Chapter Fourteen

On the night before Jean-Paul was scheduled to fly back to the States, Cam called him to ask what time his flight was arriving in DC.

“Six fifteen. I can’t wait to come home.”

He gave Cam the name of the airline when he asked, not seeming at all suspicious of his reasons for asking. He liked that Jean-Paul called DC home. Over the past week, he had watched as Jean-Paul slowly relaxed until two nights ago, when Cam had watched him come undone before his heated gaze as Jean-Paul stroked one off for him. And he hadn’t been far behind, taking in Jean-Paul’s grunts and moans of pleasure as he had fucked his fist in time to Cam’s sexy encouragement. Cam loved talking dirty, and he knew how it riled Jean-Paul up to fever pitch, so he had played him to the max.

He had known then that he couldn’t wait a whole week more to see him. He had to have Jean-Paul now...well, as soon as he was back on American soil. Their friendship was growing, but so was his desire for more. He would try to quench it with another night of hot sex before the weekend marathon. But he had no plans to go anywhere for those two days and nights, and tomorrow, he’d give Jean-Paul a preview of what was to come.

After he hung up, he showered and went to bed, valiantly ignoring the constant ache that was his hard-on. All he had to do these days was think about Jean-Paul, and he was ready to rumble. He had heard talk that men his age didn’t get it up as fast, or keep it up as long. Tell that to his dick, which was always at least semi-hard when he wasn’t at work. Because when he was at work, he deliberately refused to think about Jean-Paul. It would never do to pop a boner in front of his students.

His excitement made sleep hard to come by that night, but he managed to ignore his hungry cock and snatch a few hours of sleep. Then he had to endure a whole day of classes and two meetings before he was finally able to leave for the day. He had already slung his overnight bag into the car, and he stopped to get something to eat before heading to DC and the airport. He got there with an hour and a half to spare, but he didn’t care. It was worth it when he saw Jean-Paul walking toward him, head down, no doubt calling a cab.

He stepped into his path and gripped his hand. “Not gonna need a cab, my friend. I can take you anywhere you want to go.”

Jean-Paul gasped in shock. “Camden! What are you doing here?”

“Waiting to take you home. Ready?”

He tried to telescope the emotions he was feeling into the look he gave him. Jean-Paul looked exhausted and stressed out, but Cam didn’t care. He’d take care of that before the night was over.

“Lead the way,” he said, and Cam took his suitcase, leaving him with the carry-on bag. In the truck, he programmed Jean-Paul’s address into the GPS and started off.

“Why have you come now? Are you not going to come on the weekend again?”

Was that a note of panic in his voice? It shouldn’t please Cam as much as it did, but he grinned anyway.

“Oh no, you don’t. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“That’s good to know, then.”

This time, he didn’t mistake the relieved sigh that escaped Jean-Paul. Cam reached over to see with his hands just how happy Jean-Paul was. The hard flesh jerked when he palmed it, so he squeezed it gently, loving the weight and the heat of it through his suit pants.

“Mmm! I can tell you’re happy to see me.”

He caressed the hard length for a moment more before returning his hand to the steering wheel. When Jean-Paul’s hands closed over him, he groaned and tightened his grip. His dick was getting impossibly hard, burning up from the pleasure.

“Babe, you’re gonna make me cum before we get in the door!” he protested, squirming and tightening all his muscles to slow the heat racing up his spine.

“You missed me?”

Cam let out a little growl. “What do you think?”

Jean-Paul laughed. “I think you’re going to be very tired at work tomorrow. Unless you have taken the day off?”

“I was just going to call in to say I’d be late. Maybe I will take the day...family emergency, you know?”

The way his body was on fire, this was definitely an emergency. He would figure out what he was going to do later, after he had enjoyed a taste of the man practically vibrating in the seat next to his. He had never been a shy man, but when had he ever been this bold, this driven, this needy? He could barely control himself, and only the fact that he needed both hands for maneuvering the truck into one of the visitor parking spots that Jean-Paul had directed him to, stopped him from copping another feel.

And he had only enough patience left to close the room door behind him before he had him pressed up against it, his hands pulling Jean-Paul’s up to his ears.

“Welcome home, Jean-Paul,” he said.

And then he was kissing him again. He nipped Jean-Paul’s full lower lip hard enough to sting, then licked and sucked it to soothe the pain. He slid his tongue over both lips, sliding between them to suckle his tongue before retreating and making his way up the hard jaw to his earlobes and his neck, licking behind his ears and down the column of his throat. He didn’t want to stop so Jean-Paul could have his turn. He wanted him naked...now.

“Shower with me?” he asked as he pulled Jean-Paul’s shirt over his head.

When the Frenchman opened his mouth to answer, Cam kissed him instead, pushing his hard cock against Jean-Paul’s and grinding into him. Jean-Paul’s chuckle slowed his fevered pace. He pulled back to demand, “What’s so funny?”

“You are,” was the answer. “You are so hungry for me that you cannot even wait for me to answer your question.”

Cam felt no shame, but he let Jean-Paul loose and led him to the bathroom in the master suite. They undressed hurriedly and before long were standing under the warming spray, kissing slowly, deeply, arms wrapped tightly around each other. Longing and affection hummed between them like birds on the wing. Then Jean-Paul moved away enough to reach for the shampoo and Cam smiled. He didn’t really understand why Jean-Paul loved playing in his hair so much, but it was special between them, and he loved what it meant.

He hung his head and let his lover massage his scalp tenderly, but after one wash, he was done. He needed to get his hands on Jean-Paul’s naked body. He pulled away from him, taking the shampoo and shaking his head when Jean-Paul reached for the conditioner.

“Not today. I can’t wait to touch you.”

Only one washcloth hung on the rack, but Cam didn’t care. He was going to bathe his lover and then fuck him till they both saw stars. His intention stood between them like a living thing, purposeful and determined. He washed Jean-Paul from head to toe, spending extra time on his cock and balls and the hole he planned to breach soon. Sending one soapy finger up raised both their temperatures, and when Jean-Paul added a throaty moan to the mix, Cam shook with need. He sent a second up to join its brother, searching for the magic spot that would bring more pleasure.

Jean-Paul hissed and pressed down onto his fingers. Jackpot! Cam sent three fingers up, making his lover groan and beg him.

“Please, Camden, do not tease me. I am ready!”

Cam smiled tenderly at him, kissing him slowly, sucking on his tongue, reacquainting himself with his taste, and all the while his fingers were busy inside his hot hole. Jean-Paul held himself tightly for a long moment before giving in to the need to seek his pleasure and fucking himself on Cam’s fingers.

“Yeah, baby! Fuck my fingers just like that! Show me how you want me to fuck you!”

There was no room for questions or self-consciousness. Only desire and lust were given free rein as Cam gave him the touches he needed. He palmed his own dick and squeezed his balls to slow the orgasm he felt starting just from the sounds Jean-Paul was making and the feel of his channel on his fingers.

“We left the lube,” he whispered, chuckling like a madman.

“The body wash is pretty mild. You can use that instead.” Jean-Paul’s suggestion was uttered between breathless pants.

“You do me, and I’ll do you?”

Wordlessly, they slicked each other up, each trying to make the other shoot first. But Cam was determined to get his cock inside Jean-Paul’s ass before they left the shower, so he pulled away from the protesting man and turned him around so his face was to the shower wall.

“Hold on, babe. I’m not gonna go easy this time. I can’t. Too far gone.” He was panting as well, his control hanging by a thread.

Jean-Paul slapped his hands against the wall and hung his head low even as Cam kicked his legs apart and pushed up, sliding his cock over the crease of his ass. His whimpers and grunts riled Cam up and he finally pushed in, slowly so as not to hurt him. When Jean-Paul hissed, he stopped, holding himself still by a sheer act of will. The urge to ram in to the hilt and ream his ass was almost overwhelming, but he fought it, waiting for jean-Paul to tell he him he could proceed.

“Continue! I am okay. Please, Camden, keep going. Take me.”

Cam wanted to say something, to make the moment sacred somehow, but he was lost for words. For the first time in his memory, dirty talk didn’t seem the right thing to do. He wanted to say words of love. That seemed more appropriate. But he didn’t know if what he felt for Jean-Paul was love. And, he was sure Jean-Paul didn’t love him, either. That left him speechless, needing to codify the emotion surging through him as he thrust in, fighting the pleasure that would sweep him away if he lost focus.

Jean-Paul’s cries of ecstasy echoed in the bathroom, loud and piercing. Cam let them soak into his being, took them into his very soul as he bottomed out inside him. He panted to slow the orgasm, because he knew he’d be cumming before another minute was done if he couldn’t hold himself in check.

“Fuck! You feel so good, Jean-Paul! So fucking good!” He had never felt anything like the closeness he felt with Jean-Paul, an attachment that felt permanent, like bonds of steel being wrapped around his heart.

He gasped as Jean-Paul squeezed his cock inside his ass before replying. “So do you. So, fuck me now.”

Cam pulled him back a little so he could lean over his back, and then he began a searing, rhythmic thrusting in and out of Jean-Paul’s tight hole, each of them clouding the air in the bathroom with their cries of pleasure. The feeling of wholeness that swept over him, as though for the first time he was a complete person, and the feeling of skin on skin, almost made Cam explode. He sped up...and then it hit him. Skin on skin...oh fuck, no condom!

Pulling out almost viciously, he grabbed his dick and stepped back, cursing bitterly under his breath. Jean-Paul turned around, looking at him in consternation.

“Why...what’s wrong, Camden?”

He looked as dazed as Cam felt, with an overlay of hurt and bewilderment.

“Condom...I’m not wearing one.”

He hung his head, anger and shame warring with lust inside him. Fuck! His inner voice railed at him. He was never so out of control that he forgot protection. Maybe Jean-Paul hadn’t been with anyone in a while, but maybe he had. They hadn’t talked too much about their sex lives, and he had almost let his out-of-control hormones dictate a decision that might have had bad consequences for both of them. He didn’t know that Jean-Paul wanted to have sex bareback because that was something else they hadn’t talked about. He had just gone in all gung ho, like a stupid schoolboy instead of a grown-assed man. Fuck!

He reached behind Jean-Paul, making sure not to touch him, and grabbed the soap. This time he used it hurriedly to wash himself, ignoring Jean-Paul completely. When he was done, he turned away, feeling like all kinds of an ass because this was surely not the way to handle his mistake. He knew he was probably overreacting, but he didn’t know how to face the man he had pushed into doing something he may not have wanted to begin with. Sure, Jean-Paul had been on board once Cam had got him all tensed up and wired, but before that, what if all he had wanted was some cuddling time? He hadn’t asked Jean-Paul what he wanted. He had just gone after his own desires, Jean-Paul’s be damned.

“Fuck!”

He cursed at himself, aloud this time, turning at the last moment to hand Jean-Paul a towel from the cupboard, since he had used the one on the rack. Then he walked out, finding his clothes and putting them back on. He picked up Jean-Paul’s as well and took them back into his room just as he emerged from the bathroom, the towel wrapped around his hips. Cam stopped mid-stride, his hands full of clothes, his mouth slightly open as he viewed the body of the man he had almost fucked. He was hot as fuck with the dark hairs on his chest and the happy trail down to his cock. A cock that had deflated nicely, thanks to his idiocy.

“I...I picked these up for you.”

Lame as fuck, but he didn’t know what else to say. And he knew if he said he was sorry, Jean-Paul was sure to take it the wrong way. Whatever he said, he was screwed. It was probably better for him to just take his overnight bag and drive back home to Pennsylvania before he made even more of a fool of himself. Sometimes he wondered how he had even made it in the damn Army when he was so lame, so weak, so undisciplined.

“I’ll just let you get dressed now.”

He walked out, heading out of the apartment to the balcony where the sounds of the early evening soothed the hurt and shame still riding him. Maybe this was just about scratching an itch, and they shouldn’t try again. He had never felt anything like the emotions he felt whenever Jean-Paul was around. But, at the end of the day, he didn’t know what love was, or whether a man could fall for someone he had spent so little time in the flesh with. Lust he understood. Love was another matter.

And this had just been foreplay, his cock up Jean-Paul’s ass notwithstanding. Because between them, they hadn’t even managed to get an orgasm out of the contact. How fucked up was that! He’d have to get ready to make his apologies and leave once Jean-Paul emerged from the house. But he wasn’t going back in until then. Call him a coward, but he wasn’t up to facing his almost-lover just yet.

He sat down eventually, because his legs were still weak with unfulfilled lust, and closed his eyes, wishing he could banish the thoughts running through his mind as easily as he could make the world disappear behind closed eyelids.

“À table, Camden!”

Cam’s eyes snapped open. Jean-Paul was standing in the open doorway looking out at him, hands in the pockets of his jeans. Shit, now I’m a jerk as well as an ass! Making Jean-Paul prepare a meal for him after a long day of traveling was the epitome of uncool. He should have been the one to...

“Camden, come inside. Then you can tell me what happened, okay?”

Cam sighed heavily and rose to his feet, following Jean-Paul back into the apartment. The dining table had been set for two, and he was shocked to see a whole pizza, individual salad servings, and four bottles of beer in the center. Maybe he could cut himself a little slack, since all Jean-Paul had done was order pizza and beer. Yeah, no. Not helping. You’re still a major asshole.

“Please sit down, Camden. You are making me nervous.”

Cam took a seat quickly, avoiding Jean-Paul’s gaze, waiting awkwardly to be invited to help himself. Jean-Paul rolled his eyes, clearly out of all patience with him and took a slice, biting into it hungrily. Cam helped himself as well and they ate in pained silence; at least, his silence felt pained, like hot pins were being pushed into his flesh while he was gagged and unable to utter a sound.

“Will you tell me what frightened you in the bathroom earlier?”

Cam looked into Jean-Paul’s face, surprised at what sounded like amusement in his voice. What the hell was so damned funny? Being this irrationally upset wasn’t normal. He needed to dial shit down, but hell if he knew how. He focused on Jean-Paul’s next words instead.

“Because you left me with a severe case of the blue balls, and I’m not inclined to forgive that without some reasonable explanation.”

Despite his talk of not forgiving Cam, he sounded highly entertained by something. Cam couldn’t see how the lovemaking disaster earlier was even remotely funny, unless something had happened after he left the room? But what?

“I wasn’t frightened…”

He stopped, recognizing even as he uttered the words that they were a lie. He may not have been aware of it, but his flight from the bathroom had been all about fear. Not just an inexplicable fear of passing on disease because he hadn’t suited up, but a fear that his feelings for Jean-Paul were much deeper than Jean-Paul’s might be for him. He had never been in a relationship before, and though he had had fuck buddies in the past, the most he had felt for any of them had been a mild affection. There was nothing remotely mild about what was stirring in his gut and causing him to act like a jackass.

Clearing his throat, he tried again. “I just freaked out a bit because I’d almost done something I’ve never done before and taken a partner without protection. I’ve never lost control like that before.” It wasn’t a lie, even if it wasn’t the whole truth.

“I trust you, Camden. So it must mean that you don’t trust me.”

“Jesus, Jean-Paul, no!”

Cam pushed back his chair and rose from the table, needing to escape the searing pain that Jean-Paul’s words had scored across his heart. But this time, the Frenchman didn’t let him leave. He stopped Cam in the doorway, dragging him around to face him, hands hard on Cam’s upper arms, voice cold as he demanded an answer.

“Look at me when you deny my words, Camden. You can no more lie to me than I can lie to you. If you trust me, and I trust you, then what is the real reason for you wanting to run away?”

Cam looked into blue eyes gone dark with emotions too numerous for him to make out. “This is bigger than anything I’ve ever felt. It’s more than I know how to handle. We’re not kids. We weren’t just gonna fuck back there. It wouldn’t have just been a screw. It would have been so much more.”

“And you are afraid of what it means to feel this way so soon?”

“Aren’t you?”

Cam turned the question back on him. Jean-Paul was the reserved one, the cool one, the aloof one. Why wasn’t he freaking out now? The only explanation must be that he wasn’t feeling what Cam was feeling. And if that was the case, whatever they were doing together would have to stop. Cam wasn’t setting himself up for disaster.

Jean-Paul sighed. “I don’t know what I feel, Camden. I only know that I do not want you to retreat. It feels too much like a rejection, and I am ill-equipped to deal well with that at the moment.”

He dropped his hands, freeing Cam to move away, but he stayed where he was, letting Jean-Paul speak. They had to get past this hurdle. Maybe it was a good thing they had forgotten the damned condom. It was forcing a conversation they had needed to have had from the beginning. Cam watched as he covered the rest of the pizza and placed napkins over the salad. Then he picked up two beers and handed one to him.

“Let’s talk on the balcony.”

Back outside, they sat across from each other. Cam took a long swallow of beer and then set the bottle down. It was his turn to speak again. He tried to choose his words carefully, hoping they didn’t sound as ugly and tainted as they felt on his tongue.

“You and I are very different in temperament,” he began. “You’re much more...withdrawn than I am. You don’t open up easily. You weigh your words carefully. You say very little. I’m not like that.”

Jean-Paul studied him for a while without speaking. Cam sipped his beer. He might really have to call in a family emergency tomorrow if they were gonna spend so much time figuring out how to talk to each other.

“I have been alone since I was fifteen years old, Camden. I have had no one to depend on but myself. I have learned that it is safer to withhold myself from others. And then you came and I am unable to sleep without thinking about you. I am as frightened as you are by what is happening between us, but I do not wish to end it. Not until we are sure it is not meant to be.” He took a deep breath and sipped some more beer.

“So what are you saying? You want us to be lovers? Are you going to still want that when it’s time to go back home to France? Remember, you’re the one who didn’t want a fling.”

Jean-Paul leaned forward in the chair, the bottle held loosely between his hands. “This is not a fling, mon ami. We both know that. You said it yourself just now...what should have happened in the bathroom would have been more than just a screw.”

Should have happened? What was Jean-Paul saying...that they should have fucked bareback? To cement the trust, and bring them to the next level of their relationship? Was he ready for that? And could he handle it if it turned out they weren’t compatible?

“We have both been foolish, Camden, running away from what we both want. I would like to stop running. How about you?”