Chapter 30
Brooke
Declan drug my ass out of that party as soon as he finished talking to Blu. I was shocked, too. I was actually having a good time with the fight and all. He hasn’t said a word since we got back to the hotel. It makes me uneasy, nervous.
I sent a quick text to Ash and Angel to make sure they were doing ok. Losing my uncle has brought into perspective the importance of family. I never thought about it the way I am right now. Ash and Angel are all I have left, and I find that I am holding them closer than ever before.
Watching Dec sit out on the patio with his head in his hands is bothering me more than I thought it would. He looks so lost, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s not a look I’m used to seeing on him. My heart roars in my ears as I walk out the door behind him. He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t move. I rest my hands on his shoulders, and I can feel him relax into my touch.
“Are you ok? I didn’t mean to start any trouble,” I say softly. I truly didn’t. She mentioned fighting, and I went with it. I had no idea it was against some kind of rules they had.
“Wasn’t your fault. She knew the rules,” he says, but he still won’t look up at me.
“If I messed up, Declan, I’m sorry.” I start to pull my hands away from him when his reaches up and covers mine. His warmth is soothing in ways I never knew I wanted or needed to be soothed.
“You didn’t; I did. I shouldn’t have walked away from you.” He pulls my hands, so I move to stand in front of him.
“Then what’s wrong?” I ask, seeing the torn look in his eyes.
“I made things more complicated, Brooke. If I didn’t, hell would have been rained down on you.”
He shakes his head at his words, maybe his thoughts, but I’m still confused. I don’t understand what has caused him to be like this. Pulling my hands from his, I grip his face and lift his face up to me. He finally looks up at me, and I hate the look I see.
“What do you mean? This is all new to me, Dec. Tell me.”
Declan sighs before pulling me into his lap. I snuggle in close as he starts to talk.
“You know when Blu asked me if I was claimin’ you?” he asks, his voice stuttering a little.
“Yeah.”
“Do you know what that means?”
“No. I don’t know what any of that means, Dec.” I try to move, but he doesn’t let me. He holds me tighter.
“It means you’re mine now. You’re club property. You’re my property.” The way he says it sends a chill up my spine. His property? What the hell does that even mean?
“What does that mean?” I ask mostly to myself.
Declan pushes me gently off his lap before he stands, running his hand through his hair. He’s frustrated. I can see it in his face, his body – hell, I can feel it.
“Declan?” I say before he looks over at me, a new heat building in his eyes.
“It means that you’re mine! Mine to take care of. Mine to protect. Mine to have. Mine to love!” He roars with each word that comes out of his mouth. My heart thunders in my chest as I let that sink in.
“You do that anyway,” I say softly, my eyes never leaving his. His reality isn’t that bad. It’s what he does now. He takes care of me. He protects me.
“You don’t get it. It also makes you a goddamn target for any other club that wants a war! You are a goddamn walkin’ target now because of me!” He slams his fist into the brick wall, tearing apart his skin. I watch as the blood flows down his hand. Declan doesn’t seem to notice it, though. He’s lost in a world that he didn’t want me to be a part of.
“So, tell them to forget it! You don’t want me, that’s fine! Tell them I’m nothing to you!” I yell.
He doesn’t look up at me. He stands there, his breathing coming rapidly. His anger rolls off him in waves.
“Go tell them you don’t want me!” I scream once more. I turn to head back inside with tears prickling my eyes. I don’t cry. I won’t, and I sure as fuck won’t let him see how he is affecting me.
“I can’t fuckin’ do that!” he roars.
Getting a grip on my emotions, I turn back to see him watching me.
“Why not? It’s just a few words. Tell them you weren’t thinking when you said it.” I reason it out with him. He’s having an internal war, and I hate to see him like this. It kills a piece of me inside to watch that look om his face.
“I can’t do that,” he growls.
“Why not!”
“Because I want you, Brooke! Goddamn it! I want you! I want you to be my old lady! I want to protect you and take care of you! I. Want. You.” he says pronouncing each word slowly but firmly.
His eyes dance with danger. He’s dangerous. I know that much, but the thought of being his? That settles something deep inside of me. A craving, a need. A need to feel that I belong to someone. To something. Declan has always made me feel special. This is no different. The time that we’ve spent together have been the most amazing times of my life.
“You said I was a walking target now. What’s that mean?” I ask, needing some kind of answers.
Declan runs his hand through his hair before he sighs. “Rival clubs. Anyone who wants to come after us, after me. They will use you to get to me. I never wanted that for you. You deserve better than that!” he thunders.
“I can handle myself, I’ve been taking care of myself for a long before you showed up, Declan. This isn’t any different.” I snap. I walk back inside, and I’m surprised when Declan didn’t follow me. God, how I wanted him to follow me.
When I realize he doesn’t, I change into my bikini and text Cherry. I storm from the room and head outside. I want some time to just enjoy being here. I need a break, some time to not worry about the club, the past - nothing.
“You ok?” Cherry asks when she walks up next to me. Jesus, that girl is hot as fuck in a bikini. Plus, she’s sweet as pie, too. Cherry pie. I’m too funny. My inner dialogue brings a smile to my face.
“Just life. Come on. Play in the water with me.” I nudge her shoulder. Cherry smiles before running toward the shore. She leaps into the water, screaming and laughing. It pulls at everything inside of me. I want to be that carefree. I want to be that open and happy. Doing as best as I can in the moment, I wade out into the water and sidle up next to her.
“You got a peeper.” She pulls me into her arms, hugging me while she whispers in my ear.
I turn my head slightly and look up to see the shadow of Declan on the patio with a cigarette hanging from his lips. I’d love to get inside his head. I’d love to know why he thinks the way he does.
“Are we supposed to be swimming at night?” I wonder out loud. Cherry’s laughter pulls my attention back to her.
“Who gives a shit!”