus on me, albeit hazily. When they did, I stepped back.
She blinked herself into clarity, and I saw the hurt start to show before she hid it. I did that. I should have maintained the distance between us even when she tried not to, but I failed. So that hurt was all on me.
“We can’t,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“Right,” she mumbled, no longer looking at me.
I’d fucked up, badly.
“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry, Evie. But you gotta know I’m trying to look out for you here.”
“Right,” she repeated. Nothing I was saying was even penetrating, and maybe that was for the better. Maybe what we both needed was for her to want nothing to do with me.
“I’ll show you your room, go get your stuff.”
Her head shook a bit, and I knew it was accompanied by a bunch of shit in her head that just wasn’t true. Shit like I didn’t want her, like she was a fool. I wanted to take those thoughts away, but I’d done enough damage as it was.
Instead, I led her to a room as far from mine as I could manage. After searching my own for some clothes that might manage to even stay up on her small frame, I told her where to find towels, and I left her to it.
Then, I drove out to get her stuff, all the while cursing myself for being a fucking idiot.