The sun was descending over Ann Arbor, plunging the land into a cold freeze. But my insides couldn’t have been warmer.

Not only did I not have to work anymore, I had somewhere to go during Christmas break that wasn’t my hometown! My mom and brother could spend it together; I was sure they could keep each other company.

But me? I’d be in Aspen, with Sam! The only thing I knew about Aspen was that it was some fancy town in the rocky mountains somewhere that had a lot of rich people. He wanted me to meet his family and friends.

I clutched my worn down camouflage jacket closer, huddling in from the cold.

What would they think of me? They would surely think that I was some country bumpkin from the south; especially if my southern accent leaked out.

Though I’d gotten rid of my fatness, it was much more difficult to get myself free of my poor-ness.

But what about my gay-ness…?

The world would find out, eventually. That I had a boyfriend and that I was gay. Or bi. Or whatever. That would ruin the illusion for thousands upon thousands of fans that were women. What had happened to other athletes had come out of the closet at great personal risk?

My mind was filled with this puzzle as I hopped on a Bird scooter to cross campus. The very thing I was trying to avoid – having Sam on my mind all the time, had come true.

To me, he was the only thing that felt real in my life right now. The only thing that was truly authentic.

My boyfriend.

The thought was so wild and foreign in my own headspace that it made me giddy. A good kind of giddy.

For a moment I allowed myself to indulge in the memory of him marching into the restaurant yesterday and “firing” me. All because he wanted me to have more time to get what I wanted – to keep my grades up.

Can guys swoon? Well, fuck it, he was making me swoon.

But still, as much as I regretted it, I needed to go to my class and leave the little nest we’d made for ourselves. I’d rather be at Sam’s house than anywhere else in the world right now, but I had to go to class. One more lecture stood between me and seeing my man again.

I sat in the huge, crowded stats class, and to my surprise, I could actually pay attention. This stuff used to be the most boring thing in the world for me, but for some reason, whatever had happened to me over the weekend had given me a big boost in focus. I felt like my mind was razor-sharp, and still had space to long for Sam in the background.

I felt like I could do anything. I felt invincible.

As the professor went over topics that she’d grazed on in the past and I had simply zoned out, I resurfaced them in my mind. I had been paying attention the whole time, I was just struggling with recall.

I wouldn’t fail the exam; I actually remembered all of this shit. I would pass with flying colors.

My consciousness shifted to my waist, where I could feel the wad of cash filling up my pocket that Sam had given me. Something about it felt dirty, still. I felt like I didn’t deserve the money.

“You worked for it.” He had reminded me when he put on my coat for me. “Don’t sell yourself short. You posed for hours, and you should get paid for it.”

It was still weird to me to get money for doing something that felt so effortless. I was used to being a waiter where we had to put in long, hard hours and get very little out of it. But now, all I had to do was stand there and hang out with my boyfriend, and I would make money.

It was such a strange concept to me.

I spent the rest of the day studying in my apartment, because Sam had a meeting with a client. I still didn’t really know what he did. Though I’m sure he’d give me the details If I asked, I wasn’t really that interested in them anyway.

Leaning over our scratched, scrappy dining table, I worked my way through one of my statistics problem sets while my mind ticked away, puzzling over Sam.

His passion — art, I could tell that he was channeling parts of his soul into his pieces. And that was the most interesting to me.

I couldn’t wait to see his drawings of me. I wanted to see how I appeared to him; what filters were taking place through his eyes and going back into his brain, and then coming out through his hands.

Maybe this could work. Maybe I could have it. Maybe I could be Sam’s boyfriend and pass college. Even though this relationship was taking up a lot of my time, I had increased focus and motivation to get through this stats class, all so I could get back to Sam and see him again.

I was addicted to his presence, that presence that shifted the feeling whenever he entered a room.

It wasn’t long before I heard footsteps in the hallway, sounding more like a disjointed animal than the careful bipedal footprints of a human. Then in a flurry, the door to the apartment burst open. Jake and Kelly were in a passionate tangle, pressing their faces against each other as they struggled to remain balanced.

“Um… hi.” I said as they whirled past me towards Jake’s bedroom.

There was a harsh clack as the flimsy door shut in their wake.

Then I got to listen to Kelly moaning through the paper-thin walls again, and my concentration was broken.

Feeling my cock pulse in my pants, I was unable to tear my thoughts away from flesh on flesh. I pictured how Jake was probably going down on her right now, judging from the smacking noises coming from his room.

That made heat rise into my cheeks. I wondered how it would feel if Sam went down on me in that way, and played around with my ass.

Just thinking about it now was making me hard as a fucking rock. There was no way I was going to get any more studying done here, but I was chained to this table until I finished this problem set.

Taking a few quiet breaths to steady myself, I finally got a hold on myself. Then when I opened my eyes, I looked down at my stats book and splayed across the page was a huge parabola mocking me. I crossed my legs in a poor attempt to hide my raging boner.

A slave to my own body, I got up from the table, fled to my room, threw down my pants, and began stroking myself to the sounds of Kelly’s moans. I was already so wound up thinking of Sam that it took almost no time at all before my balls clenched and my dick erupted, squirting out pearly white semen all over my pillow.

Panting and satisfied from the release, I laid down in my bed for a few seconds, longing for Sam on top of me. I wanted more of what had happened earlier; I wanted more of him.

I knew that Kelly and Jake would be at it for hours, so I decided to go out into Ann Arbor for a walk, suddenly stricken with the urge to go outside and enjoy the weather. I also needed some private time just to keep my head screwed on straight.

I had never felt this way about a woman. This was such a new world to me; it was a divine, liquid world where I could comfortably soak.

Huddling my camouflage coat close to my chest, I shivered as I walked down the frigid sidewalk.

Women kept looking at me.

Normally, I would bask in the attention from them; empowered by their validation that I was now attractive. Back in high school, it seemed like girls couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

In college, that had completely changed. Though I had been coveting attention from the opposite sex, it felt… hollow. It felt empty. I was really now only interested in attention from one person.

Sam.

Another woman ogled me as I walked down the Diag — the park that dissected campus in half. Though now, a small voice in my head said, You’re barking up the wrong tree, girl.

Smirking, tones of flesh flashed before my eyes every time I blinked. The memories of the things Sam did to me… the way he made me feel, were swimming to the forefront of my mind.

It felt good to finally feel like I belonged somewhere. I was only going out with women before this because I didn’t know. I didn’t know I could feel such chemistry with someone, let alone another guy.