Chapter 28
Prettyboy hurried to get Esme back to the clubhouse. They hadn't even made it back onto the main road before she was hysterical in her seat next to him.
He tried to calm her as best as he could, but she was far past listening to reason.
“Esme, calm down. It’s okay,” He said calmly.
She screamed, slamming her palms against the dash board.
“No. It’s not fine! I just killed two men, Damon. Two! I’m a fucking murderer!,” She cried into her palms.
“Esme, they were going to kill us. That was self-defense. You have nothing to be sorry or ashamed about,” He said.
“You wanted me to kill you,” She said raggedly.
Prettyboy pulled Ox’s car over to the side or the road as easily as he could.
“Baby, come here.”
She hesitated long enough for him to reach for her and pull her onto his lap.
He smoothed the hair out of her face, wiping away as much blood and mascara from her cheeks as he could.
Even like this, even torn to pieces and sobbing she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
“I was going to talk to you about this when we were out today, but I never got the chance. Obviously Chris didn't utilize the full disclosure thing with you, but I want to. I want you to know what’s going on because I couldn't stand to see that look on your face when you found out the truth about Chris.”
She buried her face in his neck as she cried silently.
“Why didn't he tell me?”
“Wouldn’t have changed the fact that you loved him, Esme. Axel was right to keep that to himself for you. He obviously cares about you more than any of us thought.”
“He lied to me.”
“No, he let you believe that the man you married was doing right by you, which Chris wasn’t. It would have hurt you more to find out the truth. He was trying to preserve your memory of him,” Prettyboy argued.
She pulled back and rested her palms against his chest.
“We almost died tonight.”
Prettyboy ran the pads of his thumbs along her mouth.
“Hazard of the job, Esme. You know that.”
“I do know that, I just- tonight I was a part of it. I’ve never been in the thick of things before and I swear to God if you ever fucking order me to do something so stupid ever again-”
Prettyboy pressed his mouth to hers in an effort to quiet her.
“Stop it. What happened tonight was nothing but a group of unorganized bikers tryin’ to get their rocks off on a power trip. You did great, Esme. I’m so proud of you. You did everything right, okay?”
He was being sincere when he told her that, but he could see the fear getting ready to bury her. He didn't want her to slip away from him so soon, he wanted her to own what had happened. For a brief moment his soft woman had been a warrior, and he was so fucking proud of her for it.
“I’m so confused.”
“You have every right to be. I’d be nervous if you weren’t, but I’m not gonna let this ruin you. You just got your life back together. Watching you come into your own has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done,” He said truthfully.
She sniffed and kissed him gently.
“I could say the same thing about you, ya know.”
Prettyboy grinned.
“Yeah. I guess you’re right about that. I know this was your first time being directly involved with club business and that you’re trying to work it all out in your head, but just remember something for me. Can you do that?”
She nodded, “What’s that?”
“Remember that no matter what happens, I’ll be right here with you. I won’t leave you. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere,” He vowed.
Esme was still crying when she pressed her mouth to his and cuddled up against his chest.
He knew they had a long way to go, and that he still had to deal with Ox and the rest of the club when he got back to their lot, but at that moment he was ecstatic to be able to hold his old lady.
◆◆◆
Esme stumbled towards the restroom, ready for a shower.
Laura had just finished checking out her burns, informing her that given a little time and a little rest, she’d be good as new.
On the outside, at least.
She needed to wash the blood off of herself, and maybe a drink- or ten.
She had no idea how she was going to face anyone yet, and she wasn't ready to anyways.
Instead of waiting around for any instruction from anyone, she ambled down the hallway that led to her bedroom and threw the door to the bathroom open.
She was still numb, still shaking, and as she turned the faucet on the shower. The hot water felt good against her bloody palm and she watched the water turn pink and swirl around the drain.
“Esme?”
The husky voice belonged to Rayna, but Esme didn't turn around.
“I killed two men tonight.”
“Fury told me. You did real good, baby.”
“I kept telling myself to think like you- be strong like Rayna- but I wasn’t.”
Esme jumped when Rayna’s hands began to work the zipper on the back of her dress.
“You did a good job. Proved yourself a fuckin’ amazing old lady, Esmeralda Quinn.”
Esme shook her head, but she stepped out of her dress anyway and let it pool at her bare, bloody feet.
“I almost shot my old man.”
Rayna frowned, Esme could see her in the mirror.
“No, Esme. No. That was not your fault.”
Esme choked out a laugh as she stepped into the shower.
“No, you’re right. It’s my dead junkie husband’s fault,” She said bitterly.
Rayna slid to the floor in front of the shower, and Esme knew she was probably remembering the time Fury had to help her into the shower after she’d escaped from the Blazin’ Eagles.
“That sucks, yeah. That bites, but there’s nothing you can do about it now.”
“Axel lied to me, Rayna. How can I trust him again?”
Rayna sighed as she shrugged.
“He did lie to you, but only because he cares about you. You have to know that deep down, Esme. Axel would never hurt you.”
Esme pressed her forehead to the filmy shower wall, her nose making an imprint on the steam adhering to the wet glass.
“I feel like I didn't know Chris at all,” She admitted.
Rayna shook her head.
“Think about it this way, Esme. You knew him in a way most didn’t. He came home to you. He made love to you.Wilder was married to you, baby. It’s okay to cherish his memory.”
Esme choked on a mirthless laugh.
As she scrubbed her skin raw she replayed the entire evening in her head over and over again.
Blood.
Tears.
Boom! Boom! Boom!
Esme could still feel the blast of the gun in her hand as she scrubbed her palms clean.
“I almost lost my old man tonight, Rayna. I don’t know if I can ever go through that again.”
Rayna responded instantly to the raw fear in Esme’s voice.
She stood to her feet and placed a palm against the warm glass, her blue eyes boring into Esme’s through the billowing clouds of steam.
Esme was still crying even though she knew was safe.
She knew that her and Prettyboy would be okay and that eventually, she would forgive Axel.
“You’re going to be okay, Esme. Trust me.”
Trust me…
Those words made a huge difference coming from Rayna, because Esme knew she was telling the truth. Rayna had survived hell to get to where she was now, and what Esme had gone through was child’s play compared to the blonde’s past.
“I’m not used to this life.”
“You’ll get used to it. Chris died before you got a taste, but Esme? You have all of us here to help you through this. Prettyboy loves you. He won’t let you down.”
“I feel like I let him down,” She admitted.
Rayna watched her from behind the glass.
“You didn’t let anyone down. After a good night’s sleep and a conversation with your man, you’ll feel a lot better.”
Esme’s fingers slid from the glass and landed back under the steady stream of water.
“You’re right.”
Rayna was right again.
Esme knew what she was getting into when she got married the first time. She knew what she should expect, she knew what the lifestyle was like.
“I need to be stronger.”
“It’s okay to be upset. It’s never easy takin’ a life, Esme. Your circumstances were different than mine, but the act is still the same. Just remember that you helped Limit save Axel and your old man.”
Esme had no idea how Rayna knew that so soon, but Fury came to mind as she washed her hair.
“Where is everyone?”
“Getting ready for church before they call it a night. Gotta make sure everyone’s on the same page.”
“And then what?”
“And then we move on, baby. The only way to do things around here.”
Esme wasn't shaking anymore and the urge to vomit was slowly dissipating, but her and Prettyboy still needed to have a discussion. Fuck, there was a lot they needed to talk about, but right then all Esme could think about was getting clean and breathing.