Chapter 15
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Coffee. I need coffee.
Marco had always been a morning person, but even for him, four a.m. was too early. This morning was the Candidate Physical Ability Test. The trainees had to hike up three miles of rough terrain while carrying fifty pounds on their back in under forty-five minutes. He and Evan were meeting at four-fifteen to do the hike themselves before the candidates, even though they’d both passed it during their annual assessment. It was Evan’s idea, not Marco’s.
The days were getting longer and longer, and he was feeling it. The nights were just as long. Partly because he’d lost his bedmate. She’d been sleeping with her new best friend.
The first night Sydney was here, he’d come home and looked for man’s best friend, who was absent from the front door, her typical post when he arrived. When he couldn’t find her, he’d panicked until Sydney opened her bedroom door and revealed a sleeping Lady at the end of the bed.
She said that it was fine with her if Lady wanted to sleep in her room, so he couldn’t exactly say no. Even though he sort of wanted to. Feeling Lady curled up at his feet as he went to sleep and waking up to her goofy, sleep scrunched face was the best parts of any night. Which, he realized was pathetic.
The other source of his sleepless nights was, of course, Sydney. No matter how much he tried to put it out of his mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she was sleeping directly below him. His mind was consumed with being near her. It felt so right having her here, in his house, in Hope Falls, and so wrong that they were barely speaking.
It tormented him. Messed with his mind. Made him crazy. Not exactly prime sleeping conditions. He’d been lucky to sometimes get two or three hours of sleep per night, and after ten days it was catching up to him.
This morning he’d taken a shower, gotten dressed, and walked downstairs while barely opening his eyes. They were mostly closed as he walked across the front room to the kitchen, but they opened when he heard Lady’s paws on the wood floor.
“Hey, pretty girl.” He crouched down to pet her beneath her chin, assuming that she must’ve gotten out of Sydney’s room. “Do you have to go to the bathroom?”
“She just went, but she might need to go back out.” Sydney’s sleepy voice came from the corner of the front room.
He looked up and saw her curled up in a blanket on the recliner, eyes closed, and her hair framing her serenely beautiful face. A dim brightness of moonlight bathed the room and lit her with an angelic glow.
His chest, stomach, and throat all tensed with primal urgency. Need and desire didn’t come close to describing what he felt for Sydney. There weren’t words invented for what he experienced when she was near him.
“What are you doing out here?” His voice was hoarse and much gruffer than he’d intended.
“Lady’s stomach was upset, and the last time she woke me up and needed to go out, we barely made it.” She yawned, and her eyes fluttered open. “So, I thought, if I’m here, I can do this.” She reached beside her and opened the side door that led to the backyard.
He’d done the same thing last year when Lady had an upset stomach, except he’d taken the couch. He scratched Lady behind her floppy ears and she licked his hand.
“You should’ve woke me up.”
“No, I shouldn’t have.” She shook her head. “You’re barely getting sleep as it is. And besides,” a blissful sigh escaped her lips as she snuggled further into the cushions. “This recliner is really comfortable.”
She looked comfortable. She also looked adorable and kissable. Very, very kissable.
He stood and cleared his throat. “Thanks. But, next time, get me up.”
As he turned to go into the kitchen, he caught the moment she flinched, reacting to the sting of his abruptness. He hated himself for talking to her like that, but every second she was here it was getting more and more difficult for him to fight what he felt for her.
He filled his thermos with much-needed coffee and grabbed his keys off the counter. He took a deep breath, fortifying himself. He’d have to pass her on the way out the front door, so his plan was to keep his eyes straight ahead. No deviation.
He needed to go now, or he’d be late, and he was never late.
Say goodbye and leave, he told himself. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.
He passed and didn’t even glance in her direction, his strides purposeful as he crossed the room. He made it to the door, and he reminded himself not to turn around as he said, “I won’t be home for lunch today.”
“I know, it’s the CPATs today. Yay!” She whisper-cheered as she quietly padded her hands together in applause. “Woohoo! I know everyone’s gonna do great. You whipped them into shape.”
His heart ached at her enthusiasm and he couldn’t believe she remembered something he’d mentioned casually during breakfast with her and Pops last week. Why did she have to be so damn perfect? And not perfect in the Stepford wife way, perfect in the perfect-for-him way.
She was smart, stubborn, funny, stubborn, caring, and stubborn. She snorted when she laughed, and she always saw the best in people, which he thought made her too trusting, but it was sweet. In the shittiest of situations, she would find a positive. She wanted to save the world and she didn’t expect roses or sonnets to be written about her but she deserved them.
She also cheated on her boyfriend.
With him.
He just couldn’t reconcile those two people.
One question haunted him. He’d tried to tell himself that it was none of his business. That the answer didn’t matter. But at this point, he didn’t care if it was none of his business or if the answer didn’t matter. He wanted to know.
But this was not the time.
And not only because of the time constraints. There was no way he could think straight with her looking so adorable. From her bedhead to the crease that ran along her cheek, to the blanket that was pulled all the way up to her chin. He had no idea what she was wearing beneath the cover, but even if it was a potato sack, she was sexier in it than any lingerie model could ever dream of being.
How could he have a serious conversation with her when all he wanted to do was pick her up and carry her back to bed and stay with her all day? And he wasn’t even talking about sex. He wanted to lay with her in his arms, curled up against his body. He wanted to lazily run his fingers through her silky hair.
No. He had to go.
His hand wrapped around the doorknob when he heard her ask, “Marco, are you okay?”
The sincere concern for him was what made him snap. He’d been hot and cold with her since she’d been here. Sometimes talking to her, sometimes keeping his distance. It was out of self-preservation, but she didn’t know that. All she knew was that a person that was supposed to be her friend was acting like an asshole. Yet, she still stayed up with his dog at night so that he could sleep. She still made him dinner, even though that wasn’t part of her job. And she still cared enough to ask if he was okay, even when all he’d done was be short with her.
“Was it…” He turned to face her, knowing he needed to look into her eyes when he asked the question that had been plaguing him since his talk with his mom. “Was I the reason that you and your fiancée broke up?”
Her nose scrunched up as her brows drew together. “You?”
She looked at him like she had no idea what he was talking about. This was stupid, he had to go. “Never mind.”
“No. I do mind.” She sat up, and the blanket fell from her shoulders, revealing her oversized SpongeBob SquarePants T-shirt. And his hypothesis was proven correct. She looked sexier than any Victoria’s Secret Angel could ever hope to. Her brown-gold irises searched his face. “What are you talking about?”
Marco thought about telling her what he’d heard but then realized that he’d have to start it by saying, “My mom said that your sister said that,” and there was no way that was happening.
He tried to gather his thoughts and she grew impatient. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, or where that question came from. But, Simon and I broke up the first time because I found out he was cheating on me. The night of the reunion, actually. Right before I saw you.”
“He was cheating on you?”
“Yes. He told me he had an emergency and couldn’t make it to the reunion and then accidentally sent me the text he meant to send to his other girlfriend.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah. I told him I was done. Then he showed up in the middle of the night at the hotel with a ring and asked me to marry him. He said that he’d bought the ring six months earlier and it scared him once he did because it felt too real and that’s why he’d cheated.”
“What an asshole.” He hadn’t meant to make that observation, but it just came out.
“I agree.” She nodded. “I kicked him out that night, and we didn’t talk for almost a year. Then Devon got in the accident. She had to have reconstructive surgery on her jaw, and he showed up like a plastic surgeon knight in shining armor and fixed her.” In the darkness, he could see the tears pooling in her eyes, and her voice trembled as she spoke, “I was so scared. Not just for Devon, but for the kids. I felt so alone and overwhelmed, and Simon was there.”
She sniffed and took in a deep breath. “So, we got back together, and he proposed again. This time I said yes. But, when I went to get the ring sized, I saw the date on the invoice. It was the night of the reunion.”
The way she said the reunion was significant and he knew he was missing something, but he wasn’t sure what it was.
Sensing his confusion, she continued, “He hadn’t bought the ring six months before and then gotten scared. He got caught cheating, panicked, and bought it. I don’t know if he always planned on using that backstory or if he came up with it on the fly. Either way, I was done. It was over.”
“What an asshole,” he repeated.
“I agree.” She let out a forced laugh. “I don’t know why the lying was so much worse to me than the cheating. But for some reason it was. It is.”
Marco couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She hadn’t been cheating. When she’d said the breakup was recent, it was. As recent as it could possibly be. “The night of the reunion, I came back.”
“Back where?”
“The hotel. Your room. After Pops was stable, I drove back to the hotel. Simon answered the door, and I heard the shower running.”
“Oh my god!” She slapped her hand over her mouth. “You must’ve thought…” Her head shook back and forth slowly as she lowered her hand. “You thought I cheated on him…with you?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Marco sighed as he admitted. “Yes. I did.”
He hated that he had, and deep down it had never sat right with him, but he had believed that was the case. “We hadn’t seen each other in so long. And I thought I knew you, but then the evidence was—”
“Opening the door while I was in the shower,” she auto-completed his sentence.
“Yeah.”
“And that’s why you were so different with me when I messaged you.”
He nodded. “I should’ve just asked you about it. Then I would’ve…I could’ve been there for you…when you…after Devon’s accident.”
Tugging the blanket, she wrapped her arms around her stomach at the mention of her sister’s accident. Her bottom lip quivered as she smiled. “It was fine. We got through it. I don’t want to think about…I can’t think about that.”
She looked so tiny. So frail in the big recliner. He wanted to cross the room and pull her into his arms. He wanted to hold her, protect her, and tell her that everything was okay. But he knew he couldn’t make that promise. And if he wrapped his arms around her now, he’d never let go.
Thankfully, Lady took care of the comforting for him by jumping on Sydney’s lap and kissing her all over her face.
“Thank you for the kisses.” She giggled as she tried to dodge them.
His phone rang, and he knew who it was. He answered it with a short, “I’m on my way,” and hung up. Evan wasn’t big on small talk, so he knew he wouldn’t be offended.
“I have to go.”
“I know.” She was smiling as she continued to outmaneuver Lady’s affection. Then she grew serious and snuggled Lady against her as she looked up at him. “Thank you for talking to me about this. It means a lot to me that you came back that night.”
“I even brought ice cream.”
A pool of moisture filled her lower lid, and her bottom lip shook. “You brought ice cream?” she sniffed.
Damn, she was killing him. “Cookies and Cream.”
His phone buzzed again. “Shit.”
“I know you have to go. I’m glad we talked.”
“Me, too.” It was worth being late.
“Soooo, does that mean we’re friends?” Her doe eyes shimmered with so much hope it broke his heart.
His heartbreak was partly because being friends might still be all she wanted from him. But also because even if she wanted more with him, which he prayed that she did, that was all he could offer her.
Evan’s ominous words rang out in his head, “It can be hard on loved ones, on relationships.” The sadness and pain that Marco had felt behind them also resonated with him.
If it were some other girl, some other relationship, he might roll the dice and see if it could work out. But this was Sydney. He’d lost her twice before, there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen again. He’d rather have his soulmate as a friend than not have her in his life at all.
“Friends.” He managed to say over the knot in his throat as he opened the door and stepped outside.
The smile that spread on her face was small consolation for the pain that was twisting in his gut. He didn’t want to be her friend. He wanted to be her everything because she was his everything.