Ash had spent way longer in the treehouse with Sherri than he’d intended, but it was okay. They’d come to an understanding and at least he could feel good about her being up the hill all alone. Well, maybe not good. But he felt better knowing that she would let him help her. And dammit, that’s exactly what he was going to do. He didn’t know exactly how yet, but he had the resources to find the best natural medicine doctors money could buy. Naturopaths, dieticians, chefs, massage therapists: whatever it took to help Sherri, that’s what he’d do.

He’d spent some time fixing a few easy meals for Sherri to grab if she didn’t feel like preparing anything and while he worked, she sat, bundled in the corner, watching him and peppering him with questions about the B&B.

“Everything is fine down there,” Ash said for the dozenth time. “Heather’s doing a great job.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“Then why do you keep asking?” He scraped the rice out of the pot and into a glass container.

Sherri chuckled. “That’s not what I’m asking, Ash.”

She was silent for a moment, so finally he took her bait. “Then what are you really asking?” As if he didn’t know.

“How are things between the two of you?”

And there it was. Ash knew she’d been dying to ask for details about the two of them. Frankly, he was surprised it had taken her so long to get around to it. “What makes you think there’s anything between us at all?”

Sherri’s smile was a weaker version of the one Ash was so familiar with, but it was still hers and something about seeing it made him both happy and a little sad. “When you get to be my age, Ash, you learn a few things. And when you’ve spent enough time around people as I have, witnessing all aspects of love, from the blossoming, to sometimes the unfortunate breakdown or destruction of it, to the comfortable peace of a secure love, well…you get to see a few things. And I’ve seen it all.”

“Is that right?” He put the pot in the sink and ran a bit of water into it. “And what do you see?”

“I see two people fighting what could be their greatest love.”

Greatest love? No way. He shook his head. He had his greatest love already. There could only be one. And he’d destroyed it. He liked Heather. Hell, he really liked Heather. More than any other woman he’d met in the last four years. But love?

No way.

Although he had told her the story about Carlie. Why? So she’d keep her distance? To scare her? Because what if he was falling for her?

“Don’t shake your head—it’s true.”

“It’s not, Sher. Sorry. You’re not right on this one.”

She took a moment to think before she shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m right. You like her.”

“Of course I do. But that’s not love.”

Ash couldn’t look at her when he said that because he was afraid she’d see something on his face. Even when he spoke the words, they didn’t sound quite right. But he refused to let himself think of the alternative.

As if she read his mind, Sherri spoke up. “It’s okay to let yourself love again, Ash.”

But it wasn’t. And Sherri should agree with him too. After everything he’d told her, how could she possibly think it’d be okay to love again?

He turned his focus to the dishes in the sink. He’d been there too long; he should get back down before it got dark and see whether there was anything else that needed to be fixed thanks to the storm.

Ash cleaned in silence for a few minutes and he thought maybe Sherri had fallen asleep again, but then he heard the soft padding of her feet approach. “Sher, you should be in bed. I’ve got these dishes and you—”

“I’m fine.” She put her hand on his arm. “What do you think I do when you’re not here?” She shook her head, because neither of them really wanted him to answer that question. “You should go, Ash.”

“I’m going to,” he said. “Just as soon as I finish these dishes for you.”

“No. That’s not what I mean.” Something in her voice made him turn around again.

“And what do you mean, Sherri? Where should I go?” He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to that question but he needed to ask. “You want me to leave?”

She squeezed his arm. “I love you, Ash. You’re like a son to me. You know that. And I’d be happy to have you around for the rest of my days, no matter how many of those there may be.” He shot her a look and she smiled. “But I also want you to go live your life.”

“I am—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “You’ve been hanging around Bocas and Casa del Sol for how long now? Five years?”

“Four,” he corrected her and immediately felt stupid when she tilted her head.

“Okay, four. But that doesn’t make it any better. What are you doing?”

He didn’t know how to answer that question. He was living his life. He was doing what he wanted because he could. He was living his dream. Everyone’s dream, really. Didn’t everyone dream of making their fortune and retiring before they were thirty to live life as a beach bum? That’s what he was doing. And it was everything he wanted.

Wasn’t it?

“What makes you think I need to leave?” he challenged her. “Why can’t I live my life right here? What makes you think I’m not already living my life exactly how I want to?”

She didn’t answer that. She didn’t need to.

Ash continued with the dishes, stacking them in a drying rack next to the sink. When he was finished, he turned to Sherri, who still stood close. He opened his mouth to object to her argument again, but she stopped him.

“I don’t mean you need to leave Bocas, Ash. I didn’t even mean that you had to leave Casa del Sol.”

He was confused and told her as much.

“I’m sorry if I’m not making much sense these days. The medicine muddles me.” She took a moment to compose herself and tried again. “I just want you to live, Ash. I want you to go into your future. I want you to leave your past in the past and stop letting it keep you from living your future. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to—”

“Don’t.” He held up one hand and looked down at the ground. “I get your point.”

“Do you?”

He nodded. “I think so.”

“Good.” There was a lightness to her voice he hadn’t heard all day. “So get down there and tell Heather exactly what you feel. Even if you don’t fully understand it yet. Tell her. Can you do that?”

He wasn’t sure he could, but Sherri made it sound so easy, so he nodded.

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Silly boy. It is easy. You only get one shot to live life, so do it on your terms. Put the past where it belongs, behind you. Focus on the here and now. And I think we can both agree, Heather is the here and now. And possibly…even the future.” She winked and in that moment, she seemed so much like the old Sherri, Ash couldn’t help but pull her into a hug.

“But…”

“But what?”

He swallowed hard, not wanting to voice his deepest worry. “What if I lose her?”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” She reached out and stroked his cheek. “Oh, Ash. What happened to Carlie was tragic, but that’s not going to happen to Heather. The only way you’re going to lose her is by not letting yourself love her.”

He let the words sink in and it didn’t take long. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.” She smiled and smacked his cheek gently. “Now go.”

“Okay. You win. I’ll go.”

“Good. And when you’re done, send that girl up to me. I think I’d like a few words with her myself.”

* * *

He was practically running down the stairs to grande casa, overflowing with ideas and eager to get on the computer to start his research for ways to help Sherri and of course, to see Heather and tell her how he felt.

Maybe.

He wanted to. He really did. But he couldn’t help but be cautious, too.

He’d made a vow four years ago to never let anyone get too close again. To never again let anyone love him or depend on him. He would never again put himself or anyone else in the position he and Carlie had been in. He’d loved her more than life itself and she’d loved him. It was that love that had destroyed her because he couldn’t live up to it. In the end, he couldn’t be the man she needed or deserved and her love for him had been the end of everything.

Never again.

That wasn’t your fault.

The stupid voice in his head, the very same voice Ash thought he’d silenced years ago, piped up. It took him off guard and he stopped halfway down the steps back to the bungalows, needing to sit down.

Years ago, right after everything with Carlie happened, the voice in his head would tell him that things would be okay and that it wasn’t his fault and all sorts of other lies. He’d worked very hard to silence that voice. Mostly with whiskey and women. Lots of whiskey and women. It took a solid six months, but he’d managed to do it. He’d also managed to alienate what few friends he had left and his own parents barely spoke to him. If he hadn’t have had that five minutes of sobriety where he managed to sell his company, he would have lost that too.

But it would have been worth it. Because one day Ash woke up and the voice was gone. As were all the others.

No one, especially his own conscience, was telling him how none of what happened was his fault, and how things would be okay and he’d go on to love again.

It was quiet.

Two weeks later, he sold his condo, his sports car, and everything else he owned and moved to Bocas Town.

But now the voice was back.

Dammit.

Ash dropped his head into his hands and squeezed. When he looked up, the voice was gone, but instead there was a roaring.

A roaring?

It took him a minute to realize the roaring he heard was the sound of the panga and from the sound of it, it was coming from quite a distance. He jumped to his feet and looked through the trees out to the ocean. He scanned for a moment, until finally he saw it. Would Heather have taken the boat out? And what the hell was she doing way out there?

From his vantage point, he couldn’t see the dock where the boat should have been tied up, and it was too far out to tell whether it was in fact the panga that belonged to Casa del Sol, but either way, it was headed directly toward them. And he intended to be there when it arrived. Sherri was right: even if he didn’t fully understand it himself, it was time that he let himself go. He might not know what that meant, but without a doubt, despite all the voices in his head—or maybe because of them—he knew that somehow, in some way, letting himself go involved Heather. And he couldn’t wait to tell her so.

* * *

It took her awhile to figure out where she was. Especially considering she’d barely been out in the mangroves and they all looked the same to Heather. Or at least that’s what she’d thought before. After a few minutes of puttering around in the mangrove coves, she started to notice familiarities and even a few landmarks. She didn’t let herself get frustrated, or panic about her situation either. Instead, she stayed calm, used her head, and methodically worked her way through until she got to a larger opening and finally the ocean.

Once she was able to leave the shelter of the trees, it was easier to spot familiar places, like the cantina one island over from Casa del Sol. From there, she worked her way around until in the distance she could make out the familiar thatched roofs of the place she’d already learned to call home. She pushed the engine harder, anxious to get back to the dock.

To Ash.

She’d been told once that crying was therapeutic: your body needed the opportunity to cleanse you from all the emotions that were bound up inside, and crying was the best way to do that. At the time, she was sure she called bullshit or something equally enlightened. But now, after having just sat on the bottom of her boat, lost in the middle of the mangroves, crying like a baby, for the first time, she believed that there might be something to that bullshit because she felt like a completely new woman.

She could have laughed at how cliché she probably sounded or even looked, standing in the back of her boat, wind blowing through her hair, a smile on her face. But she didn’t care.

Not. One. Bit.

Heather felt great and it had been way too long since she could say that. More than that, she knew what she wanted and what she wanted was Ash. A laugh grew deep in her gut and she threw her head back and let it out as she whipped toward the dock and the figure she knew to be Ash ran down the dock to greet her.

It was him. He caught the bow of the boat as she slowed and brought it alongside the dock.

“Where’ve you been?” Ash tied the rope to the cleat and turned, right as she stepped onto the dock and into his arms. He caught her with a chuckle that she cut short with the press of her lips to his mouth. “Mmm, I still don’t know where you’ve been,” he said when he pulled back. “But I’m sure happy you’re back.”

“Me too.”

His hands slid down her body and pressed her close to his need for her. More than anything, she wanted to answer that need.

“I didn’t know you took the boat out.” He bent and nibbled on her neck. “Were you gone long?”

The laugh burst from her throat before she could stop it.

“What’s so funny?” Ash pulled back and looked at her as if she’d totally lost her mind, which she may have.

“Was I gone long?”

“Were you?”

“You could say that.” She took Ash’s hand and led him up the dock into grande casa. She was suddenly overcome by thirst. How long was she out there, anyway? “I need a drink.”

“I’ll get some beers.”

“No.” She stopped him. “Water for me. I…” She paused long enough to guzzle half the bottle from the fridge. “I didn’t realize how thirsty I was.”

“You’re acting crazy.” He shook his head, but there was a smile on his face. “What’s going on? Where did you go?”

“I don’t know.”

Ash tilted his head and waited. Heather laughed at his confusion.

“I took the boat out to get sea grapes from across the channel,” she started to explain.

“Why didn’t you take the canoe?”

Heather raised her eyebrows and Ash laughed. “Oh yeah. I guess we should rescue the boat later, too.”

“I guess we should.” She chugged the last half of her water bottle before she continued. “Anyway. I took the boat out and I was enjoying it so much, I decided to go a little bit farther.”

“How far?” Concern started to show on Ash’s face.

“That’s the thing.” She laughed. “I have no idea. I was driving along somewhere in the mangroves and the engine quit.”

“It quit?”

She nodded, eager to get the story out and tell him exactly what she was feeling. It was almost bursting inside her. “As it turns out, there is no anchor and no paddle in the boat.” She tried to look stern, but she couldn’t stop the smile. “So I floated. And floated and floated.”

“What the hell, Heather?” He put his hands on her shoulders and shook her a little. “Are you okay? You got it started again? Well, obviously.”

“I did.” She nodded and moved to the fridge to get the beers. Now that she was hydrated, a beer was in order. After all, she was celebrating. What exactly, she couldn’t quite articulate. But she felt good. Damn good. And that’s all that mattered. “Cheers.” They clinked bottles and she took a long pull before she answered him. “I have no idea how long I was out there. Long enough that you didn’t notice.” She pointed the bottle at him accusingly.

“I was up at Sherri’s for a long time.” He waved his hand, dismissing it. “We can talk about that later. But seriously. Were you out there the whole time I was gone?”

“Maybe not the whole time,” she said. “But long enough that I was able to have a good cry.” She couldn’t even believe she was admitting that to Ash, but somehow it felt right. It felt as if she needed to somehow try to explain how she’d just come to an epiphany about her life. And him. Definitely him. So much…him.

Before he could ask her again whether she was okay, she kept talking. “It was just me out there and I got mad. And then I got sad. And then…I was okay.” She smiled so wide, it almost hurt her face, but she couldn’t help it. There was no other way to explain what was going on.

“I needed it,” she continued. “I needed to come to grips with everything and I think the boat breaking down was just the tipping point. Almost a representation of my entire life. Does that make sense?”

Ash shook his head slowly. “Not even a little bit.”

She wasn’t discouraged. “I’m tired of coasting. I’m ready to drive my own boat. Set my own course. And decide where it is that I want to go.”

“Okay.” He nodded slowly. “And where is that?”

She took the step that closed the distance between them and stood directly in front of him. She’d never felt more sure of anything in her entire life. It almost didn’t matter how he’d react, because Heather knew with complete certainty that what she was about to do was exactly what she needed to do. “It’s not so much that I want to go somewhere.” She paused. This was it. The moment where she could choose her path. Go after what she wanted. It was about her now. “I wanted to tell you that I—”

The blare of a horn cut her off, jarring them both from the moment. The horn sounded again, and she turned toward the noise, to see a wooden panga, a water taxi from Bocas Town, heading toward the dock with a passenger.

“Are you expecting a guest today?”

Heather shook her head. “I just checked things. No one for…” There was something familiar about the passenger in the boat. Even from a distance, she could see the person held themselves very straight. Very proper. Very much like…her mother.