Chapter Twelve

Ethan

 

That boy, I think, hustling with him through the café and toward the bathrooms, the less-traveled hallways nearby. He’s going to be the death of me. I’m sure of it. Before last week, I would’ve never met him outside of the base. Before last week, I would never have agreed to meet him for coffee, let alone do what I’m about to do now. Get him somewhere private to kiss and fondle him. Maybe even fuck him. And in a public place… in a public restroom at that.

I blush, feeling my whole body tremble and my breath quicken. And we’re not even at the restroom yet. I’ve just been looking at him. His ass. His legs and the way they look in his Navy-issued blue slacks. The same ones he was in last night when we made love. I’m not sure, but I think I can still smell some of my almond and coconut lube on him. On the fabric of his clothes.

But my mind quickly moves from those details and to how close we are to the restrooms. The hallway that will cover us from public view. The moment we get within range, I overtake Frederick a bit and push him gently yet firmly into the corner—to the open space nearest to the men’s bathroom door— and kiss him fervently.

Unlike last night, I do so without him reaching for me. But there’s one thing that’s the same from last night, and that’s how his kiss makes me feel. It immediately softens me. It melts me entirely and fills my body with a tingling, bubbling sensation — like I’m a soda pop getting shaken up by his lips. By his cool tongue and slight taste of cinnamon and apple, the latte and whipped cream smell on his gentle soothing breath.

I lean into him a bit more, daring to grind on him. I hold his cheeks in place while I kiss him even more deeply, nibbling and biting his lip. To all of this, Frederick moans and sighs, making me even more crazy for him. Even hungrier for every inch of him, even though my mind is still demanding to know why I’m feeling this way towards him. Why I’m engaging in such risky behavior with him when I’ve never done this for any other person. Not another man. And yet here I am, doing this with Frederick. Being the kind of risk taker I never thought I would be. The kind of risk taker my father would disapprove of.

Far from making me stop or go limp however, this thought of my dad’s disapproval is an instant turn-on. It makes me start putting my hands on him. Running them over his chest, belly, crotch and back up again. As I make this journey across him with my fingers, I stop to pinch and rub his nipples. His quickly-hardening penis, though it’s not fully erect yet, will be in no time.

My touch causes Frederick to gasp. I’ve never seen another man in such reckless abandon. Such careless ecstasy before…well, not counting last night anyway.

I kiss him on the mouth, go in to devour him again, but Frederick pushes himself into the bathroom door and scoots himself toward the opening he’s making there. Initially, I’m not sure what he’s doing or why.

And then I hear it. People beginning to come our way. Lots of people, both customers and staff.

“In here,” he whispers, “in the bathroom. Come with me. Quickly, Captain. Before anyone sees us like this.”

Though I know his request is serious, I can’t help but hear an edge of mischievousness in his words. In this request, it almost seems like he might not mind being seen. Maybe being discovered by these people, even as much as he’s encouraging me to hide.

Even so, I allow him to escape my embrace momentarily and go through the bathroom door and inside.

But it really is no more than a moment. Before the bathroom door has even finished closing, we’re already passionately kissing again. Fondling and petting each other equally. Now it’s not just me who has his hands all over his body. Frederick has his hands on me as well, caressing my chest, my back, belly and groin.

Frederick and I are now both fully erect. As we stumble into a nearby stall, I feel his cock pressing against me and my leg. He’s so upstanding. Such a gentleman, I think, resisting the urge to unzip him right here and now, and suck him off. Taste every bit of him. I push him down on the toilet, before I can think about a much more sensible thing to do. The moment his ass is down on it, I begin to unzip him. I get about halfway down when something possesses me.

My conscience, common sense, really. I back away, pulling my lips from him just as he’s given himself totally and completely to my touch. To my kisses.

Frederick is obviously taken aback. Shocked by the sudden change in my behavior. He sits up, looking at me like I’m not making sense anymore, even though I’ve just come to my senses. I realize how young he is compared to me. How any of this, none of this, should be happening for any reason, under any circumstance.

“Captain?… What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”

I shake my head, not sure which part of me to listen to any more. The part of me that is full of common sense, or the part of me who loves him. Who needs and wants Frederick as badly as he needs and wants me, despite the legal madhouse we’ve entered into. Despite our age difference.

I want to be the person who doesn’t have to listen to common sense or reason. I want to be the person who can just love him — to be with him in reckless abandonment — but I can’t. Not in this moment. I look up at him, feeling ashamed of my thick and hard penis. My painful erection. The whip of flesh and fleshly desire to my conscience.

“Frederick, we can’t do this.”

Frederick immediately looks heartbroken.

“Can’t do what?” he asks, but the tremble in his voice tells me he knows what I mean. He fears what I’m about to say.

“I’m too old for you, Frederick,” I say. I say it as strongly and resolutely as I can, hoping that I’ll believe myself if I say it this way. “And you’re too young for me.” My mouth feels tight, bitter under these words, but in a way it’s true. I never imagined dating a younger guy. Particularly not a guy who is two whole decades younger.

“This can’t ever work out between us, especially not with everything that’s going on with us now.”

Frederick scowls at me, taking a shaking, challenge-filled breath.

“No,” he says. While I hear the tremble of tears, I also hear the telltale tremble of rage. Of stubbornness, and secretly I’m grateful for it. Blessed by it, even if I never admit this to him ever.

“No, Captain, I won’t accept that. I don’t accept it.” His scalp deepens as does his attention on the crotch area of my pants. I’m still erect, and he can see it.

“I want you. You’re sexy as fuck, and I’m not going to accept that I’m too young for you, or you’re too old for me. Fuck that.”

He leans forward and through my pants grabs my crotch, my balls, and then my engorged penis. I gasp, and he gives me a knowing, twisted smile. Full of love as well as abandon.

“I’m crazy about you. Your body. Your mind. The way you’ve gone through life, Captain. I’m into you, and that’s never going to change, no matter what you say or how you say it.”

I sigh, feeling both disarmed and relieved by his words. I said what I said before to protect myself; to give myself a way out so that I can say to myself that I tried to get away.

But if I search my soul, I don’t really want to get away. I’m into Frederick as well. I’m crazy about him in a way I don’t understand or yet fully comprehend. I’m hungry for his body and his mind as well. For the spirit in his voice, though it’s the exact opposite of what I’ve always imagined in a partner. As a possible love of my life. I feel that way about you too, Frederick. I’m afraid to say it. Afraid to feel it, you know. It wasn’t the way I was raised. I’ve gone so long denying who I truly am.

 “The charges too,” I murmur, “they’re heavy… scary. But I’m crazy about you. I need you. I want you badly.”

At these words I make eye contact with him again. I’ve had my eyes down, and my voice down. But now I let him hear my seriousness. My own desperation.

“I want you right now. But not here. Here’s no good.”

Frederick nods urgently in agreement, intense hunger.

“Agreed. No good here.” He zips up, breathing heavily while pushing down his boner. I push down mine, though I know it’s probably not going to go anywhere for a few more minutes.

“What do you have in mind, Captain?”

I didn’t really have anything in mind, but now I race to think of something — anything — to keep this going between us. Before I chicken out again, or we both lose the moment. Then I think of it. As I was driving to the café, I saw a nearby hotel. A really nice one. It looked pretty vacant by the lack of cars in the parking lot, so that might work perfectly for us.

“Shall we get a hotel? A room for a few hours or something like that? What do you think?”

Frederick lights up. Then blushes, allowing hunger and intrigue to sparkle in his eyes, and then spread across his lips in a deliciously boyish smile.

“I like that idea. Lead the way, Captain.”

With that, he squeezes past me, squeezes my ass, and darts out of the stall.

I turn and follow him, murmuring loud enough for him to hear.

“You keep that up, my boy, and the minute we get our hotel room, you’re going to have a lot of me to deal with.”

Frederick giggles like a little imp.

“I look forward to it, Captain,” he says, and lets the bathroom door come between us.