Welcome back, old lover.
Did you come to return the pieces of my heart that you stole?
Or have you lost them along the way?
Day 381 Post-Gavin
“Denise?” Efrain says my name again. My eyes haven’t left Gavin’s face but he’s looking away, in Efrain’s direction.
When I pull my gaze from the man in front of me, I notice a few things:
Efrain isn’t empty-handed, a bouquet of daisies in his hand. His face is confused, but Gavin’s look is of shock.
Gavin is here, asking for forgiveness before Efrain and I have had a chance to really give this a shot.
And this is where my road forks and I have to make a decision.
Having the both of them in front of me, my very real past and my potential future, forces me to face the similarities and differences between them.
Gavin has this loud confidence about him, armed with words, always ready to charm. Meanwhile, Efrain is more subdued. His charm is in his smile, not his words.
“Gavin, this is Efrain. Efrain, this is Gavin.”
Efrain has the advantage of not knowing anything about him or that he’s the ex I referred to on our date last week, so he doesn’t seem very concerned.
Gavin, on the other hand, looks like he doesn’t know whether to shake his hand or punch him in the face. The latter would be unwarranted, and I want to say as much but Paige says my name again and I turn on my heel without a second thought, taking the phone from her.
“Yes?” I ask, a little out of breath.
“I think I messed up,” she squeaks out.
“What did you do?” I turn and look at the men standing near the entrance of the store.
“Gavin called. And I’m feeling so emotional that, after a very long talk, I told him where he could find you. Then I forgot that Efrain stopped me yesterday to ask me where you’d be today so he could surprise you with flowers.” She groans. “Pregnancy brain. Anyway, just thought you should know.”
“Yeah, they’re both fucking here right now.”
“Ohhhh. That’s too bad.”
And this was Sabrina around clients. Not a curse word in sight.
“I’m going to kick your ass when I see you.”
“Love you, too. Have a great day!”
She hangs up and I’m staring at the phone like I could crush it with my own two hands.
“What the hell is going on over there?”
At Paige’s mention, I look up and catch Gavin with his arms crossed and his legs spread. Meanwhile, Efrain is as relaxed as the shoppers in the store. They aren’t speaking, both looking around the store like they’re remotely interested in purchasing something.
“Long story,” I mutter. Too long, if you ask me.
I march over to the men, determined to make some sort of peaceful solution.
“These are so beautiful. Thank you,” I tell Efrain, stepping into his personal space with a smile that comes naturally.
I give him a hug and ignore Gavin completely when I take the daisies. Efrain squeezes me a little harder than usual, but I go with it.
“I have some work to finish up here and then a chat with an old friend of mine. Mind if I call you later?”
Efrain looks at Gavin and then back to me.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll have my phone on me if you need me.”
As he walks away, Gavin mutters, “She won’t.”
“And what the hell gives you that impression?”
I ignore the shoppers staring at us and pull Gavin outside.
“What are you doing here?”
His arms are down by his sides and he glares at the flowers in my hand.
“I already told you, Denise. I needed to apologize.”
“And you have.” I lean against the building, waiting for whatever else he feels he needs to say.
“That can’t be all—”
“Oh, it is. Believe me, there was a time when I felt like I needed to hear this. Now? I had to forgive you. You didn’t give me a fucking choice.”
I refuse to be the same woman he left behind, screaming at him in the street, begging him to hear me.
Before he can respond, I turn on my heel and stomp all the way to the back, where my things are. Paige meets me back there and I tell her I’m leaving.
“All right,” she says, in a questioning tone. But I’m not in the mood to answer anyone’s questions, so I grab my things and go. It’s only when I’m outside that I realize I left the flowers. I shrug it off and head toward the nearest entrance to the T.
I’m about to board when I feel someone’s eyes on me. I look around and, sure enough, Gavin is a few feet to my right.
I groan and get on, finding an empty seat and praying he doesn’t follow me.
My typical luck, he does. He scans the car just as it starts to move and when his eyes land on me, he maneuvers through the now crowded car, toward me.
As soon as he’s close enough, I tell him not to bother speaking to me.
“You waited too long. I accept your apology. Anything more than that, I’m not interested.”
It hurts me not to look at him. But to look at him would be like looking at Medusa at this point. Or falling for some sort of siren’s call. In this moment, I have to be Odysseus and tie myself to the mast.
He has power. And like he did me, I need to strip him of his power.
“Denise . . .”
I ignore him and the old woman beside me chirps, “I believe the young lady said she’d like to be left alone.”
Gavin stands there quietly for a moment and then slinks off to the other side of the train, his head down.
I only know because I watch his back as he disappears among the others.
My phone vibrates.
Gavin: It was too hard to stand there and not speak to you.
I turn my phone off as the little old lady next to me offers me a sad smile that I return in kind.