Like a girl who was lost, I stumbled into the dark house and shut the door. It was hard to breathe, so I stood there fighting to regulate the air coming in and out in tight spurts. More than anything, I wanted him to decide not to push me away. Tonight, we had crossed the friendship line, and he’d chosen to keep me at arm’s length. I shifted around and faced the door, putting one palm on the surface. I could almost feel him through the wood. But that was stupid. He was long gone by now. Probably regretting the moment I’d thrown up on his shoes.

Feeling lightheaded, I turned and somehow made it to the bathroom. Although I didn’t want to, I needed to wash him off me. Otherwise, I would dwell on this all night. Smelling his cologne on my skin, tasting his minty breath on mine. My hands fell to the vanity. They blurred in the glow of the nightlight. A second later, I sank to the floor, unwilling to do anything but cry. A wail escaped my lungs. I didn’t care how loud it was. It needed to come out.

The bathroom light switched on, bathing me in a yellow glow. “Leigh? What the fuck? Did something happen?” Bri kneeled on the floor behind me. My head was lifted and put on her lap. A hand ran through my hair, pushing it away from my damp face.

I cried out again, pulling in at my midsection. He didn’t want me. This entire time I’d known that but was too blind to see it. Why should he want me? I was broken after Russ.

“Can you help me to the bed? I just want to go to sleep.”

“Sure,” she said.

I was glad she didn’t say anything else. I wouldn’t be able to answer. Words were something I didn’t feel like thinking about at the moment.

I hit the pillow with my face and buried myself deep into it. Covers draped over me. Once the door shut, my face twisted in pain. This wasn’t the worse thing I had been through. I would make it through this feeling. The morning would be better. I had to believe that. I needed to believe that.

* * *

I could still feel his lips on mine. It was beyond anything I had felt with Russ. The kiss had been perfect. Or at least I thought so. Obviously, he hadn’t. I gripped the coffee mug tighter between my fingers as I put it to my mouth. It was cold already. When did it get cold? How long had I been sitting here? I ran a hand through my tangled hair. Everything was a blur. The only thing I could think about was last night.

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I made it out. It could have been that things were moving too fast for him. I needed to quit thinking the worst. Things from my past automatically made me that way. Living in the past wasn’t something I could do anymore. He wasn’t Russ. They were completely different. The feeling Russ had given me, the memories I dragged around with me everywhere had stained me. It was like a dead horse that I constantly had in tow. A dead horse that I needed to bury before I could move on with anyone else.

Bri came out the back door, but I didn’t look in her direction. I stared straight ahead. She came up beside me and dropped down into a chair to my right. “So, still don’t want to talk about it?”

“If you were a guy, would you want to date me?” I asked without looking at her.

“Leigh. What kind of question is that? Of course. Did he tell you that he didn’t want you? Because if he did, he’s an idiot, and you’re better off.”

I finally turned to her with tears in my eyes. It hurt to cry again. Was that even normal? But my lids were still swollen from the night before. “That’s the same thing you said about Russ when I first got here.” I tucked a loose stand of hair behind my ear. “So, maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m doomed to be alone.” I returned my blank stare forward. Alone. I was going to be alone forever. I was cursed.

“Tell me what happened so we can analyze this shit.”

Although I didn’t want to relive anything from the night before, I told her everything. She sat on the edge of her seat, taking everything in like it was the best story she had ever heard.

When I finished, she let out a low whistle. “You ready for Dr. Bri to tell you what I think? I’ve been psychoanalyzing boys since I started wearing a normal bra with actual tits in it and not tissue paper.” She held up a hand as if I was going to stop her from talking. Arguing with her was something I didn’t have in me to do. “I think the boy is scared. He doesn’t do relationships. I know this. I’ve never seen Luca with any girl for an extended period of time. This one intern we had at work talked to him for a while. Once she got too serious about the entire thing, he dropped her.”

“Great. Guess I’m in the same boat with her now.”

“Not quite. You didn’t initiate this kiss, right?” I shook my head. “You didn’t push that boundary. He did. And when he found out he liked it, it scared the shit out of him.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe like hell. I’m right. We need wine. Wine, like right now. And lots of it.” She stood, and grabbed my hand.

I glanced at my phone. “It’s eleven a.m.”

She shrugged. “Wine doesn’t care what time it is when it’s needed. Instances like this, wine is like the bat signal in the sky, beckoning needy women to its healing nature. Now we go. We drink. And if needed, we prank-call his ass and say some really nasty stuff that insults his manhood. I’m not above burning dog shit on his porch. Just say the words.”

I pushed her in the direction of the door, needing the talking to stop.

It didn’t last long. Once we made it to the kitchen, she started back up.

She plopped down at the counter. “I’ve seen the way y’all look at each other. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t be helping you through all this weird stuff you’ve been doing.”

I smiled. She was right. Not every man would do that for a woman. “It’s not weird stuff.”

She smirked. “I’m telling you, I’m never wrong about two people having the hots for each other.” She flipped her legs off the barstool and sauntered to the cabinet as if daring me to question her outlandish analysis. After pulling two wine glasses off the shelf, she poured a generous amount of chardonnay into each and pushed one across the counter in my direction.

I left it sitting there. Wine really wasn’t my thing. Alcohol in general wasn’t my thing.

She tipped the glass into the air before downing it.

I leaned back, gripping the sides of my face — anything to keep from looking up at Bri. “It’s not like that. All he wanted was to be friends. I think last night was just a fluke. Hopefully, we didn’t ruin what we had by doing that. If you’d been around us every time we’ve been together, you’d know friends are all we will ever be.”

She stood across from me, locking her arms over her midsection. “I was around y’all enough to know something’s up. You might not want to see it, but… well, it’s there.” She was silent for a moment. “Leigh’s gonna get some dick,” she sang.

My stomach twisted in knots as nervousness spread through me. Heat exploded across my skin, bypassing warm and going straight to searing. “No, I’m not!”

“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me if you keep hanging out, and he tries to throw it on you, you’d reject it. Fine piece of man like that? I’d disown you as my best friend.”

“Well… I mean, if it presented itself… then maybe.” I gnawed at my cheek. The concept of sex with Luca was too much for me to think about. He was really hot, and I had never had sex with someone who looked that way. I’d only had sex with Russ. Not that he was ugly. He was cute in that nerdy way that grew on girls.

Bri’s laughter cut my thoughts off. “Presented itself? That’s an odd choice of words. I can imagine it now.” She grabbed a banana from the fruit basket beside her and stuck it in front of her crotch. “Yo, Leigh, I don’t know what you’re doing tonight, but I just wanted to present my dick to you, and see what’s up. Wanna fuck?” She jumped closer to me, wagging it up and down on my thigh.

I pushed her away, unable to keep from laughing. “You know that’s not what I meant! I meant if the situation came across while we were hanging out. I didn’t mean he’d present his…” I waved my arms toward her banana. “…you know.”

“Whatever. You thought he’d present it like a dick in a box. All wrapped up for you and waiting.”

“How did we even get to talking about this? He might not ever come around again after what went down.” I turned my phone over, checking to see if he had called or text. I had done that every minute since I woke up. So far nothing. The more time went by, the more I was convinced he wasn’t going to.

“Oh, he’ll be in touch. He’s done got a taste of what Leigh’s got to offer.” She ran her hands down her sides, stopping at her crotch before jutting it out. “Now he won’t be able to get it off his mind. It will drive him crazy to wonder what it’ll be like to have the entire package.” She tossed back another glass of wine and started dancing around the counter.

Her fingers laced through mine, lifting my arms in the air. “Don’t worry about anything, bestie. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to. I get a good feeling about the two of you. Not like I did with Russ. Your dog days are over, my friend.” She twisted, jumped up, and shook her body.

I couldn’t help but to join. She belted out a song I didn’t know, but it had catchy lyrics.

Her hands went to my shoulders, stopping me. “Look at me.”

I laughed. “I am. And I think you’re a little drunk off that wine you downed so fast.”

“Maybe so, but that isn’t the point I’m trying to make. Leigh…” She ran her fingers through my hair, patting my cheek. “I’ve never seen you like this. The timid girl who once was my friend is gone. And in her place now, I see a totally bitching woman who could walk through hell with a smile. Don’t let anyone bring you down from that. You’ve earned it.”

“I hope you’re right,” I breathed.

She stopped, her expression turning serious. “I know I am. If I know men like I think I do, he’ll want to see you tonight.” She took both my hands in hers and pulled me in the direction of her room. “So we need to find you something to wear just in case it happens.”

Her whole scenario sounded completely ridiculous to me, but it was better than sitting there, staring off into space all day depressed. I’d had enough of those days after the break-up with Russ. She pushed me down on the bed as she went to her closet and started pushing through the massive amount of clothes living there. She pulled out a bright red suit and held it up in my direction, closing one eye.

“Nah. We need something with easier access.” She tossed it onto a chair and turned back around.

My mouth dropped. “Bri!”

Her shoulders lifted. “What? Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it, too.” She pushed more hangers to the side.

“I wasn’t!”

“Whatever. How about purple? Do you like wearing that color or do you feel like Barney?”

A purple sheer top flew in my direction. I barely caught it before it hit my face.

“Well, hold it up to you.” Her weight shifted to the side as her hand rested on her hip.

I put it against me.

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t like it.” She spun on her heels. “Toss it.”

I put it on the bed. “You’re probably doing all this for nothing.”

Her breath caught in her throat, making an odd gurgling noise. “This. This is it.” She turned around holding out the next pick.

I knew she was right the second my eyes landed on it. It was perfect.

“I forgot I had this. Look, the tags are still on it.” She held out the small white tags still attached at the side. “It’s like it was sitting here waiting on you.”

The perfect outfit with nowhere to wear it to. I looked at my phone.

Nothing.

I wondered how Bri was going to feel when it turned out she’d been wrong about everything.