Chapter 14

A week passed and Xander did not return home.

At first, I just stayed in my room, waiting for the sound of his arrival but when a few days passed and there was nothing, I moved out to the dining table just in case I missed him. There was no movement in the house, only the sound of my restless pacing and Brenda’s activities each morning she came over to clean the house.

I took the time to explore Xander’s room. His closet, which was close to the size of Bethany’s apartment, was meticulously organized. His colors were monochrome, grey and camel shades, with only very few suits and ties around. He truly had his own style in the way he lived and interacted with others. There was so much I was yet to understand about him, and not knowing where to start and the fear that he would continuously keep me at arm’s length were my biggest dilemmas. Especially now that I had all but yelled him out of his own house. He probably thought I was too unreasonable to argue with, much yet live with.

I called my friends to schedule a night over at their place and some greasy dinner.

“Don’t you have some sort of billionaire’s wife soiree to go to or some fundraising or charity event?” Bethany asked. “You should be spending your nights in ball gowns and insured jewelry.”

Ida had more of an explanation for that than even I did. “David says that Xander rarely honors those invitations and the ones that he has thus far, he keeps her out of, so she isn't obliged to push off her work time to attend them. He is being considerate of her.”

“Perhaps,” Bethany reluctantly agreed, “but attending one or two of those in thousand-dollar outfits and a sexy ass man by her side couldn't be too much effort to expend for one night.”

I agreed with Bethany but kept my comments to myself. “I’ll be with you both soon,” I said and was about to head to the door when the bell started ringing.

Fear gripped my heart in the expectancy that it would be Xander. I very slowly opened the door to the apartment.

It was Xander’s mother. I had only spoken very briefly to her during the wedding.

“Can I come in?” she asked, and I eagerly stepped away from the door. It was her son’s home.

“My fiancé had an event in the city so I flew down with him so I could see you both.”

Fiancé?

She ran her eyes around the apartment, a soft smile on her face. “How’s married life with Xander treating you?” she asked.

I was about to just nod and automatically brush the question aside, but I decided to properly answer her. “It’s been going quite well,” I said, “however a week ago we had an argument and…”

“And what?”

“He hasn't been home in a week,”

I thought she would give me a disapproving look. However, she shook her head in amusement and said, “Sometimes he acts just like his father without realizing it. Don’t sweat it dear,” she said. “When he is done blowing off steam, he will be back.”

Her words should have soothed me, but they were not enough. “Why would he just take off like that? Why wouldn't he stay to sort it out?” Only when the question left my mouth did I realize that I was asking her a question that only Xander and I could answer. It was because we were not married out of our feelings for each other. I started to turn away, but when his mother had a response for me I turned back to her.

“That’s because of his temper,” she said. “His father was the same way. When they get riled up like that they can lose all reason. He doesn't want to make any mistakes with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He left because he cares. He doesn't want to do something that will hurt you and that he will regret towards you.”

That didn't make any sense to me. “By staying away, he is hurting me more.”

“Xander doesn't have experience so he is just acting out of his instinct. You will be the one who has to set your rules down.”

“Did you set your own rules down?” I asked.

“His father was not as thoughtful as Xander is, so I just accepted whatever I got. But you’re off to a better start than I ever was. Xander’s father just took out his temper on me. I’m a bit hungry, could you make something for me to eat?”

“Sure,” I said and hurried off to the kitchen. I whipped up some rice and curry for her and joined her in the dining table, my gaze still full of worry.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” she said as she ate, and I turned toward her.

“You’re our family now and for you both to make your love last you need to understand each other. Xander is quite calm most of the time is he not?”

“He is,” I said, but thought back to all the times he had burst out into fights in a split second over me. “But his temper can sometimes flare out of control. It’s as though he forgets who he is.”

“You're right,” she said. “Unfortunately, that temperament Xander picked up from his father. Has he told you how his father passed away?”

“No, he hasn't,” I replied. “He has never mentioned anything about his father.”

“Well, the version the world knows is that his father got drunk, staggered around and then cracked his head open on the edge of the table in our living room.”

I swallowed nervously as her voice got quieter. “What they don't know is that he fell because he got into a fight with Xander. He had been beating me up for whatever reason, and Xander couldn't take it any longer. I didn’t even know when he had gotten so strong. He lost his temper and forgot that he was his father. They squabbled for a while and then Xander threw him to the floor. He hit his head and cracked his skull open.”

I gasped quietly and held my hand to my heart.

“I told Xander to disappear immediately, that he had not been in the house. When the investigation started I took the blame for the blows on his father’s body, and the fall was attributed to his drunken state. Xander escapes blame at that time, but it’s been a demon by his side ever since then. I sent him away to New York on his own after that so I have not been able to witness firsthand how he has developed internally, especially as he is always so guarded. I was sure he wouldn't ever start a family of his own because of it, but then you came along.”

She smiled at me and held her hands in mine. “I’m so grateful for you,” she said. “He cares deeply for you, that much I can tell. So, I hope you’ll be able to use your love to soften him and keep him from being so guarded and afraid of his own self. I hope you will be able to reach places with him that I can never get to.”

I was quiet as I stared at the table of half-eaten dishes, speechless as to what to say. “What was the fight between you two about? Do you mind telling me?”

“A man touched me inappropriately. We were in a business meeting, and you know how those pigs could be sometimes?”

“Xander got in a fight with them?”

“He beat them into pulps.”

She smiled then. “The only people Xander gets into a fight with or for are those who have a place in his heart. You’ve crept your way in already, congratulations.”

I didn't feel any sort of comfort whatsoever by her words.

“Just take it one day at a time. Be patient with him and begin to create and set down your own rules. Don’t let him act however he wants all the time. New territory, a new partner, new rules. Understood?”

I nodded in response.

 

 

♡

 

CARSON

 

 

The next day, I paid a visit to Xander’s office for the second since we had met.

David met me at the elevator. “Finally,” he said, with his usual mischievous smile. “You came to find your husband even though he doesn't want to be found.”

“Where has he been staying?” I asked.

“Right in his office, and the building has been abuzz with gossip that you kicked him out. I was going to call you myself today if you didn’t show up. We’re having a meeting now, but come with me and I’ll introduce you to the senior staff.”

“There’s no need,” I said to him. “I’ll just wait until he is done.”

“I’ll take you to the meeting room then,” he said, and we went down the hallway until we arrived at a huge glass-walled conference room.

Through the transparent walls, I watched Xander sit at the head of the massive oak table surrounded by his employees, as he listened quietly to a presentation that was being given. He was attentive and rarely spoke. When they all sat down, he straightened and said a few words while ticking off some notes on the pad before him. When he was done, he shut it and everyone in the room rose with him. The door opened and they all began to file out, with some of them who somehow knew me stopping by to shake my hand in greeting. Eventually, I walked in and David came in behind me.

“Guess who’s here.”

Xander lifted his head and seemed to freeze the moment he saw me. He definitely had not been expecting my visit.

“I’ll let you two speak,” David said and shut the door behind us.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he recovered, and returned to gathering his notes and files before him.

“You haven't been home in a week,” I said.

He straightened then and held my gaze. “That shouldn't bother you.”

“Well, it does since our contract stated that we would be living together and not apart. You’re not the only one who has needs.”

He watched me quietly, and I did the same, not daring to falter underneath his gaze. “I can stand your absence for only one more night,” I said to him. “After that, I will move out.”

I turned around then and made my way out of the office.

 

 

 

 

♡

 

XANDER

 

I didn’t realize how tightly I was holding onto the edge of the desk until she walked out of the conference room. Upon her exit, I suddenly felt drained of strength and lowered myself slowly unto the seat.

What was going on?

My heart had jumped painfully into my chest the moment I saw her, and it was still racing. Truthfully, I had wanted her to come find me, but I hadn't realized it until she had given me an ultimatum just now. I was tempted to push her a bit further, just to see if she would truly leave, but there was no need for that. I didn’t need to conform to petty games. I wanted to go home, for one to rest my head properly, and secondly… for her. I had missed her, and it seemed as though every time I saw her, she grew more beautiful.

There had barely been any makeup on her face but yet she had seemed to radiate beauty in the room. I had provided her with an endless shopping budget and a closet filled with clothes that were matched to her style, but yet she had appeared in nothing but a pair of jeans that hugged her full hips, and a t-shirt that somehow still couldn't hide the dip in her waist and the strain of her full breasts. She was effortless, even in the way she was beginning to handle me.

I knew how dangerous my thoughts were, but I kept my alarm at bay. It had been a goddamn awful week, and one of the longest of my life. I suddenly couldn't wait to get home.

I stayed a bit later at work that day than was necessary in order to retain some level of self-respect before her and myself, and then I went home.

The house smelled like food the moment I entered, and for a few seconds, I just stood in the foyer reveling in it all—home. I had never thought of it in that way, but with her here, my mind became quite convinced that it was.

I knew she heard me when I arrived, but I decided to just head directly to my bedroom to not give her the satisfaction of gloating over my caving in to her ultimatum. I was sure she would call me out, but time went by and soon it was past midnight, and there was no sound of her. So, I turned around in bed, blatantly ignored the hard-on that I had nursed all day, and fought to keep it from driving me insane.

 

 

♡

 

CARSON

 

I had told David before I’d left the office to inform me of when and if Xander left. Making dinner would mean that perhaps he would be tempted to stop by the kitchen, and even if we didn't say a word to each other, just having him around was more than enough to soothe my excited heart. However, he had come in and gone straight up to his room, and I was offended on every level.

I raged at him for a while as I ate my dinner and then worked a bit at the dining table until it was about 3 am. Then I headed upstairs. I stood by his door, tempted to kick it and then scram, but I put the childishness away and listened for movement. There was none so after swallowing painfully, I pulled the door gently open and walked into the room.

The blinds completely covered the wall-to-ceiling windows, however, the room wasn’t pitch black because he had left the lamp by his bedside on.

I just stood there for a few moments watching him and realized how restless he was in his sleep. When awake he barely seemed ruffled by anything, but in sleep, he kept turning and sighing, and then so suddenly that my heart nearly flew out of my chest, he began to groan in pain. Then he shot up from the bed, his breathing hard and his eyes widened in fear.

His entire forehead glistened with sweat, and only when he raised the back of his hand to wipe it off his face did he finally notice me at the door watching him. And the moment he did, I could almost feel him freeze.

I stopped breathing as his gaze held mine, my insides twisting with worry for him. Are you alright?

The words sounded in my head, but I couldn't bring my mouth to move so I just stared at him until I saw the anger flash through his eyes.

“What are you…?” He put his head down and tried to control his breathing, and then he threw the covers aside and began to stomp toward me. “Leave!” he growled.

For a brief moment I felt fear grip my heart at the ferociousness in his gaze, but then I stood my ground, feeling within my heart that he wouldn't hurt me.

He stopped and glared at me and I could tell that it pained him that I had caught him in such a vulnerable state. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Why are you here?”

He came so close to me that I could feel his breath on my cheeks, and see the hair glued to the perspiration on his forehead. He was trying to intimidate me, and I refused to show for even a moment that it was working. “Leave,” he said. “Right now.”

I stared directly into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said to him and walked to the bed. I lifted the covers on the opposite side of the bed and slipped into them.

He stared at me in shock, but in that moment, he didn't say a thing. He turned around then and stormed out of the room while I settled in nicely and brought the covers over my face. It smelt of him, and as I hugged his pillow closer to me, it felt warm enough to chase the cold of his absence away, so I inhaled deeply and then shut my eyes to fall asleep.

The next morning, I woke up alone, and when I went downstairs, I found him at work in the dining room. He looked quite exhausted, and I wondered why I had never noticed that about him before. I felt fear when I realized that perhaps the nightmares were what always woke him up at the same time every night, and now that I knew their source, I felt overwhelming sorrow for the haunted child and now haunted man that he was. I also knew that my pity was the last thing he wanted so I chased it out of my mind and stared boldly at him.

When he refused to acknowledge me, I turned around, unmoved, and began to head into the kitchen. The apartment already smelt like coffee, so I knew that he wouldn't be needing that from me.

“Don’t come into my room again,” he said, and I stopped in my tracks.

I spared him a glance and met his cold gaze. “Are you embarrassed or just choosing to be an asshole about it?” He was taken aback by my statement. I made my announcement clear. “From now on I will be spending my nights in your bed. If you don't like that, then you can move somewhere else.

He rose from the chair. “This is my damn house,”

“And I’m your wife,” I said and shrugged my shoulders. Ignoring him completely, I went to the refrigerator.

“What are you doing?” he asked. “Why are you trying to get close to me? This was never part of our agreement.”

“I’m not trying to get close to you,” I immediately retorted. “I just won’t be able to sleep comfortably knowing that your nightmares keep you from sleeping properly. No wonder you’re always so short fused and grumpy.” As the statement left my lips, I immediately regretted it, but when I saw that it didn’t seem to affect his cold gaze that much, I breathed easy.

“Why should my sleeping in the same bed with you bother you one bit? It’s big enough for five, and if you are as unaware of me as you say then you should be able to ignore my presence in the room.”

At the uncertain victory, I whipped up a quick strawberry smoothie for myself and was out of there and back to my room.

That night I was by his door at midnight. I half-expected him to lock the door, but when I twisted the knob and found it open, I was pleasantly surprised.

He was awake and seated upright with a document in hand. I ignored his gaze, fearing that my confidence would fail me at any moment and went over to the empty side of the bed to claim my spot. I slipped in quietly and turned my back to him.

He didn’t say a word however, I wanted desperately to roll over to him to rest in his arms. His presence at such a close proximity to me made my insides feel as though they were melting. All I wanted was for him to make sweet love to me right there, but I knew that the circumstances currently surrounding my presence here didn't advise that so I kept to myself.

Just before I drifted off to sleep, however, he said to me, “Do you have a pitch ready to present to the executives of Steiner Studios?

My eyes shot open. I turned around to face him. “What do you mean?”

“I got you a meeting,” he said, without taking his eyes off his report. “Is next week too soon?”

I was speechless, so he turned to me and continued when he noted that shock was the reason for my silence. “If your pitch doesn't draw them in, you can work with their team in preparation for the upcoming pilot season on other shows, and then go back to make the needed changes to yours. The experience alone will be priceless to you.”

I didn't know what to say. He put his document down and drew the covers over himself before turning off the lamp by his bedside.

The room was cast into darkness.

 

♡

 

XANDER

 

Her little play didn’t amuse me at all.

I wasn’t certain what she was up to, and it was strange to me that I had the patience and interest to want to see where it all led. I turned to glimpse at her beside me and sighed. If I were ever to allow myself to fall in love with someone I was certain that it would be her. When I saw the resiliency she showed toward the things she wanted, it made me feel both emotionally and mentally on par with her. Sexually, I would permanently remain in her body if I could. The thick duvet failed at hiding the outline of her hips as she laid on her side, and at the dip down to her tiny waist, I felt myself harden even more.

The blinds were open, and although I was never able to sleep well with them open, I had done it for her. I could see the entire Manhattan skyline, and that always kept my mind running, so I shut my eyes and willed my nightmares away.

Having her witness it the previous night had come as a shock that had taken me the entire day to come to terms with. I was still mighty uncomfortable, but my reaction tonight would determine this facade in the future for us.

I didn't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up to the sun shining on my face for the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt my entire body freeze in bed.

It was then as I stared wide-eyed at the bright skyline, that I realized that there were arms around me. I noticed the cleared exhaustion from behind my eyes, and the lightness of my body. There was no headache and my heart was calm. What was going on? I looked down at her slender arms and then turned to face her.

She was still deeply asleep, but with her face and body now slightly turned away from mine. Perhaps she felt my gaze because a few seconds later, she was pushing her hair out of her eyes and fluttering her lids open.

She woke up to my stare and instantly shot up from the bed. She began to order her appearance nervously, but at that moment, how she looked was the least of my concern.

“Why were you holding me?” I asked her.

She started to get off the bed, but I locked her hand down, demanding she meet my gaze.

“Because I thought you’d have a nightmare again.”

“What?”

“You were beginning to sweat… and you seemed to be in pain. I wanted to wake you up but when I touched you, you—"

“I didn’t wake up?”

“No, you calmed down.”

I watched her for a few moments and then got off the bed, but before I could turn, she had disappeared from the room.