His mouth was on my neck, licking and sucking and groaning my name. My back arched as he slowly and frustratingly trailed his tongue from my throat to my stomach. It was almost too much. I felt on the edge of consciousness, as if I were about to pass out from the ecstasy of it. I was so desperate for him. I pushed my hands through his hair and he groaned again as he dragged his thumbs across my nipples, again and again. He kissed and licked further and further down my body. His hands reached under me and pulled me closer to his mouth; his tongue reached my clit and I moaned, “Oh, please, yes.”

And I sat bolt upright at the same moment Charlie came out of our bathroom.

“Leah, are you OK?”

“Yes, I just saw the time—I’m so late.” I jumped out of bed and ran past Charlie and straight into the shower. Had I said that aloud?

Daniel was right: He wasn’t going anywhere. He was front and center of my mind all day and every day and now he seemed to be invading my nights as well. There must be a way to block him out, to shut down my desire for him.

I hadn’t responded to his last email. What could I possibly say that wasn’t some kind of lie to Daniel or betrayal of Charlie? I had already said that I felt something for him but I couldn’t act on it; there was nothing to add. He hadn’t emailed since.

Thankfully, it was Friday. I was distracted this week at work, which wasn’t like me at all. I needed to get my head together this weekend and start next week fresh. I was meeting Anna tonight and I was going to tell her about meeting Daniel for dinner. After all, it was history, and so I could try to pass it off as just a catch-up with an old friend ... which it was.

After a day working on the Palmerston presentation and trying to fend off urgent emails, I walked into the Chancery Bar. Anna was there with Brendan, of all people. This town could be so small at times.

“Hey, you two, are we having a threesome?” I quipped.

“Darling, you couldn’t handle that. No I’m just waiting for a date and passing the time gossiping. Unfortunately, now that you are engaged we have no gossip about you. It’s dull now that you are official. No will-they, won’t-they. It’s all white roses and wedding planning.” Brendan was rolling his eyes.

“Why white roses?” My stomach turned at Anna’s question. Of course she would pick up on that.

“Ugh, Charlie sent a huge bouquet of white roses to the office this week. Makes me want to heave,” Brendan said.

Anna looked at me and I looked away and Brendan kept rattling on about how boring my love life was and how awful weddings were. I just smiled and let him get on with it while I contemplated the awkward questions I would get from Anna when Brendan’s date finally arrived. After about ten minutes, Brendan dropped us like stones and I braced myself for Anna’s questions.

Once he was out of earshot, Anna turned to me. “So, I’m going to order another bottle of wine and while I’m gone you can decide whether I’m going to have to interrogate you or if you are going to explain willingly what is going on, Leah.”

“No waterboarding will be necessary. Get some wine.” There was no point in trying to pretend the flowers were from Charlie. Anna knew him better than that.

In the end, I told Anna that Daniel and I had met for a drink to reminisce about old times and that Daniel had indicated he was interested but I can been clear that I was engaged. I didn’t mention the subsequent email exchange. She seemed satisfied and didn’t push things further. I think it helped that she had other news.

“So, you know how Fran has been really moody recently and not drinking?” I was only half-listening while wondering whether Anna had really dropped her questioning of Daniel and me.

“Leah, are you listening? Fran is pregnant.”

“Are you serious?” I whispered loudly.

“Totally and completely serious. She’s about three months apparently. She told me last night because I confronted her about her weird behavior.”

“Is it the DJ’s? Or that barman’s? Does she know?”

“She said she was pretty sure that it was some random guy she met in a club one night. I don’t think she’s holding out much hope that he’s going to make an honest woman of her. I don’t think she’s even planning to tell him. I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in for her, I guess.”

Fran didn’t want anyone knowing, so I was instructed by Anna to pretend I didn’t know until she was ready to tell me.

Discussions over Fran’s situation took the rest of the bottle of wine, and, as selfish as it was, it was a welcome distraction to the Daniel drama that was going on in my head. Not that that would last for long.

I checked my personal email in the cab on the way home. There it was: another message from Daniel, and the end of my distraction. I felt relief knowing he hadn’t given up. Would he want us to meet again?

I dreamt of you last night. I dreamt of you in my bed, of the taste of your skin, the sounds you made as I touched you and your beautiful face as I made you come. x

My stomach flipped and my cheeks blushed. I’d never had a man be that direct with me before and it was, well, hot. We were dreaming of each other now. I felt like he was running at me at 100 miles an hour and I wasn’t sure whether to get out of the way or stand here while he crashed into me.

Charlie was in front of the TV when I got in, his feet up on the coffee table and a beer in his hand.

“Hey, there. Did you have a good night with Anna?”

I couldn’t look at him. I was convinced the he would be able to read my expression and see that I was thinking about someone else. I needed to pull his focus from me. I needed to think about something else.

“Yes, it was great. But oh my goodness, Charlie, you will never believe it. Fran has gone and got herself pregnant.”

He actually turned to look at me. “What do you mean? No she hasn’t.”

I really shouldn’t have told Charlie, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. I was just desperate for us to be talking about anything other than us.

“So whose baby is it? Is she going to keep it?” Charlie went on.

“I don’t know, and I think so. She wants to do it on her own, apparently. Anyway, I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” I really hoped he said no.

“No, I’m going to finish watching this. I’ll be in in a bit.”

I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and took out my phone to read that email again.

***

The weekend passed without me replying to Daniel and without him emailing again. Other than going to a birthday dinner for a friend of Charlie’s on Saturday night, Charlie and I didn’t spend much time together. I went to the gym. Charlie seemed to spend most of Saturday in the office and then in bed on Sunday.

Things were strained between us on Saturday night, but maybe I was making more of it than was actually there. Maybe things were always like this and I hadn’t noticed before. But would I be thinking like this, questioning like this, if I wasn’t getting this attention from Daniel? I was just imagining the grass on the other side of the fence. I was being immature. I’d been happy for six years and suddenly, because someone else was interested, I was starting to question what I’d previously been happy with.

Maybe.

But I think Anna had a point when I had said the same thing to her on Friday night. I’d had these thoughts before Daniel came along. I hadn’t told my parents about the engagement before Daniel. Charlie and I had stopped talking, stopped connecting, before Daniel.

I was relieved to get back to work on Monday. I wanted to be out of the flat. It seemed everywhere I was, I wanted to be somewhere else. Nowhere was comfortable.

I redoubled my efforts to throw myself into work. I was so busy on the Palmerston presentation that I didn’t have time to think. Monday whizzed by. Charlie didn’t come home until after I was asleep on Monday, and I couldn’t wait to get to work on Tuesday. I had a bigger part of the presentation to deliver this time; I’d prepared well and was feeling confident. It was just David and me presenting today, so more pressure, but I had done this before.

When we arrived at the Palmerston offices, David and I were herded into a huge meeting room with views of St Paul’s. It was awesome, despite the gray drizzle. I could just make out Lady Justice on top of the Old Bailey. London was distractingly beautiful. Finally our audience arrived: the General Counsel and his assistant, Jim, and Emily. Jim was one of those men who looked friendly; he was chubby and wearing a tie that probably hadn’t been on sale since 1987, but it suited him. He couldn’t stop smiling. It was comforting; I liked him and felt more at ease. We all swapped business cards—I noticed Jim’s title was General Counsel of Gematria Enterprises. I’d heard of them, but couldn’t think where. I thought this was Palmerston?

Jim gave us a brief introduction to the Palmerston Hotels.

“The hotels were the beginning of this business and we are very proud of them, a bit emotionally attached to them. Even the CEO—he might join us. He wants our advisors to understand this is not just a business deal for Gematria. It’s more than that; it’s personal.”

Realization crept up my body. Oh god. This was Daniel’s company. I was sitting in his meeting room. I wanted to run. Did he know I was here?

“Excuse me. I just need to use the ladies room.”

I just reached the bathroom when the floor started to move beneath me. I crashed into one of the stalls and sat down with my head in my hands.

What was going on? Did Daniel know I was here? Had he planned this or was it fate? He couldn’t have known I would be involved. There were over 500 lawyers at my firm. It was surely just a coincidence. I needed to man-up and get back in that room before I threw away my career.

I splashed some water on my face and tried to steady my breathing. This was work and nothing else. I reapplied some makeup and took another deep breath and strutted back to the meeting room.

Something was different when I entered the room; the air was heavier than it was before.

Jim smiled at me. “Leah, this is Daniel Armitage, our CEO. I said he might be joining us. This is a very personal project for all of us.” My mouth dropped open as my eyes followed Jim’s line of vision.

“Leah.” Daniel extended his hand looking right at me. The room fell away and I found myself staring at his hand. Covering for me, he grabbed my right hand with his. His hands felt soft and enveloped mine and I closed my eyes. He abruptly pulled away and invited me to take a seat.

I sat down and refocused. I could do this. He didn’t mention that we knew each other, so I followed his lead and pretended he was a stranger.

Oh god, had he invited my firm to pitch because of me? Was this meeting to see me? He took his seat at the head of the table and addressed David. His hair was glossy and the perfect length for running my fingers through—

Focus, Leah.

He completely commanded the table. No one was able to take their eyes from him, especially not me. I found myself studying his lips and absentmindedly reached for my own as I imagined what his would feel like on mine. My eyes moved down to his broad chest covered in his expensive suit and tie.

And that’s when I noticed. That distinct band of gold on his left ring finger. I looked from his left hand up to his eyes for the first time since we shook hands and he caught my eye and I looked down again to check I wasn’t imagining what I’d seen. He must have realized what I was looking at and he instinctively covered his left hand with his right and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. My breath caught in my chest.

I caught him in his lie.

The rest of the meeting was a blur. I was on autopilot—I spoke at all the right points and in the same way as we had rehearsed, but I didn’t have any conscious control over anything. It just happened. I addressed everything I said to Jim and Emily. I could feel Daniel watching me, but I couldn’t look at him. I was worried I would blurt out, “You’re married! You told me you were divorced! I’ve been questioning my relationship because of you!” Of course I didn’t. And then we were packing up our papers and being seen to reception. Daniel was called away before we said goodbye.

“Good job, Leah.” David said on the walk back to the office.

“Really? I was so nervous that I wasn’t sure what I said.”

“No, really excellent  Even better than last time. I think they liked us.”

Thank goodness. That’s what good preparation rewarded you with, I thought. I was right to throw myself into work. And now I had no reason to be distracted. Daniel was married, I was engaged. That was the end of that.

Back at my desk, David came over. “Leah, I’ve just had a message from Daniel Armitage’s office. He’d like another copy of our presentation. Can you walk it over?”

“Sure, I can get Deb to go.”

“I think you should go in case he has other questions. Stop on your way home. Thanks, Leah.”

Great. He’s going to think I want to see him. I couldn’t say anything to David now, though. I had left it too late. Oh god, I hadn’t even thought of what would happen if we actually won the pitch. I’d have to see him all the time!

I finished what I was doing, logged off my computer, grabbed another copy of the presentation, and headed out the door. I would just leave it at reception and run like the wind.

“Hi. Is that the additional copy of the presentation?” The bubbly receptionist smiled at me.

“Yes, can I leave it with you?”

“Actually, Mr. Armitage has a couple of questions for you. I’ll see you to his office.”

I wasn’t sure how this day could get much worse.

The receptionist put her head into an office. “Daniel, I have Leah from Wilkins & Watkins for you.” She beamed at me. “Do go in, Leah.”

I stepped just inside the door, my eyes fixed on the ground. I left it open. Hopefully this would be strictly professional.

Daniel got up and reached behind me to close the door. He was close enough for me to breathe in his masculine scent, and my god, he smelled delicious. He held both my shoulders in his firm grip.

“Look at me, Leah.” I couldn’t stop myself; I brought my eyes up to meet his. “I need to explain all this to you. I realize this afternoon could have felt like an ambush—“

“I need to go,” I interrupted.

“Not before I’ve explained. Sit down, Leah.”

I didn’t argue—I couldn’t argue. His hands, still on my shoulders, guided me to one of the sofas and pushed me gently to sit down. He sat next to me, his body positioned toward me. I was hyper-aware of every inch of him and his proximity to me. I stared at his hands covering mine. His body heat was overwhelming. I wanted to melt into him, have his hands all over me.

I jumped to my feet. “It’s so hot in here. Don’t you have air conditioning?” I started grabbing at my jacket buttons and pushing my jacket from my body.

“Leah, it’s not hot in here. Sit down and look at me.” He reached his hand up to my arm and pulled me down toward him.

“Where’s your wedding ring?” Had I imagined it?

“I’ve taken it off.”

“So it wasn’t my imagination. I can’t believe you lied to me. Why? I was telling you no. You had no reason to lie.”

“I didn’t lie, Leah. I’m not married.”

“So you just wear a ring for fun?” Sarcasm was a core skill of mine.

“No, I wear the ring because I don’t like people gossiping about me and my private life. I’ve never discussed my divorce in the office. It just stops questions and speculation.” It sounded like bullshit. He smelled so good.

“I know it’s stupid. I’ve taken it off now. I won’t put it back on. I’m sorry, but I didn’t lie to you.”

“I don’t believe you. I think you’re married,” I hissed.

Daniel sighed and stood up abruptly and walked over to his desk and dialed a number. It was on speaker; I could hear the ringing. How inappropriate for him to make a call! I stood up.

“Leah, please sit. I want you to hear this.”

“What is it, Daniel? I’m really busy,” the speakerphone squawked.

“George, you’re on speaker. Leah, Georgina is my ex-wife. George, how long have we been divorced?”

“Well, clearly not long enough if you still think you can interrupt my day to play bloody stupid games. What is this? What do you want?”

“George, look, I’ve still be wearing my wedding ring in the office to avoid awkward questions, and I need to explain to Leah I’m no longer married.”

“No, Daniel, you are no longer married. We’ve been divorced five years because you are an intimacy-avoiding workaholic. Take the ring off, you idiot, and stop being a coward. I’m hanging up.” The line went dead.

Daniel laughed affectionately. “So, that was my ex-wife.”

He came sat opposite me on the coffee table with his legs on either side of mine, his hands on my knees. “I’m sorry if I upset you, I would never want to do that,” he whispered. He rubbed his hands up and down my thighs. “Please, Leah. Tell me you know that.”

“I don’t know anything anymore, Daniel. You wandered back into my life just a few weeks ago and I don’t know anything anymore.” My eyes watered; Daniel wiped away the tears with his thumbs.

“Leah, I’m so sorry. Tell me why you are crying. What can I do to make it better? Please talk to me, I need to know.”

I sighed, resigned to telling him anything he wanted to know. I seemed to lose all self-control around him. “A month ago, everything in my life was so neatly packaged and in its place, safe and contained. My work, my relationship … And now I feel like everything has been tipped out of its neatly packaged box and into the middle of the floor and you ...” I paused. My emotions were overtaking me, but I couldn’t stop. “You are standing over all of it. You are everywhere. In my thoughts when I’m at home, in meetings at work, even in my dreams.” Daniel started to pull me onto his lap.

“Daniel, no. What if someone walks in?”

“No one would dare. Anyway, the door is locked.” And he drew me onto his lap, onto his tight muscular thighs and against his body. This was not helping. One arm was around my waist and the other brought my head to his chest and pushed my hair from my face. His touch calmed me and my tears stopped, but I didn’t move.

“I know.”

“What do you mean you know?”

“I know what you are feeling.”

“You don’t know. How can you know? You don’t know me well enough to know how I feel.”

“It’s the same for me; that’s how I know. This is not what I expected, either, but it’s real.”

I didn’t answer him; there was nothing I could say.

He stroked my back rhythmically for what felt like hours. I was cocooned by him and his delicious scent. I felt safe and warm and increasingly aroused. His hand moved down to the small of my back and I gasped—I was so sensitive to his hands. I turned my body toward him and trailed my hands up and down the contours of his chest.

He felt amazing. It was difficult not to imagine what he looked like without his shirt on. In response, Daniel made a deep guttural sound deep in his throat and tilted his head back. Hearing him respond to my touch like that was so arousing; I felt a throb between my legs, and I moved my hands up over his shoulders to push off his jacket. He released me for a second and quickly resumed his stroking of my body, more urgently now, my back and my thighs over my skirt, and then trailing the skin just under the hem of my skirt, just grazing the lace of my stockings.

I felt myself moisten; I was desperate for his fingers to reach higher up my stockings, up my thighs, and for a second I felt resentful at his power over my body.

My resentment didn’t last for long as I buried my face into his neck and breathed him in. He ran his lips over my jaw and I pulled him closer to me. He trailed his tongue from my jaw to my neck. My breath quickened. I tried to stop myself, but couldn’t help but moan at the sensation of his tongue on my skin. He met my eyes, leaned his forehead on mine, and brought his hand from underneath my skirt as he slowed his hands over my body. Our lips were almost touching.

“I want you, Leah. I want to kiss you.”

He didn’t wait for a response before crashing his lips to mine with such intensity that I inhaled sharply. He pulled back slightly and ran his tongue across the inside of my top lip, tantalizing me until I couldn’t take any more. I pushed my tongue to meet his. He clasped my head in his hands and I couldn’t stop myself from making insistent moans into his mouth; it felt so urgent and so necessary.

I shifted my weight and, without breaking our kiss, he took the opportunity to pick me up and lay me back on the sofa. He positioned himself above me, pushed his tongue deeper and deeper, and slid his hand up from my waist to my breast. I wanted him closer—I wrapped my legs around him. He responded by circling his hips. Through the layers of fabric between us, he was hard as stone. He clearly wanted me as much as I wanted him. He ground against me, pulled his lips from mine, and looked into my eyes.

“What do you do to me, Leah?”

I reached my hands around his backside and I pulled him harder toward me. He tongue dived into my mouth again.

A shrill ringing from his desk and sharply reminded me of where we were. I pushed him away.

“Daniel, your phone.”

“Seriously, do you care?”

“Yes! You should get that, we should stop this. What are we doing?” I kept pushing on his chest.

Daniel moved off me and slumped into the couch. “Jesus, I feel like a teenager.” He started laughing.

“Are you going to get that?”

“No. There’s not enough blood left in my brain to allow me to take calls.” He laughed again.

“This is not funny, Daniel.”

“No, you are right, this is anything but funny. This is—you are—sexy, passionate, consuming, thrilling, and all I want. But no, it’s not funny.”

I couldn’t respond. The outside world began to seep into my thoughts. What time was it?

“I need to leave.”

“Stay.”

“It must be getting late. I should get home.”

“I don’t want you going back to that wanker.”

“What? Charlie?”

“Yes, Charlie. He’s an idiot, Leah. I don’t want you near him.”

I stood up and grabbed my jacket. “You don’t get to tell me who I go near. He’s my fiancé. He’s done nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s being an idiot—I’m betraying him.”

Daniel grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like the guy, and I want you to have what you deserve. And you deserve better than him.”

“And you are what I deserve? How dare you! Let me go!” I stormed out of the office without waiting for a reply.

Talk about whiplash. I had gone from not being able to resist this man to wanting to physically hurt him. What I had done to Charlie was bad enough without the man that I had done it with telling me he was an idiot.

I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. I needed to get back to reality.