Chapter Twenty-Five − A Coward at Heart
Glancing at the other side of the bed where his wife lay sleeping, her wild black curls splayed across the pillow, Derek smiled. He reached out and touched a strand of her hair, feeling it still damp between his fingers.
As the rain continued to beat down onto the roof, Derek prayed that his repairs would hold. For her sake. To keep her warm. However, turning his head, he caught sight of her wet clothes, lying crumpled across the room, and could not deny that the rain had been in his favour tonight.
Without the downpour, there would have been no need for a fire. If she had not failed at lighting her own fire, she would not have come into his room, frustrated and angry. And if she had not come into his room, they would not have…
Derek sighed, wishing he could simply reach out and pull her into his arms.
However, he dared not.
As physically intimate as they had been with each other, there were still things between them.
Secrets.
Growling under his breath, Derek pushed back the blanket and surged to his feet. Although he did not wish to, although he tried to force the image from his mind with all his might, he could not stop the memory of his wife telling him she had married the wrong man.
Ever since Madeline had arrived at Huntington House, Derek had all but forgotten her intention of seeking out Townsend to begin an affair with him. Occasionally, the memory had crossed his mind, but he had always banished it instantly, sickened by the possibility that she had made good on her promise.
Pulling on his shirt and breeches, Derek hastened downstairs. He did his best not to disturb the house as it lay in silence, his own emotions in stark contrast to the peacefulness of the night.
Slipping into his boots and pulling on a warm coat, he strode toward the logs stacked at the back wall of the barn. If he was up, he might as well do something useful with the energy that burned in his veins. With a cold winter ahead, they would need all the firewood they could get.
Firewood.
That word instantly brought back the memory of his wife as she had entered his chamber in a flurry of barely repressed indignation and disappointment, her wet skirts dripping all over the floor, her limbs shivering in the cold evening air. More than anything, he had wanted to pull her into his arms and warm her with his body. However, he would never have dared to do so, had she not…
Shaking his head, Derek swung the axe forward, splitting a log in two.
From the moment he had first laid eyes on her, he had wanted to hold her in his arms, yet certain that that was the last thing she wanted. And so, he had kept his distance even after they had been married, doing his best to respect her wishes. Had he been wrong?
Only a few hours ago, his wife had demanded to know why he would reject her, why he had married her if he did not want her. From the way she had spoken, the tone of her voice aggrieved, even heart-broken, Derek had to believe that his rejection had pained her. And yet, his mind refused to believe that it could be true.
Had she come to care for him…despite everything that stood between them? Was that possible?
As much as Derek wanted to believe it to be so, he could not help but remember the way the ton regarded people like him and his family. And yet, had he not come to realise in the past few weeks that his beliefs were nothing more than prejudices? That he ought to reconsider and judge others the way he himself wished to be judged, by his actions alone?
If he did so regarding his wife, Derek knew that there was only one conclusion: she cared for him.
A careful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he stared into the distance, remembering the way she had felt in his arms, her chilled skin against his, warming under his touch.
As hope for a future blossomed in his heart, Derek once more remembered the nagging question that stood between them, and he once more raised his axe, feeling the need to slice through the sturdy log, to see it broken in two. Was that not how his own heart felt? Ready to burst in two, only waiting for the confirmation of his worst fears?
Did she truly care for him the way he cared for her? Or was he merely second best? A consolation prize now that Townsend was not an option any longer?
At least not as a husband, Derek corrected himself, feeling his hands begin to shake with the rage that bubbled up under his skin. More than anything, he wanted to bring down his axe on Townsend’s head, instantly shocked by his own thoughts.
Dropping the weapon, he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to collect his thoughts. Despite his time in the army, he was not a violent man, a man that used force to achieve his goals or put down his enemies.
And he refused to become such a man.
Drawing a lungful of cold night air into his body, Derek knew that there was no prolonging the inevitable. He needed to know. He needed to ask her for the truth, and then he would need to find a way to deal with it…whatever it was.
Still, he could not deny that he dreaded the moment when she would look at him and he would see the truth in her eyes, knowing that with every day that passed. his heart was more in danger than ever.
For if he was completely honest−at least with himself−then he had to admit that he was in love with his wife.
There was no denying that.
When morning came on slow feet, Derek returned to the house, not surprised in the least to find his mother in the kitchen, her old hands kneading dough as she had done almost every day of her life. Wishing to escape her watchful eyes, Derek snatched an apple from a barrel in the corner and headed toward the door. “I’ll get an early start today. Tell…Madeline I shall be back for supper. There is no need for her to−”
“I’m not your messenger, boy!” his mother snapped, her hands on her hips as she regarded him through narrowed eyes. “If ye wish to tell your wife something, ye better find the courage to do so yourself. Do ye hear me?”
Derek swallowed, knowing that his mother was right, and yet, he could not face his wife. Not now. As much as he knew he ought to speak with her, the thought of learning the truth terrified him like nothing ever had. “I will,” he finally said, knowing that as much as he wished to, he could not escape it forever.
“Good.” Clearing her throat, his mother returned to kneading the dough. “Before ye run out though, ye might wish to know that the Dunning boy came over a half an hour ago.”
Derek froze with his hand on the door handle. “Why?” he asked, turning back to look at his mother. “Where is he?”
“He returned home, but his mother asked him to tell ye that there is a leak in their roof from the downpour last night. He said she tried to fix it herself, but−”
“I’ll go see her right now.” Nodding, Derek headed for the door for the second time that morning, grateful to have his thoughts occupied by a less terrifying subject. Somehow, he needed to convince Meagan to leave behind their cottage and move into the manor house…at least until spring when the weather would clear and allow for the necessary repairs to be made.
However, remembering the proud look in Meagan’s eyes, Derek knew that it would be far from an easy feat.
***
Waking from a deep, peaceful slumber, Madeline first noticed the smile that still clung to her face. Then she noticed that she was not in her own bedchamber, but rather in her husband’s.
With wide eyes, clutching the blanket to her chest, Madeline surged upward, her cheeks flushing red at the memory of the previous night. Expecting to see Derek somewhere in the room, she could not help the small plummet of her heart at seeing that she was alone. Why had he left? Why had he not woken her up?
Gathering her damp clothes off the floor, Madeline tiptoed into her own chamber, dressing quickly. A part of her dreaded seeing her husband while another could not wait for the moment his gaze would find hers. What would it feel like? After everything they had shared last night, how would it feel to look at each other in the light of day? Would they feel like strangers again? Or would they feel connected somehow as though an invisible bond stretched between them?
Stepping into the kitchen, Madeline’s eyes travelled from her mother-in-law, who was just now placing hot scones on the table, to Kara, Sean and Collin, already seated. They greeted her warmly, urging her to sit down.
“Can I see Milly and Maddie today?” Collin asked his mother with a side glance at Madeline.
“Maddie?” Madeline mumbled, confused for a second as her mind was still occupied with the fact that her husband was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone so early in the morning?
“I don’t know,” Kara mumbled, one hand resting gently on her swollen belly while the other brushed gently over Collin’s head, her eyes searching his face as though hoping to find an answer there. “You’re still feverish sometimes. I don’t believe it would be good for you to go outside yet.”
“But I want to see Milly and Maddie!” Collin whined, his pale face scrunched up in frustration as he slumped down in his chair.
Madeline frowned. Dimly, she recalled that Collin had suggested to name the little filly Maddie; however, she had never agreed to that.
Smiling, Madeline shook her head. It would seem Collin had simply decided that he did not need her approval. Not that he was wrong. After all, to this day, she had not been able to persuade him to call her Madeline. She might as well surrender the filly’s name now before waging an endless war, which would still end with her defeat.
“Where is Derek?” Madeline asked her mother-in-law as the old woman sat down at the table beside her. “Has he already left?” Her heart sank.
Bessy nodded. “The Widow Dunning asked for his help. Last night’s downpour seems to have torn a hole into her roof.”
Sighing, Madeline leaned back, uncertain if this was good news or not. Had her husband known about the leaking roof when he had sneaked out of his room this morning? And even if he had, why had he not simply woken her up? Although Madeline’s mind conjured a kind and respectful reason why he had not done so, she could not help but feel as though his disappearance was proof that he was avoiding her. The only question was, why?
Did he not care for her?
That thought felt like a knife slicing through her heart, and Madeline quickly excused herself from the table before tears began streaming down her face. Running back upstairs, she hid in her room and allowed herself to fall to pieces. Fear and doubt wrecked her body until no more tears would come.
Last night, there had been hope, and now…?
Splashing cold water onto her flushed face, Madeline stared at her reflection in the small mirror by her vanity.
What do you want? A distant voice whispered in her ear, and for the first time, Madeline did not hesitate to answer. “Him.”
A soft smile came to her face as she realised that after all this time she finally knew exactly what she wanted. The only question was, how would she go about conquering her husband’s heart?
Keeping herself busy around the house, Madeline spent the day remembering the many moments she had shared with her husband since the night they had first met. Although questions remained, she did not doubt that he felt something for her, and that thought made her heart dance in her chest.
When darkness began to fall, Madeline thought she would go mad with the way her pulse hammered under her skin as she waited for her husband to return. Helping Bessy prepare supper, Madeline kept one eye on the door, willing it to open and bring her husband back to her.
Only it did not.
Supper came and went, and the door still would not open.
“Do you think something happened to him?” she asked Bessy as they cleared the table. “Maybe−”
“Nah!” Shaking her head, her mother-in-law snorted. “He’s merely actin’ like a typical man. The moment he feels somethin’, he runs for the hills.” Gently patting Madeline’s hand, Bessy smiled at her. “Don’t worry, dear. He’ll be back.” Her smile turned wicked. “And then ye should knock some sense into him.”
Staring at her mother-in-law, Madeline did not know what to think. However, neither was she given the opportunity to clear her thoughts because Bessy grasped her arm and pulled her toward the front of the house. “Remember? Ye promised to teach us the waltz.”
As they stepped into the front drawing room, Madeline noticed that all the remaining furniture had been moved from the centre and was now aligned at the far wall. By the front windows stood Kara and Sean. While his wife had an excited gleam in her eyes, Sean looked as though he was going to be sick.
“Come, come,” Bessy called, gesturing for the couple to join them in the middle of the room. “Let’s begin before I grow old.” Chuckling, she grasped Sean’s thin wrist and yanked him forward. Mumbling something under his breath, Kara’s husband acquiesced.
“Now, what do we do?” Bessy asked, turning to look at her daughter-in-law.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Madeline tried to remember her own dance lessons. “Well,…eh…this will be a little difficult without music.” To say the least.
“We could hum,” Kara suggested, her words turning Sean’s face white as a sheet. “Don’t complain,” she chided him. “I’m only asking for one night. You’ve seen people waltz before as well, did it not seem magical?”
Looking mildly apologetic, Sean still shook his head. “That still doesn’t mean I want to do it myself. You might recall how I have two left hands. Chances are, I’ll have two left feet as well. Are you truly willing to risk your toes?”
Kara laughed, shaking her head at him. “Maybe all you need is practice.”
Sean snorted, “Doubtful.”
Hands on her hips, Bessy sighed, eyeing them all reproachfully. “I’d like to remind ye that I’m not gettin’ any younger.”
“All right,” Madeline agreed, realising that there was no way of putting this off. “Stand next to me in a line and do as I do.” Quickly, the two women complied while Sean dragged his feet. Then Madeline showed them the basic steps, no more than necessary. “For now, we’ll just move up and down the room,” she cautioned. “Don’t try to do circles yet. It’ll only mess up your footwork.”
Standing in line, each concentrating on their own steps, the small group danced up and down the length of the room. As expected, Sean stumbled more than once, his steps completely out of line with Kara’s enthusiastic humming, while his wife seemed to glow with each step she took. “This is marvellous,” she beamed, squeezing her husband’s hand excitedly.
After a while, Madeline suggested Sean and Kara stand up together, explaining how they needed to move together. “Simply do as you did before but remember that you now need to be the mirror image of the other. When Sean steps forward, Kara needs to retreat and the other way around. Do you understand?”
Kara nodded eagerly while her husband mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.
For the next quarter of an hour, Madeline and her mother-in-law spent many wonderful moments suppressing their laughter as Sean tripped over his feet, stepped on his wife’s toes and almost dragged them both down to the floor. Each misstep was followed by a series of apologies and curses, interspersed with pleas to finally end this.
Kara, however, refused to give up. “I want one dance,” she told him, her eyes shining with determination. “One dance where I feel as though I’m floating on air.”
Again, Sean mumbled something that sounded like a curse.
Kara’s gaze darkened. “Be advised that the longer you complain, the longer you’ll have to do this. Concentrate, and we’ll be out of here before midnight.”
“What is going on here?” a dark voice spoke from the doorway, and all heads snapped around.
Madeline’s breath caught in her throat as she found her husband standing only a few steps away, his brow drawing down as he looked at Kara and Sean. Then his gaze travelled to her, and for a moment, Madeline thought her legs would give out.
“Your wife is teachin’ us to waltz,” his mother explained, a mischievous gleam in her eyes as she looked at her son. “Care to join us?”
“She is teaching you to waltz?” he repeated, his gaze once more finding Madeline’s.
Smiling at him rather shyly, Madeline nodded, her heart hammering in her chest as his dark eyes gazed into hers, not unlike they had the night before when…
Clearing his throat, her husband took a step back, his gaze dropping from hers. “I’ll leave you to it then.”
Before he could walk away though, his mother rushed forward and grabbed him by the arm. “Not so fast, my boy. Sean could use all the help he can get.” Pushing him toward Madeline, she ordered, “Dance with your wife. Show us how it’s done.”