“Ladies and gents, lovers and haters, sinners and saints,” I croon into the microphone, “it’s that time of the week again. Thursday, just twenty-four hours away from letting it all hang out. Interpret that as you wish. You’ve got Mr. XO here and…well, let’s not beat around the bush. Do I really need to explain what tonight’s show is about?”

“As a good number of you know, the true identity of Mr. XO, i.e. yours truly, was recently exposed, so to speak, by a venomous site that shall not be named. Let’s just refer to it as that festering pustule on the ass crack of all that is good in the world.

“As such, I’m in the mood for a little commiseration tonight. You’ve all seen my publicly aired dirty laundry, not to mention my publicly aired bare ass. Now I want to hear yours. Regale me with your tales of public adventures gone awry. Tonight I am not your Sex Jock, I’m your audience. Bring on the laughs.”

I do have to admit that more than a few brought a tear to my eye, in a good way. At one point I was laughing so hard I had to go mute. I’m sure this was due to Donna’s expert curation in the hopes of cheering me up.

“…mistakenly sent the video to the family group chat for my Grandma’s ninetieth birthday party. So yeah, now the whole family knows I like it reverse cowgirl style.”

“…turns out, my sister was planning a surprise birthday party for me. So while every living soul I know is hiding out in my living room listening to everything, I’m making out right there on the front porch with this girl I drunkenly picked up at a bar. It’s still kind of hazy, but I’m pretty sure we got as far as second base before someone finally took mercy on me and coughed loud enough to catch my attention. I obviously assumed it was a burglar or something, so I freaked out. By the time they all poured out of the house to announce themselves I had already called the cops. I don’t think I need to tell you that it basically ruined the mood. So I didn’t get birthday sex, but they did all spring for an Xbox so there’s that.”

“…but we had no idea that the drama club was going to rehearse their stupid play that afternoon. We tried to wait it out, but after thirty minutes it was obvious we were screwed. So we’re stuck in this tiny backstage closet and the only escape is this embarrassing walk across the stage in the middle of a rehearsal for My Fair Lady. I was happy to wait it out, but he had to go to the bathroom so…walk of humiliation it was. Honestly, the looks of surprise on their faces almost made it worth it.”

“…I mean, it was a nude beach for Christ’s sake. What did they expect? Turns out, nudists are really a bunch of prudes. Well, not prudes obviously, but they really don’t like it when your girl starts rubbing one out for you. So we had a bunch of naked people—most had to be over the age of ninety I swear—surrounding us, shouting and shit, threatening to call the police on us for indecency. I mean, really? Indecency? They weren’t the ones sitting there with ninety-year-old dicks swinging in their faces. Talk about surreal.”

“…never tried the mile high club so I figured it would be one of those bucket list things, something you have to try at least once. So we’re in there, trying to be quiet and what not, when the back of her dress gets caught on that thing for the sink faucet; I forget what you call it. Anyway, we were so nervous about getting turned into the TSA or something that we panicked and, sure enough, it ripped right up the back. From there it was just one disaster after another. Turbulence. Some asshole knocking on the door ‘cause we’re taking too long. Accidentally turning on the faucet so my pants get wet. Anyone who didn’t know what we were up to as we made that walk to our seats had to be an idiot. But hey, at least we tried it, right?”

“Right,” I respond, cringing at the idea of cramped airplane bathroom sex. The one time I tried it, it didn’t go nearly as badly as the caller’s did, but it’s definitely one of those things that has more hype than it deserves. “As the saying goes, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.”

“Well, it’s definitely something I won’t be trying again,” he assures the audience with a laugh.

“Thanks for calling in, John,” I say as I segue into my closing remarks. “And thanks to all of you who have called in. For those of you that we couldn’t make it to due to time constraints, feel free to leave your experiences in the online comments section. I have a feeling I’m going to need the laugh over the next few days.”

“Until next week, this is Mr. XO signing off. Hugs and Kisses.”

I pull off the headset and fall back in my chair with a bittersweet smile touching my lips. The show was just the right tone to cheer me up, but not enough to make me forget about all the current shit surrounding me.

“Do you feel better now?” Donna asks coming out of the booth. When I first arrived, she was tactful enough to do nothing more than raise a questioning eyebrow my way. The firm shake of my head told her I wasn’t interested in talking about it, and she left it. But that wall can only stand so long, especially between me and someone I know is my friend.

“Slightly. You know, except for the part about my parents seeing my naked ass published on the net.”

“If it helps, your naked ass looked damn good.”

I turn to face her with an accusatory frown.

“What?” she laughs. “You think I don’t slum it on the gossip sites? And here I thought we knew each other.”

I wrinkle my brow with distaste.

“Speaking of asses, how could you think what you do in your off time wouldn’t come back to bite you in yours? Frankly, I’m surprised it took this long.”

“Before now, I wasn’t anyone worth photographing.”

I think about how that’s going to affect my time spent at the Sexton. For some reason, the only thing I feel running through me is a sort of perverse thrill, knowing someone actually is watching.

“Oh my God, you actually enjoy this don’t you?” Donna laughs. “Even after everything that’s happened.”

“What? Like you said, I do have a nice ass.”

“And what about your partner in crime?”

My smile fades and I shrug. “We’re…on a short break because of this.”

A disgrace.

It stung at the time, mostly because I knew it was true. This week’s meeting with my parents pretty much confirmed that a disgrace is exactly what they think of me.

“Well, that’s a shame. She had a nice ass too.”

I bark out a laugh. “Careful, that’s my girl you’re talking about.”

“Well then, Mr. Nice Ass, you better do something to end this, uh, short break, don’t you think?”

Before I can respond, my phone, which I keep on silent, blinks with an incoming call.

Dad.

“Better take this,” I say, mostly to avoid more relationship advice. Donna isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know.

“Wow, actual communication twice in one week,” I say as soon as I answer. “I should get naked in front of windows more often.”

Donna twists her lips with amused disapproval as she silently waves goodbye to leave.

Dad ignores the jab and gets right down to business. “I’d like to have a talk with you. Can we meet tonight?”

“Haven’t we already talked enough? I think the last time pretty much told me where things stand,” I say wearily rubbing my face with my hand.

“I didn’t get a chance to say what I’d really like to, and that is…I’m sorry Rhys.”

“A drink?”

Dad interrupts his visual exploration of my loft, which he’s never seen, to turn and look at me. “Only if you are joining me.”

“That would be a yes,” I say, then head over to the bar to pour us both a bourbon.

I was physically shaken when Dad apologized on the phone. Most of me was still so cynical from years of condemnation, that I didn’t even respond, waiting for the catch.

There was none.

I walk both glasses toward the kitchen island with two stools, so we can sit. The couch seems too intimate a space for this tenuous reunion. Dad catches the hint and walks over to meet me, pulling out one of the stools to sit on.

“So, was this Mother’s doing?” I ask, eyeing him carefully as I take my first sip.

“I can see why you’d think that, but no. This is all me. I…” he takes a sip before continuing. “I felt wrong after our meeting earlier this week. It didn’t end the way it should have. To be fair…” he sighs and takes another sip, “it didn’t end the way it should have back at Princeton.”

That one has me nearly coughing up the sip I’ve just taken. Instead, I swallow hard and let it blaze a path down to my stomach.

“I should have fought harder for you, son. It’s just that…you had such a reputation already and you were so hard-headed growing up. Everyone seemed so sure you’d done what you were accused of: the dean, her parents, even her boyfriend. And she was so convincing with those tears. In retrospect, none of that was a good enough excuse. You’re my son, I should have fought tooth and nail for you. Instead, I took the coward’s path of least resistance, cutting my losses. For that, I’m truly sorry.”

“Okay,” I say slowly, not sure how else to respond. It’s still a bit of a shock after all these years.

“Turns out I have a lot to learn about the modern world of sex. I mean what kind of girl actually asks to be videotaped?” He shakes his head with wonder as he brings the glass up to his lips.

“Maybe you should listen to my show sometime,” I suggest, my voice only slightly tinged with sarcasm.

He sets his glass down and gives me a soft smile. “Rhys, I’ve listened to every show you’ve done.”

Now I’m the one setting my glass down. I would be touched except we have a bit of history with one another. One that doesn’t lend itself to sentimentality.

“At first it was prurient curiosity. What’s my troublesome son up to these days?” I feel my muscles tighten before he continues. “As it turns out, you’re quite entertaining. It’s what you were meant to do it seems.”

I stare at him a moment longer, still waiting for that second shoe to drop.

“I do have to say, I was a bit thrown by the spaghetti thing,” he says, staring off to the side with a brow wrinkled in confusion. “How does that even work?”

I maintain my composure for about a split second before breaking out in a laugh. Dad lasts about a second longer before joining me. It manages to crumble a good chunk of the wall that’s been built up between us.

“So really, how are you handling all of this. You holding up okay?” he asks once it’s died down.

“I’m fine, Dad.”

He nods as though that’s exactly what he expected. Perhaps he knows me better than I think he does.

“And…financially?”

I chuckle. “Let’s not discuss the trust fund again. I’m doing just fine. Hell, save it for your grandkids.”

“Grandkids?” he asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

I look out the window and ponder that. A small smile creeps to my face. “You never know.”

“Huh,” he says, now pondering it himself. “Speaking of which…this girl—sorry, this woman you were with. Prynne, is it? How is she handling all of this?”

I bring the glass up to take a sip before responding. “Not quite as well. We kind of got into it right after the fact. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Do you like her?”

“Yes. More than I’ve liked anyone. We’re so different but…there’s just this connection. I knew it the first time I met her.”

“Perhaps you should take a lesson from your old man and fight for her. If you like her this much, do you really want to lose her the way I lost you once upon a time?”

I stare at him a moment, a slow smile creeping onto my face. “Wow, actual words of wisdom from my old man. I feel like I’m in a Norman Rockwell painting.”

“I have a pretty good feeling Mr. Rockwell drew the line at painting people in their birthday suits.”

I groan.

“Oh come on, that wasn’t horrible,” he says with a laugh.

I stop and look at him with a straight face. “Does this mean you’re okay with it?” I ask, still extremely skeptical.

“I wouldn’t say ‘okay’ is the word, but…I let something far worse come between us before. I’m not going to let this one do the same. Besides, you wouldn’t be the first family member in history to cause a scandal during a campaign run.”

I just nod and we sit in silence for a while, sipping our drinks and absorbing this new feeling of reconnection.

Dad puts his glass down and wrinkles his face. “But seriously…spaghetti?”

We laugh again and this time it feels even more relaxed.

As we continue talking, trying to find a way back to one another, I can’t put his words about Prynne out of my head. I want to make it work with her, have to make it work with her.

There’s no way I’m letting her go without fighting tooth and nail.