Boxing up the ornaments for my clients while watching the Blackhawks has made it a tad dangerous with them not on their A game tonight. I’ve wanted to toss one across the room a few times. Hopefully, Luca and I can get to a game soon, but this is their last one before their holiday break.

The doorbell rings and I roll my eyes, standing up to answer. Maddie’s the owner of the house, so I’m not sure why she doesn’t use her key.

“Hey.” I spring open the door to a smiling Maddie and Vanessa.

“What’s going on?” Maddie says as they enter.

I sit back down on the couch, tying the ribbons on the boxes and placing them in a bag.

Maddie sets down her coffee and helps me out without any direction. She’s been doing this with me for years.

Vanessa sits down and searches for the remote.

“I’ve had about enough of sports. Cristian watches it all the time. Yesterday I found him watching a fencing competition.” She sips her coffee and makes herself comfortable in Luca’s ugly chair. I have a plan to have that reupholstered. “This is surprisingly comfortable.”

“It’s ugly and when I put this house on the market, it’s going back to whatever dark hole it crawled out of.” Maddie’s fingers make quick work of the ribbons. She’s always had a knack for the girly stuff like crafts and decorating.

“Cute tree. Why doesn’t it have ornaments? Is that some trend I missed out on as a result of my life slowly being overtaken by all things man?” Vanessa looks at our big tree strung with colored lights. Luca insisted that white lights are classic and there’s nothing classic about us. I tried to argue since the outside lights are white, but I lost. I think I’m losing my edge.

“No, it’s just my family trees were always hung with homemade ornaments or ones that had meaning. I didn’t want picture perfect high fashion tree, I want a homey one.”

“So you’ll have an empty tree until you and Luca have kids?” Vanessa asks with a groove in between her eyes.

“You could get an ornament for being engaged?” Maddie suggests because my friends are still in the dark about the whole fake engagement. “I have to say, you guys have really made a home here.” She sits back on her legs and looks around the room. The Santas, trees, snowmen. Luca said screw a theme, we’re going with a hodgepodge of everything. If you like it, we buy it. We’ve had fun decorating the past week, but still, our tree sits there empty.

“Yeah, maybe,” I say.

“What’s with the shift?” Vanessa asks, locating the remote and flipping to the Hallmark channel. The Blackhawks were probably going to lose anyway, and I’d much rather chat with my girls who I rarely see now that everyone has a significant other.

“Shift?” I pull my legs up under me.

“When you guys first announced your engagement, we all thought you guys were up to something. Cristian was convinced it was some ploy by Luca.” She rolls her eyes like he never saw us in the right light. Van’s been team Luca and Lauren since the beginning. “Now, you guys are always together, touching and kissing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see, but weird how it feels like we were witnesses to something evolving when you’d think we would have seen it before the ring was on your finger.” Her gaze shoots to my hand, almost as if she’s making sure the ring is still there.

Vanessa is way too observant, Is Cristian giving her some sort of lessons when he’s off duty?

“I don’t know.” I shrug hoping to play it off and move on.

“Did you just feel uncomfortable because you said you hated him when you really looovveed him?” Maddie’s body wiggles side to side.

“No. I really did hate Luca.” At least I can tell the truth about that.

At least I think I did. It’s all so confusing now. As much as I hated him, I loved pushing his buttons and challenging him. It was kind of a sick game I played when I look back on it. Like my feelings for him were right under my skin’s surface, hibernating until he touched me. Maybe that’s why I agreed to this whole thing in the first place.

“Well, you don’t hate him now,” Vanessa says.

The movie goes to a commercial and Vanessa with her poor attention span flicks through the channels.

“No, I don’t.”

Maddie leans forward. “We’re going to be sisters-in-law.” She places her left hand over mine, her bigger diamond outshining mine.

The hope overwhelming her eyes kills me inside.

I smile and luckily Vanessa interrupts us before I have to lie straight to my best friend’s face again.

“No, not again.” The remote falls to the floor and Vanessa digs into her hoodie’s pocket, retrieving her phone. Pressing one button, she holds it up to her ear.

Maddie rounds the table, seeing the fire blazing hot, red and angry on the television. Neither of us listens to the reporter. Maddie goes for her phone, I go for mine.

Both Mauro and Luca are on shift tonight. At least my man stays outside the fire while hers runs into the building. And with all the warehouse arson fires lately, it makes his normal dangerous job even more hazardous.

She returns holding her phone in her palm, her eyes intent on the television. We’ve been here before. She scours the scenes, looking for a glimpse of Mauro while a camera guy shoots the scene. Nothing. There’s nothing.

“Okay, let us know what you hear. I know. I know. I can’t believe this either. Why aren’t the police arresting anyone? I know, babe. Okay.” Vanessa clicks end and stares over at us. “Another abandoned warehouse fire. Cris is going to try to find out what’s happening. He said he’ll let us know. He’s calling Zia to make sure she’s with Mama. We’re to sit tight here.”

Maddie gets up, walking back and forth in front of us.

Vanessa’s phone rings and she mutes the television. “Hey. Okay. Thanks, babe. We will. Love you too.” She places her phone in her lap. “Engine Fifty-Five are on the scene.”

Maddie’s eyes close and she inhales a deep breath, falling to one of the chairs. Her body rocks. Man, these fires have really shaken her up. “Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for this…to be a firefighter’s wife. I mean every time he leaves for work, I’m terrified. Especially with these out of control warehouse fires someone is starting.”

Vanessa stands and sits down in the chair next to her, her hand on her knee. “He’s smart. He’s experienced. He knows what he’s doing. With all the shootings in this city I fear for Cristian every day, too. It’s a lot to handle.”

I stare at them from across the room. I’ve never once been scared when Luca went to work. Not that I deem his job safe, he goes into uncontrolled situations a lot, but he does have a safer job than either Mauro or Cristian. Still, he’s there in his ambulance right now waiting to help anyone who needs it. Maybe I’m underestimating the risks he’s exposed to with his job. Should I be rocking like Maddie? If I cared more for him, would I be more worried?

Vanessa widens her eyes at me in question wondering why I’m not helping to reassure our friend that her fiancé will come home safely. What do I say? That I’m having a revelation here? I kiss him goodbye when he goes to work, never worried that he won’t be returning to me twenty-four hours later. Am I naïve or do I just not care that much?

A phone rings and Van reaches for hers, but hers isn’t ringing.

“It’s yours,” Van says.

I look down at the screen, where it lay on the couch and see Luca’s name. “Hey,” I say.

“You heard?” he asks.

“We did. Maddie and Van are here.”

“Okay, Mauro is in the building. It’s bad, babe. This fire is the worst of the ones I’ve been on shift for. But don’t tell Maddie that. Mauro knows what he’s doing but just stay by a phone just in case.”

“Be careful,” I say.

“You know me? I’m Superman. How else could I give you three orgasms in one night?” That light lilt of arrogance is in his tone and for some reason that puts the little uneasiness I have watching Maddie practically shatter in front of me at ease.

“Call me when it’s over?”

“Yeah, once I’m back at the station. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure. Bye, babe.”

Neither one of us hangs up. I can hear him breathing. The words are on the tip of my tongue. Three little words most engaged couples say to one another hanging there in the silence, but what if I’m wrong? I mean even after this call, there’s not one ounce of worry he won’t call me in an hour either at the station or from the hospital.

“Talk to you soon,” I finally say.

“Yeah…talk to you later.” He hangs up the phone and the sourness in my stomach is the fact that I have no idea if I can trust my gut or not.

“What did he say?” Maddie asks, pacing again.

“He said they’re there.”

Maddie’s eyes close again and she nods. Vanessa’s eyes plead with me to come up with some sort of an idea, but I saw Maddie in this state a few weeks ago. Nothing other than Mauro calling or running through that door is going to get her to relax. So, all three of us sit and wait for the phone call.

Forty-five minutes later, it’s Van’s phone that rings. I’ve seen her hammering out text messages a few times and I’m guessing it was Cris telling her he was trying to get information.

“Hey,” she answers and heads toward the front door for some privacy.

Maddie watches her intently.

Van swallows a lump in her throat and she turns to face the wall. Shit, something’s happened.

I head over to Maddie and grip her hand in mine.

“Okay. Yeah, we’re on our way. Love you, too.”

She takes what seems like forever to turn around and I squeeze Maddie’s hand harder, letting her know that we’re here for her, however she needs us. But Van’s eyes fall to me instead of Maddie.

“It’s Luca.”

My stomach drops, and bile chases the involuntary cry up my throat. Everything around me swirls like a kaleidoscope and memories of my short time with Luca bombarded me and leave me gasping for breath.

“He’s being rushed to County.” Vanessa’s voice startles me and it’s like I’m being sucked backward through a wormhole until I’m back in the room with them. She tucks her phone in the pocket of her sweatshirt. “We’re not telling Mama until Cris knows more. Mauro is in the ambulance with Luca.” She swings her purse over her shoulder. “Come on.”

It’s then with Vanessa’s urgent eyes pinned on me and Maddie’s hand trying to slide from mine that I realize I was a fool to ever think I felt anything other than love for Luca because right now I want to rip the tree down along with the lights outside. Throw his sweatshirt hanging on the dining room chair out. Shred the Sports Illustrated magazine on the table because if none of that existed, it would mean my heart wasn’t so invested that it could crumble to pieces like it is with the thought of losing him.