Chapter Eight
Veronica
Summer used to be my favorite time of the year. Most people felt the same way, but I loved the free time. I always worked over summer, but I liked that I wasn't thinking about school all the time. My mind could wander, and I could think about the future, daydream, and fantasize. The looser days were a relief after the busy semesters; I always looked forward to the vacation.
That was until last summer, of course. Summer last year came right on the heels of Roman dumping me and the good weather hadn't been enough to drag me out of the post-break up oblivion I disappeared into for a month and a half. The more I thought about it, the worse it seemed to dump someone right before summer, go off and have a great time, while they cried alone in bed for weeks.
I had gone back home that summer, not that it ended up making that much of a difference to what I did all day. I would just fall apart and spontaneously burst into tears – it was pathetic. Roman not talking to me at all made it better and worse at the same time. It had been way too sudden. We weren't just a couple, we were friends, and the fact that he wasn't there anymore just to talk to or share time with had been agonizing.
This summer was going to be different. As hard as I felt that I wouldn't even make it out alive, I was fine. That was all in the past. Ancient history. I didn't have to think about that because it wasn't going to happen again. I was single, well, single-ish, my GPA was still perfect, and I only had one more year of college left before I graduated with my degree.
I couldn't wait. Literally, I couldn't wait to stop being a student. I liked it and I was good at it, but the structured days and semesters of student life were getting to me. It was starting to feel restrictive, and all I wanted was a chance to finally get out there. I had worked throughout college, partly paying for my tuition and partly putting money away to travel. I had a whole laundry list of places I wanted to see before I decided to settle down and start a family.
It was a little after nine when I got out of bed. I thought about French toast for breakfast, but that sounded like a lot of work. I wanted something fast, so oatmeal it was. I cut up an apple and put it in a pot with some sugar and water so it could soften up enough for me to add the oats. Since moving into my own place, I stopped having a microwave in the house, sort of like an incentive to eat like a real adult and actually cook instead of nuking Hot Pockets. It had worked so far. There was no such thing as being too busy to feed yourself properly. Since it was summer, I'd have a lot more time now anyway, unless I took summer classes.
Were any of the courses I needed for my major available this summer? I wondered. I wasn't sure, but now I wanted to check. I could end up taking some of the strain off my senior year. I would be sacrificing time that was meant to be taken off, but I could potentially finish my required courses earlier. Depending on how it worked out, I could end up saving myself a whole semester. My social life was not important enough to me to prioritize over school. It didn't sound like the worst idea.
I ate my breakfast clicking through the student portal of my college's website. The doorbell rang as I was stacking my washed dishes. Besides my building supervisor or Tiffany, I wasn't sure who else I could expect at this time of the day. I answered it.
"Sean," I said, all the expectation I had evaporating the moment I met his blank, brown eyes.
"Hey, babe," he said, walking in. He held the back of my neck and kissed me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. He was dressed like he had somewhere to go, which was always a surprise. His button up shirt actually looked like someone had ironed it for him and his face was freshly shaven.
"What? Did you have plans or something?" he asked, walking straight into the kitchen.
"I'd just prefer it if you called me before coming over," I said, following him. The countertop next to my fridge was covered in Tupperware, my leftovers. He was prying each one open and inspecting what was inside like this was his house.
"It's not like you were busy, what's the big deal?" he asked, searching my drawers for a fork. He started eating my pasta leftovers from the night before right out of the container with all the other ones still sitting on the counter and the fridge wide open.
"Could you at least use a plate?" I sniped. He stuffed his mouth with cold pasta, looking inside the fridge again.
"Why don’t you ever have any beer?" he asked with his mouth full.
"It's ten in the morning," I said incredulously. He pulled out a can of La Croix and popped it open, taking a long swig before he made a face and just stuck it back in the fridge. I couldn't watch him anymore, I walked over to the fridge, nudging him so he'd move and started cleaning up his mess. He didn't say anything, just burped loudly in response.
"Hey, I wanted some of that chicken," he protested as I refilled my fridge with everything he had pulled out.
"Why are you here, Sean?" I asked, closing it and standing with my back against it so he'd have to pay attention to me.
"I wanted to see how you were," he said shrugging.
"You haven't even asked me anything yet," I pointed out.
"I can tell just by looking at you," he said. His brow furrowed slightly. "You look a little sick, are you okay?" he asked. No you idiot, I just got up, sorry I didn't have any time to put on my face before you showed up unannounced. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the kitchen.
"I'm heading to campus later, I need to get ready to leave," I said.
"School? Why?" he asked, following me back into the living space. He still had the pasta and one of the three bananas I had been saving to make banana bread with.
"If you must know, I've been thinking about taking summer classes before my last year," I said. He laughed loudly.
"Why the fuck would you do that? School finally cuts out and the first thing you do is go back?" he asked.
"The sooner I finish my classes, the more time I have later to work before graduation.”
"That's stupid," he said definitively. "Just go to class when class starts. It's called summer vacation because you're supposed to be on vacation."
I was only telling him this because he happened to be the only other person in the room. Sean was the last person I needed to be talking about academics with. He lived in a new development in an apartment he shouldn't have been able to afford since he didn't have a job. His family was pretty wealthy and paid for both that apartment he lived in and that education he was hardly getting. They had paid for the massive television and gaming consoles that took up all his time, too.
"I don't know. I think I want to get all my studying done off top then have time and money for the rest of the stuff," I said.
"What's the deal with you and school? You're not ugly, it isn't like you have to be smart to get by," he said.
I closed my eyes, calming down before I said something to him that I might have regretted. It was my mistake for keeping him around, I knew that, but he wasn't always like this. What was that Tiffany had said to me about him? That I was projecting and no, he wasn't actually the kind of guy I thought he could be?
"You know what? I'm busy today, Sean. You have to leave."
"You're going to school, then coming right back. That doesn't sound busy to me," he said.
"Just go."
"Are you waiting on someone?" he asked, suddenly interested. "A date?"
"Since you asked, yeah, I actually might be going out with someone tomorrow night," I said, crossing my arms.
"Might? Like you aren't sure? Just go," he said lightly.
"What?"
"Yeah. Were you waiting to ask me permission or something? It's not like you're the only girl I've been talking to. We're not exclusive, you can date whoever you want," he said. I knew that. I already knew that, so why was it making me so mad to hear him say it?
"Do you go to all their houses when you run out of food at your place?" I asked. The pasta was gone and he had left the banana peel in a heap on the edge of one of my end tables.
"Naw. Just you. You're the best cook, baby," he said coming up to me and putting a hand around my waist.
"Get out. Just leave, okay? I want you to go."
"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up. "I'll go."
"Thank you," I said, relieved.
"Have fun on your date. Call me afterward," he said. I said I would so I could hurry him out the door. I took the empty Tupperware to the sink and threw out the banana peel. What a hound. His place was messy, but it wasn't a sty. He had to have a maid service or something keeping it together for him.
He still hadn't made up for the day at the coffee shop that he had stood me up. I had gone to his place during the week, but he had just given me a bullshit throwaway excuse when I had called him on it. He had said all this stuff about how I was being too intense and needed to dial it back, and then we had had sex and just hadn't brought it up again.
It was so dumb that I was feeling like this when he was so unbothered. It was getting harder and harder to see those redeeming qualities that I spent so much time trying to show Tiffany that he had. He had encouraged me to go out with another guy – he didn't give a fuck.
I went to my room to grab my phone. I'd take his advice and go out with another guy since dating me was too much of a responsibility for him. If nothing else, I'd get a good night out with decent company and a meal. What did I have to lose? I held the phone to my ear waiting for Tiffany to pick up. I knew she would already be at work, but I wasn't going to take long.
"Hello?"
"Tiff?"
"Hey, what's up? I can't really talk right now, could you text me?" she asked.
"I'll be quick. I wanted to talk to you about that date," I said.
"Yeah?" she said expectantly.
"Tell your mystery man I'll be there."