Chapter Eighteen

Damian

I stomped up the stairs of the porch to my dark house, dragging the bicycle behind me to park it where the deck roof would protect it. Dark was falling quickly, although it was after nine at night, but I was a long way from tired.

I unlocked the door and entered the house, but then I just stood there, taking deep breaths, trying to cool my temper. Why the fuck was I so angry? So disappointed? It’s not like Alex had said anything that was a surprise. I would be leaving in twelve days and returning to my life in Denver.

A harsh chuckle erupted from my chest. My life. Like I had one of those.

Fuck.

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and glanced around the empty rental cabin, my eyes falling on the leather couch where Alex and I had spent way too many hours together...having fun. While the cabin might be empty, the memories echoed through me, filling me. So unlike the hollow silence that exuded from my Denver home where I’d spent so many dark, unhappy hours. I’d created more happy memories here in the few days I’d been here than all of the two and a half years I’d lived in the Denver house. That was a sobering but true fact.

Before coming here, I wasn’t even aware I could enjoy life like I had...with her...and that was why the thought of leaving was so distasteful.

But my issues didn’t just revolve around Alex. Once I’d settled in, I liked working at Naked Brews, too. I liked the crew, the atmosphere. Yes, we’d been working extremely long hours, and it was exhausting work, but when I walked through the brewery, everyone was happy. They accepted my appearance with a smile, not a grimace.

Now that I had experienced it, I didn’t want to give that up. But this wasn’t my home, my place. It was theirs, Alex’s, and I couldn’t stay. I was only here as a favor to Walsh. A favor with a deadline on it.

My shoulders tightened. From experience, I knew this dark mood led to bad places. I needed to get a handle on it.

I reached into the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Sergeant Hebert, the American pale ale the brewery had created in Ice’s memory. Just the label made me smile. Ice would have been so excited about what the brewery had done to honor him. I hoped wherever he was, he could see it.

I popped the cap and lifted the beer in a toast. “Miss you, Ice.”

I took a long swallow of the icy beer, enjoying the slightest hint of apples at the end. I missed the guys from my squad so much. The ache had dulled, so it wasn’t the sharp stab in my gut that I’d felt in the months right after the attack, but that pain never fully left. My friends hadn’t come home. They couldn’t take little joys like this anymore.

I could, but I’d spent the last two and a half years, running away from living. How was that honoring them and their sacrifice? They would hate what I’d become. Hell, I hated what I’d become. A coward.

I couldn’t deal with the quiet echo of the house, so I went back out onto the front porch and sat down on the swing. Lights twinkled through the trees as the population of Aspenridge settled into their cabins for the night.

This road was crowded with cabins, both big like mine and small like Alex’s next door. But with the trees, each cabin felt secluded. It was nice...privacy with the security of knowing humanity was closer than it felt.

I resisted looking toward her cabin. It was set back from mine so I’d have to crane my head around the porch to see her lights. I wasn’t that desperate to touch base with her...yet. It was enough to know she was there, close by.

I closed my eyes, took another swallow of beer, and listened to the sounds of the forest around me. The crickets, the sound of rustling leaves as a small creature foraged for some last minute meal for the evening, the coo of a dove in a tree nearby.

As night descended, the air turned cooler, settling over me with a light, comforting touch. Slowly, my shoulders relaxed as I let the evening sounds settle into my bones.

I could even hear the sound of running water nearby. Was it coming from Alex’s house? Probably. It came from that direction. We all left our windows open to let in the cool air. Was she taking a bath?

I swallowed at the vision that popped into my head. She would look stunning...naked, her pale skin glistening with water droplets. Blood filled my dick, and suddenly, I was tense for completely different reasons than I had been before. Slowly, I rubbed at the erection behind the placket of my jeans, thankful I hadn’t turned on my porch light.

But I wasn’t in any hurry to do anything about it. It had been years since I’d been able to just sit back and enjoy this sizzling awareness, the low-level thrum of arousal. But it proved I wasn’t as dead as I thought. I had a life to live. Just like the sounds of the night, I let the sense of being alive settle over me as I considered my future.

I had choices. What was I going to do with them?