I tried hard to get a grip on myself as Sam took my hand and led me down the hallway. His touch felt magical to me, filling me up with bravery and stiffening my resolve.

He led me up the stairs, to the first landing, across a catwalk with a railing. I looked down in awe at the custom woodwork on the flooring I could see down below, and the beautiful paintings that were hanging on the walls. His family had money-money, clearly.

Another reason to be pulled down into the darkness by my own thoughts.

Sam pushed open a door, and inside was a huge bedroom decorated with taste. He guided me to the bed and said, “Sit. Please talk to me.”

I was getting myself under control; starting to compose myself. Blinking the tears out of my eyes, I began.

“No one has ever—“ I started. He wrapped my hand in his, listening intently. “Made me feel so… “ I paused, biting my lip and feeling another wave of tears coming on.

What could I say? Loved? Included? Accepted? Overwhelmed?

“There’s just too many things I’m feeling right now.” I admitted, leaning into him. Touching his body was like taking in a breath of fresh air. And finally, finally after all these years, I felt like I could truly be myself with someone. I felt… naked in his arms.

“I’m overwhelmed…” I said, “sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Sam said in his deep voice, holding me tight. “Do your best to try to explain.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was being accepted? I was allowed to feel? What was this? I was so used to years of thinking I was completely straight and putting my emotions on the back burner. Everything had built up so much that all it took was a simple act of kindness from Sam’s family to open up the floodgates.

“You know about my family, I’ve told you a little about them…” I started.

Sam was silent, a gentle giant, listening patiently.

“It’s weird and overwhelming to be around so much… so much genuine love.” I said, looking down at my palms. “I’m used to love meaning that someone was trying to manipulate me to do something. When someone in my family said, ‘I love you,’ it meant there were strings attached.” I finished, trying to make the thought come out in some kind of distinct shape.

I looked over at Sam for reassurance, and he was giving me that melty-eyed look, that made his eyes look like molten gold. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes too.

“I love you, Evan.” He said, turning my face towards his. “There’s nothing but love here.”

“I… I love you too, Sam.” I choked out, ugly tears pouring out of my face. And then his mouth was on mine.

We were perfect in this moment. He accepted me; the real me. The ugly-crying, emotionally stunted person without any of that fake wrapping; of being a college athlete with his shit together. I didn’t have to pretend with Sam. He saw me.

We were pressing our lips together, making out and keeping pace. It was sweet and tender. He moved his arm up to my shoulder, and I turned my body towards him.

All I knew in that moment was that I wanted him, and I wanted him now. Not just a fuck; not just some kind of exploration. I wanted to feel a true connection with him, to bask in this love. I wanted our bodies to be connected here in this bed; in this true moment.

Our sweet kiss shifted to passionate as he fumbled and took my shirt off. I raised my hands over my head in order to help him get it off even faster. I was pulling at his buttons on his shirt, desperately trying to peel back the layer of clothing that kept his body from mine.

“You’re beautiful.” He uttered when he pulled away from the kiss for a moment, staring into my eyes with his liquid gold gaze.

And for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I felt beautiful.

“I love you,” I repeated, swimming in the truth of those words. “I love you, Sam.”

“I love you too,” He said back to me, then we both tipped down on the bed.

Like any time with Sam, all the surroundings seemed to go quiet as I enjoyed the fire of his touch. Every time he laid a hand on me, it was like it was watering my soul with much-needed something.

I felt a true connection with him than I’d ever felt with anyone or anything before. It was love. True, genuine love.

“I need you,” He whispered to me, his eyes shifting to a ravenous hunger.

His mouth was on mine and we shared another sensual kiss. He pulled away from me a bit, meeting my eyes with a burning gaze. I trailed my kisses down his chest, trying to plant my love all over his abs.

He was leaning against the headboard, with his shirt unbuttoned and showing off all of his amazing muscles.

Then I went back up to his face and shared another sensual kiss. Everything about this felt so right. I trailed my kisses down his body — I wanted him to feel like a king. Wordlessly, I pulled down his pants about an inch, undid his belt, and revealed that sexy “v” that led to his crotch.

I pulled down the waistband of his jeans further, and his thickening cock bounced right out. Still in awe from the first time, I had to take a second look, stricken with disbelief that it was so big. I wrapped my lips around it, and kissed it, moving my head up and down over his crown.

I loved how he tasted.

He reached behind me and grabbed my hair, but let me set the pace.

I took him all the way in my mouth as I heard moans escape from his lips.

I began sucking it, slurping his length and trying to express my love for him with my motions.

He moved his big hands up and down my body lovingly, feeling every inch of me. He swiveled his hands down my torso and pulled at the waistband of my pants, playing with the barrier there.

“Man, you have a huge cock…” He moaned, “Let me see it…”

Delicately, he pulled down my pants and my stiffened cock bounced out.

“Oh yeah baby, that’s it…” He hissed, taking my dick into his huge hand and stroking it just right. Up and down the shaft, then he put one of my hands on it.

I started stroking myself again.

Sam eyed my motion and said, “I want you to do what you’re doing there to my cock.”

So then I slowly pressed his stiff cock into my mouth, drooling all over it, and moved my hand up and down the shaft. Using saliva as lube, my hand glided smoothly as I jerked him off at the same pace I was pleasuring myself.

“Best Christmas present ever…” Sam moaned, pinching one of his nipples.

I loved seeing him get pleasure like this.

“Good boy… Keep jerking your dick,” He commanded. “Keep touching yourself.”

I followed his orders, stroking my swollen member faster and faster, feeling that orgasmic pressure build in my crotch.

“Now lay down, ass up.” He directed. And I obliged, letting my ass go up into the air as I kneeled down on Sam’s expensive sheets.

Then Sam was eating my asshole, suckling on my ass and making smacking noises.

My eyes rolled back in pleasure. I never knew that eating ass could feel this good.

And he was sticking his tongue in my ass, getting it loosened up and relaxed.

“Is this okay?” He asked me when he came up for air.

“Yes, don’t stop…” I moaned, loving how it felt. The feeling of being stretched was incredible.

Then he reached around and started jerking me off. Slowly, at first, but then faster and faster; more intense until I erupted with pleasure.

“Oh!” I moaned, squirting my come all over his sheets as every heartbeat pulsed through me.

He slowed his hand, bringing it to a pace where it was like he was milking me as he teased the rest of my come out.

Pleasure circulated through my body as all of my muscles relaxed at once.

Only when I was completely spent, he released my dick gently. Then I guess he started jerking himself off, because it was only a few seconds before he moaned, erupting his load all over my back. I felt the warm spirts land and bead on my spine.

Afterward, we lay on the bed, panting. I was cuddled into Sam, my head in the crook of his neck between his head and shoulder. It felt so perfect there; it felt right.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“It was a little painful—at first.” I admitted, thinking of the harsh pain of his finger inside me.

“Oh no—I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, his eyes swimming with regret.

“But I liked it!” I protested, “I liked having you inside of me, I loved feeling connected with you.”

He still looked a little sad.

“Sam?” Echoed Sam’s mom’s voice from the hallway outside, “Sam, we need to go to dinner!”

“Oh! Yeah sorry I’ll be right there!” Sam said from beside me in the bed, a little panic in his voice.

“Okay, we’ll be waiting in the car, the reservation is for seven-thirty!” Linda chimed from the hallway.

It was painfully obvious what we had just done, but instead of feeling awkward about it, it felt nothing but right.

We were laughing as we scrambled to get our clothes back on; I pulled my black v-neck back over my body, and he looked at me longingly.

“No, don’t put it away…” He said with his hand outstretched dramatically.

I chuckled and threw one of his socks at him, hitting him square in the face.

“Hey!” He protested and giggled, flashing his bright white smile and his eyes crinkling up at the corners.

We quickly put our clothes on and went downstairs.

When we got outside, I was following Sam to the BMW in the driveway. As we got close to it, the garage door opened and a white Mercedes Benz purred to life.

“Guess we’re taking that one,” Sam said casually, as if it was normal to have to choose between two luxury cars.

Katie was in the backseat already on one side, and when she turned and saw me her eyes lit up like I was her best friend.

“Evan!” She cried out, clapping her hands, “Sit next to me!”

Even that was almost enough to send me into tears again.