I sit in bed for a few minutes wondering if I really have to get out of it. Of course I do, but it doesn’t change the fact that I really don’t want to. There’s so much to consider about the day. I assured the housekeeper I would report the break in, but if I do that, someone might discover Aaron as a stowaway. I glance over at my twin, who is scratching his chest in his sleep and snoring softly. If only I had so few cares.

In the bathroom the mirror is cracked but I can still see how tired I look. The dream comes back to me in fragments, and all I remember is David was in danger. It was just a dream though. Wasn’t it? I brush my teeth with what little toothpaste is left in the tube. Did the perp really have to squeeze it all out? That’s just wasteful. Although I suppose they wouldn’t have had a moral compass if they were willing to commit theft and breaking and entering. Tack on some destruction of property and the potential thief is just a basket of good intentions.

Resigning myself to stopping by the small shop that’s middeck to purchase a travel size tube, I step into the shower. Thank God for small favors, because the spray feels divine. I’d gone to bed hungry, horny, and exhausted, feeling like I’d gone three rounds with Mike Tyson due to a full day of work and cleaning up last night, and the hot spray massages my aching muscles.

I do the lather and rinse routine, make my way back to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist and stand in front of the closet door, looking at the outfits that hadn’t been destroyed last night. I opt for a hunter green dress shirt, black slacks, matching green and black tie, and shoes that shine so bright they gleam in the low sunlight filtering into the room. I go for the dressy look because I need to feel like something in my life is put together. My mind wanders back to what happened with David again and I can’t help but feel like there’s something left unspoken between us. Maybe if he’d tell me how he feels, I might consider him as a potential partner, but every time I get close to him with something other than physicality, he shuts down.

Whatever it was last night that had him opening up, demanding, controlling, was not what I was expecting from him. Was I the one overreacting to the whole situation? I’ve been with enough men to know I’m easily burned because I put my heart on my sleeve too soon. Is David one of those people to use me, then ditch me? Maybe that’s why I pulled away? The more I analyze the situation, the more frustrating it becomes. I look at myself in the full-length mirror before turning around and walking to Aaron, feeling put together, powerful and in charge. If I can handle today, I can handle anything. This promo video will be nothing short of phenomenal for my career, and if I can pull it off without scandal or drama, then maybe I can get the recognition I need to take my career further.

“Wake up, Aaron.”

“Huh? What?” Aaron snorts and rolls over.

I shake him harder. “You need to get gone. The housekeeper will be coming to vacuum sometime today, and my assistants are going to be sent down to collect the racks and repair the damage.”

“Where am I going to go?”

“No idea. It’s a big ship, you’ll find a place.”

“Aww, man,” Aaron sits up, rubbing his hair.

I turn away from him. “I mean it, Aaron. Go find some other unused room to crash in tonight. If you get caught here…” I let the sentence hang in the air. I’ll plead the fifth, say I didn’t know he snuck into my room if someone catches him. They can’t hold me accountable for Aaron’s actions if I haven’t done anything wrong.

“Alright, fine,” he grumbles and slumps back over on the couch.

I roll my eyes. “The assistants will be here within the hour. It’s early yet. If you leave now you can sneak someplace else without too many people questioning you.”

“Alright, alright,” one of his eyes pops open. “I’m going.”

I walk to the door and don’t bother looking back before I shut it behind me. If he’s caught, it’s his own fault. I make my way to breakfast and sit in a corner, wondering if I should report the break in. As much as I’m full of bluster, I don’t really want to have to explain Aaron’s presence if he gets caught. Threatening him is one thing. Who wants their brother in their bedroom as an adult? But am I really so heartless I’d let him get arrested?

I’m just sitting down and ordering breakfast when I look up and in my direct line of sight, sitting on the balcony, is David. God, David. What am I going to do about him? It’s going to be such a long day on the set with him and I have enough problems to worry about without adding him into the mix. The problem is, I kind of want him in the mix I realize, despite the mixed signals I’ve been getting I like David. He seems genuine, at least in the sense of his work ethic. I like that in a man. It suggests he’ll put the work into other areas of his life. So it comes down to, am I ready for that kind of effort?

I consider everything that’s happened. I almost want him to come over so we can talk over breakfast, but he takes one look in my direction and goes completely white. Maybe I’m not ready for this kind of tumultuous relationship. It seems he’s just as conflicted as I am. There’s still this nagging feeling like there’s something I’m supposed to do or say. Maybe it’s because I’m so tired. That dream woke me this morning and I was more tired than when I went to sleep. I watch David as he gets up and walks out of the dining room. He doesn’t look at me, despite my eyes boring into the side of his face. I should warn him of the danger, but at the same time, it was just a dream. Why get him all worked up over something that won’t happen?

I finish my breakfast while reviewing the production notes and the corresponding outfits. Fortunately, most of the pieces we needed had been delivered to the set last night and weren’t ruined in the raid. I wonder if the housekeeper will rat me out but resign myself to calling my assistants and letting them know some of the clothing items are in my room and need to be repaired. I trust my assistants. There are three of them and they’ve always been on top of their game, getting what I need done.

On the set after breakfast, I’m determined to keep it professional with David. I have enough on my plate right now, without needing to worry about what may or may not happen with him. If there’s time after the cruise, maybe I’ll reach out to him. It’s just such bad timing right now. Add whatever Aaron has cooking and there’s sure to be a storm on the horizon from that mess. I don’t want to drag David into all of it.

I’m surprised as the morning passes and he doesn’t approach me with something to say about me bailing on him last night. I can sense him watching me throughout the morning, but I’m so wrapped up in making sure the wardrobes are up to par, I don’t see him walk up to me.

“Hi. Umm, good morning. Well, good afternoon, I mean,” he looks away sheepishly.

“Hello,” the conversation goes about as well as I expect. I run my hands through my hair in frustration. Why does he keep alluding to the hallway? What on earth is he talking about? Is he talking about the hallway to go to the balcony upstairs at the club? His nervousness is what gets me the most, and the guilt I feel for leading him on overwhelms me.

I thought I was ready to dive into a relationship with another man who wasn’t sure about his sexuality, but that’s not what I need right now. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks and I’m left spluttering through this conversation, not knowing how to tell him that he hasn’t done anything wrong, I’ve just realized my needs have changed. I need someone who’s secure in their life. I need someone who will meet me halfway as we explore a relationship, not question every aspect of it. I need to feel secure in the relationship, like one of my put-together suits. I want all the bells and whistles, and I want the person in my life to feel as comfortable as I do when I do take the time to put myself together.

I try my best to let David down easy. It seems bittersweet that it’ll end before it’s truly begun, but I don’t see any other way. I do hope he’ll figure out what he needs, because I have no doubt that when he does, he’s going to make one hell of a partner for someone.

The rest of the shoot passes with a feeling of mild discomfort, like I have heartburn or something. It’s less the physical distress of heartburn, and more the wistful what-if feeling that’s causing me to feel like my heart aches for a lost opportunity. Alayah keeps giving me sideways glances throughout the day, and I feel bad that I’m avoiding her gaze, but with the shoot wrapping up quickly, I’m happy to get back to my cabin and enjoy what little remains of the cruise. I’d never expected the past twenty-four hours to be such a whirlwind.

I grab a light dinner and opt to take it back to my cabin after the shoot, narrowly avoiding being cornered by Alayah. When she spots me across the room, I give her a wave, hoping to convey that it isn’t her, I just need some space. Whether she gets the message or not, she doesn’t text immediately to ask what’s up, probably because she gets sidetracked by her own assistant who’s helping her pack up. I’d left instructions with my three assistants to have them pack up the racks and have them shipped to my studio once we land tomorrow. Then, they’re enjoying a couple of days off to make up for their long weekend of working.

Standing outside the door to my room, wondering what I’m going to find on the other side this time, I glance down the hall to see if the housekeeper is in sight. I brace myself and open the door to find the room looking spotless. The housekeeper, bless him, had not only vacuumed, he’d replaced the broken drawers and even the cracked mirror in the bathroom. The cruise must consider such instances if they have spares somewhere on board to replace these things. It’s as if the room was never touched. The pillows that had been slashed are now replaced, as well as the bedding and broken lamps. I sigh, grateful for the old man, and remind myself to make sure I leave a big tip when I leave tomorrow.

I’ll of course make sure I pay for the damages, though I don’t think it’s fair I have to cover them. I have a feeling the break in has something to do with Aaron, and I’m determined to get it out of him when we get back to shore.

I eat my meal in my room and watch the sunset through the tiny window. When I’m done, I decide to take another shower. The ache in my muscles isn’t from anything strenuous, just emotional and mental exhaustion. Just as I’m getting out of the shower a knock sounds at the door. “Just a minute!” wrapping a towel around my waist, I toss my suit across the back of the chair and wonder who might be knocking. Aaron wouldn’t dare come out with it being so early in the evening. Maybe one of my assistants?

I open the door and stand there groaning inwardly. David is on the other side looking determinedly resilient.

“I need to talk to you,” he doesn’t wait for an invitation but pushes past me, despite my state of undress and not inviting him in. I glance down the hall, but no one is there. I turn around, dripping wet in nothing but a towel, and glare at him.

“What is it, David?”

His eyes rake my body in such a way that sets my blood on fire and leaves my skin heated to the point I feel like I’m cooking inside. If he’d undressed me with his eyes before now, it’s nothing compared to the way he’s looking at my towel.