I awake startled from a nightmare. A nightmare that is about to become real. I look over at my phone to see the time; crap, it’s six a.m., time to start packing. I’ve dreaded this day for over four years, the day I have to go home. I’m proud to say I’m from Louisiana, born and raised; I love my city of New Orleans, but I hate my home life. I have been attending Harvard Business School in Boston for the last four years, and it has been wonderful. Every opportunity I had to go home, like for holidays or summer breaks, I made excuses just so I didn’t have to go back to that life.

I start to hear my roommate yawn and stretch. “Hey, Avery, what time is it?”

“It’s a little after six. You have time if you want to sleep a little more. You don’t have to take me to the airport for three more hours.”

“No, it’s fine; I’m up now. Besides, I want to spend more time with you before you leave.”

“I’m going to miss you so much, Lucy.” I throw myself on top of her to tackle her with hugs.

“Whoa, I’m going to miss you, too. Are you sure you’re going to be all right going back home, Avery?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

I lied. I hate the lie and the pit in my stomach I have every time I think about going home. My mother use to smother me; she said it was love, but it was killing me. She never wanted me out of her sight. I guess I can’t blame her. I am her only child, and after my father died, she was so scared something would happen to me. My stepfather, on the other hand, is an ass. He’s so cruel to me. He enjoyed reminding me I was socially inept; he couldn’t stand that I didn’t match all the other rich kids’ social graces. It was just that I wasn’t like them. They were all snobs and thought their shit smelled like roses. We were all friends at one time, but then as soon as junior high started, I just faded away. The year before, my father died of a heart attack at work and my mother needed me. While all of them were out having a good time, I was home with my mom. By the time high school came around, I had become a social pariah. It wasn’t that I didn’t like people; it’s that I let myself drown in my sorrow and self-pity. My father was my world, and when he died, a part of me died with him and then my mom became so depressed. I just didn’t have the energy to invest in friends.

When my father’s partner at his medical practice came around sniffing my mother like a dog, my world changed for the worse. Mom’s life got better, though. She became happy again, and soon after she became Mrs. Adam Edwards. I loved seeing her smile again. I didn’t want to ruin it for her, so I kept my mouth shut about his verbal attacks towards me. About a year after they were married, he wanted to adopt me so I would have his last name, too. I protested and argued for a long time, but I gave in and allowed myself to become Avery Edwards, hating it every time I had to write my name.

As the years passed, the verbal abuse became worse, and he even got my mother on the bandwagon. I became the girl who couldn’t do anything right. I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t enough to grab a good husband. Amongst the wealthy, it’s all about who you marry; well, not really who, but what family you marry into. I obviously was never going to be good enough to marry into an elite family.

The only time I had any kind of peace was when I was alone. Even at school, one of the so-called elite crowd would want to pick on me. To them, I wasn’t good enough either. I was an easy target for them. A recluse drowning in my books. I hated every day waking up in the morning to be bullied at home, then go to school and be bullied there, too. Graduation couldn’t come soon enough for me. I worked my ass off to get accepted to Harvard, and I left as fast as my feet would carry me.

At Harvard, I was free to be me. No one knew me or how my life was tortured. I made the decision to get a degree in financing and investment banking. I was always good with numbers, and I’m not bragging, but I am the sole heir to a fortune. My father was a doctor, but the real money was my mother’s. Her side of the family is one of the wealthiest in the state. So, with all that money one day coming my way, I figured I needed to learn how to manage it.

Upon my arrival at Harvard, I met my roommate Lucy, a short brunette who takes no one’s shit. She’s been my best friend ever since. She knows everything about my life, and that’s why she is so concerned about me going back home. We even tried to form a plan for me to stay, but my mother wouldn’t hear of it. Margaret Edwards is a woman I do not want to disappoint, and she knows it. She said she needed me and missed me, so home I go.

I’ve taken my shower and packed my bags when Lucy comes back in the room.

“Avery, I know you’re nervous, but just remember to stand up for yourself. You are a grown ass woman now. Don’t let people treat you like shit. Go home and demand more, tell them how they make you feel.”

Right then, Lucy’s pep talk is disturbed by a knock at the door, and Phil barges in like he always does.

Lucy scolds him, “How many times, Phil, do we have to tell you to wait for us to tell you to come in? What if we weren’t dressed?”

“That’s the idea, girls. I have been coming in like this for years, hoping one day I would catch just a glimpse of Avery.”

Phil’s a guy I met my second year here. For some reason, he has been wanting to date me ever since. He is only the second boy to show interest in me in my whole life, and even though Phil is the only one who ever truly wanted to be with me, I still can’t. It’s not that he isn’t good looking, because trust me, the man is gorgeous. He was a jock back home in his state of Alabama. He’s six-feet-two, blond with dark brown eyes. It’s just that he didn’t give me butterflies like someone else once did a long time ago. No one has since him, so here I am twenty-three years old and still a virgin.

“Avery, hey, are you there? Can you hear me? Earth to Avery.” Phil starts snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I push his hands away. “Yes, I’m here. Sorry. I was just thinking if I had everything. What did you say?”

“I said I’m going with Lucy to drop you off at the airport. I need to see my favorite girl off.”

“Okay, I’d love that. Do y’all want to get something to eat on the way there?”

“You mean, like a date?”

I let out a giggle. The man never gives up. “Sure, Phil, like a date.”

* * *

We arrive at the airport on time. We even have time for a coffee before I take off.

Lucy starts crying and says, “I wish you could stay. What am I going to do without you?”

My heart melts. I never thought I would have someone who was actually going to miss me. Lucy has been like a sister to me all these years, and I am going to miss her more than she knows.

Phil and Lucy are staying at Harvard to get their MBAs. I wanted to as well, but my mother said there was no need. She said if I couldn’t find a husband, I would still never have to worry about actually working, so there was no need for my education to go any further.

Phil pipes in now. “You know I’m going to miss you, too. You’re always going to be the girl who got away, but don’t think I won’t still hound you. My family only lives about five hours away, so when I go back home for visits, I can come see you, too.”

“I would love that, Phil. Promise me you will.”

“Avery, I would promise you the moon.” He grabs my face and kisses me. It’s a good kiss; he even manages to slide his tongue in my mouth. It’s just not, like, “his” kiss.

“Phil, I—”

“Don’t say it, Avery. I know, but I can’t help trying.”

It’s time to leave, so I hug them both. “I love both of you so much. Ya'll have made these years the best of my life. I’ll never forget either of you.”

My tears start to fall. I mean every word I tell them. I grab my carry-on and head away from my friends and the life I don’t want to end.