My mom falls asleep on the couch around the time that the international version of the home buying show comes on, at which point I know more about the pitfalls of travertine tile than I’ve ever thought possible. It hasn’t been that long since Heath left, but I think she’s just worn out. She’s snoring by the time I see the lights from Heath’s SUV pull back up.

I look out the window and watch as he turns off the engine, tugs his coat right around his body, and sits back in the seat. He’s going to stay there all night, I realize— or at least for a long while, based on the way he’s settling in. I text him.

Karli: I’m sure it was just an isolated thing. We’re fine.

I see the front of the SUV glow as my message activates his phone screen. He types back, then relaxes back into his position; a beat goes by before his response comes through to me.

Heath: It’s fine. I figured I’d just stay for an hour and see how the neighborhood runs this time of night so I can give you a good security plan tomorrow.

Karli: You don’t have to do this.

Heath: Then why’d you call me?

I want to text back and tell him that his response is to an entirely different statement. I called him because I needed him to come out. That didn’t mean he had to. It doesn’t mean he has to sit out there right now, either.

I glance at my mom, whose mouth is parted in that blissful stage of deep sleep. I rise, slide on my shoes, and carefully tiptoe out the front door.

By the time I’ve closed the door behind me and spun around, Heath has spotted me— hell, he probably somehow knew the moment I stood up from the couch. I give him a half smile, awkward and stilted, then shiver from the cold and make my way to the SUV. He unlocks the doors, and I slide in on the passenger side.

“Hi,” I say.

“Hey,” he answered, and turns on the engine so the heater can take the edge off the temperature. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, measured in the time it takes for me to no longer see my breath.

“Why’d you ask me to come?” he asks, the question a thousand times more difficult in person than it was over text.

I bite my lip, curl my arms tighter around myself. “I knew if we called the police, she’d slide even farther.”

“You could have called Jack. He’s Navy.”

“I guess,” I say. It hadn’t even occurred to me to call Jack, but I don’t want to say that aloud. “I knew you’d be good at…helping.”

“Right,” he says, and I can’t tell he knows this isn’t a complete answer.

I shrug in defeat. “I knew you’d make my mom feel safe. And I knew you’d make sure me and her actually were safe.”

Heath smiles a little. “From dastardly terrorist Simon the pothead.”

I laugh. “Yeah. I feel a little stupid for being scared now.”

“Nah. Being scared is what keeps you alive. And you and your mom have good reason to be scared, what with your dad and all.”

“Yeah. Parole hearing is in sixteen days. I keep thinking that when it’s over, when we know he’s locked up for another ten years, that we’ll be able to relax. You know that was the first time my mom’s gone outside in probably a year?”

Heath smiles a little, the expression melancholic. “I’m glad she went out.”

“You made her feel like she could,” I say, looking at my hands. “Thanks, Heath. Seriously. Thank you. I’m…” I take a long breath. “I’m sorry about before. I shouldn’t have run like that, but I was scared.”

“Of me?”

“Of not getting another chance to walk away. When I’m with you it’s like…god, it’s like having to pull apart two magnets the size of the empire state building.”

“I feel the same,” Heath says, and sounds just as dejected by this truth as I am. We sit in silence for a long while. “I get what you were saying, you know. Why things won’t work between us. I understand.”

“I’m not happy about it or anything, I just know I’m going to end up getting hurt if we try to keep seeing each other.”

“Probably,” Heath says, nodding. “I don’t want to be the one to hurt you.”

“Maybe when you get back, though? Maybe we can try then.”

“Maybe,” Heath says, then he’s silent for a long while. “You sound so sure.”

“That it’ll work sometime in the future?”

“That I’ll come back,” he says.

I go still, my stomach spinning, shoulders locked up. Heath is so confident about everything, so certain…how could he be unsure about his surviving a mission? The idea of someone like him dying is as impossible as the idea of someone like me becoming a supermodel.

“You don’t mean that,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“You don’t mean that. You don’t mean to say you might not come back.”

Heath looks almost offended for a beat. “I always mean that, Karli. I always know that I might not come back. That’s part of what I do. That’s what makes what I do important. I do it because I’m willing to take that risk. And I’m honored, if I die serving our country.”

“You act like that’s a goal,” I say, voice rising.

“Not at all. It’s just a reality. I said fear keeps you alive, remember? And that’s great— but I can’t let fear keep me alive at the expense of the greater good. I’m not that important.”

“You’re absolutely that important,” I say, shaking my head, horrified at his words. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Yes. Completely,” he says, and he’s so calm, so even that it makes my heart thumb just like hearing that noise outside did earlier. “My point, Karli, is that I never know exactly what I’m going in to, but I do know that I’ve got to make my peace with the possibility of not coming back. That’s why I went for you fast and hard. I don’t want to waste eleven days, since that might be all we get.”

I sniffle, and realize there are tears in my eyes. I’m not sure if they’re fear or frustration based, but they’re here all the same. I wipe them away with the base of my hand. “I don’t think I can spend eleven days with you and not know if I’ll ever see you again. I know that makes me selfish—“

“Nah. It makes you realistic. SEALS aren’t exactly known for being realistic,” he says, and reaches across the seats to nudge me playfully, almost apologetically. I sniff again and we sit in silence for a few long breaths, the hum of the heat blowing the only noise other than my occasional sniffs.

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“Some. I can’t tell you anything, except that it’s in a dangerous area and it’s another terrorism-based mission,” he says.

“Can’t tell me anything because you don’t know, or can’t tell me anything because you aren’t allowed?”

“Both,” he says.

“Does your dad know?”

He gives a single barking laugh. “He knows there’s a mission. He’s jealous. He’s a loyal soldier, but he’s never climbed the ranks. It bugs him. Always has.”

“He’s proud of you though, surely,” I say.

Heath shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. He’d be prouder if I’d risen up in the army. The way he sees it, I went Navy then left him in the dust. Might as well have gone into portrait painting or something.”

“Hey. Portrait painters make good money,” I say, and it takes a second for Heath to realize I’m joking.

Heath glances back at the house. While he’s looking away, I scan his body almost involuntarily, thinking about how he looked earlier— the confidence, the certainty, the power. I think about how he looks undressed almost just as involuntarily, and I find himself biting my lips at the memory of how it felt when he licked my pussy last night. When he put me on my knees and fucked me. When he—

“You look lost in thought,” Heath says, and I realize he’s caught me staring at his crotch. I start and look up at him, flushing. He tilts his head to the side. “Thinking about something specific, Karli?”

“I…” I sigh, swallow. “Maybe.”

“Ask for what you want, Karli.”

I steel myself, then meet his eyes, still flushing, still nervous, but unable to risk missing this chance. “I want to suck your cock now, Heath.”