I stare at the back of Alex Keys, the clothing stylist, and the pit of my stomach feels weighted. He’s here. On this ship and working for me. What am I going to do? I can’t believe he’s here. I tug at my collar and refuse to look at Jake when he asks, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yes, of course, I’m fine. Who hired the crew, Jake?”

“Well, I did.”

“Are they capable of working to the standard I’m accustomed to? I don’t want stylists who are going to perform less than stellar work.”

“Stylists, David? Or the entire crew? Or is there a particular stylist you’re displeased with?” Jake’s voice is gentle, but it just incenses me more. I don’t want Alex on this cruise. Sure, this is a gay couples promo cruise, but this is going to be a nightmare. If he lets it slip to anyone what happened, my career could be ruined. I can’t tell Jake though. He has enough to worry about.

“I mean the crew. If we’re going to use this video as a promo, I’m here as a friend doing you a favor and I don’t want to see all of your hard work wasted because we can’t make the models look glamorous,” I can feel the sweat on my forehead and I want nothing more than to crawl into my bed in my cabin and hide. Jake holds up his hands defensively.

“Hey, I get it and I’m completely grateful you’re helping me out. Alayah Collins is one of the best in her field and so is Alex Keys. He’s been in the business for over ten years. He knows what he’s doing and so does she. I’m grateful for the favor, David. None of this would be possible without your help.”

I sigh. “I’m sorry, Jake. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I just want everything to be perfect.”

“And I appreciate it. I just have this feeling like there’s something you aren’t telling me. Have you met Alex before? Did he do something unprofessional? I don’t have a backup stylist on retainer, but I could probably figure out something.”

As much as it would make my life easier, it wouldn’t be ethical to have Alex fired. If he’s been in the business this long, then he knows what he’s doing, and it would really benefit Jake to have a professional on hand. As long as Alex keeps it professional, I suppose. “No, no. It’s all good, Jake. I’m going to go for a walk and unpack in my cabin then check out the performance center to start considering lighting and such. It’ll make shooting run smoother if I have an idea where the backdrops need to be set and where the best sources of light come from.”

I begin walking toward the cabin areas and hear Jake call to my back. “You have my cell number. Text me if you need anything David, for filming or anything else. I’m your friend first, remember?”

I wave my hand over my head and continue walking. People greet me as I pass them. A lot of the models and actors on the cruise are people I’ve worked with before, so I smile, say hello and ask all the right questions about how their lives have been going, but my mind can’t seem to escape last night.

The club was so erotic. I’d never experienced anything like it before. I was so confused all morning, which is why I was running late, and I’m never late. But then to see him standing there in the conference room this morning, looking so put together and confident, had been a shock I wasn’t prepared for. My emotions have run the gamut between wondering if what I let happen at the club last night was wrong or not. It was a public place, for Pete’s sake! I never should have risked my career and reputation for pleasure. Was it pleasure though? Of course, it felt amazing, but it had been with a man. I had let a man do that to me. What is wrong with me? There’s nothing wrong with gay men who…

I bump into someone passing me in the hall. “Sorry,” I mutter and continue towards my cabin. It’s at the end of the hall and it feels like the door knob is a million miles away. I just want a few moments of privacy before the cruise starts. I can’t back out now. That would be wrong, and it would kill Jake’s career and waste the countless hours and all the money he’s put into this project. I can’t do that to him.

I can ignore Alex, as I’d done before. It was completely awkward, but I have assistants who can communicate what I need. I don’t typically like to work this way. I like having a working relationship with the entire crew, but every time I look at him, I’m in danger of letting everyone on the ship know exactly how I feel about Alex Keys. Hot, aching, needy. The memory of his mouth bobbing up and down on my cock makes my dick throb in my pants, and if anyone notices the semi I’ve been sporting since I set eyes on him in the conference room, it will be humiliating.

I reach my cabin, unlock the door with trembling fingers, and quickly shut it behind me. I lean back against it and quickly unbutton my pants, shoving them and my boxers to the floor in a puddle of fabric at my feet. I grab the base of my dick and moan. It feels so good.

Closing my eyes, I begin to pant as I rub my hand up and down my shaft and think about last night. In my mind’s eye, it’s Alex in front of me again, on his knees. His eyes, so green, stare up into mine and I feel my balls tighten when I think about the way his tongue hit the spot just under the head of my dick, where the tip meets the shaft. My knees tremble and I reach down with my other hand, cupping myself when I recall the way he smiled around my dick while it was still in his mouth. I’d gripped his shoulders and the bench under my ass so hard, I thought I was going to leave claw marks. Now, I have nothing to grab hold of, and my fingernails rake against the door as the eroticism of the memories wash over me.

I cup the tip of my dick with my palm and let the droplets at the head lube my hand as I massage the sensitive head. I stumble toward the bed, collapse on top of the covers, and work myself over. When I come, it shoots across my shirt, but all I can think about are Alex’s green eyes looking up at me, his mouth closed around my cock.

I lay there panting for a few moments before I open my eyes and think about needing to pull myself together. I get up and strip the shirt off, go to the bathroom, clean up and change my boxers.

When I’m done, I get my first real look around the cabin, which is stately. I’d told Jake he didn’t need to give me a first-class cabin, but he’d insisted because I was doing the promotional video for him. It has a wet bar and a kitchenette, and the bay window overlooks the starboard side of the ship. I can just see the pier and Port Miami through the large window, and it’s a gorgeous view. I turn away, pulling the blinds shut behind me, surrounding myself in darkness. The bed, a California king, is massive, but the room itself dwarfs it. A large, flat-screen TV hangs on the wall, and I see the surround-sound speakers throughout the room, set into the walls for aesthetics. There’s a wardrobe, in which my assistant, Jamie, has hung my suits, and the drawers are full of my personal items. I pick out a casual outfit. I have been in nothing but suits the last few days, and I opt for something more comfortable. Dinner is a formal affair where all the models and actors will assemble and be given an introduction to the cruise. They all know the purpose, but Jake has gone over the top. I have a tuxedo for the occasion, but for the purpose of scouting out the performance center, I think shorts and a button tee are enough.

I pull on my sandals and grab my hat. It’s a staple for my appearance and the icon of my production company, White Hat Productions, and people have come to associate it with my reputation. It had been a gift from my dad before he passed. He’d always worn a hat. He told me it’d been a men’s fashion that died out, replaced with the modern baseball hat, along with the suit and tie paving the way for jeans hanging down past a man’s ass and graphic t-shirts. There was nothing wrong with modern attire, but if one wanted to maintain a professional appearance, a well-tailored suit could accomplish a lot.

I look around the room at the expensive amenities and feel out of place, even though I’ve built a life for myself where I can enjoy such luxuries. I feel strange in my own skin, like the life I’ve built is a lie and there’s a fragment of myself missing. I have the strangest feeling that what happened with Alex has a lot to do with that missing piece, but I’ve never been able to fully look at it without wondering if I’ve somehow been wrong. In the moment it had all felt so right. Apart from the physical pleasure, I felt happy after, like I’d finally been satisfied.

I sigh, realizing that despite how conflicted I am, I can’t remain in the cabin forever. Hiding is never going to solve anything, despite my insecurities and deep desire not to have another confrontation with Alex. I make a silent vow to myself to remember to act professionally and uphold my reputation. If we both can put this behind us, despite the fact that I’m finding it impossible to put the club encounter out of my mind, we might survive this cruise with our reputations intact.

I open my door, look left and right, then head down the hall toward the stairs that lead topside. As I crest the stairs and walk to the railing, I catch a glimpse of Alex and Alayah strolling the deck, talking quietly with each other. I feel my cheeks redden as I turn away and lean out over the rail. I wait as they pass by behind me and pray they don’t say anything. I close my eyes until I feel the breeze of the ocean hit my face. I open my eyes, see the sunset, and inhale the fresh salty air as I watch the cruise pull away from the pier. There’s no going back now. I cock my head slightly to the side and catch Alex in my peripheral vision, as he, too, takes in the sunset and the pier as it grows smaller and smaller.

I watch as the people on the pier wave goodbye to the ship, and I turn away in search of the performance center, when I can no longer make out the faces of each individual on the pier. There’s work to do now, and it doesn’t take me long to find the door to the auditorium. It’s a massive stage, wooden and polished. The chairs for the audience are set in a semi-circle around it, but the chairs themselves are opulent. They’re cushioned, the material soft and plush, offering a reclining feature so the viewer can fully relax and take in the performance.

I circle around to the side and climb the small steps, stage left. I cross the large stage, observing all the angles of light as I walk. There are lights on either side of the stage in addition to the spotlight and recessed lights. It seems like a lot, or too little depending on what’s needed, but I find the panel on the side of the stage that operates the lights and begin flipping them off and on, combining different ways of illuminating the stage so I have a sense of what will work best for filming. A lot of the filming will be done here as opposed to on the deck or at the various entertainment sites, because while filming in a natural environment creates a certain ambiance, here it can all be controlled to make the models look as glamorous as possible.

Once I have a better sense of the lights, I shut them all down and return to my room to get dressed for dinner. It’s one of those occasions that proves to be as pretentious as I expect it to be, so by the time I return to my room, my exhaustion sees me collapse on the bed and I pass out with all thoughts of my embarrassment, Alex, and the shoot emptying from my mind in anticipation of the chaos that will ensue tomorrow.