Nina

When do the words “I’m sorry” mean nothing? His words hurting more than his touch? What happens when leaving is harder than staying?

Fear.

The lines between right and wrong have become so blurred…but accepting who you’ve become is not an option.

Shame.

Escape is the only way to fight back.

Hope.

“Miss?” A scratchy voice brings me out of my fog. “You gettin’ in or not?” the driver from the taxi service demands.

“Huh? Oh, I-I umm…I don’t know.” My eyes scan the vehicle as realization sets in. This is it. I don’t have another choice. Uber? Out of the question. He could track me. The bus services? I would have to show my ID. This is my only way out.

“I don’t have all night.” He leans forward, eyeing me through the rolled-down window of the taxi that has seen better days. Rusted and worn.

“I’ll pay you. Just give me a minute, please…” I cut off the driver. “If you leave, I’m not sure if…” My voice trembles as I search for the words I need to say, but can’t get out. Shaking it off, I take a deep breath, exhaling a plea, “Please, don’t leave me here.”

Settling back in his seat, he slides the seatbelt over his chest, and I hear the sound of metal popping into place, securing my fate.

He’s going to leave.

One hand on the wheel, the other reaching to power up the window. Panic starts to set in. This was my last chance. If I stay…

Fight, Nina. Fight!

“Hey!” I shout taking a couple of steps forward, slapping my hand over the window.

“You break it, you pay for it. Got it?” He seems more irritated than pissed.

“I’m sorry. I just need to…” I lean in, silently begging for a minute.

“Oh shit!” His voice raises an octave, something I’ve heard one too many times. “Girl, what happened to you?” The driver is now concerned.

Never hesitating, excuse mode always on, I pull the hood back over my head. It must have fallen down while I was trying to stop him. “Nothing. Just a run-in with a wall.” I cover the bruise that is more purple than black and laugh. “Clumsy as hell.” I turn, ashamed at the lies that are so easily spoken.

“If you say so.” His hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter and he forces a smile across his face. “Alright kid, ten minutes.”

“Thanks.” I lower my head and back away.

I look over my shoulder, the house I tried to make a home, out of sight. Nothing but streetlights and dark skies.

I tried to be the person he wanted but something changed, and for once I realize it wasn’t me. What happened, it’s not my fault.

So, why does it hurt?

Tilting my head back, I close my eyes, taking in the crisp air of the night, and ask for the strength to say goodbye to the life I thought I wanted. The one that destroyed me, killed my soul.

I don’t want to forget. Forgetting means forgiving, and that means staying.

I can’t.

I won’t.

This is my new reality. I have no choice but to leave.

Survival.

Throwing my bags over my shoulder, I head toward the taxi. The driver is already out and popping the trunk.

“I just have these two.” I throw one bag at a time in the backseat. “It’s all I got.” Those words speak more truth than I’m willing to admit.

“Well, I guess we are ready to go.” He slams the trunk and hops back in.

“I guess so,” I whisper and slide into the car next to my bags.

Adjusting the mirror, he glances at me; a look of understanding is there, but brief. Reaching down, he zeros out the meter. “This ride is on me.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can and you will. No questions asked.” He nods. “You got it?”

I want to tell him how thankful I am, but I can’t. So, I just nod.

“It’s a three-hour drive. I can be there a little under.” He reaches over to the passenger’s seat and rummages around in a bag. “Here it is.” He tosses a flannel throw blanket back to me. “Get some rest. You look like hell.” He puts the car into gear and we head to the one place I know I will be safe.

“No! Please stop.” I freeze, afraid to run. The last time I tried to escape, he accidently pushed me too hard and I fell down a small flight of stairs, breaking my foot. “Brandon, I-I can explain.”

“How do you think you can explain two thousand dollars missing from our savings account?” He holds up the bank statement, too close for me to read. His hands tremble from the anger I know he holds inside.

“I signed up for some classes,” I whisper.

“Classes? Classes! Why in the fuck do you think you need to take classes? For what?” He throws the papers in my face. “You gonna leave me? Is that what you’re doing?” He paces the floor. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

“Brandon, no! I promise. You know how I have always wanted to do interior des—” I start to say as I move closer to him, hoping if I can just get him to see me, he will come back.

Swinging around, he shouts, “Interior design? Interior fucking design? You spent the money on learning to paint?” His hands are in his hair, yanking, before he turns from me and knocks the lamp off the end table. His chest is rising and falling quickly. The beast is in there, ready to come out.

“Brandon…please…” I put my hand on his shoulder to show him I’m here to stay.

“What?” He turns, placing his hand on top of mine before he grabs my wrist. Squeezing in between the vice grip of his thumb and fingers, he brings it back to my side. “That money was to cover the bill for your broken foot.” He steps forward, right on to my bare foot, his steel-toe boot digging deep.

“I have till next week to drop out, I’ll get it back.”

“Is that how you think it works? Really? How stupid are you? You can’t get a refund.” His eyes are void of emotion, a wicked smirk plastered on his face. “Get on your knees,” he orders.

“Wh-what?”

“You’re going to pay me back.” He nods to the floor.

“Brandon…”

“Now!”

“Kid, wake up! Hey, you need to wake up.” I feel a hand on my arm and jerk away in fear. “Aw hell, kid.”

“I’m sorry. I-I…I was having a bad dream.” I sit up straight, suddenly realizing we are on the side of the road. “Ummm…”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe. I’m sorry I touched your arm like that, I just couldn’t get you awake. I was a little freaked.” He turns back around, only looking at me through the rearview mirror. “I figured whatever happened, you would want a minute to gather yourself before we get to where you are going.

“Umm, yeah, thanks.” I run my hands over my face. Clearing my thoughts, but mostly to hide from the embarrassment.

“We are just around the block. You ready?”

“Sure.” Am I?

“Hey kid…” He throws his arm over the back of the seat and turns. “Are you sure you, this is where you want to go?” His eyes soften. “Cause I can take you somewhere…safe.”

“Nina.”

“You got it. I just need her house number.” He turns back around, ready to enter the numbers into his GPS.

“No, my name, it’s Nina.” I hold out my hand, “and…”

“Benny. My name is Benny and you…” He faces me and takes my hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “Need to talk to someone. Just promise you will talk to someone. I have daughters…if they looked—”

“I will,” I cut him off. I can’t deal with this. Not now. I’m here and that is all I can do.

“Okay.” He breaks the contact and swings his door open and gets out. I watch him open the back door and grab my bags.

“I got those.” I jump out and run around to his side of the car, grabbing the bags from his hands. “You have already done so much.”

“I’m not leaving. Not until I see you make it in okay.” He crosses his arms and leans back on the rusted, beat-up cab.

“I’m fine…”

“It’s 4 a.m. Not fine.” He smiles, waiting for my reaction.

“Ohhhh, well, maybe just until they answer the door.” My smile is weak. “Benny, thank you.”

“Don’t even mention it.” He winks.

Turning toward the house, I adjust the bags on my shoulders and take a small step, then another, and another. Each one is easier than the last. I drop the bags and take off running toward the door. The desperation overcomes me. The shadows are too close. I jiggle the handle, pounding on the door, needing to be freed.

“Who in the hell…” I hear her before I can see her. The door swings open. “Nina?”

Falling into her arms, I know everything will be okay. This is where I belong.

Safe.