The worst thing about waking up with three a.m. wood?

When you realize the only one in bed with you who can relieve it is your hand.

Holly’s hushed voice came from the other room, too quiet for me to hear what she was saying. A soft glow leaked past the door, which had been left open a crack.

“No,” Holly said as I entered the room. She was sitting on the couch, her back to me, talking on her phone. “It does sound like an amazing opportunity. But what about my life here? This is Lily’s home.”

I know it was three a.m., when most sane people were still asleep, but thanks to my morning wood, I was fully awake.

Why am I telling you that?

Because I hadn’t missed the one important word in what Holly had said.

Here—that was what she had told the other person. But her life wasn’t here in Montreal. It was back in San Francisco.

Which meant she was talking to her mother.

Yeah, yeah, I knew Simon was the only one who had trouble getting the time zones straight. But since Christmas, her mom had suddenly wanted to play the role of grandmother—which was a helluva lot easier to do if Holly and Lily lived in Australia.

So the here? Holly was referring to North America.

That, or her mother didn’t realize Holly and Lily were visiting me in Montreal.

Holly was quiet for a beat before saying, “Really? Drew doesn’t mind the fact that Lily belongs to someone else?” The snorted skepticism in her tone helped lessen the shock from the kick to my gut.

Another pause. “No. No, he hasn’t. But it’s not as simple as that.…No, I’m not interested in marrying him like that.…Until we know what’s going to happen, there’s no point worrying about it.”

Her voice then softened, almost as if she had given up the battle within herself. The battle I wasn’t privy to. “Okay, if that happens, I’ll give the job offer some serious consideration.…All right. Good-bye, Mum.” She was silent for another beat, then ended the call.

Did her words sting? Like hell they did.

“I take it your mother’s still trying to get you to move back to Australia,” I said, causing Holly to startle.

And no, it wasn’t a question.

Was it the first time her mom had tried to do that? Nope.

Was it the first time Holly sounded like she was seriously considering it—that everything she and I had together meant nothing?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

She smiled softly—but everything about her held an edge of weariness. A night of hot and dirty sex, and then waking up a few hours later to feed a baby would do that to you.

“I didn’t hear you come in.” She glanced at the sleeping bundle in her arms. “Let me put her down then I’ll join you in bed.”

I nodded and returned to our room.

She entered it a few minutes later, yawning, and cuddled up beside me on the bed. I gathered her in my arms, prepared to talk about what she and her mom had been discussing.

I never had the chance.

The tension in Holly’s muscles drained away and her breathing evened out.

Did I fall asleep right away? Nope—I couldn’t stop dwelling on the phone call.

She and I had already discussed us getting married. She shot me down faster than a body plummeting from the Golden Gate Bridge.

Why? Because she wasn’t interested in marrying me—but did that mean she wasn’t interested in marrying Drew?

Since I wasn’t sleeping, how about we do the math?

First—he wasn’t an American, which meant if she married him she still couldn’t stay in the country like she could if she married me.

Second—she didn’t need to marry him to stay in Australia.

Third—she was an independent, resourceful woman who could easily be a single mother. She didn’t need a man to look after her and Lily.

Fourth—she had never considered herself the marrying type, especially growing up in a family where her parents lived together but didn’t love each other.

And finally—she didn’t love him. At least I didn’t think she did.

When you added it all up, it didn’t make sense. What was Drew offering that Holly needed to consider?

By the time I finally fell asleep, the early signs of dawn were peeking in through the slit between the curtains.

I woke up several hours later, feeling like I hadn’t slept at all. The midmorning sunlight streamed into the room through the gap in the curtains. I glanced at the alarm clock.

Shit, it was already nine minutes after ten.

Not surprisingly, Holly wasn’t next to me in bed. Nor were she and Lily in the other room. But there was a note on the kitchen counter:

Lily and I have gone for a walk to explore this fine city. Be back soon.

Love Holly.

I sent her a text. Where are you?

She replied a minute later. Teaching Lily the fine art of shopping in a foreign country :)

Tell me where you are and I’ll join you.

She texted me and we agreed to meet at a cafe near her location. I arrived a few minutes before they did and was already seated when they entered. Holly spotted me and walked over to my table, Lily happy in her front carrier.

I stood up and kissed Holly briefly, then kissed Lily’s head. “How’s my baby girl doing?”

Lily gurgled and cooed and drooled her answer.

I helped Holly remove her from the carrier, then sat back in my seat with my daughter in my arms.

“What can I get for you to drink?” the college-age waitress asked as Holly and I were studying our menus. Then she looked at me and her eyes went wide. “Don’t you play for the Canadiens? My boyfriend and I are huge fans. We go to all the games. Well, we did until you made the playoffs. The tickets are too expensive.”

I’d never heard anyone talk that fast before. If there was a world record for it, she probably held it.

Or was in training for it.

Lily cooed at the waitress and giggled.

The girl smiled at her. “Ooh, aren’t you just the cutest little thing. Is this your daughter?” She looked between Holly and me.

“Yes, she is,” I told her, and smiled at Holly, proud at what she and I had accomplished together—even if Lily had been unexpected.

“You guys look adorable together.”

We thanked her, and she took our order and left.

“See—she thinks we’re great together,” I pointed out to Holly.

Holly chuckled. “She said we look great together, not that we are great together.”

“So you don’t think we’re great together?” I said it in a playful tone, but that wasn’t the emotion churning in the pit of my gut.

“Sure I do.”

“But not enough for you not to consider Drew’s offer?” My tone wasn’t so playful this time.

“How did you…? Right, the phone call from my mum.”

“So it’s true?”

What do professional hockey players do before they play against their opponent? They watch the team analysis video. They study the goalie’s and the players’ weaknesses and strengths. They never hit the ice without some sort of team strategy in mind.

They never hit the ice blind.

Yet here I was, asking if something was true when I had no idea what Drew was offering her.

“Look, I’m not sure this is the place to discuss this.” She glanced around the busy cafe.

“So, does Drew still want to marry you?”

Okay—that was not what I had in mind. But since we were here…

I waited patiently for her to answer.

All right, not so patiently. I drummed my heel against the floor.

Wait for it.

One corner of her mouth twitched up. Then the other side did the same.

And if that wasn’t puzzling enough—she threw her head back in laughter.

Which gained her a few odd glances.

Mostly from me. My girlfriend was seriously losing it.

“Why would you think he’s interested in marrying me? For one, that man can have any woman he wants. He doesn’t want one with a baby in tow.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with Lily.” I smiled at my daughter. “Is there, sweetheart?”

Lily grinned at me and cooed.

Right—never mind that. We were talking about Drew and Holly. “I heard you ask your mother if Drew doesn’t mind that Lily belongs to someone else?”

“It’s not what you think. Yes—my mum is hoping I’ll move back to Australia. And yes—she and her friend are hoping he and I will get together because as far as her friend is concerned, that’s the only way she’s going to get grandchildren. Drew hasn’t exactly been working hard in that department as far as she’s concerned. But like I said, Drew isn’t interested in me that way.”

“Then what was the offer you and your mom were talking about on the phone?”

“There’s an opportunity with the company Drew had dealt with before. But the position is in New York City.”

“And you’re considering it?” Frustration stomped through my tone.

Lily squirmed in my arms, whimpered, then let out a lung-filled protest.

“She’s hungry,” Holly said, taking Lily from me. She adjusted her clothing and effortlessly got Lily into position on her breast.

Now guys, if there’s ever a time not to argue with your girlfriend or wife it’s while she’s breastfeeding your child. It won’t score you any points if you do—and you’ll be too distracted, knowing the baby’s getting to suck on the breasts that you used to enjoy.

And who will end up winning the argument? That’s right, she will.

But that’s easy to say when you aren’t the one itching to continue the argument through to the next round. When you know she isn’t going anywhere until she has finished feeding your child.

When you know you have a captive audience, no matter what.

“Why don’t you want to marry me?” I asked.

I know—that was not what you were expecting me to say. But now that we had cleared the air about Drew not being interested in Holly that way, I wanted to know why she wasn’t interested in marrying me.

Fair enough question?

She let out a long sigh—the type of sigh where you braced yourself against any piece of furniture fastened to the floor or wall. “Why do you want to marry me, Josh?”

“Because one—I love you. Two—we made an amazing little girl together. And three—because it just makes sense.”

“Why does it make sense?”

“Because no matter what happens with my career come July, I won’t have to worry about you being sent back to Australia if something happens to your job before you get your green card.” We had already gone through this before.

Except my answer didn’t seem to change anything. She still looked resigned.

“Are you still saying you don’t want to marry me?” I asked.

She gave me a sad smile—and I grabbed the edge of the table…even though it wasn’t fastened to the floor.

“No, I’m saying I don’t want to marry you because it’s the convenient thing to do. Otherwise I might as well have married Drew when he was interested.” She glanced at the blanket covering her and Lily. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter why I don’t want to marry you. Unless something happens between now and the end of May”—when she was supposed to return to work—“none of this matters. I’m not going anywhere. I mean, other than back to San Francisco the day after tomorrow.”

She repositioned Lily on the other breast, then smiled at me again. Except this time, her eyes held the usual sparkle I loved so much. “I love you, Josh. Just because I’m not agreeing to what you’re proposing doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That’s not going to change. But right now, the only thing I’m interested in is spending as much time with you as possible. For the three of us to spend time together.”

Like a family, I said in my head.

Like the family I’d never really had growing up.

Like the family I’d never wanted…until now.

As much as I hated it, she was right. We didn’t have much time left before Holly and Lily had to return to San Francisco. I didn’t want to waste a second of it arguing.

Besides, she wasn’t saying “no” to marrying me because she didn’t love me.

That meant I had a chance to change her mind.

I just had to figure out how.