Chapter Twelve
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SHELBY HAD EVERYTHING she wanted. The file from her office, her favorite takeout in front of her, and Colton Bells eyeing her from across the dining room table with that look.
She knew that look. Ever since the kiss in her office, he’d been sending her smoldering glances. His touch lingered a few seconds longer than necessary. When they’d arrived back at the house to find her mom, dad, and Daniel there with food from the parishioners, Colton’s demeanor had been soft and protective, his normal razor-sharp tongue with her dad more tolerant and easygoing.
She’d introduced Connor to her parents and Daniel, and then he’d left to get his girlfriend. Six casseroles, three cakes, and twenty minutes of reassuring her parents later, Jack and Martha pulled out of the driveway with Daniel driving, leaving her alone with the man now sitting across from her.
Currently, it wasn’t just a smoldering glance drifting her way. He was full-on knocking her out with his bold gaze. “You’re not eating enough,” he said.
This from the man who hadn’t touched a thing on his plate. He’d poured himself a glass of tea, rather than grabbing a beer, and hadn’t even touched that.
The chicken fries she usually devoured in under a minute toyed with her nose, but her mouth watered for something else. Something only Colton could give her.
Picking up a fry, she nibbled on it. “Guess I’m not hungry for Moody’s after all.”
“I can heat up one of those god-awful casseroles in the fridge.”
“Be nice. It was sweet of the ladies’ group to go to all that trouble.”
“Feels like a funeral luncheon to me.”
“But we have Irma J. Brown’s triple decker chocolate cake. The one she puts the pudding mix in. She only makes those for special occasions. Happy ones.”
Like weddings.
“The last time I had a piece of that cake…”
He let the sentence trail off, and yep, there it was. His eyelids lowered to half-mast and his gaze dropped to her lips.
Because the last time he’d had that cake, he smeared the homemade frosting all over Shelby’s body and licked it off.
Slowly. One bare inch at a time.
Shelby twirled her braid and lowered her chin so she was looking at Colton through her lashes. Her tongue slipped out and licked her lips. “That was really good cake, wasn’t it?”
He kicked back in his chair, a lazy grin spreading over his face. “You wouldn’t be suggesting you want to skip your fine dinner for a piece of that cake, would you, darlin’?”
Hell yes. That was exactly what she was suggesting. She tossed a fry at him. “Chocolate is a food group, and the doctor said I could have anything I wanted.”
“Is that so? Are we talking about your real physician or the fake one we’ve been making up all day?”
“Does it matter?”
“No, ma’am. I’m in agreement with your doctor, fake or real. You can have anything you want.”
The air sizzled and snapped between them with that old chemistry she loved so much. It was like touching the ends of two alligator clips coming from a battery charger. If the ends of her hair lifted, she wouldn’t be surprised.
Her nipples went hard and her pulse skipped to a blissful beat, but Colton didn’t move, as if afraid to spook his prey.
Trapped in his smoldering gaze, she took a moment to assess her current state. Was she really about to jump back into the fire with him? To get caught up in his rocky, unpredictable world?
She’d been raised on fire and brimstone, and had never been shy about stoking the flames. Colton’s world, though, his very existence, took the blaze and turned it into an inferno inside of her.
Once you caught the fever for Colton Bells and tasted that kind of all-consuming passion, you were never the same. She had the feeling, this time around, she’d never get back out alive.
Maybe I don’t want to.
Being the good girl took its toll. She loved her family and friends, wanted them to be proud of her. She loved her country and worked hard to keep it safe and protect its citizens.
But sometimes, she wanted to lay it all down for a little while—the hard work, the spotlight always on her family to be role models. Her own driving need to bring justice to the world, to set right all the wrongs that had been done to innocent people.
Especially kids like Colton had once been.
Even now, as she smoothed a finger down her braid, he didn’t rush her. Didn’t say a word, waiting. Letting that fire of his go from a slow burn to an all-out inferno.
He might have a temper, but rarely let it show, always appearing calm, cool, and composed, even when irritability was singing in his veins.
Patience had often been the hallmark of Shelby’s world. Patience with the parishioners who sucked the life out of her father, with her mother’s need to parade Shelby in front of all of Oklahoma as a girl, and with Colton and his infuriating attitude.
Patience was overrated.
She’d nearly died that night three months ago. Died before she could solve her case, but also before she could tell Colton something.
What if that something had nothing to do with the serial killer case and everything to do with her heart?
Once again, her boldness came through. “I think I’m still in love with you, Colton.”
He smirked as if he’d known that for truth all along. “That’s just the drugs talking, Shel.”
“Don’t do that.”
Challenge lit his eyes and he toyed with his glass of tea. “Do what?”
“Discredit my feelings. Or yours.”
“Sorry.” The cockiness left his features. “Habit.”
“I haven’t had any drugs since we left Premiere.”
He stared openly, as if he could reach into her brain and sift through her memories, her desires. “I know that, and honestly, it…”
“What?”
He sighed—a tired sigh, full of old scars and long, lonely nights. “It scares the crap out of me.”
Why? Because she was willing to tell the truth? “I’ve been considering the fact that the night I was shot, I asked you to meet me here for a reason that had nothing to do with my case.”
A muscle rippled along his cheekbone. “What reason could that be?”
“To ask for forgiveness.”
Colton said nothing. The air that had sizzled between them a moment ago went heavy with a different emotion—regret. “For what?”
He knew what. It was written all over his face, the pain and sadness in his eyes stealing the breath from her chest. “For choosing my job over you. That’s what I did, isn’t it? That’s why we separated? The only reason I can think of that you and I would break up after all those years must have been because I put my job first.”
One eye narrowed slightly. “You don’t… You don’t remember?”
She needed another dose of boldness, and had to dig deep to find it. “No, I don’t, okay? I know we had our issues, and I have fuzzy recollections of arguments after Connor’s rescue, but honestly? I don’t remember exactly why we divorced.”
His head snapped back as if someone had slapped him. Then he sat forward slowly and rubbed his eyes. “How bad is it? This memory loss?”
“I… I’m not…” God, this was not at all how she’d imagined the conversation going. “I seem to remember most things just fine, with the exception of that day. It’s just, I’ve been trying to remember…us. And I can. At least, all these moments in time, up until the night of Connor’s rescue. After that, there are plenty of memories of my life that didn’t involve you—my FBI cases, my family, Jaya, that stuff. But when it comes to you and I? It’s all kind of a blank after Connor’s rescue.”
He straightened again, avoiding her eyes. “Take your pick. Everything I did—do—rubs you the wrong way.”
“That’s a lie.”
His gaze snapped up to hers. “Are you reading me?”
“I don’t have to read your micro expressions to know that.”
Besides, the big doofus rarely let his emotions leak if he was really trying to contain them. He was good at evasion, even better at covering his feelings with jokes and innuendos. Pretense.
He wasn’t hiding anything right now. Not well, anyway.
“I’ve always loved you, Colton. I don’t know what got in the way of that, but I still do.”
He came out of his chair and over to her, taking her by the arms and lifting her up. He bent his head and stared down into her eyes and everything in her body lit up with that wicked hot fusion of desire he induced. “You’re the oxygen in the air I breathe, Shel,” he muttered low and soft. “The blood running in my veins. There’s never been anyone else for me.”
She caught her bottom lip with her teeth to keep from sobbing. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized she’d been holding it all back. So much pain and fear.
Shelby Claiborne, crack FBI agent, a woman who wasn’t supposed to fear anything, brought to her knees by love.
The irony.
A bitter laugh at her foolishness tore from her throat, sounding more like the sob she’d been holding back. She sagged into Colton’s chest, the tears flowing.
The sobs came hard, surprising her with their intensity. He held her tight, rubbing her back, caressing her hair, his fingers lingering on the scar above her ear.
“I missed you so much,” she cried into his T-shirt. “When I woke from the coma, I was so scared. So out of it. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t make coherent sentences. All I wanted was you.”
He’d always been her rock, ever since they were kids.
If possible, he drew her closer. “I’m so sorry, Shel. I should have been there.”
“My parents chased you away. I know that.”
“I shouldn’t have let them.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist, sniffled. “For all of your rudeness and insolence, you’re still the best man I’ve ever known, but we were divorced and they are my parents. You did what was right.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’m not leaving this time.”
Shelby lifted her face and his was right there. Those sad, guilty eyes searing right into her heart. “Good. We have some lost time to make up for.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? You know, your memory, and the trauma…it could be messing with you.”
“If there’s anything a near-death experience has taught me, it’s to never take the ones you love for granted. To never take life for granted.”
She brushed her lips against his, felt his breath on her as he sighed softly, his eyes closed.
After a moment when he didn’t move, didn’t look at her, she felt doubt creep into her chest. “Colton?”
Her voice brought him out of whatever struggle he was fighting with himself. “Shelby, you know I can’t resist you. Not then, and certainly not now.”
She brushed her lips against his again. “Now why would I want you to?”
“Because if you don’t, you could end up royally screwed.”
“I hope you mean that literally.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. His restraint was admirable. She could feel it in the tense muscles of his arms, the way he glanced at the scar on the side of her head, trying to not take advantage of poor Shelby Claiborne.
“I know what I want, and I certainly know what I’m doing.” She pulled his head down and kissed him harder, letting her lips linger on his. “And I’m doing you, Colton Bells.”
“You always were a big tease.” But he was grinning now and staring her in the eyes again.
She took one of his hands and brought it to her breast, blinking her eyes in mock innocence. “Who me?”
“Shelby…” his voice held warning.
“Why, Mr. Bells, I do believe you can be a bit of a tease yourself. Like right now. I’m giving you every signal in the book and you still haven’t—eep!”
Colton pushed her up against the wall. Her legs threatened to give out—not due to her coma-induced weakness—but from relief that he was taking her seriously.
Kneeing her legs apart, he crushed his lips against hers. His tongue slipped inside, teasing, licking, demanding.
Answering the call, she let hers tango, fingers charging through his hair, dragging him even closer as her leg hooked around his.
God, he felt good. Strong, solid, safe.
Fire.
His hands went under her shirt, just as demanding as his lips as they unhooked her bra and freed the girls. His thumbs skimmed her breasts, stroked her nipples. Moaning, she arched into those hot hands as he kneaded her flesh.
Need. Desire. An ache so deep she couldn’t catch her breath. Colton was the only one who could ignite this kind of fire inside her.
The only one who could quench it.
She kissed, licked, and bit as he peeled off her shirt, then her sweatpants. His fingers found the spot between her legs and she shivered as he thumbed her through the thin, flimsy satin of her panties.
She nearly came right there, just flew apart at his touch. All of it…her case, her recent brush with death, Colton’s absence…all the emotions she’d been suppressing rushed to the surface.
Especially the fear that she might never remember what happened. That was the biggest of all.
Her panties fell to the floor. Supporting her with his hands on her hips, Colton lowered himself and took her with his mouth. It was forceful, his tongue swirling over her sensitive flesh only once before driving home.
A cry ripped from her throat; it was too much. Too damn good. As he held her steady, she did, indeed, fly apart, the orgasm forcing a cry from her lips as her hands clenched handfuls of his hair.
Her vision went white, but Shelby didn’t care. He continued to work her with his tongue until the orgasm was milked to the max.
Boneless, she slid to the floor with Colton’s help, her legs falling open as she lay weightless in his arms. Stars danced under her eyelids and then he let her loose. She heard his belt hit the floor as he shucked his jeans. Cracking open her heavy lids, she watched him sink onto his knees, his hands caressing the inside of her thighs.
“You are so goddamn beautiful.”
The evening drew around them like a soft blanket, the overhead light spotlighting their bodies. “You’re pretty fine yourself,” she said, reaching for him. “And we’re not done yet.”
The familiar smug grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “Happy to oblige, ma’am.”
His fingers went to work, his lips following their path and sucking at her skin. She climaxed again, gripping him tight even though he wouldn’t give her what she really wanted.
Him. His hard cock inside her, filling her up.
But God, who complained about an orgasm, no matter how you got there?
When he reduced her to a quivering mass once more, she fought through the blissful floating sensation. “Please,” she whimpered. “Please, take me, Colton. I want you inside me.”
He kissed her neck and shifted. Her gaze was too blurry to see well. “You don’t have to ask me twice, beauty queen.”
And then the hot, heavy weight of him bumped the inside of her leg. It wasn’t possible, but she managed to spread her legs even more, anticipating, longing.
He didn’t take his time with her. Didn’t go slow. Oh no, he knew she was more than ready, and he took her hard, slamming himself inside her right up to the hilt.
She cried out, loving it, and digging her nails into his back. “Yes, this,” she said into his ear as he lingered in that position for a moment.
He was savoring it as much as she was. When he finally began to move, he kissed her with a passion she knew all too well.
COLTON HAD ALWAYS been driven by his dragon. The only way he’d ever found to break the monster’s hold was by burying himself inside Shelby.
His mother’s death, his father’s abandonment, his life in the system growing up. All his failures. All his successes and triumphs, as well. They were all part of his dragon—the dragon that drove him to rise above them all, yet knowing he never could.
But Shelby, sweet, sweet Shelby, she made it all go away. When he was inside her, the dragon disappeared. He wasn’t a loser, nor was he just a man like any other. He was hers.
The only thing he’d ever wanted to be.
And she was his. His beauty queen. His wife.
My everything.
As he moved on top of her, feeling her contract around his cock, his mind went blissfully blank. There was only Shelby’s soft skin, her sexy voice, her moans for more.
He tried to slow his pace, draw it out, make it good for her. She deserved that and so much more. But his body, so desperate for release, staged a coup. The urge driving him made him slam into her. He couldn’t help it; she was the drug that promised him the high nothing else could.
And he’d never been one to avoid that.
His raging body had so much pressure, he was a volcano ready to explode. If he didn’t slow down, he’d come too fast, too hard.
His dragon laughed. This freight train couldn’t—wouldn’t—slow down for anything.
“Shelby… I can’t…hold…”
She bit his bottom lip, arching under him as another of her orgasms hit. The pain, the pleasure—it all exploded into one, all-consuming skyrocket, blasting out of him, ripping a yell from his mouth as he followed her over the edge.
Shelby yelled his name, her nails driving deep into his back, her teeth sinking into his shoulder as he bucked into her, over and over, exploiting the orgasm to the bitter end.
Suspended, a peace filtered through him as he collapsed on top of her, a calm he hadn’t felt in far too long.
Mine.
She clung to him, hugging him close as both of their bodies trembled and shuddered in the aftermath. Her sigh of complete contentment brushed his ear and he rested there, on top of her, for long minutes.
They fit together perfectly, as if God, or Whoever was up there, knew how much they’d needed each other to get through this life. Colton breathed in Shelby’s scent, letting himself float in the euphoria of being this close to her again.
She trailed a light touch up his spine. He needed to shift his weight off her, but his body thought that was a bad idea. If he stayed here, physically connected to her, nothing bad could happen. Nothing could separate them again.
Of course that was stupid. He couldn’t stay buried inside her, couldn’t keep her pinned down under him, forever.
But God, he wanted to.
The click of nails on the tiled floor and a giggle from Shelby ruined further thoughts of holding her hostage with sex for the rest of their natural born lives. Especially when a cold nose poked him in the ribs.
“Gah.” He jerked away from Salisbury’s inquisition. “Back off, mutt.”
That only made Salisbury look Colton in the face before he licked Shelby’s ear.
A squeal, and even with his weight on top of her, she jolted hard enough to toss him to the side. More laughing and squealing ensued as Salisbury thought it was a game and pounced, licking her like she was a giant scoop of ice cream.
Colton couldn’t help the laugh that rose from his chest, a happiness he hadn’t felt in eons filling him up.
“Call off your dog!” Shelby teasingly yelled.
He rolled over onto his back and laughed harder when he knocked into the table and sent food flying to the floor.
That got Salisbury’s attention and he left Shelby in exchange for chicken fries.
Stupid dog.
Colton picked a fry out of Shelby’s braid and helped her to her feet. He intended to carry her upstairs to the bathroom and clean her up before he tucked her into bed, but they were both naked and as soon as he swept her up in a cradle, she started kissing him and his mind went blank again.
Her fingers tweaked one of his nipples as she plunged her tongue into his mouth, and the next thing he knew, he was taking her on the table, slamming the poor furniture into the wall hard enough to knock the clock off its hanger. The impact scared the dog, who ran from the room, which was probably good. Too many chicken fries and Salisbury would spend the night scratching at the back door, needing out.
And Colton had no intention of spending the rest of this precious night manning the door.
After their second round of lovemaking, Colton’s legs shook badly enough, he could barely carry Shelby upstairs. But thanks to a renewed vigor from the sex, he managed, getting her into the bathroom where he cleaned her up.
“We should go over the information we stole,” she yawned from her seat on the top of the toilet lid.
“First, you need sleep. A nap won’t hurt either of us. Then we’ll dive in.”
“If Theo finds out I took that file, he could have me arrested. You too. We need to know what’s in it and who we can trust to handle the case if we do end up in jail.”
“He already knows,” Colton said, handing her a clean T-shirt to sleep in. “And he’s not throwing you in jail. Me, maybe. You, no. He’s stupid, but not that stupid.”
She sat up straighter, blinking away her tiredness. “He knows?”
“You didn’t see that micro leak on his face in your office today?”
Speculation danced in her eyes. “You were reading him?”
“Weren’t you?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t see anything that said he knew I’d already stolen the file. He would have said something.”
“Why? He wants you back on the case, Shel. He brought the file to you at Premiere, hoping to stir up your natural impulse to get back to work. All that blustering about how you can’t come back without a doctor’s permission is total bullshit. He knows you’re the one to figure this out and you were very close to doing it before you got shot. I think that’s what he’s hoping for, that you’ll remember now that he’s got you obsessing about it again. And the more he tells you to stay away—”
“The more I’ll push to wrap it up.” She shook her head. “Why wouldn’t he just give me the file then? Why try to keep me from it?”
“He plays by the rules. Technically, he can’t let you work a case until you’re cleared for duty. You’re making good progress with your recovery, but you’ve got a long way to go before you can officially go back to work. Months of therapy, more time in training and testing with the Bureau.” He helped her off the toilet seat and into the bedroom. “The honest truth is, you may not ever be cleared for field work again.”
“Colton!” Her body went rigid. “Don’t say that.”
“You’ve got the determination and the drive, Shel, but we just don’t know how your body and brain are going to respond to treatment over the next few months.”
She bit her bottom lip. “I hate you sometimes.”
“I know. But you also appreciate my honesty. I’m not your parents, praying for a miracle, and I’m not your friends, who cover up their worry about you with false platitudes.” He got her under the covers, hating his own honesty sometimes. “Ingram’s being realistic. He needs you to solve this case and he can’t risk waiting to see if you ever get back to your desk.”
“You’re right.” She sighed. “He knew if he told me I couldn’t have access to the files, that would only make me work harder to get them. Not just because I want to stop a serial killer—I have to prove I can do my job. To him and the Bureau, but also to myself.”
Salisbury snuggled in next to her. Colton went back to the bathroom. “He knows it’s wrong to taunt you into breaking the rules, and he feels guilty, but the pressure to solve cases is overriding that.”
“Did you read that on his face too? Guilt?”
He’d read something, he just wasn’t sure what it was. A twitch when he’d told Ingram that Shelby’s doctor thought coming to the office and seeing her friends might stimulate her memory. “Hey, Shel?”
“Yeah,” she answered from the bedroom.
“Did you and Theo ever…you know.”
A pause. “What?”
“Guilt wasn’t the only thing I saw on Ingram’s face today.” He went to the door and leaned on the frame. “Your boss is hot for you. Can’t say I blame him, but did you two ever…?”
Her brows raised and she smiled. “You think I hooked up with Theo?”
The last thing he wanted to picture was Ingram and Shelby together. Here. In her bed, where she lay smiling at him.
Our bed.
Colton clamped down on the image and the fire burning in his gut. “Is it possible you’ve forgotten?”
The smile slid from her face. It was brief, but he saw the flicker of doubt. “I would never sleep with Theo.”
His ego relaxed a tad. He pushed off the door and scooted Salisbury over so he could crawl in next to Shelby.
She curled into him and he wrapped an arm around her. “So you’re reading people now?” she teased.
He kissed her head through her hair. “I picked up on a few things, living with you.”
She ran her fingers over his ribs, yawning again. “We never did get any of that cake.”
“After your nap, we’ll look at the file and eat cake. I need to refuel and so do you.”
Her breathing was already deepening. “Promise?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He rubbed her shoulder with one thumb, thinking of all the ways he was going to eat cake off her. “I most certainly do.”