The rains did not stop for nearly an hour after Lily returned to the cottage. Zinnia had seen to Lincoln, had checked his pupils and pulse, waiting with him until the ambulance arrived while Lily and Ano kept out of the weather in the Equus. Lincoln would survive to face charges, a disbarment and a hell of a lot of trouble. Lily felt almost bad for him, but not quite.
Lily was dry by the time they returned home and had barely registered the commanding way Zee directed her out of her clothes and into a hot shower, how her niece combed her hair and told her about the impromptu wedding.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said, sitting behind Lily on the bed, a comb working through her thick hair. When she spoke, her voice was calm, tone even but Lily heard the excitement in each inflection.
“How did it happen?” she asked, tapping Zee’s hand to continue when she stopped combing her hair. “Tell me about it.” She wanted the distraction, details, anything at all that would keep her mind off Lincoln’s backstabbing and Keilen…no. She wouldn’t think about what she’d done to him.
“Well, it’s was Ano’s idea. When the party died down and everything was packed away, his tutu informed him she wanted to talk to him about the wedding the next day. She had a menu prepared and had hired a band.” The bed shook with Zinnia’s laugh. “I think it was the band that did him in. He didn’t want his seventy-year-old grandmother picking music for his wedding. So he locked the door when she left and turned to me, all serious, and said ‘let’s go right now. We’ll find some place away from town and get married before anyone can stop us.’ I couldn’t find a reason not to and, I have to be honest, Lil, all I wanted was to be married.” She paused for a second, running her fingernails through the ends of Lily’s hair. “I never cared about the wedding. I just wanted the marriage.”
Lily smiled, turning to look at her niece. She looked different somehow, her features relaxed, her eyes bright. She traced the curve of Zinnia’s cheek and brushed away a curl that had fallen from her hairpin. “It’s so strange to me that you’re old enough to be someone’s wife. Your dad and mom…” Lily quieted, spotting the well that had started to collect in Zee’s eyes. “They’d love him. And they’d be so proud.”
If anyone could find happiness in this sad, cynical world, Lily was glad it was Zee. She deserved nothing less than to find her joy. She deserved to be swept away by the feeling of being adored, protected, by the passion and strength that comes from finding someone who loves you blindly.
“Lil, about Keilen…”
She shook her head, inhaling as she forced a smile. “Doesn’t matter. I only care about you and making sure you’re happy and safe.” Lily touched the diamond on Zee’s finger, making a mental note to congratulate Ano on his good taste. She’d watched them, surprised by the comfortable silences that fit them, by the way they seemed to know each other, love each other so fiercely. It was natural, ordinary, but so much greater than anything Lily had ever felt.
“What will you do? About your job and…New Orleans? Will you go back?” There was a glimmer of something that looked like hope shining in Zee’s eyes. Lily hated to disappoint her.
“I have to go back and fix the mess Lincoln made.” She didn’t look at her niece then. Zinnia had a way of revealing everything she felt in the shift of her gaze; it had always made Lily cautious with what she told her niece.
“But then you’ll come back.” Zee tilted her head, catching Lily’s eyes. “Right?”
“I…I don’t think so, sugar.” She tried to ignore Zinnia’s low exhale, but couldn’t keep from glancing at her; guilt coursing through her at the expression on her face. “Zee…”
“I just think it’s stupid,” she said, louder than normal. “He’s crazy about you, and you, Lily, I’m not blind. You haven’t been around much. I see the way you look at him. And that smile, Aunt Lil, I’ve never seen you smile like that before.”
“I ruined things. I broke promises. Twice. He’s not going to forgive me,” Lily told her, closing her eyes when Zee grunted, a frustrated sound that only doubled Lily’s guilt. “It’s best I go back to what I know.” She shook her head, gaze unfocused as she watched the horizon across the properties. “I always thought the island would give me so much. Like it was always waiting for me, even when the mainland called, I knew I could come home.”
“You can, Lil. Of course you can.”
“No. I can’t.” Lily closed her eyes, not wanting to see the water or the sand. “All the island did was take my family. My mother, my brother and…this place never gives you anything in return.”
“Lil…no.” She hugged Lily, arms tight over her shoulder. “New Orleans is no better with only those nosey assholes from the yoga studio to keep you company? You think I don’t remember what it’s like for you there? Work, work, yoga every now and again, then work some more.” She lowered her voice when Lily stared at her, temper flaring. “That’s not living. At least here there is us. Your family and…”
“And the memory of everything I’ve lost. Everything I let slip away.”
“And me, Lil. Me and the family Ano and I make together.” Zinnia didn’t hide her tears when they came but Lily knew what they meant. Her niece was not an emotional woman. Unless she was angry and just then, with her face growing pink and tears dotting on her cheeks, anger was exactly what Zinnia felt.
“I won’t be gone forever, Zee. You know that, and I…”
From the living room, a loud creaking shout sounded, something that reminded Lily of anger and frustration but not rage. She followed Zinnia from the bedroom, stopping at her side when they found Ano with his hands over his head as Leanni screamed at him, hands on her hips.
“Disrespectful when I work so hard to make a nice party. But you go off and ruin it you and that…that…”
“That what?” Zee said, walking into the living room. She stood in front of Leanni, chin uplifted as she shot a hard glare at the old woman, challenging her to finish the insult Zinnia expected. “You gonna call me a haole? My whole family has lived in Oahu for sixty years. What else you have to say, huh?”
The old woman’s shock at the volume of Zinnia’s voice left her features as quickly as they came and she returned her stern frown, looking up at the girl. “You work too much and my grandson won’t have any pépés. What good is ohana with no pépés? You will work too much and there will be no one to…”
“I will work,” Zinnia said, interrupting Leanni, “the same as my parents did and my Aunt Lily. She managed both, everyday doing all the jobs she could. Same as you, isn’t it? Same as his mother too. Ano told me, you had no man at all, neither did she. But you both worked cleaning rooms and cooking meals all while raising your kids and grandkids together, and when she died, you did it by yourself. Ano owns his own business, and his sisters and uncles have families and jobs. So why would I be so different?”
“It’s not the same, it’s hard work. You should stay home and…”
“And you should stay out of our marriage.” Zee took a breath, considering, arms folded as she stared at the old woman. “You raised your children and theirs. I respect that, but how you did the job isn’t the same as how we’ll do it. We’ll have to find our own way.” She nodded to Lily, then back at Leanni. “It’s how things work. We all have to figure out what works for us and no disrespect to you, tutu, but that has nothing to do with you.”
The room went silent for a moment as the two women face each other—Zinnia not blinking, keeping her features set, and Leanni watching her closely, then looking at Ano who only seemed able to smile at his new bride. Finally, the old woman sighed, unfolding her thin arms to hang at her sides. She shot a glance at the bookshelf, seemed to be looking at the newly frame picture of Ano and Zee kissing under a leis arbor.
“Will you give me a copy, at least?” she asked Zinnia, nodding at the picture.
Zinnia snatched it from the shelf. “Here,” she said, handing the picture to Leanni. “You have this one. I can get a copy from the venue.”
Ano’s tutu held the frame in her small hands, rubbing a thumb over the glass before she smiled, nodding at Zinnia and stopping to kiss Ano on the cheek. Then, she smacked his shoulder.
“You, get up and go to the market. I’ll make poke bowls with pineapple and lilikoito to celebrate.” She turned to Zinnia, nodded when the girl smiled, then continued to berate her grandson.
Lily laughed, watching Ano scramble as his tutu and wife worked to organize the meal prep and call their family over. She let them work, moving back into the guest bedroom to pull out her suitcase. Across the property, Keilen’s house was dark and empty, no signs of him in the driveway or anywhere around the lot. To her right, Lily glimpsed her mother’s old garden and beyond that the stretch of horizon with the sun dipping into the water. She’d just been there with Keilen, bringing to life decades of fantasies. He hadn’t disappointed her. He hadn’t, in fact did anything but make her feel alive and needed and real again.
Lily sat on the bed watching the sunset, trying not to think about life on Oahu after she left. She wondered if Keilen would miss her. She wondered if she’d ever again think she deserved to be missed at all.