Chapter Ten
The next day, Julian made a trip to the bank and withdrew one thousand dollars.
Cash.
He headed home and managed to work for a few hours before Billy called, voice raspy, obviously hungover, to demand they meet so he could get his money. Twenty minutes later, he’d paid Billy one grand, reminding him they were through for good.
But seeing Billy again had brought up all sorts of feelings Julian didn’t want to have or experience ever again. Anxiety clawed at him, and though he didn’t desire a fix, he wanted to avoid feeling like he wanted one. As a preemptive measure, Julian called Nick, and they met at an AA meeting.
An hour later, Julian had his head on straight and Billy in his rearview mirror, hopefully never to be seen or heard from again.
One night soon, he planned on taking Alex for dinner and having a conversation about the kind of person her brother was and what kind of influence he could be… if she wasn’t careful and let him in should he decide to hang around. Hopefully without hurting her too badly.
“You okay?” Nick asked.
“Much better and I appreciate you coming out for an extra meeting this week.”
A light breeze settled around them. The street was otherwise quiet.
“My pleasure. You know, I worry about moving out of the city,” Nick said, stopping on the sidewalk so they could talk.
Julian shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. It’s not like I won’t know where or how to reach you. Besides, nights like this are rare.”
“Right. It’s not every day an old druggie friend shows up on your doorstep demanding money.”
“This is true.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets. “I paid him this morning while Alex was in school. He didn’t mention her at all.”
Given how Julian felt about his sister, the things he’d done to secure her future, the fact that Billy could walk away turned his stomach. At the same time, he was grateful and believed Alex would be safer without her brother in her life.
“Forget him. We both know she’s better off in the long run.”
“Right. Once the hurt and pain pass.”
“Let’s change the subject,” Nick suggested.
“Sounds good to me.”
“How about Kendall? Things are good?” Nick kicked at the ground beneath his feet. “I’m not one to gossip, but she seemed key to your happiness so I have to ask.”
Julian burst out laughing. “You’ll play matchmaker and try to set me up but you won’t gossip?”
Nick merely grinned.
“Everything is great.” Which meant he was nervous because nothing in his life stayed good for long.
He needed to see Kendall. Only she could calm his nerves. “I’ve got to go but thanks again,” he said to his friend.
It was late but he didn’t care. Inside him was a driving need to feel her soft body wrapped around his, to help calm the rapid beating of his heart and the fear that she might be taken away from him at any time.
The worry wasn’t rational but it was real, at least in his mind. Witnessing the after-effects of his sister’s injury, he’d taken drugs to numb the pain. His father had been long gone. Loss was real in his life, and Billy’s reminder of his past had churned things up inside him. Yes, the meeting had helped, but he knew getting lost in Kendall would help more.
A short time later, he was knocking on her door. One look at her beautiful face and the panic inside him settled.
She wore a long nightshirt, her nipples hard and evident beneath the soft cotton, her bare legs peeking out from beneath the short hem.
“Julian! I wasn’t expecting you.” But she didn’t look disappointed to see him. “Is everything okay?”
“I needed to see you,” he said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. Waffles said her hello, and he paused for some petting time before rising to his feet.
Before Kendall could react, he swung her into his arms and strode for the bedroom.
“You like carrying me around,” she said, winding her arms around his neck.
“I like you.” He had a hunch it was more than that, but there was just so much his brain could handle tonight, and overthinking emotions wasn’t on his agenda.
Her soft, curvy body molded against his, giving him strength and boosting his desire. Before he could set her onto the bed, she clasped her fingers together, preventing him from releasing her.
“Talk to me. What’s got you so worked up?” she asked. “When I spoke to you this morning, you sounded preoccupied on the phone and didn’t want to answer any questions.”
He spun himself around and sat down, keeping her on his lap as he pushed them back against the pillows. “I had a visitor last night. Alex’s brother showed up, pretending to want to see his sister, but he really had his own agenda.” No big surprise there.
He breathed in her sweet-scented hair and forced himself to continue. “He wanted money. And this morning I gave it to him because it was what was best for Alex. And for me if it meant he wouldn’t come around anymore.”
She leaned back, meeting his gaze, worry in her eyes. “What’s to stop him from coming back and asking for more?”
Smart girl, he thought. He’d had the same concerns himself. He gave her the only answer he had.
“I’m not saying he won’t be back. Just that he can’t get what I don’t have. Any settlement money was spent on bills and my sister, and the rest was put into a trust for her. End of money. End of story.”
Kendall’s eyes remained steady on his. “But seeing him has gotten you all worked up.”
He nodded. “I went to an AA meeting to help take the edge off.”
She nodded in understanding. “I guess that’s the equivalent of me going to an additional therapy appointment during the week. Did it help?”
“It calmed the anxiety inside me, at least a little. Seeing Billy, dealing with him just brought my past too close.”
She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m glad you came over.”
“Me, too.” He slid his hand beneath her nightshirt and up her back, stroking the soft skin, letting the circles he traced on her skin calm him.
“I have another way to calm you,” she murmured, climbing off his lap.
Her hands went to his waistband, releasing the button on his jeans. “Stand up,” she ordered. “And undress.”
“Bossy.” But he listened, toeing off his shoes, then unzipping and dropping his pants and the rest of his clothes, kicking them aside.
She dropped to her knees, leaned forward, and licked at the head of his cock, her small tongue causing a big reaction throughout his body. A tremor rocked him, only getting larger as she slid her mouth along his hard length, then pulled back, grazing her teeth lightly against his skin.
“Fuck.” The word came out a groan as she licked and sucked, taking him deep into her warm, wet mouth.
She added a hand, cupping the base of his shaft and squeezing, as she pumped her hand back and forth, following along with her mouth. She moistened his dick, making for a smooth glide as she worked him over.
He groaned and grasped on to her head, threading his fingers through her hair and guiding her as he pumped into her, careful not to hurt her as he took the pleasure she offered.
He glanced down, meeting her wide gaze, her eyes glazed with desire, showing him she wanted this as much as he did. She picked up the pace, and he couldn’t help but pump his hips along with her rapid motion.
A rush of desire washed over him; his balls drew up tight. He was going to come, and he didn’t want it to be in her mouth. He pulled back, taking her by surprise.
“What’s wrong?”
“When I come, it’s going to be inside you.”
Her eyes darkened with pleasure. “Oh yeah?” She rose to her feet and sat back on the bed, peeling her panties slowly down her legs.
Too slowly for his liking, and he yanked them down hard, need driving him.
She spread her legs, giving him a glimpse of her damp sex. He climbed over her and grazed his dick over her clit.
She whimpered at the soft contact. “I need you inside me now.”
He wasn’t about to argue. He arched his back, ready to thrust deep inside her when he remembered. “Fuck. No condom. I didn’t know I’d be coming here.” He braced his arms on the bed, sweat trickling down his back.
“I don’t keep them here anymore.” She closed her eyes in frustration for a brief second before opening them and meeting his gaze. “I haven’t been with anyone since you. And at my doctor’s suggestion, I’ve had regular checkups. I’m okay… if you are. Plus I’m on the pill now.” Pure need shone on her face, along with a hope and trust that was humbling.
“I haven’t been with anyone, either. I swear.” He’d been too devastated by his actions, by how he’d hurt her and what he’d done, to even think about dating another woman. Let alone having sex with one. “I’m clean. I promise you.”
She blew out a long breath, her gaze holding his. “I want to feel you. Every bare inch.”
He let out a low groan, raised himself over her, aligning his cock and gliding home. “Oh damn, baby, you feel good.” Slick, soft, and cushioning him in warmth. He felt her everywhere, so different from when latex separated their bodies.
Nothing kept them apart now.
They moved as one, the sounds, the groans, the soft sighs all melded together as desire grew faster and more furious between them.
He pumped in and out, getting closer to Kendall with each successive thrust.
He kissed her face, inhaled, breathing her in as she shook around him, her fingernails scoring his back, the pain mixing with pleasure as he climbed higher. Closer to climax.
“Julian, please,” she panted in his ear. “So close. I’m so close.”
He gritted his teeth, holding his climax, helping push her toward her own. He eased back, sliding his hand between them and pressing his finger against her slick clit.
“Oh God.” She arched into him, and he pressed harder, moving his finger in small circles until she began to shake beneath him.
“That’s it, I’m coming!” She cried out and he thrust deep, pounding into her until she stiffened and started to tremble once more.
Knowing she was coming again set off his own release, his climax detonating. He came, a mixture of physical release and intense emotions rocking him to his core.
* * *
Kendall woke up first, her skin wrapped in heat. Julian had pulled her into his arms, cocooning her with his big body. She sighed and snuggled back into him, still amazed he was back in her life.
Last night it had been evident he still struggled with his demons, but also that he was determined to fight them. AA was necessary to his well-being.
Apparently, so was she. She liked knowing when he was down, he came to her. And she felt bad for what he was going through. His past returning had to be tough.
She didn’t want Billy around Julian any more than she wanted him around his sister. Kendall wasn’t worried about drugs or Julian resorting to old ways. They’d come too far and she trusted him too much for that. But she was worried about how Billy’s return affected and upset him.
She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, surprised it was after nine. They’d both overslept, which wasn’t a problem for her. It was her day off. And she knew why she’d needed extra sleep, she thought with a grin. He’d kept her up last night with his hands all over her, doing amazing things to her body.
All the fear she’d had of their sex life changing, being less exciting because she was more mellow and calm, had been for nothing. Between the fun spanking the other night and the intensity of last night, she knew she had nothing to worry about. They were beyond compatible in bed.
And this time around, she’d learned they were also good for each other in other ways, as well.
She rolled out from under his arm, and he snagged her back, pulling her beneath him. “Going somewhere?”
“Nope.” Not now that he was awake. “Are you feeling better this morning?” she asked, partly afraid she was doing the wrong thing by bringing it up again.
“Much better. But I feel bad that I left Alex. When I called last night, she said not to worry about it, but I don’t want to make it a habit.”
“I understand.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “We’ll just call it extenuating circumstances and leave it at that.”
“I did tell her I wanted to have dinner with her tonight. I need to spell out the kind of man her brother really is. It tears me up inside to hurt her, but I want to protect her, too.”
Her expression saddened. “That really is awful, but honestly she’s better off. Would you like me to come along? Or would you rather be alone when you tell her?”
“I’ll take all the support from you I can get.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.
She kissed him back, parting her lips and letting his tongue inside to tangle with hers. She felt the hard press of his erection against her stomach and was about to reach for him when the doorbell rang.
“Are you expecting someone?” he asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “No. Ignore them and maybe they’ll go away.” She kissed him again… and the doorbell rang again. Oh damn.
“Argh. Don’t go anywhere.” She jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats she’d left on the floor, grabbed a sweatshirt that was hanging on the chair by her vanity mirror, and rushed into the other room.
Just as she walked into the hallway, the door opened and her sister walked in, key in hand.
“Lexie! What are you doing here?” And how could Kendall get her to leave as soon as possible?
She panicked, knowing that though she wanted her sister to know she was seeing Julian, she didn’t want her to walk in and be shocked by seeing him. But Lexie had let herself in using her old key. Which was now an emergency key. Which she’d never had a reason not to be able to use because if Kendall had a guy in her life, she’d tell her twin. And then her twin would know to use some discretion and not let herself into the apartment without warning. When not just any man but Julian was in her bedroom.
Yes, she wanted to tell her sister she and Julian were involved, but she’d wanted to talk to her, ease into the conversation. She’d planned on explaining how amazing Julian had been to her now, how much he’d changed, and what had prompted some of his behavior to begin with. And she could still handle it that way if Lexie left now, before she saw Julian.
“I’m sorry to just show up, but I knew it was your day off and how sometimes you sleep in. So I figured I’d just wake you with your favorite hazelnut coffee and muffins!” Lexie held up a bag with the logo from Kendall’s favorite shop.
“Thank you,” Kendall said, accepting the bag of her favorite food.
“I’ll just put the coffee on the kitchen table and we can eat. And talk.”
“But—”
Lexie turned toward the kitchen, but before she could take another step, Julian walked out of the bedroom.
“Is everything okay? Who was at the door?” He stepped out in his jeans, pulling his shirt over his head as he spoke.
Kendall closed her eyes as the inevitable unfolded.
“What in the ever-loving hell is he doing here?” Lexie yelled.
Kendall winced at her sister’s sharp tone.
Julian stepped up beside Kendall. “I can explain.”
Lexie frowned. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” She turned to Kendall. “You, on the other hand, I want to hear everything. Talk to me. Are you off your meds?”
Hurt flowed through Kendall. “That’s insulting.” She’d come so far, for long enough now that her sister should have some faith. “I wanted to tell you, but I knew you’d react badly.”
Lexie folded her arms across her chest. “Tell me what, exactly? That you’re sleeping with him again? What’s wrong? He didn’t hurt you badly enough the first time? He didn’t hurt Kade enough? You had to go back for seconds?”
Every word was a dagger to Kendall’s heart. Her sister didn’t know how she felt about Julian; she didn’t understand the man he really was. And she clearly didn’t give Kendall any credit whatsoever. Maybe she’d deserved that at one time, but she’d been proving herself over and over for almost a year. Longer than ever before.
Surely she’d earned some leeway in her choices. “Lexie, I’m sorry and if you give me a chance—”
“Not happening.”
Kendall’s stomach churned at the obstinate tone in her twin’s voice. “Julian, let me talk to her alone.” She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms, chilled inside and out.
“I’m not leaving you to handle this alone.” He stood beside her, determined and strong, and she appreciated the effort. But there was no way she’d get through to her sister if Julian didn’t leave.
“Oh, because I’m going to hurt her?” Lexie asked, sarcasm dripping in her tone as she folded her arms across her chest in a direct replica of Kendall’s.
“You already did hurt her. More than once in the last few minutes alone.”
Kendall groaned. She didn’t want these two going at it. It wouldn’t accomplish a thing.
To her surprise, Lexie’s angry face crumpled. “I shouldn’t have asked if you were off your meds. But really, Kendall. Him?” She gestured to Julian. “What are you thinking? Or are you?”
Kendall put a hand on Julian’s back. “Go, please. I’ll call you later. I need time alone with Lexie.”
“But—”
There was only one way to make her point, to Julian and to her sister. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips. “I’ll be fine. I’ll explain and I’ll call you later.”
“God.” Lexie stormed off, headed toward the kitchen.
Julian grasped her shoulders, holding on tight. “Don’t let her convince you I’m someone I’m not. Or someone I used to be. You know me,” he said, the worry in his gaze making her realize she wasn’t the only one feeling anxious.
If Lexie didn’t come around, if she couldn’t convince her sister to talk to Kade, the life Kendall wanted wouldn’t exist. And she’d have to make choices she couldn’t bear to make.